One word about this top 100 for 2016 fantasy baseball, before I give you another 5,000 words. I’m going to avoid repeating myself from the position rankings in the 2016 fantasy baseball rankings. If you want to know my in-depth feelings about a player, then you need to go to his positional page, i.e., the top 20 1st basemen for 2016 fantasy baseball, the top 20 2nd basemen for 2016 fantasy baseball, the top 20 Gucci handbags for 2016– Ah, I almost got you. This post is meant to give you an idea where guys from different positions are in relation to each other. Since this post is only the top 100, there’s more players where this came from. 400 or so, to be inexact. Next up, there will be a top 500. Then after that there will be a top 7,500, then a top 25,000, then a top 600,000, until we end up with a top kajillion in April. Or maybe I’ll stop at the top 500. Yeah, that makes sense. Not to get all biblical on you, but this is the gospel. Print it out and take it to Mt. Sinai and it will say, “Win your 2016 fantasy baseball league, young prematurely balding man.” Projections were done by me and a crack team of 100 monkeys fighting amongst themselves because there were only 99 typewriters. Somebody please buy Ling-Ling his own typewriter! Anyway, here’s the top 100 for 2016 fantasy baseball:
1. Mike Trout – As most of us know, everyone came from the sea, then we evolved into land creatures. We also know everything is circular. So, I propose we will reach a pinnacle of the ultimate human, then devolve back into sea creatures. So, that pinnacle is Trout, which, of course, means that everyone having a baby from today forward will give birth to a baby with gills. Thank you for coming to The Ever-Evolving World by Grey Albright, donuts and coffee are in the Sheraton lobby. Please try to avoid eye contact with the protestors being led by Carl Everett. Also, I’d think first before eating sushi. 2016 Projections: 108/40/101/.303/16
2. Bryce Harper – And I ain’t ever drafted Harper before, no. And I ain’t ever drafted Harper before, no. I ain’t ever drafted Harper before, no. Mr. Draft Man, please don’t let someone draft Harper before me, no. I said, “Yeah, baby, sound like a plan.” Still tryin’ to play it cool, damn, Harper look like the man. But I am scared to death, my stomach turnin’. Knowin’ damn well, I am an “owning Harper virgin.” I should’ve prolly held that back for G. Cole. 2016 Projections: 104/36/107/.297/12
3. Paul Goldschmidt – Even if Jim J. Schmohawk and his brother, Leisure Suit Schmohawk, are drafting in front of you, you can only do so wrong with the third pick. Can’t really do that wrong with the 4th pick either. Or the 5th. Or 6th. Or–you get the picture. 2016 Projections: 101/30/115/.297/14
4. Anthony Rizzo – From Au Shizz to HR to the Rizzo. Uh-oh, I feel a rhyme coming on. Tryin’ to fight the urge, my Powerball salesman’s name is Serge, why can’t anyone in California merge? Drop a few words on Rizzo, but need Missy Misdemeanor to rhyme on that with “skizzo, bizzo, wizzo,” or just any old shizz-o. Rizzo’s last year was 31 homers and 17 steals. Dot dot dot. Fo’reals. Too bad that’s his peak, cause we know no one’s ever done better at the age of 27. Just ask Winehouse, Cobain, Morrison, Hendrix and Joplin, they said they couldn’t get any higher, all now in heaven. “What walks on two legs in the morning, two legs at noon, two at close of day and is about to challenge Goldy as the top 1st baseman?” asked the fantasy baseball Sphinx. Now, I got to get out of this verse to avoid the “writing a rhyme for a player” jinx. 2016 Projections: 103/36/114/.291/12
5. Manny Machado – The Manny can’t be stopped, which is a great thing, unless you’re talking about ‘The Manny,’ the Vin Diesel movie where he acts as a nanny, not being able to be stopped because it’s stuck in your DVD player. 2016 Projections: 94/30/109/.298/18
6. Giancarlo Stanton – I have a lavender candle burning and Peabo Bryson playing. Now all I need is the 6th overall pick and romance will happen. 2016 Projections: 94/46/115/.272/7
