A few weeks back, I was on vacation and the Big Magoo covered the creeper. He did one hell of a job by making good calls and changing up the format. This week, I’m feeling inspired by the Big Magoo and will follow in his form. I should literally follow in his form because we are similar in height, but not in weight. I’m always looking at schedules every week to help assist with my creeper, but this week I’m taking it a step further. I’m going all in on home parks. This is my mixed bag of who to grab throughout the week because you should be shuffling players in and out as long as you don’t have restrictions on moves…

• Justin Bour, 1B (3.5%) – The left-handed power-hitting first baseman is one of two Marlins I like to open with this week. The fish visit lefty-power friendly Miller Park, and he gets three right-handers who have given up a combined 34 home runs this year. He’s hit all his dongs off right-handers and only sits against lefties. If you need some pop for three days, then give the wild Bour a shot.
• Derek Dietrich, 2B, 3B, OF (1.9%) – My other lefty fish option only has three less homers than Bour and hits better on the road and against righties. He already has a dong against Wednesday’s starter Willy Peralta, and with his multi-position eligibility, he might be easier to fit in your line-up than Bour. Dietrich is making a lot harder contact and cutting his ground balls this year as well. Besides, who doesn’t love some DD? That link is safe for work, but I wouldn’t click it while driving because you might get in an accident.
• Aaron Hill, 2B,3B (2.6%) – He’s been hot and if he keeps it up when he flys into Cincy, then I want him in my line-up. Well, at least for the Thursday and Friday games when he gets two pitchers with a combined 23.2 innings on the year and a total of 3 homers given up between them.
• Jake Lamb, 3B (7.3%) – On Saturday and Sunday the D-Backs get two righties, and that is when you want to swap Hill out for Lamb, who at 7.3% owned, should be an option after he probably sits for the first two games of the series. Those weekend games are a nice opportunity as the starters he faces have given up a combined 11 HR’s at home this year in only 88 innings.
• Michael Conforto, OF (11.4%) – The rookie gets his first trip to Coors Canaveral where everyone is Bichetter. Downside is that he will sit on Saturday with a lefty on the mound. If you have a rosterbating/batty calling problem, then I would try to get him in your line-up for the Friday and Sunday game. This is a total rookie nookie upside hail mary play. I love these…
• Michael Cuddyer, OF (13.5%) – A return to his former home is getting the glass cutters primed. I was chatting with Magoo back in July when Justin Turner returned to New York to play the Mets andI told him to play him in his NFBC league because Jack loves him some “returning to your old home park plays”. Turner donged and I am counting on Cuddy to do the same. Do you need any other reason?
• Juan Uribe, 3B (2.5%) / Kelly Johnson, 1B, 3B, OF (8.1%) – By working the corners and able to go yard, these two are stuck together. Back in Week 14, I suggested Uribe when I nudged him over Johnson but in reality I liked both that week. Johnson was ridiculous, but Uribe? Not so much. I’m confident we get Uribe for all three games but I would be keeping an eye on KJ. If Duda gets back on the field Tuesday then KJ may be a non option. Follow the Mets this week and watch the usage as they have a whole ton of blahmehpukey options for everyday time.
• J.T. Realmuto, C (7.9%) – This week’s Frankencatcher is an under owned fish playing at Miller Park. He gets regular playing time and can put it over the fences regardless of the park. Not much else to say on this one so I’ll take this opportunity to go all 2014 me and bring back Hip Hop Sunday. Yo Ralph, where you at?. Respect the King! is what Grey always tells me…when I get out of line. Did you know that Matt Truss the DFS Hippo rang me up like an Alarm Clock when he re-introduced me to Statik Selektah? I say re-introduced because after further review I had this cut buried in my iTunes. I felt like such a dumba**. Anythehoo, I want to close this out to you, my Gz, Pimps, Hustlers….and I’ll take My Hoe too.

The Top 100 Hitters

• And lay John Coltrane play with that LoCain face.. .Action Bronson knows what was up this year, as his hit-track talks about Grey’s favorite late rounder. I don’t know about you, but that’s how I hear it when I listen. Devil’s dandruff? Yeah right! Respect the King of KC! He currently sits 12th on the player rater and Steamers predicts he will go 21/3/21/7/.283 the rest of the way. Yeah I know, not the sexiest total you have ever seen, but if he gets that he will have a final line of 95/15/73/28/.300. I’ve juggled him all over this list because he has always been a “not quite there yet” player and gaining faith in a fallen false idol has been a fantasy fallacy for years and years. He has a few good things going for him this year that might help explain the change. First, the FB% is up while the GB% is down. Second, his home run to fly percentage is way up at 11.7%, but that’s not his career peek. That happened in 2012 when in only 244 AB’s he hit 7 HR’s and pulled at all our heart strings. I wouldn’t worry too much because at 11.7% its not unreasonable. I think he can surpass steamers dong totals when you take into consideration the increase in flyballs and the 12% increase in hard contact.

• I’ve had the Candy Man Can song for the Grandyman stuck in my head all day. He is almost a zombino at age 34 and as he sits right now he will surpass last years home run and steals total. If you were to tell me in the pre-season he would go 27/12 I would of asked you who your dealer was and if they had any more. He could be a nice cheap power/runs target in a trade, if you can still make them, or is surely an add in shallow leagues that are starved for power….Who can take a ball yard, sprinkle in some bags. Cover it with chocolate and a dong or two. The Grandy Man, oh the Grandy Man can.

• You think this is funny Adrian? This ain’t no joke foo, this is fantasy baseball. I give up on Adrian Beltre. I let him hold me in that rear naked choke for too long… wait! what? No that’s not it, it was an armbar, yeah that’s it, the move is an armbar. I feel that guys will usually get their numbers and with Beltre a repeat of last year didn’t seem too far out of the realm of possibility. Even if he lost a few dongs, a batting average north of .300 and good RBI/Runs totals didn’t seem too unrealistic. But nope, he crapped on us all like a hippo. I can’t believe I traded for him in the hopes that BA would turn around. F**k you Beltre, get your bald a**back on the motherf**kin’ roids.
• Before I call it a day I wanted to point out that there are lots of other players on the cusp of my list. David Peralta, Neil Walker, Ender Inciarte, Khris Davis, Francisco Lindor, Dexter Fowler, Alexei Ramirez, Avisail Garcia, Aaron Hicks, Rusney Castillo, Ryan Howard, Carlos Santana, and Pablo Sandoval are all close. There are so many players that are needs based at this point. So if you see one of your favorites not on the list then look here. This blurb also proves to me you read the whole post before you start in.

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