Please see our player page for Jake Lamb to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.

Vegas’ oddsmakers have this year’s mark set at 73.5. I’m going under. Sorry, this is meant to help your most important 4th of July DFS. That was Joey Chestnut’s previous seven years with this year’s O/U. You don’t bet on the Glizzy King? Damn, y’all un-American! Oh, I see, you saw this post was about the Reds, and thought we were talking Commies. The borscht eating contest is on May 1st, you missed it! So, Andrew Abbott (7 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 12 Ks, ERA at 1.21) keeps rolling. His command (3.1 BB/9) is not as bad as I worried as it might be. Could MLB hitters have no idea to wait on their pitch? Maybe. His fly ball tendency (59.7%), home park and homers allowed in the minors still has me running like I’m Uncle Baby Billy from a wife. The 93 MPH fastball has produced a .152 BAA, which is goofy low, producing a 20 Launch Angle. He is doing it, so there’s something to it, but he’s one of the luckiest pitchers currently. Regression is going to come faster than heartburn for Chestnut. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Welcome back to the weekly waiver wire/FAAB article! Can you find replacements for the rash of new injuries to the likes Eloy Jimenez, Mitch Haniger, Max Fried, and Robbie Ray with Joey Gallo, Ji-Hwan Bae, and Seth Lugo? Is the backend of your roster still suffering after your drunken inattention caused you to throw value […]

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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Engine revs. It’s the Oscar Mayer Weinermobile. Only instead of a Oscar Mayer hat on its front hood, it’s wearing a Padres cap. It’s staring down a lonely country road. Directly, a mile down, aimed right at it is the Dodgers’ team bus. The Dodgers’ team bus revs.

A half mile in front of each of them, at the midpoint is “1st place in the NL West.” What we have here is a game a chicken. Who will get there first? Behind the Dodgers’ team bus wheel is Magic Johnson. Behind the Padres’ pimped-out Weinermobile is the San Diego Chicken. “You’re going mano a chicken? With the Chicken?! This is not a game you want to play, Magic?” That’s the actor who played Magic in the Showtime series on HBO shouting at Magic. “A Showtime series on HBO? Are you talking riddles, Albright?!” That’s the voice inside my head. Back to the white hot asphalt! The San Diego Chicken guns it towards the Dodgers’ team bus! Magic slams down the gas!

Careening down the road, the Chicken bawks, “They need to lose some extra weight!” To get up to speed, the Padres throw out MacKenzie Gore, C.J. Abrams, Robert Hassell III, James Wood and Jarlin Susana. For Magic to get the Dodgers to increase speed, he throws out an anecdote about him hugging Isiah Thomas at half court. “You need more speed, Magic!” The actor who played Magic in the Showtime HBO series screams. Magic says, “Have you heard about the one of me and Clyde the Glide?” It’s not enough! The San Diego Chicken is the type that drives right towards a big trade and waits for the other team to swerve. It ain’t afraid — it accepts that Gore is sometimes necessary.

So, Juan Soto goes to the Padres. They have Manny Machado, Fernando Tatis Jr. and Sexy Dr. Pepper? Um…


Like seriously seriously…

Fun the Jewels, Macho Manny and Sexy Dr. Pepper. Guys and five lady readers, I am doing a horny. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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Hope everyone had a Happy Father’s Day, and, for our five female readers, I hope your husbands or dads weren’t too unbearable. When I heard Wander Franco was being called up, I was on the phone with my patent attorney. See, for Mother’s Day, MLB uses pink bats. My suggestion for Father’s Day is bats with hairy bags hanging off the handle, then when batters are applying pine tar in the on-deck circle the “sticky” stuff can shoot onto their pitchers’ hands. All hot dogs sold that day can have a bite out of them, but weren’t thrown out because ‘Dad’s gonna finish that.’

“Is there anything here that I should trademark?” was what I was asking my patent attorney when the news broke. Then, my internet broke, I swear this happened:

The Fantasy Baseball Overlord mocks me endlessly, does he not? I’m sure Wander Franco was rostered in all my leagues already, but don’t you love to check just to get a burst of agita? I was getting different kinds of agita with screens not loading.

