Shhh – India Is My Mum Buy Of The Week

(NOTE: THIS POST WAS RELEASED EARLY THIS WEEK ON OUR PATREON. IT’S $10/MONTH OR $13/MONTH WITH AN EXTRA WEEKLY PODCAST.)

Everyone’s always claiming world famous fried chicken, or world famous chili or world famous BBQ. If I had a restaurant, I’d do something that no one else is claiming… “Come on down for our world famous cauliflower — you like cauliflower sometimes? Well, you’re gonna love these florets!” Can I make extraordinarily tasty cauliflower? No, not at all! But it’s all about expectations. That’s Jonathan India:  World famous cauliflower, because it’s about expectations. By the way, Jarred Kelenic was trying to make world famous pizza, what a dope! Jonathan India went very late in deep league drafts, then he sorta was….Well, he just was, and no one cared. In April, India hit one homer and .239. In May, he once again existed: 2 HRs, .220. In June, India got hot. *long elaborate Bollywood dance* With time to make adjustments and less pressure than, say, maybe a Jarred Kelenic, India began to hit everything in the zone, and hard. He’s on everything with O- and Z-Swing% falling in line and Barrel% going way up. India also has a solid Sprint Speed, so he could get into some steals. Look at us, India and I just exceeding very low expectations! Now, I just need a name for my cauliflower restaurant. The Floret Florist? The Merchant of Florets? You Cauliflower, I Called It Delicious? Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

BUY

Cal Raleigh – Since the Mariners have had so much success calling up prospects, Cal Raleigh will take his .350-ish average in the minors, and 60-grade power, and be DFA’d within two weeks of his promotion. Geoff talks up Raleigh on this week’s podcast too. We’re joined by my friend in real life, and writer for the site, Laura. It’s a good show, you should listen!

Eric Haase – On our 7-day Player Rater, Haase haasn’t been great for catchers, he haas been great for all hitters.

Ryan Jeffers – We have George “What an Effer” Sun and Ryan Jeffers on the same Buy list. Where’s Bentley? Where’s Roxie Roker? Where’s Lionel? “Are you WEEZY?! Are you WEEZY?!” That’s me screaming at a person who is struggling to breathe.

Max Stassi – Four catchers this week, because I’m a glutton for punishment. Sorry, but Stassi was tapping the phones, waiting to hear his name on the Buy list.

Yandy Diaz – His Launch Angle is colloquially known as “having a bone to pick with ants,” and, quite honestly, I’m kinda sick of watching ants try to lift rubber tree plants, so good for Yandy. Also, he’s been hot.

Ty France – I’m a big fan of France. Sometimes I even put a pillow in the back of my shirt and ask strangers to point me in the direction of Notre Dame. Ty France is an average-first guy, which usually is yawnstipating, and maybe on some fantasy teams it still is, but just about all my fantasy teams could use average.

Luis Urias – This is the week of platoon bats, and the Brewers have a lot of platoon bats (all hitting like .205), but I believe Urias is a starter, more or less hitting leadoff, and hitting better than .205 (barely).

Christian Arroyo – Can you remember back to when Dannys Antana was the guy to grab from the Red Sox? Was a while ago. Like two weeks ago. We were younger, and you had more hair! Now Christian Arroyo’s the guy at the leadoff spot, at least vs. lefties. By the by, if you click ‘More’ on Arroyo’s minor league stats, a prompt pops up saying, “You need to buy a longer computer screen.”

Vidal Brujan – Every day I wake up, kiss my dog on the lips, and check to see if Brujan is called up yet. How long can the Rays hold out? But better yet, how long does it make any sense to hold out? Must be past his service time date by now, no?

Jake Lamb – More of a platoon player than anything, but La Russa has nurtured Lamb back to viability on his Farm For Species of Animals Subjugated and Struggling, or simply FFS ASS.

Tony Kemp – Big week for guys who could, or even should be in platoons, huh? Kemp weighs 160 pounds soaking wet while carrying twenty pounds of cantaloupes. Has been playing, hitting, and wish he would steal more. The A’s need to replace the 1st base coach with an industrial-sized fan to blow Kemp to 2nd.

J.P. Crawford – He’s been hot recently. Though, the Mariners’ lineup is like a new type of Viagra that is still in its trial stage and gives you a stiff neck and elongates your big toe, i.e., it’s kinda useless.

Harold Ramirez – Bobby Bradley was called up, but he’s power and that’s about it. Harold Ramirez wasn’t called up, but was there all the time, and has quietly been producing as most will with 40-grade power, 40-grade speed and a minuscule 11% strikeout rate. In other words, don’t go screaming for HR to help you if you’re powerless. Hashtag Woke Grey!