7. Nolan Arenado – Weird how expectations work. Last year, I drafted Arenado around 20th overall and was so pumped. This year, I don’t foresee being pumped taking him 7th overall, but I will. One love! 2016 Projections: 91/38/110/.299/2
8. Josh Donaldson – See what I said for Arenado and add in Toronto and subtract Coors and that adds up to… *shakes calculator* Ugh, I have the curtains drawn and it’s a solar calculator. 2016 Projections: 104/32/97/.269/4
9. Kris Bryant – If you want to know about my love for Bryant, then read my mind! Or you can see the top 10 for 2016 fantasy baseball (Link dump!). 2016 Projections: 95/31/108/.268/15
10. Carlos Correa – Besides catchers, there’s also a huge lack of shortstops in the top 100. If I don’t draft Correa, I could see not drafting a shortstop until the final rounds…But then I won’t be drafting a 2nd baseman either….Or a starter…Or closer…Okay, I’m basically only drafting outfielders. 2016 Projections: 103/24/95/.292/26
11. Jose Altuve – As I mentioned in the top 20 for 2016 fantasy baseball, it surprised me how high I ranked Altuve. It’s the highest Altuve’s been in my mind since I had that dream where he was wearing David Eckstein as stilts. 2016 Projections: 103/12/57/.304/35
12. Starling Marte – There’s a little special sauce that goes into these rankings like track record/skills, upside/downside, ketchup/mayonnaise/relish, but for the most part I do try to look at my projections for a given player then rank them accordingly. Marte is one where the projections say he should be here, has a track record, has skills, has upside, has downside and ketchup/mayo/relish. Put Marte on a sesame seed bun and you’re set. 2016 Projections: 86/20/93/.282/31
13. Mookie Betts – Last October, I figured I’d be higher than anyone on Betts in 2016, ranking him around 20th overall, then I saw where some others were ranking him and I was like, “Nah, homey, I’m gonna be crazier for Betts than you.” Now if someone ranks him 1st overall, I will make adjustments. 2016 Projections: 105/24/67/.307/22
14. J.D. Martinez – True story! Just Dong is not only J.D.’s nickname, but it is also the advertising slogan for the sneakers made by Vivid Entertainment, and instead of a swoosh they depict a dong. 2016 Projections: 88/34/105/.287/5
15. Andrew McCutchen – The Dread Pirate will go one of two ways this year. He’ll either return his value and stay around this ranking next year, or he will drop precipitously like Adam Jones. This will be the last year he’s ranked based solely on his track record. My guess is he’ll have one more year holding his value. 2016 Projections: 89/24/98/.289/14
16. Clayton Kershaw – I know it’s a little crazy ranking Kershaw this low, but I also don’t want to draft a starter with my first pick. Honestly, I could’ve went a little crazier because if you were to say to me in March, “Would you trade Jose Abreu for Kershaw?” I wouldn’t. I’d prolly go to about as low as Dee Gordon before I traded Kershaw straight up for someone, but if I would’ve ranked Kershaw 25th overall, people would be calling for me to get committed. 2016 Projections: 18-6/2.28/0.90/277 in 224 IP
17. Miguel Cabrera – You know how I know you’re old? Cause you remember Miggy as a 20-year-old rookie and Miggy is going to be 33 this year. How do I know you remember Miggy as a rookie? I can’t reveal that. 2016 Projections: 101/25/104/.318/1
18. Jose Abreu – In the wild, wacky world of Cuban imports, Abreu is a total bore, and this is the one time I like boring. 2016 Projections: 93/29/105/.296/1
19. Edwin Encarnacion – I have a feeling I’m not going to be drafting Edwin this year. I have him ranked above where others have ranked him, but if I draft a 1st baseman in the 1st round, which I have every intention of doing, then no Edwin. 2016 Projections: 84/33/97/.260/3
20. George Springer – I’ll admit to being in a tight spot with how many outfielders I want in the top 20. Betts? Yes! Marte? Please! Springer? Gimme gimme gimme, ABBA! 2016 Projections: 104/31/89/.269/22