So, Prospect Itch literally just told you his number one fantasy baseball stash yesterday was Wander Franco. I thought I had the number one fantasy baseball ‘stache. Sigh. Clearly, Franco is also the number one fantasy baseball prospect. In Itch’s top 10 fantasy baseball prospects, Wander’s sitting at #1. I can’t add anything meaningful to what Itch wrote. Go there, and read that. I am shocked he’s called up. I was expecting a September call-up. Perhaps the Rays are just big Gallagher brother fans, and plan to play Wander at 2nd to have an all-Oasis middle infield. “Throw to second for one and….wait they held onto the ball and no double play…what is going on…Today was gonna be the day they were gonna throw it back to you!” Damn, thwarted by a love of Wander/Walls. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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Everyone’s always claiming world famous fried chicken, or world famous chili or world famous BBQ. If I had a restaurant, I’d do something that no one else is claiming… “Come on down for our world famous cauliflower — you like cauliflower sometimes? Well, you’re gonna love these florets!” Can I make extraordinarily tasty cauliflower? No, not at all! But it’s all about expectations. That’s Jonathan India:  World famous cauliflower, because it’s about expectations. By the way, Jarred Kelenic was trying to make world famous pizza, what a dope! Jonathan India went very late in deep league drafts, then he sorta was….Well, he just was, and no one cared. In April, India hit one homer and .239. In May, he once again existed: 2 HRs, .220. In June, India got hot. *long elaborate Bollywood dance* With time to make adjustments and less pressure than, say, maybe a Jarred Kelenic, India began to hit everything in the zone, and hard. He’s on everything with O- and Z-Swing% falling in line and Barrel% going way up. India also has a solid Sprint Speed, so he could get into some steals. Look at us, India and I just exceeding very low expectations! Now, I just need a name for my cauliflower restaurant. The Floret Florist? The Merchant of Florets? You Cauliflower, I Called It Delicious? Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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They should have a contest where one lucky fan tries to no-hit the Mariners. Yesterday, Spencer Turnbull no-hit the Mariners (9 IP, 0 ER, 2 walks, 9 Ks, ERA at 2.88), because the Mariners are being no-hit every day of the week that ends in Y. Armando Galarraga called and said big whoop. Yo, he sounds bitter. Didn’t they give Armando Galarraga a car after his kinda perfect game? They should give Spencer Turnbull a salmon thrown to him by someone in Seattle wearing rubber boots. How about teams that have a team batting average under .205 get to use the juiced ball? Sure, it’s an arbitrary rule, but so is the dropped third strike rule if you think about it. So, I hope you used the Streamonator that told you to start Turnbull. Beyond that, Turnbull looks like he’s, uh, turned a corner. He’s throwing his offspeed stuff more, and results are good: 8.1 K/9, 2.1 BB/9, 2.75 FIP, so close to neutral luck outside of home runs allowed, but he doesn’t allow homers ever. He’s not an ace, but that’s a usable number three to four, and since the no-hitter happened after I wrote the original opening, you’re getting a special treat today. A double lede! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

If you have friends that are Mets fans, yesterday was a difficult day. Please check in on them. Meanwhile, Brodie Van Wagenen will be drinking George Clooney’s tequila with Jay-Z while the Mariners game is on behind them at the Soho House, and Brodie won’t even know Jarred Kelenic is playing.

Extreme Jay-Z voice: Whoa, didn’t you trade away this guy?
BVV: Hova, Robbie Cano looked great.
Extreme Jay-Z voice: So soulful.

