Stephen Strasburg‘s MRI revealed a flexor strain, which is about the best news they could’ve hoped for. It’s also likely not-true news. Teams say all kinds of things; the truth is one of them, but it’s not always said. I’ll tell you the truth, I have no idea if the Nats are telling the truth. Gotta take their word for it, which means he’s droppable in redraft leagues, but he doesn’t need serious surgery so should be fine for 2017 and keepers. That’s until next year when his inverted W stands once again for wince. By the way, why is the inverted W not just called an M? Can anyone please answer me this? It hurts my brain. I’m gonna take a nap. *intern blows airhorn* I’m up, I’m up, let’s do the post. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
A.J. Cole – 5 IP, 4 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks. Against the Phils, man? Really? I think Cole deserves a Tyra, “I was rooting for you, WE WERE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU.”
Maikel Franco – Out with a jammed thumb. Who jams a thumb? What a Smucker!
Alec Asher – 6 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 0 Ks as he was recalled from the minors. Prior to his PEDs suspension, he was putting up good numbers. Kinda like Manny Ramirez. He’s a control artist. Kinda like Janet Jackson. Okay, I’ll stop now. Kinda like MC Hammer. In the minors, 5.8 K/9 and 0.9 BB/9. He had no strikeouts in his first start and barely any in the minors, so I wouldn’t even look to stream him during the stretch run.
Ryan Howard – 1-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 21st homer. Only four more homers and it will be down to exactly one million dollars per homer. C’mon, you can do it!
Colby Rasmus – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 15th homer. I saw him on waivers. I knew he homered on Wednesday. I know he hits homers in bunches. And I didn’t pick him up. I deserve this. *puts thumbtacks in hand* Facepalm.
Yulieski Gurriel – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 2nd homer. Hey, it’s deja vu all over again. Wednesday night, Gurriel and Rasmus homered; Thursday afternoon, they continued their party. Gurriel won’t be in this afternoon’s Buy column, because I think he’s owned in too many leagues. If he’s not owned in yours, I would see that that (stutterer!) changes.
Alex Bregman – 2-for-4, 1 run, 3 RBIs, hitting .267. From August 6th to September 8th, he’s hitting .328. I will be chirping all offseason about how if you throw out his first ten days in the majors he’s hitting sixty points higher. Chirp, chirp, chirp! Like an angry bird that dropped Bregman nine days into his major league career.
Carlos Santana – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 30th homer, hitting .244. Oye como yay!
Trevor Bauer – 5 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.86. I was about to write that I think in 2017 I’m going to officially forget about Bauer breaking out, then I thought about how if I say that, he’s bound to break out next year. Where does that leave us? I really have no idea.
Jaime Garcia – 3 2/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 4.58. I know I’ve mentioned this once a year for at least the last seven years, but they should have a fantasy game where you can move players out of your lineup mid-game. By the third inning, I had seen enough of the Jaime show and was ready to pull him from the game, but, no, Mike Matheny had other plans.
Kolten Wong – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer, and his third homer in the last week. Looks like all the recent Gyorko talk has made Wong hot.
Junior Guerra – 5 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 2.96. You want the good news or the bad news? Okay, fine. Bad news is I still would rely solely on the Stream-o-Nator with Guerra. The good news is it only took me to September to stop calling him Javy.
Domingo Santana – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer. I believe it was Sunday I mentioned him, though that might be subliminal advertising he’s using with his name. He’s hot, but one of the LLAMAS, which seems like it would be connected but it’s not.
Hernan Perez – 4-for-5, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 30th steal, hitting .278. Steals may not be as abundant in fantasy, but SAGNOF is still alive and well because they’re cheap. The top ten steals guys this year: Hamilton, Villar, Marte, Rajai, Eduardo Nunez, Hernan, Segura, Jankowski, Altuve and Dyson. What’s that, two guys that were high draft picks and eight guys that were on waivers at some point this year?
Keon Broxton – 2-for-3, 2 runs and his 22nd steal. Also, something worth noting for next year, Craig Counsell held his bat funny and likes to use the running game. Assuming Counsell returns.