21. Justin Upton – *knock, knock* Grey? Um, I only have three outfield spots in my league, should I really draft three outfielders in the first three rounds? No, of course not. And that is the worst knock, knock joke ever. 2016 Projections: 95/29/102/.254/12
22. Todd Frazier – Continuing my train of thought from Upton’s blurb, maybe you don’t draft all outfielders, but 3rd base is getting–getting–getting kinda ugly after this point, so if you want one of them, act now. 2016 Projections: 86/30/98/.250/14
23. Chris Davis – One thing I didn’t mention in the top 20 1st basemen about Davis, I do think he’s a bargain this late if he were guaranteed a .260+ average. His 30+ K% worries me. A 30+ K% quickly leads to a .230 average, and then he has to hit 50 homers to make that more palatable. 2016 Projections: 84/37/101/.252/3
24. Jose Bautista – He’s getting older and that’s why he’s getting docked like Ziggy Sobotka. 2016 Projections: 88/32/98/.255/5
25. Joey Votto – You know Votto and I’ve written about him at the top 20 1st basemen, but one thing just stuck out to me when I was looking at Votto’s age (32) and his minor league numbers. The Reds really wasted two great years by Votto (last two minor league seasons: 22/24 in 2006, 22/17 in 2007). Funny (not funny) how a club’s decision like that can really change a guy’s entire career stats. 2016 Projections: 87/25/75/.307/6
26. Dee Gordon – Steals are down, ya hurd? Ugh, now I have Surfin’ Bird stuck in my head. I can’t even go near a rhyme of bird without those very serious consequences. Any hoo! SAGNOF for steals still applies because you can get cheap steals much later. Is Billy Hamilton as good as Gordon? No, but if you need Gordon for 60 steals, you could just get Hamilton later and get a power cornerman here. 2016 Projections: 101/3/42/.297/59
27. Jake Arrieta – I loved, loved, lurved owning Arrieta last year, which makes it hard to pass him by this year, but not impossible. Rob Schneider says, “You can do it.” 2016 Projections: 17-8/2.38/0.96/224 in 220 IP
28. Chris Sale – Instead of starters here, I’ll be drafting a corner man or an outfielder likely. That will depend more on how my team is shaping up. I’m all for a bargain, but not for a Sale. Weird! 2016 Projections: 17-6/2.49/0.99/245 in 205 IP
29. Max Scherzer – I wonder at what point Scherzer’s age will finally catch up to him. I’m hoping it’s this year, then he drinks some kind of tonic so I can draft him next year when he bounces back. I’m selfish, y’all! 2016 Projections: 16-8/2.65/0.98/258 in 220 IP
30. Charlie Blackmon – I feel like we’re playing with fire by drafting Blackmon this early, because if the Rockies trade him midseason, his value is going to plummet, but, as 2Pac said, you can’t keep a good Blackmon down. By the by, y’all see any pics from the new 2Pac movie? I saw them and I was like, “Damn, 2Pac is alive.” It does look like Bizzaro Dre and Suge with him too. 2016 Projections: 96/19/64/.285/35
31. A.J. Pollock – I don’t want any part of Pollock this year, but not in an ethnic cleansing type way. 2016 Projections: 101/14/63/.291/27
32. Gregory Polanco – Two quick things: Yes, I’m aware that Polanco is ranked insanely high in my rankings vs. other people’s rankings. And, yes, I’m going to own Polanco on every team. Confession Alert! I had Polanco in the top 20 overall prior to seeing where others ranked him and moved him down a round. I could’ve moved him down six rounds and still had him higher than everyone. Polanco feels like an Arenado situation from last year. By that I mean, I will say something to another fantasy baseball ‘pert like, “Do you like Polanco?” They’ll reply, “Yeah, I love him.” I’ll follow up with, “Then why do you have him ranked 110 overall?” They’ll answer, “I don’t know.” Then my head will explode. 2016 Projections: 101/15/62/.269/30