The Mariners were the talk of the MLB town yesterday with Logan Gilbert and Jarred Kelenic debuting. The bad news first, Logan Gilbert (4 IP, 4 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 5 Ks). Okay, serious question, does Logan Gilbert throw ground balls or is that like not cool? He should consider ground balls, or at least mullet over. The problem with rookie pitchers — besides roofies — I don’t have eyes on them until they’re called up, and others who do have eyes on them, are seeing them go against minor leaguers. In every minor league lineup, there’s at least, what, five easy outs? There were moments when Gilbert looked like he could be an ace, and there were moments when I wasn’t sure why I picked him up in a 12-team mixed league. One start does not a career make; don’t make me point out how Clayton Kershaw had a terrible rookie year. He settled in as the game went along, stopped throwing only fastballs, and looked solid. You might consider streaming out of him in shallower leagues, you might hold him. Feels situational in shallower leagues. As usual, rookie pitchers not always worth the headache. Rookie hitters, how’sever, well, Jarred Kelenic can be a future star, and by future I mean starting today. It’s very encouraging the M’s hit him leadoff — I guess they like what they saw with his glove in the minors this year — and I’m completely, 100% still a smitten kitten on Kelenic. Let the good times roll, preferably right over me. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Framber Valdez pitched after his fractured finger happened, so will be assuming it’s not too terrible. Haha, I’m lyin’ to myself! Now now NOW! Calm down, Grey, it’s gonna all work out. *turns abruptly to mirror* Is it? So, this isn’t great news, but it’s early enough, and it was his ring finger on his pitching hand, but our writer, Coolwhip, looked at his grips for me (because I was too panicked), and it seems Framber only uses that finger 10% of the time with his change, which isn’t a good pitch for him. He’s primarily a sinker/curve guy. I reranked him, placing him in an area where I’d still draft him, but obviously this isn’t the ideal stuff you want to see. Unless you’re a demented ess oh bee. You a demented ess oh bee? Hmm…? Are you? Tell me! Sorry, I’m amped up. Speaking of which, kinda, he will need to ramp up to game-shape after returning in May, so I’m conservatively projecting him to return end of May, early-June. Okay, clerical work now *adjusts priest’s collar* Here’s my adjusted top 80 starters for 2021 fantasy baseball with new projections; top 100 for 2021 fantasy baseball with Framber removed; top 500 for 2021 fantasy baseball with Framber moved down about 125 spots, and my pitchers’ pairings tool adjusted. Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for 2021 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

“Keep on go on wondering why, I got out of bed at all,” which are the lyrics for Thank You by Dido, which was the chorus for Stan by Eminem, and I want to thank you, Kwang-Hyun Kim (7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 0.63) as he was activated from the IL after having kidney problems, and to misquote Eminem, “I Stan Kim.” Actually, here’s Eminem singing The Golden Girls theme song, “Stan Kim for pitching a gem.” Eminem is a big Golden Girls fan, obvi. Any hoo! What a year by Kim, whoa. He has 24 consecutive scoreless innings, and has allowed only one home run all year. Granted, he’s only thrown 28 2/3 IP all year, has allowed only two earned runs all year, and that’s less than a month of a regular season. But, wow, what a year! We’ll leave it at that. Will Eminem, or us for that matter, be singing The Golden Girls theme song, “Stan Kim for pitching a gem” in 2021? That seems less likely. His peripherals are not particularly inspiring, but for this year *genuflects* Stan Kim, Stan Kim, Stan Kim. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Alec Mills (9 IP, 0 ER, 3 walks, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.93) threw a no hitter for everyone who is like, “I hit 66 on the speed gun, ya think I can be a major league pitcher?” Alec Mills threw a no hitter for everyone who ever said to themselves, “I look kinda like a landscaper for a Target parking lot, but am unemployed. Maybe I can pitch in the bigs.” Alec Mills threw a no hitter for everyone who once said, “I’d make a pretty mediocre minor leaguer, but am already on the 40, and the Cubs haven’t promoted a prospect in five years, so maybe I can pitch for the Cubs all year.” Alec Mills threw a no hitter for the one guy who woke yesterday and said, “I’m going to have the best day of my life today,” but not the person who said that, and thought eating a whole bowl of nacho cheese was their best day ever. Alec Mills, while not a great major league pitcher, like that man who ate the whole bowl of nacho cheese, had himself a great day. Going forward for him, I’d use the Streamonator, so that’s a pass. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

“Jeimer real boy,” says Jeimer Candelario, as his nose, labeled with Louisville Slugger’s insignia, grows. Gepetto clears his throat and sits Jeimer down for a heart-to-heart. “Jeimer, I saw you went 5-for-6, 2 RBIs with your 6th and 7th homer in yesterday’s doubleheader.” Jeimer tells him again, “Jeimer a real boy.” Jeimer’s nose-bat grows a little bit more. Gepetto looks at Jeimer’s stats from the last week, “Wow, three homers in four games, and hitting near-.400 in the last seven.” Jeimer, losing his temper, restates, “Jeimer real boy!” Gepetto shrugs, “Works for me,” and Gepetto whittles Jeimer’s nose into a club, and applies pine tar to its tip. So, Jeimer Candelario has been one of the hottest nose-bats in the leagues, recently. Wasn’t entirely by design when I benched Nelson Cruz in one league for Jeimer Candelario, but it actually has worked out better than planned. Jeimer will also be in the Buy column later today. To read it right now, join our Patreon. It’s $5, the cost of 15 minutes on a NYC parking meter. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?