Clayton Richard – 7 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.78. So, I guess that was the stream to do. Thanks again, Jaime! Before you start thinking there’s something more to Richard, his WHIP is 1.59. That’s a large red flag with a brown stain on it. Okay, the brown stain is just because we bought the flag at a second hand store.
Ryan Schimpf – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and his 18th homer, now has four homers in the last 11 games. Looks like Schimpf Howard is back again. Nyuck, nyuck.
Ian Desmond – 2-for-3 and his 23rd homer. He came crashing down to earth in the 2nd half (hitting .232 with 7 homers and 5 steals). Don’t worry, the Yankees will overpay for this offseason than some sucker will in your draft next year.
Dae-Ho Lee – 2-for-3, 2 runs and his 14th homer. Had been hitting .353 in the last week, but hadn’t homered since July 31st. So, thank God, but Ho Lee? Meh.
Jose De Leon – Will start again next week vs. the Yankees. I’m unabashedly a fan. And when one is unabashed, there’s no abashed in one’s game. Nah’mean? With that said (oh geez, we’re K turning on this, aren’t we?), going to Yankee Stadium can spook some young pitchers and I’d be careful with streaming him.
Jameson Taillon – Will be skipped on his next turn. Damn, he chose the worst Community Chest card.
Ivan Nova – 9 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks vs. the Reds, ERA at 2.53 on the Pirates. I’ve streamed Nova to great results since his move to the NL. Good story, Grey! Okay, but beyond Nova’s pitching, I will say the Reds might be one of the worst looking teams right now. I’ve watched them three days in a row and they look like they’ve packed it in.
Brian McCann – 3-for-4 and two homers (18, 19). Catchers are so bad… *audience chimes in* “How bad are they?!” Okay, where the hell did an audience come from? They are so bad, McCann’s been unusable for three months and he’s still a top ten catcher on the Player Rater.
Tyler Austin – 2-for-4 and his 3rd homer, hitting .245. This was his 2nd home run in his last three games. The use of Austin was a bit baffling. I guess that was Girardi just keepin’ it weird with Austin. But now he seems to be playing every day. I’m still not convinced we don’t see Te(i)x for absolutely no reason, but it’s worth cyclops’ing.
Alex Cobb – 6 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 1 K, ERA at 4.09. Pretty whatever start from a guy that seems like he’s nowhere near back. I don’t know about you, but I don’t like starting pitchers who are essentially treating September like spring training. We’re headed towards autumn not spring; go to the southern hemisphere with that crap and flush your toilet in the opposite direction.
Kevin Kiermaier – 4-for-5 and two more homers (10, 11) and, like, his 15th homer this week. Oh, you best believe he’s in this afternoon’s Buy column. The schmotato is burning on the dance floor like that guy who had one hit song. Sean something I think? I shouldn’t have traded my Google for a new mustache comb.
Steven Souza – 3-for-4 and his 14th and 15th homers. I got on the horn for a batty call, but not the right one, apparently. Thanks, Nick Franklin.
Alexei Ramirez – Signed by the Rays. Oh boy, the Padres have new competition for the worst move by a team award. The award is the ability to sign Kyle Blanks this offseason. Runner-up gets Yonder Alonso or Brett Wallace.
Tim Tebow – Signed by the Mets to a minor league deal. Rudy texted me, “The Mets are hoping Tebow can resurrect the Mets’ post-Weekend Ponzying With Bernie fortunes.” I say, the Mets signed Tebow, impressed by what Adam Jones was able to do with the Orioles. Honestly, it’s just a PR move. I don’t mean they’re being featured on the Puerto Rico episode of House Hunters International. I mean, the Mets own the gate at their instructional league facility and they’re looking to bring in some extra revenue. Tebow has about as much a chance of making the majors as the guy in your softball league that actually keeps up with his fitness, but hasn’t played any organized baseball in ten years. Sure, he can hit the occasional meatball, but he can’t field, throw and you’re sick of how he keeps looking at your woman.