33. Ryan Braun – On one hand, I have Braun in a general spot to draft him. On the other hand, I have him after a guy like Polanco, so I don’t see anyway I’m drafting Braun. On a third hand that is actually Hamburger Helper, Braun only has one working hand. 2016 Projections: 90/25/98/.280/14
34. Albert Pujols – As of now, Pujols is hoping to return early to mid-April. Last year, his April was 3 HRs, .208, so maybe it’s best to wait for May flowers. 2016 Projections: 82/30/93/.257/4
35. Jacob deGrom – Bosnian word for thunder? You guessed it, grom. Jacob deThunder may stutter step on the mound with a runner on base but he never be Balkan! 2016 Projections: 17-7/2.61/0.97/217 in 210 IP
36. Matt Harvey – Was a bit surprised to see some ‘perts rank deGrom after Harvey, but since we’re not drafting either, it doesn’t matter. Or in the words of NWA, it don’t matter, just don’t bite it. Words that should really be in every valedictorian speech. 2016 Projections: 15-9/2.86/1.06/206 in 200 IP
37. Yoenis Cespedes – As I was doing the top 100, I realized something. I may have three outfielders drafted in the first five picks of my fantasy team. I believe in drafting stats and not positions, so if the best stats are in the outfield, then I’m drafting outfielders. 2016 Projections: 85/27/102/.278/7
38. Lorenzo Cain – I’m gonna be like The Jerk only instead of only needing a chair, this remote control, this pen, etc. I’m going to have my arms filled with outfielders. 2016 Projections: 97/15/80/.295/25
39. Jason Heyward – Because I’m gonna have seven outfielders for five outfielder slots in the first six rounds, I will likely draft Heyward instead of Yoenis or Cain in some leagues, because I wanna taste all of these guys. It’s all about context with that last sentence. 2016 Projections: 87/22/77/.274/15
40. David Price – Now how can I draft a starter when there’s outfielders to draft? Please, I don’t have time to wait for your answer, I need to get back in the draft room and grab another outfielder! 2016 Projections: 17-7/3.03/1.10/225 in 220 IP
41. Madison Bumgarner – I’m not drafting a starter yet as I said in the top 20 starters for 2016 fantasy baseball, but even if I were, I’m not going near Bumgarner. 2016 Projections: 17-9/2.95/1.03/216 in 215 IP
42. Adrian Gonzalez – Honestly, some of my rankings are a crock of shizz. Like fo’reals. I don’t mean I put them out there and would never use them. Oh, I use them. Rudy sometimes laughs at how silly I am about following my rankings. The laugh is derisive, by the way. I mean they’re a crock of shizz as in, am I really taking A-Gon? I don’t see it happening. Is there a possible scenario where I take A-Gon? Sure, Pujols is gone already, that’s Pujols whose ADP is after A-Gon, I haven’t drafted a 1st baseman yet and Springer and Polanco are gone. Now does that seem likely to you? 2016 Projections: 79/26/92/.270
43. Freddie Freeman – Same crock of shizz that I mentioned in the A-Gon blurb. By the way, I’m not using the phrase ‘crock of shizz’ as in “Mario Batali got so drunk that he used his Croc as a toilet.” 2016 Projections: 74/24/87/.293/4
44. Buster Posey – Fun fact! There’s a Giant in San Fernando Valley with a name very similar to Buster Posey but he’s a porn actor. 2016 Projections: 75/20/91/.310/2
45. Prince Fielder – See what I said for A-Gon and Freeman because Mario Batali’s drunk again and unable to find a legitimate bathroom. 2016 Projections: 75/23/94/.282
46. Gerrit Cole – And I’m drafting a starter! Though dot dot dot not really. I mean, I would draft Cole, but I’m guessing he’s gone by this point. Too bad, so sad. Don’t fear, there will be more starters where he came from. 2016 Projections: 15-9/2.78/1.06/217 in 215 IP
47. Jose Fernandez – Again, doesn’t seem likely Jo-Fer happens fer Grey. Speaking of which, I should be rocking a full-length mink coat. All the time. Like an I-M-P-P, said the pimp who dropped out of high school and doesn’t know how to spell. 2016 Projections: 13-5/2.44/1.01/210 in 180 IP
48. Noah Syndergaard – Finally, a guy that I could not only draft, but want to. It’s a lovely day, lovely day, lovely day, and the sunlight hurts my eyes. Perhaps someone could throw shade my way. 2016 Projections: 15-6/2.88/1.07/208 Ks in 185 IP
