They should have a contest where one lucky fan tries to no-hit the Mariners. Yesterday, Spencer Turnbull no-hit the Mariners (9 IP, 0 ER, 2 walks, 9 Ks, ERA at 2.88), because the Mariners are being no-hit every day of the week that ends in Y. Armando Galarraga called and said big whoop. Yo, he sounds bitter. Didn’t they give Armando Galarraga a car after his kinda perfect game? They should give Spencer Turnbull a salmon thrown to him by someone in Seattle wearing rubber boots. How about teams that have a team batting average under .205 get to use the juiced ball? Sure, it’s an arbitrary rule, but so is the dropped third strike rule if you think about it. So, I hope you used the Streamonator that told you to start Turnbull. Beyond that, Turnbull looks like he’s, uh, turned a corner. He’s throwing his offspeed stuff more, and results are good: 8.1 K/9, 2.1 BB/9, 2.75 FIP, so close to neutral luck outside of home runs allowed, but he doesn’t allow homers ever. He’s not an ace, but that’s a usable number three to four, and since the no-hitter happened after I wrote the original opening, you’re getting a special treat today. A double lede! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Was gonna just have the entire opening for Trout be that one image. It pretty much sums it up, dinnit? Like innit, but dinnit. No? What do I know? I’m reeling like a fish right after it thought, “Wow, floating worm. I’d like to eat that.” That fish is Mike Trout. That Angel. That there — the greatest man from the greatest state in the union, New Jersey. Why, Fantasy Baseball Overlord, did you have to take him? “Because I could! MUAHAHAHAHA–” Coughs, “Sorry, I was just eating a rice cake and my throat is dry.” What kind of monster eats a rice cake?! Damn you, FBO! Damn you, baseball! Damn you, Rob Manfred, just because! With Trout out for six to eight weeks with a calf strain, Jo Adell or Brandon Marsh might be called up, but there’s no immediate plans; they say. That seems so silly. Instead, they go with the buck-fifty, noodle hitting Taylor Ward, who sounds like a sitcom dad. Brandon Marsh is the more interesting one, but my gut says Adell is recalled first. He has power, speed and is hitting .191 in Triple-A, so there’s still that issue. My suggestion to fill-in for one of the best hitters of all-time is to look elsewhere. Anyway II, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Shohei Ohtani – 2-for-3, 2 runs and his 14th homer, hitting .271. Honestly, I saw the replay of his home run, and thought it was from another game. Ohtani is a cheat code. Absolutely gigantic whiff on my part thinking he couldn’t do everything. If he can continue this A) Is he a pitcher and hitter at the All-Star Game and has that been done before? B) How does he not win the MVP? C) There’s no C.
Justin Upton – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 8th homer. Is it time for another five homers in seven days already or is this the tail end of his last hot streak?
Jose Iglesias – 1-for-3 and his 3rd homer. Nothing quite there yet, but I have my monocle on Iglesias. Church.
Andrew Heaney – 3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 5.31 vs. Zach Plesac – 7 IP, 5 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.93. I don’t like Heaney and stopped liking Plesac about two weeks ago. People keep asking if I’d start Heaney, and if Streamonator likes him, then go for it, but I would not roster him.
Josh Naylor – 2-for-4 and his 4th homer, and 2nd homer in the last five games, hitting .265. Yes, I’m reaching a bit, but maybe light schmotato.
Kevin Pillar – Hit the IL, after taking a fastball off his nose on Monday. He will require meeting with a facial specialist. “Let me know if he needs a recommendation.” That’s former Met, Jon Niese. Pillar’s resilience to walk off the field on Monday, then bring the lineup card out on Tuesday can’t be understated. He is the face of the new-look Mets — bandaged and has seen better days.
Tucker Davidson – 6 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.50. Tucker max velocity is 100+ in his underwear, and I wonder if he hopes they serve beer in hell. Don’t know what I’m talking about? Prolly not important, but it shows you don’t listen to the podcast where Podcaster Geoff was raving about Tucker’s stuff. He would’ve said Tucker is better than Ynoa, if you asked him in the beginning of the year. Prospect Itch has equally ravey things to say, “A command and control, four-pitch lefty, Tucker Davidson is looking at a long major league career whether he can stick as a starter or not. He’s coming off an outstanding 2019 that netted him a 2.15 ERA across two levels and set him up for a quick promotion, and Grey smells.” C’mon, man. Braves churn out great arms one after another, and it wouldn’t shock me to see Davidson be one.