Hunter Renfroe – He’s quietly doing exactly what I thought he might do this year, and what could make him very valuable — hit for power, and decent average, due to Boston’s Monster. I mean the wall in Fenway, not any Bostonian before they’ve had their Dunkies.

Justin Upton – You ever want to write his name: Justi ‘n Upton? Meh, maybe it’s me. For a few weeks every year, Justin Upton gets hotter than the surface of the sun, and it always makes me think, if he were to play for 25 years, he’d reach 500 homers from just one hot month per season.

Billy McKinney – Out of the frying pan into the fire, McKinney’s gone from hot to sweltering. What does this mean for the climate? Check out my article at Mother Jones.

Jorge Soler – George “What An Effer” Sun knows beans don’t burn on a grill, and fish don’t fry in a kitchen. Hopefully he also remembered how to hit.

Steven Duggar – Giants are having one those seasons where they could coax Jay Bruce out of retirement and he’d become a .270/.380/.500 hitter. If not Duggar, look at LaMonte Wade Jr., and, no, that’s not the actor who played Lionel Jefferson.

Adam Duvall – Has homered in two straight games. Would be pretty cool if he homered in nine straight games, then tipped his hat, thanking Dale Long and Ken Griffey Jr. for their legacy, and only those two.

Taylor Trammell – Could be better than Jarred Kelenic (this year). Pray for the people with parenthetical blindness if they have Kelenic in a dynasty league.

Jake Fraley – Two Mariners? Really! Sorry, this speech-to-text sucks. Not ‘really’ — it’s Fraley!

Wade Miley – This is a Streamonator call, like the call it makes to the bank.

Drew Smyly – From Miley to Smyly, your mileage may vary, but this another Streamonator call. “It said you offer interest, so I was wondering if I could tell you a story.” Streamonator’s so lonely!

Lucas Sims – There are so many ‘closers’ available it’s hard to know where to go each week with SAGNOF recommendations. I tried one week to give you middle relievers, and I ended up giving you two of three that ended up as closers by the end of the weekend. So, back to recommending closers who appear available in 50% or more leagues, who make my dandruff act up, because they’re serious head scratchers on how any of these guys are available. In my leagues, there’s a ton of movement with bats and starters, but if a guy even sniffs a save, you can’t get him off waivers. What a long, boring blurb. Sorry, but sometimes you have to come with the facts, and this isn’t making it more interesting, is it?

Chad Green – This might just be me being envious of all the saves Aroldis has this year, so I’m seeing Green. Wait, now I’m seeing red, white and blue, because Britton’s returning on Saturday. Don’t think the Union Zack will be anywhere near the 9th for a while.

Hansel Robles – At a loss at to what to tell you here, Robles is the go-to guy, except when he’s not.

Josh Sborz – There’s an opening for someone to emerge in Texas for saves. Will Sborz head the committee and ham it up for all the saves? Will DeMarcus Evans block the sun from reaching earth, and cause the closing of each game, collecting hundreds of saves in the process? Or will no one step in for Kennedy because the Rangers won’t win a game? Find out next on SAGNOF of Our Lives.

Jose Cisnero – I chuckled thinking about how Gregory Soto seemingly lost the Tigers’ closer job for literally no reason.

Diego Castillo – Impressed it’s only been two-plus weeks for Castillo to supplant J.P. Feyereisen as Rays’ closer for no reason, kinda, I think. “Kinda, I think” is the only way to describe anything that happens with the Rays. “Lowe is a kinda, I think platoon guy.” “Josh Fleming is a kinda, I think starter.” “Tropicana is a kinda, I think stadium that you wouldn’t be surprised if it turned into a Transformer in the shape of a toilet.”

SELL

Clayton Kershaw – The Spin Rates Gods have called back all their children, Lil RPMs, as they announce they are about to flood the earth with VSFs, also known as Very Slippery Fingers, which are not better for grip but much better for eczema. “Guys, my finger eczema has magically disappeared!” I bet it has Clayton Kershaw. Kershaw’s spin rates were pretty down last week. Honestly, I don’t think he’s been cheating very long. I blame Trevor Bauer for everything! Ha, I kid. Sorta. But I bet Kershaw doesn’t want to sully his Hall of Fame resume with getting caught in what will be close to his final season. Also, he’s overdue for a back injury that knocks him out for three to six weeks every year. I wouldn’t trade Kershaw for a pack of Salem Lights, which are candles used to burn witches, but I would go to our Fantasy Baseball Trade Analyzer and explore options.