49. Stephen Strasburg – Could someone promise to explain to me why I was so excited about Strasburg in the preseason if he takes another turn for bad this year, and, from the ashes, rises Stressbird? 2016 Projections: 14-9/2.89/1.08/231 in 205 IP
50. Xander Bogaerts – Member above what I was saying about Mario Batali taking a dump in his indoor/outdoor footwear? I like Bogaerts and would draft him around here, but it’s more likely I’m drafting a starter at this point, so the rankings are true but they have some Batali turds to them. On a side note, I’d love to be in the person’s mind who skipped right to Bogaerts’s blurb and didn’t read above. 2016 Projections: 88/17/84/.306/12
51. Corey Seager – I already gave you my Corey Seager fantasy. It was written on the deck of the S.S. Minnow during some choppy weather. 2016 Projections: 81/19/63/.284/8
52. Maikel Franco – I’m a bit surprised by the lack of groundswell building around Maikel. It could be due to the general lack of excitement about the Phils. I get that, but Jose Abreu knocked in 101 RBIs last year on a team offense that ranked worse than the Phils last year. The Reds were about even with the Phils last year in offense, but you had no problem with Votto and Frazier. Is Maikel as good as those guys mentioned? Well, he’s not until he is, if you catch my drift. 2016 Projections: 81/27/95/.284/2
53. Brian Dozier – Don’t you want this guy to die his hair blonde and shave it into a mullet and call himself “The Doz?” No? Guess it’s just me. 2016 Projections: 92/24/72/.231/10
54. Kyle Seager – Since I just ranked Corey Seager and now his brother Kyle, I have an idea. In my keeper league, I’m drafting all of Corey and Kyle’s dad’s sperm. 2016 Projections: 85/25/75/.269/8
55. Craig Kimbrel – Here’s what I said this offseason about Kimbrel, “Traded to Red Sox for Carlos Asuaje, Javier Guerra, Logan Allen and Manuel Margot, four guys that sound like background extras in the movie, Casablanca. “Manuel Margot, I need you behind Bogart, and stop looking into the camera!” Member last year when the Padres were pretending to be a contender so they went out and got a top-notch closer? Feels like longer ago than it is. Shame the Padres gave up on being a winner, it was fun to watch them fail when they had expectations. Now it’s just depressing. Kimbrel will once again be a top closer, but, ya know, SAGNOF.” And that’s me quoting me! 2016 Projections: 3-3/2.03/0.98/89 with 43 saves in 60 IP
56. Carlos Carrasco – Asking you to make one of the guys in this next mini tier to be your first starter, which I would do, is a bit of a trust exercise. You need to fall backwards into their gorgeous K-rates. 2016 Projections: 14-8/3.09/1.04/223 in 202 IP
57. Chris Archer – He had a 3.23 ERA last year, but, as of September 25th, it was 2.92. Late in September, he was mollywhopped by the Jays for nine runs that killed his overall ERA from looking really purdy. 2016 Projections: 12-10/3.02/1.12/238 in 204 IP
58. Corey Kluber – I believe I mentioned this in the top 20 starters for 2016 fantasy baseball, but one group of fantasy baseballers (<–my mom’s term!) you won’t have to battle for Kluber are those that got Kluber’d in the nethers last year. I say ‘I believe’ because I’ve written about 400,000 words in the last three weeks and I need to Icy/Hot my brain. 2016 Projections: 14-10/3.18/1.08/235 in 217 IP
59. Danny Salazar – This year K-zar will rule all of my starting rotations or my last name isn’t Lothario. 2016 Projections: 13-11/3.12/1.10/216 in 200 IP
60. Rougned Odor – I already gave you my Rougned Odor sleeper. It had the makings of a great post until I opened it with, “Um, hello? Is this thing on?” 2016 Projections: 81/19/69/.253/15
61. Francisco Lindor – You know why I didn’t write a Lindor sleeper post? Cause I didn’t think he’d be a sleeper, but don’t let that stop you from thinking I’m crazy for him. I am. *circles index finger around right ear making the ‘I’m crazy’ sign* See? 2016 Projections: 86/10/62/.289/22