Austin Riley – 1-for-4 and his 5th homer, and 2nd homer in as many games, hitting .291. I get questions like, “How could one man be so handsome? Also, Riley or David Peralta?” Guys and five girls, Riley’s around a top 75-100 player in my eyes. I know you forget preseason stuff five seconds into the season but — Austin Riley sleeper. You ask me Riley and someone, I’m likely taking Riley.
Rafael Dolis – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 3.95 in a non-save situation, as he was activated from the IL. Ugh, hopefully the Jays’ closer situation isn’t lactose intolerant to Romano. For what it’s Cronenworth, Dolis looked hella wild last night.
Nick Solak – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 8th homer. Hey, it’s Mr. April. Nice of you to join us in May, Mr. April. Say hello to your mother for me.
Ian Happ – 1-for-3 and his 4th homer, and 3rd homer in the last five games, and he went to the IL and came back just as hot. Now for him to move up the lineup. Or Nico Hoerner (3-for-4, 2 runs, hitting .353). The Cubs’ lineup is such a mess of ‘makes no sense.’ What is Matt Duffy doing hitting 5th and Contreras at leadoff? Is David Ross daft?
C.J. Cron – 3-for-4, 1 run as he was activated from the IL. Curtis Jackson Cron is back with da club.
Blake Snell – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA at 3.79. What did the weeknight I stayed out drinking until 4AM and forgot to set my alarm and Blake Snell tonight have in common? It was the latest shower we’d taken on a workday in two years.
Mike Zunino – 2-for-5, 4 RBIs and his 9th and 10th homer, hitting .218, as the Rays clobbered Matt Harvey (1 2/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 5.93) like David Wright tried to. Ji-Man Choi (1-for-4, 2 RBIs) hit his 1st; Austin Meadows (2-for-5, 2 runs, 3 RBIs) hit his 9th and Brett Phillips (1-for-4) hit his 2nd. Almost as many homers in that game as Randy Arozarena (1-for-5, hitting .257) hit in the postseason, which got us to draft him. Well, got you, I was out on him.
Luis Castillo – 5 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA at 7.44. Mah gawd that’s old Castillo’s music! The 3-run homer to Alex Dickerson (3-for-4, 3 RBI, 4th homer) put a damper on an otherwise solid start by Castillo, and, if not for that one mistake, we’d be talking about how he was back. One mistake is a long way from looking unstartable. Hope you held tight, or at least can re-grab.
Jesse Winker – 2-for-4 and his 4th homer, hitting .350. Saw his average was so high, so I did a quick check-in on him, and his .408 BABIP might be a skosh high, even with an excellent line drive rate.
Nick Castellanos – 2-for-3 and his 11th homer, hitting .338. The Greek God of Hard Contact eats Israel Diner-Falafel for breakfast at his mother’s house.
Anthony DeSclafani – 7 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.03. Ha, okay, time to dig in, even though I have him in so many leagues, I don’t really want to know if he’s this good, and would prefer to ostrich my head into the sand. Hmm, so I was scared for nothing. No, he’s not a 2.03 ERA pitcher. Nearly no one is. He looks like he could repeat his 3.28 ERA year in 2016, though, with an 8 K/9, and a low 2 BB/9. Honestly, what you would’ve taken from Maeda.
Brandon Crawford – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 10th homer. He’s not rostered in 50% of ESPN leagues. On the Player Rater, he’s been about as valuable as Fernando Tatis Jr., and top 10 at shortstop. Mmkay.
Luke Weaver – Hit the IL with shoulder discomfort. Sweet dreams, Weaver, see ya in 2022.
Corbin Martin – 5 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks was called up to chants of, “Corbin Martin graduates! Corbin Martin graduates!” Truly rousing. Martin has a mid-90s fastball and potential 10+ K/9, with goofy awful command since his Tommy John surgery, but that’s to be expected. He could be a decent flyer in NL-Only, and deep mixers.
Mookie Betts – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 5th homer. Mookie Best! (Get hot, please.)
Gavin Lux – 2-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 2nd homer, a grand slam, and the Dodgers are dying for someone to emerge, and fantasy baseballers (<–my mom’s term!) are too, so why can’t we be aligned? I have good chakras.
Julio Urias – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.04. After one start this year, I said Urias could win the NL Cy Young. Bit goofy when you consider deGrom hasn’t retired, but Urias does look exceptional, even if he keeps winking at me.
