Ayo whaddup, it’s ya boy Grey Albright aka the Fantasy Master Lothario aka White Chocolate aka The Ladder You Use To Reach New Heights aka The God Particle aka Supreme Court Judge Reinhold aka Paid Overtime aka Close Parking Spot When You’re In A Rush aka Al Swearengen’s Swearing Dictionary aka Teacher, We Don’t Need No Education aka The Weird Guy That Latches Onto The Main Character In Oscar Films I Think His Name Is Paul Dano aka The Butcher, The Baker and The Candlestick Maker aka The Stinging On Your Pinkie Toe When You Clip Too Close aka Paul Anka aka Forget How To Spell My Name And Just Get Me My Coffee! I just spent thirty minutes looking up Mindy Cohn and whether or not she’s a lesbian. Ah, the offseason. You are a soothing mistress that touches my naughty bits with idle hands. She’s apparently not a lesbian, but a confirmed friend of the gays, and she wanted to lose weight in the 80’s, but the producers asked her to avoid it for the character of Natalie. They finally agreed to let her wear baggy clothes. No comment, except the “no comment” comment has the weight of a thousand eye rolls. A quick preamble about the 2016 fantasy baseball rookie series that is coming from me over the next few weeks. Rookies could get a post if they meet MLB eligibility requirements, less than 130 ABs or 50 IP. That means no Michael Conforto, no Greg Bird and no Domingo Santana. In 2012, the first player I highlighted was Mike Trout. That wasn’t an accident. I said in the Mike Trout post, “He’s ranked number one for me. Numero uno. The Big Mahoff. He’s the big Statue of Liberty in New York, not that girly one in Paris!” Since then, I’ve attempted to make the first rookie post about a prospect that will be the top rookie for fantasy the following year. This prospect isn’t no ordinary man, this is the prospect I be seeing in my sleep. Corey Seager will be your number one 2016 fantasy baseball rookie. Will Seager be named to the All-Century Team in 85 years or edged out by a robot with grabby hands named the Hitter-Tron that my great-great-nephew will sue over due to trademark infringement only to find out it’s the same Hitter-Tron that once graced this little fantasy baseball blog called Razzball? Can Seager be the number one shortstop in 2016? So many questions and so little time to look up Mindy Cohn info! Anyway, what can we expect of Corey Seager for 2016 fantasy baseball?
The first time I saw Corey Seager swing the mollywhopping stick, my heart stopped. Rarely, am I overcome by pure emotion when I see someone. Giancarlo comes to mind, only comes is spelled different. Seager does that weird heart-a-flutter thing to me. He is a glorious specimen of specimenness. In 27 games this past year, he hit .337 with four homers and two steals and replaced Jimmy Rollins for the starting job like Seager was a Cossack and Rollins was Woody Allen’s grammy. That may not get the significance it deserves because Rollins was awful, but Rollins was awful for an awful manager that kept playing him, so it means Seager was even undeniable to a total moron. Seager is just…undeniable. He’s like Kevin Spacey in The Usual Suspects, like Tarantino with Reservoir Dogs, like Kendrick Lamar with Bitch, Don’t Kill My Vibe. That undeniable quality that makes you say, “This is the beginning of a huge career.” In High-A, he demolished pitchers — 18 HRs, .352 in 80 games. In Double-A, it was more of the same. Then last year’s Triple-A season happened. Seager was merely league average, and playing in the PCL. Of course, he was only 21 years old, but he hadn’t been league average in his professional career up until that point. At times, he looked overmatched like Mark Wahlberg starring in any role that requires him to look smart (I have more strained metaphors than Tom Verducci!). In Triple-A, he hit 13 homers and .278 in 105 games. Like a pimp commands his entourage, that is ho-hum. So, Grey, that’s me, what do you make of this departure from greatness in Triple-A? Great question, Grey. Thank you. I think he had bad luck with his BABIP (.298 BABIP when he never had lower than .345 prior) and the homers didn’t come because he was playing in the anti-gravity chamber of the PCL and was pressing and whammy’ing. As he showed when he arrived in the majors, you cannot deny his truer talents. With Mattingly run out of Hollywood like a 20-something child star and Rollins likely gone, Seager should be the everyday shortstop, a position that takes the short bus. In 2016, I project Seager will go 81/19/63/.284/8 and be a top five shortstop. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to see what Nancy McKeon is up to.