62. Eric Hosmer – This is one sexy cluster of players right here. Not being sarcastic either. I know, shock! I love Salazar, Odor, Lindor, Hosmer and Belt. Give ’em all to me! 2016 Projections: 86/20/94/.303/8
63. Brandon Belt – I already gave you my Brandon Belt sleeper. On a serious note, sleepers are tough for me. I see a guy like Belt ranked way too low by others, then I write up a sleeper post, then I project him for what I think he’ll do, then I rank him based on those projections and he’s now ranked way higher then where he’d be a sleeper. It’s like the “What comes first, the chicken or the egg” or the “Mario Batali’s in a forest crapping in his Crocs in the woods, but does anyone hear him?” or some cliché. 2016 Projections: 79/21/90/.288/10
64. Nelson Cruz – If I draft Cruz, he will finally disappoint after a few years of me saying he would. If I don’t draft him, he’ll be fine. The Clash of “If I do, there will be trouble” vs. “If I don’t, there will be double.” 2016 Projections: 85/35/98/.270/4
65. Adam Jones – If I was caca-cuckoo for outfielders earlier in the top 100, I’m obviously down on these guys in a non-sexual way, and won’t be drafting them. Now, before you say, “Grey, you’re handsome as the devil when Brad Pitt played him in that awful movie, but you say you’re down on Jones, right? Well, what if he’s available at this point in the draft?” First, then draft something else. Second, you should already have at least two outfielders drafted by now, you don’t need another one. Third, there’s no third. 2016 Projections: 82/28/95/.266/4
66. Carlos Gonzalez – This is a little mini tier within the top 100 that makes me want to put on Kendrick Lamar’s Hood Politics. “Call me on Shaniqua’s phone. Tulo used to be A-1, now he just gets boo-boos. CarGo was your homeboy, but he’s prone to boo-boos. Lil Ellsbury used to be cool, now he’s prone to a boo-boo.” 2016 Projections: 81/27/88/.262/3
67. Jacoby Ellsbury – “Obama say, “What it do?” Tellin’ you, watch out for the boo-boos!” 2016 Projections: 87/12/67/.269/26
68. Michael Brantley – “He already has a boo-boo!” 2016 Projections: 71/14/79/.319/13
69. Carlos Gomez – “If last year was any indication, he’s bound to get a boo-boo!” 2016 Projections: 74/18/84/.248/12
70. Matt Kemp – “He’ll be batting behind Yangervis and I wouldn’t trust him to avoid a boo-boo!” 2016 Projections: 68/22/85/.259/10
71. Hunter Pence – “The Gangly Manbird missed three-quarters of last year with boo-boos!” 2016 Projections: 64/18/75/.271/7
72. Dallas Keuchel – Having a group of hitters I don’t want backed up against pitchers I don’t want has its problems. I.e., what am I drafting here if I’m not taking any of the guys from Jones to F-Her? Y’all assuming that a draft will actually go as I have these guys ranked. Some players will fall from above. Why did you just put up your umbrella? No one is actually falling from above. What I mean is, you get to this part of the draft and there’s a bunch of players I’ve said to not draft, then draft Belt, who I have above that no one else has drafted yet. Or if you chickened out about Polanco earlier, take him here. Or one of at least 20 guys that I have ranked above that likely haven’t been drafted yet. Like anyone else is drafting Belt in the top 60. Please. 2016 Projections: 15-10/2.98/1.15/172 in 215 IP
73. Zack Greinke – Here’s a guy that is like a reverse Arenado from last year as explained in Polanco’s blurb. I could ask ‘perts why they rank Greinke high this year when they don’t like him and they will have no answer for me. 2016 Projections: 15-8/3.54/1.16/194 in 210 IP
74. Felix Hernandez – As I’ve said in the past, I rank while in a bubble. The benefit of that, others don’t influence me. The drawback, trying to get through door frames. Could someone make some bubble-accessible doors? When I come out of my bubble and see how others are ranking players, some surprise me. F-Her was one. I thought people would still be higher on him. I’m still lower than just about everyone, but I thought it would be a bigger difference. 2016 Projections: 14-10/3.43/1.16/190 in 204 IP