Danny Duffy – Hit the IL with a left flexor strain. The MRI came back clean, which means he will not throw for two weeks, throw again with pain, shut it down for a month, throw again with pain, then have an MRI and it will show damage that needs surgery.
Kris Bubic – 6 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 0.96. Serious question: Has anyone on the Brewers ever gotten a hit that wasn’t a home run? Bubic goes to Tampa next, and Streamonator hates it and so do I.
Christian Yelich – 0-for-4, as he was activated from the IL. Kevin from ESPN’s “Get Him In Your Lineup” Department said, “I know it’s against the law to photocopy dollars, but does anyone know if you can draw them on loose leaf paper?”
Tyler O’Neill – Hit the IL with a broken middle finger. That’s what happens when you stick it to the man. The Cards will presumably turn back to Justin Williams and Lane Thomas and I couldn’t be less interested in mixed leagues, unless they start to schmotato. And that’s me extending my middle finger in honor of O’Neill.
John Gant – 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 2.04. At some point, the Regression Fairies are going to come so hard for Gant and he’s going to get his hair frosted and his ratios handed to him.
Nolan Arenado – 2-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 10th homer, hitting .307. The instructions on how to care for this Gremlin are written down on this paper that I’m just going to put over by this open window–NOOOO!!! Torenado!
JT Brubaker – 5 2/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.27. Who knew the JT stood for Just Terrible, but his peripherals still say he should be solid.
Cody Poteet – 5 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 1.80. Could it be all so simple as just grabbing any Marlins starter? Terrible adaption of the Wu-Tang song, but, yeah, maybe. I grabbed Pooty Coteeth in one NL-Only league, and he’s the type who could surprise the first time he sees a team.
Jazz Chisholm – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and a homer, hitting .308. That’s 5 HRs for Jazz, which is still shorter than Ken Burns’s Jazz.
Zack Wheeler – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 hits, 0 walks, 10 Ks, ERA at 2.52. I whiffed on Wheeler this year, and just about everyone who faces him is too.
Didi Gregorius – Hit the IL with an elbow impingement, which is not the kind of thing that a guy usually comes right back from, and he’s had Tommy John surgery previously, though I admittedly am only guessing if it’s the same arm, because I’m too lazy to google it. With Didi on the IL, Nick Maton should get some run at shortstop. He’s like a poor man’s David Fletcher. I will call him David Retcher.
Miguel Sano – 3-for-4, 4 RBIs, and his 4th, 5th and 6th homer, hitting .171. “Honestly, he might be too big to move, but if we cover him in birdseed, the vultures might just devour–Wait! Sano’s moved! He’s alive!” Sano with the three donged night, which Jennifer Connelly never even tried. Hold on for the ride while he hits 14 homers in 12 days.
Hansel Robles – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 3.24. On one hand, Robles threw in the 8th inning. On the other hand, he struck out the side. On a third hand that is actually a mitten on a mop handle, Baldelli won’t ever have a set closer, but Robles is still best in the ‘pen right now.
Bailey Ober – 4 IP, 4 ER, in his major league debut. He stands 6’9″ and he might be the least impressive 6’9″ I’ve ever seen. Christall Young looks like John Cena compared to Bailey Ober. His fastball was 89 MPH, and his wingspan takes the ball halfway to the plate, and it was like the hitters were using a mechanical tee. Ober had me reaching for the remote control.
Jake Lamb – 1-for-3, 2 runs and his 2nd homer, hitting .172. The 2nd run scored was the one that got my attention. Moncada hit out to right, and Lamb beat Garlick to the plate, and all I could think is I hope Barefoot Contessa isn’t watching.
Yermin Mercedes – 2-for-4, hitting .368, the highest average for anyone in MLB history with 100 at-bats. Since this is a fantasy site, I’m not going to spend too much time on the La Russa controversy saying Yermin shouldn’t have swung on a 3-0 count in a game where they were blowing out the Twins. It’s the unwritten rules again. I’ve said it before but will say it again: They’re unwritten rules because everyone thought they were too stupid to write down. Also, if this is about playing the game the ‘right’ way, how is it the right way that the Twins have Astudillo throwing 47 MPH in a major league game? That’s playing the right way? If La Russa is so worried about unwritten rules, is it in the unwritten rules that says a manager doesn’t need to have his own player’s back? La Russa said Yermin should respect the signs, when he tells him to take a pitch. Is that like how La Russa respects the signs so much he sleeps by them in his car?