“That guy does not look familiar.” “Which guy?” “That guy on the mound.” “The Wade Miley fella?” “Yeah.” “Did he used to serve us coffee at The Blue Danube?” “I don’t think so. That guy’s name was Ronnie. And he had dreads.” “But he was white.” “Yeah, Ronnie was a white guy with dreads. He looked like he had a smelly undercarriage.” “I don’t disagree. So… This guy… This Wade Miley guy… He just looks so unfamiliar. He just threw a 6 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 5 Ks start against the Cubs with a 2.12 ERA. Do you know him?” “No, but ever since we were talking about a white guy with dreads I’ve wanted to sing Informer by Snow.” Wade Miley as an ace and Bumble profiles that read, “5′ 7″, 120 lbs., fitness model who loves cooking and cleaning and sex” are often very similar. Expectations and reality don’t always run hand in hand. Before picking up Miley, do me one favor. Ask Edwin Jackson owners how the experience was owning him. Though since they’re probably your competition they may lie to you. Those bastards! Maybe you can ask Jackson yourself since he’s probably on waivers. Can Miley be lights out? I suppose, there’s not much time left, but there’s nothing jumping out that says he’s suddenly a Cy Young contender. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Please see our player page for Ryan Howard to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.
Hen (Hen) Ry (Ry) Row (Row) En (En) Gart (Gart) Ner (Ner). No, Henry Rowengartner is not on this list, but I imagine he would have been if his arm was still broken and his tendons were still too tight. I could picture the 100 mph fastballs working fairly consistently, but the famous floater pitch that hasn’t been seen since Scuffy McGee wouldn’t last long, even in a 12’’ softball league. “Ffffunky butt-loving!’ ‘Did he just say funky butt-loving?” Enough about one of my favorite baseball movies from the ‘90s. We’re going to take a look at the top ten pitchers to lead the league in strikeouts for the 2018 season. Let me know who you like, who I missed, who deserves an honorable mention, etc. Do you want “Big Sexy” Bartolo Colon on the list, because he mesmerizes you with his athletic figure? He would make a great figure skater or rhythmic gymnast, right? I can’t place him on this list, but he deserves to be on some sort of list somewhere. Maybe I’ll make a list of the ten most entertaining MLB players, I’m sure he’ll make that list. All opinions are welcomed, and encouraged so let’s dive right in and see what happens! For the purpose of this post, we will be using Grey’s 2018 Pre-Season Projections and FantasyPros ADP.Please, blog, may I have some more?
On Saturday night, Bryce Harper lunged for first base, slipped and his leg went the wrong direction. Like two white guys meeting, one goes for the handshake and one goes for the hug and it just goes awkwardly wrong in every way. Atticus Finch had much more success stepping on his white base. Owning Harper on multiple teams, I looked at the latest news Saturday night, and I saw:
Oh my God it already says Bryce Harper Was OF. PAST TENSE! pic.twitter.com/bQ3sKPNQjF
— Razzball (@Razzball) August 13, 2017
Devastated. Crushed. C’mon, thesaurus, give me another one. Thankfully, it was revealed as the best possible outcome for him, a bone bruise. Still, not a great outcome for us with him on our fantasy teams, since he will be out for the better part of the rest of the season. Don’t worry, I have Jose Pirela! *sticks head in oven, puts on The Bell Jar book on tape* Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Jameson Taillon was sidelined indefinitely as he’s being treated for testicular cancer. *everyone but five girl readers cross their legs* As a man, this is up there with the scariest things that could happen. 1. Ball cancer. 2. Someone scratches my ride. 3. Hearing “Are you in yet?” when you’re in. That’s ranked in order, but they’re close. This reminds me of the time I neutered my dog. I asked the doctor if I could take home in a formaldehyde jar my boys’ ‘berries.’ I told the doctor no dog would ever misbehave with a constant reminder nearby that I could hold up to show what I was capable of. They didn’t give the jar to me. Hopefully Taillon’s okay, and back soon. I will say I would’ve liked to be there when his replacement, Trevor Williams, was asked to take the ball. Williams gulps, “Can we clarify which ball you mean?” Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
You literally can’t find a middle infielder with less than 20 homers. You can’t. Try it. See? This year there are more players with 20 homers than any other season in the history of baseball. Some conspiracy theorists have said the new commissioner, Our Manfred, is sticking Capri Sun straws into baseballs and juicing them, but this year is odder than that and deserves a better conspiracy theory. No one is hitting 50+ homers like during the Steroid Era. Only one guy is even close to 50 homers. Instead of a few guys doing insane damage in the power department, everyone is doing better, moderately. It’s the trickle down theory. If you’re not familiar with that, I’ll explain it. When Kim Kardashian first appeared on the scene, only she was smoking hot, but rather than Kim hogging the hotness to herself, it trickled down. Khloe went from a 3 to a 5, Kourtney went from a 5 to a 7, Kris went from a 6 to a 8, the two Jenner girls came of age, going from untouchable to 8’s, and even Bruce went from a zero to a three, becoming a woman that you’d throw one if you were drunk enough. This is also what’s happened in the majors. Jean Segura, and all middle infielders, went from fours or fives to 20s. Yesterday, Segura went 1-for-4 with his 20th homer, hitting .316, to go with his 30 steals. It’s going to be hard in 2017 to know if these are legitimate gains in power, for Segura and a whole slew of other players, or if half the league is going to regress. Kinda like Brody Jenner, who was so popular before Kim, ahem, came on the scene. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Steven Matz is likely done for the year after hurting his shoulder again. I’m not even joking. I kinda wish I were. NY Post writer, Joel Sherman’s headline, “How Terry Collins broke Matz news to Mets in stirring meeting.” Unless everyone had coffee, creamers and were stirring, Joel, buddy, you’re overselling. Quick aside, sportswriters assume their audience is a bunch of illiterate 8th graders. *makes farting noise with hand under armpit* That’s what I think of that. Any hoo! If I could toot my own horn, I’d never leave my house, but I told you Matz wasn’t going to start. If I were a Mets fan, I’d be particularly worried about the Mets going deep into the playoffs, because, unlike Joel Sherman, I’d like to point out this will be more innings on Gsellman and Lugo’s arms. Ya know, the same thing that got Matz, Harvey and deGrom in trouble this year. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Stephen Strasburg‘s MRI revealed a flexor strain, which is about the best news they could’ve hoped for. It’s also likely not-true news. Teams say all kinds of things; the truth is one of them, but it’s not always said. I’ll tell you the truth, I have no idea if the Nats are telling the truth. Gotta take their word for it, which means he’s droppable in redraft leagues, but he doesn’t need serious surgery so should be fine for 2017 and keepers. That’s until next year when his inverted W stands once again for wince. By the way, why is the inverted W not just called an M? Can anyone please answer me this? It hurts my brain. I’m gonna take a nap. *intern blows airhorn* I’m up, I’m up, let’s do the post. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Yesterday, Kyle Hendricks went 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks, lowering his ERA (if that’s even possible at this point) to 2.09. The Seattle museum, Experience Music Project is going to need to update their Hendricks section. EMP Tour guide, “In 1970, Hendricks said, ‘I’m going to take my guitar, grab Janis, impregnate Afeni Shakur, have my lawyer write a letter that says Ben and/or Jerry can never name an ice cream after me while simultaneously sucking and blowing this joint. Then thirty-six years later, I’m going to win the NL Cy Young if the BBWAA votes based on ERA.’ Now, let’s move on to our five floors of Nirvana memorabilia. There’s some interesting flannel stories I can’t wait to share.” No, of course, Kyle Hendricks isn’t this good. His fastball velocity is down to 87 MPH, he’s relying heavily on a changeup that isn’t that much slower and his BABIP is absurdly low. Not saying you drop him, but if Hendricks does win the Cy Young, in 2017, the same faith that befell Dallas Keuchel this year will happen to Hendricks too. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
I had an idea to make the Olympics more watchable. You know how you watch it now and you’re like, “Damn, he just ran the length of two football fields in 20 seconds? I mean, it looked like he was going fast, but the guy next to him ran it in 21 seconds, so it’s hard to tell exactly how fast he was running.” Enter my idea: in every event, there should one normal person competing so we get a better idea of how great the Olympians are next to average schmos. Tell me you wouldn’t watch the platform diving if between the North Korean and Chinese diver, I was there trying to get the nerve up to jump from three floors up, then plunging awkwardly into the water on my back. Or running next to Usain Bolt, doing an 85-second 200 meter dash. So, this brings me to Kris Bryant, who right now is making other major leaguers look like ‘normal people.’ Yesterday, he went 5-for-5, 4 runs, 5 RBIs with his 29th and 30th homers. On our Player Rater, he’s in the top five for the season. Member in the preseason when people were saying Bryant was going to strike out too much to draft in the 1st round? Those people are enjoying themselves some Jose Abreu! For 2017, it’s gonna be hard to rank Bryant much later than the top five, as he enters only his age-25 season. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Yesterday, Francisco Liriano went 6 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 4 baserunners, 13 Ks with zero walks. Insert the madman cackle of Francisco Liriano’s owners who owned him up until last night when he had a 5.11 ERA. He had 13 Ks without a walk! This came from a guy who had a 5.7 BB/9 coming into the game. That’s not bad. No, no. You think that’s bad? You should swipe right on Tinder the next time you come across a thesaurus if bad’s all you got. That’s effin’ egregious. That’s the 1980’s Lower East Side before Donald Trump fixed the entire New York City as narrated by Jon Voight. That’s the worst walk rate since Todd Van Poppel’s walk rate of 6.87 in 1994. Since 1980, there’s only been walk rates of 5.7 or worse four other times. In 36 years! Jesus, 36 years? I’m getting old. This start came against the Brewers who have struck out more than any other team in the major leagues. So, nice start, but I wouldn’t go near him. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?