75. Tyson Ross – A guy with a 9 K/9 that pitches his home games in Petco, and you don’t want him? Oh. *pauses to get medical degree* Kay. 2016 Projections: 11-12/3.09/1.26/209 in 200 IP
76. Miguel Sano – I do like watching Sano’s moonshots into the upper deck, but I’m also on the verge of potentially writing a schmohawk post for him due to his Ks. They are just so ugly. 2016 Projections: 62/32/77/.231/4
77. Kyle Schwarber – Some people will see this ranking of Sano, Schwarber, Hanley and Dickerson and think, “All of those guys could be steals that late. Also, I make a lot of sense when I talk to myself. Man, I’m smart. Or is it, ‘Man, me is smart?’ I could ask someone but I may not look that smart.” I see this little sub-section tier of players and I hit the brakes. 2016 Projections: 68/24/75/.228/7
78. Hanley Ramirez – Every year a few guys have a dead cat bounce. Last year, I can think of Brandon Phillips. We call them Zombinos here. Is Hanley capable of that? Yeah, I think so. Will he do it? No one knows, and anyone that says they know is either a witch or a liar. Burn them at a stake to find out which it is. 2016 Projections: 65/17/72/.277/7
79. Corey Dickerson – Not only did he miss last year with a foot issue that could flare up at any time, but his last year that he stole over ten bases was 2012 in High-A/Double-A. Dickerson is Kole Calhoun leaving Coors. I will call him, Kole Miner’s Daughter. 2016 Projections: 68/20/75/.296/4
80. Johnny Cueto – As I say in the top 40 starters for 2016 fantasy baseball, I would draft Cueto. What I didn’t know then that I know now is others are still more excited about him. Continued in Hamels’s blurb. 2016 Projections: 14-9/3.31/1.09/186 in 210 IP
81. Cole Hamels – Hey, everyone from Cueto’s blurb, glad you could make it. Sadly, our speaker for the day, the guy who actually put a “Donald Trump for President” sticker on his bumper couldn’t make it, and instead we have Grey Albright, Fantasy Master Lothario. So, like I was saying in Cueto’s blurb, same applies for Hamels. People are drafting him higher than I have him. I’ll have a post in a few days about how to draft a rotation, and none of these guys are necessary. 2016 Projections: 14-10/3.60/1.18/202 in 204 IP
82. Evan Longoria – After looking around at other people’s rankings, I see I’m actually high on Longoria. Well, to quote nine of ten MLB GMs during the offseason, “Our interest in Longoria is being overblown.” A guy that has played 160 games in three straight years with 22 HRs, 80 runs, 80 RBIs and a .265-ish average isn’t sexy, but there’s a place for that. That place is around here. 2016 Projections: 81/23/84/.264/3
83. Adrian Beltre – What I said about Longoria, but a bit more counting stats, less upside due to age, more downside due to injury and less patting on the head. 2016 Projections: 87/19/91/.290/1
84. Francisco Liriano – No one likes Liriano. No idea why but it’s going on three years in a row where he’s being under-drafted. I get that the walks are a tad scary, but he has three straight years of an ERA of 3.38 or lower with 9+ K/9. By the by, Tad Scary sounds like a Garbage Pail Kid or a villain on Jessica Jones. 2016 Projections: 13-9/3.46/1.23/195 in 180 IP
85. Jon Lester – Looking at Liriano’s projections vs. Lester’s projections I’m reminded of something. I accidentally put my TV remote in the freezer. I’m also reminded that I like guys that give stats in less time. 195 Ks in 180 IP is better than 199 Ks in 206 IP. Also, 13 wins vs. 15 wins means so little. Wins are fickle. Put wins in one hand and losses in the other hand and you have two empty hands. How can you put wins and losses in a hand? 2016 Projections: 15-10/3.51/1.14/199 in 206 IP
86. Wade Davis – Watch out, I’m about to drop a truth bomb. I want to own one of the next four closers. Will I? Highly unlikely. Maybe in some deep leagues (15 or more teams), but it’s not worth it in shallower leagues. SAGNOF, playa! And, no, I’m not calling you a Spanish beach. 2016 Projections: 4-1/2.31/0.99/81, 41 Saves
87. Ken Giles – Same as I said with Wade Davis, and I just Googled Wade Davis and he’s also a gay ex-NFL player. Hunh. Had no idea. I’m in a serious non-football bubble. When and who will be the first gay current major league player? I’m gonna guess this year, Giancarlo with me. Wait, what?! 2016 Projections: 5-2/1.97/1.08/81, 41 saves
88. Kenley Jansen – If you must know about the closer projections, wins are totally fickle. Take fickle and multiple it by arbitrary and you have saves projections. A closer on a terrible team could get 45 saves and a guy on a great team could get 25 saves. No rhyme, no reason. 2016 Projections: 3-1/2.35/0.96/75, 38 Saves
89. Jeurys Familia – Ah, the closer whose name looks like it was spelled by a cat walking across the keyboard. I get a feeling that he’s going to be replaced out of nowhere just as he took over last year out of nowhere, but that’s completely a gut call, and we’re not ranking on gut. That would be my top ten sushi restaurant rankings. 2016 Projections: 4-2/2.44/1.02/67, 40 Saves
90. Matt Carpenter – This little area here with Carpenter and Cano I like to call The Shrug. Sounds like a nickname of a downtown area in a city with less than 100,000 people. “You gotta go check out what they did with The Shrug in Kalamazoo.” But it’s not a downtown area, it’s my feelings on these two guys. They could be okay, but *shrug* I don’t care, I’m not drafting them. 2016 Projections: 97/19/62/.275/5
91. Robinson Cano – “Cano could hit .310 again!” *shrug* Doesn’t matter to me. 2016 Projections: 75/17/80/.275/3
92. Jonathan Schoop – I already gave you my Jonathan Schoop sleeper. It had a little extra pa-DOW! 2016 Projections: 73/26/85/.245/3
93. Brett Lawrie – I already gave you my Brett Lawrie sleeper. One word on that and all of my sleepers. You look at my projections vs. our Razzball/Steamer projections and you see I’m way above on them. Steamer does a great job, the best in the business, but it doesn’t project breakouts. That’s why you have to go out on a limb sometimes. 2016 Projections: 71/20/82/.264/14
94. Starlin Castro – It’s weird to me that I’m seemingly the only one liking Castro this year. I figured at least some Yankee buzz would be get baked into the rankings for other ‘perts. For those that just Googled “Baked + buzz,” welcome! Those brownies will wear off soon. 2016 Projections: 72/16/77/.274/7
95. Troy Tulowitzki – How many of you can name the last time Tulo played more than 150 games? Too slow. 2009. When was the last time he stole more than two bases? Wrong. 2011. Okay, last chance to redeem yourself. Why does your dad pretend to not know you in public? Nope! The answer is, “In case any women are around because you make him seem too old.” 2016 Projections: 75/20/78/.271/2
96. Steven Matz – Start drafting starters hard. I don’t mean that entirely as it sounds. Okay, I do. Giggle, giggle. Giggle, giggle. 2016 Projections: 12-7/3.34/1.12/180 in 175 IP
97. Carlos Rodon – I already gave you my Carlos Rodon sleeper. I wrote it while roleplaying with Cougs where she’s Channing Tatum and I’m Steve Carell and we act out wrestling scenes from Foxcatcher. 2016 Projections: 13-8/3.52/1.31/182 in 180 IP
98. Taijuan Walker – I already gave you my Taijuan Walker sleeper. I wrote it while tapping that A. 2016 Projections: 14-10/3.44/1.21/189 in 205 IP
99. Joc Pederson – So, that is 98 outfielders in the first 100 picks. Like a baller! Who’s drafting eight outfielders in the first nine rounds!? C’mon, who’s with me! Hello? Anyone out there? Are you still on the line? Stop making sounds of waves and answer! Oh, I had a seashell up to my ear instead of a phone. My bad. 2016 Projections: 67/26/69/.235/12
100. Khris Davis – All right, one more outfielder. But that’s it! 2016 Projections: 67/32/79/.249/5
