Double Dammit Vinnie Dry Cured Hammit J-Rammit Broken Hamate Weekend

Saw Jose Ramirez‘s injury and thought to myself, “Yeah, JoRam gets injured and comes back in roughly 24 hours.” Well, yeah, no, I was wrong. Yeah, no. It happens. Sometimes I “Yeah, no.” Jose Ramirez has a broken hamate bone. I still think every pitcher should have Tommy John before taking the mound for the first time in Little League and every hitter should have their hamate bones removed. If your 8-year-old wants to hit and pitch? Then Little Timmy has both done. This really shouldn’t even be a question of yes or no but when. When is during their 8th birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese. Alas, Jo-Ram’s gonna miss a month and hopefully you have better options than the Guardians, who will likely turn to Daniel Schnneemmaann. Also, breaking his hamate bone was Vinnie Pasquantino. Hamate bone injuries are like celebrity deaths. They only come in threes. Who’s going to be the third? Hey, Devil, you stay away from Yordan Alvarez! Pasketti is less upsetting of a break than JoRam, because, in a lot of ways — actually, in every way, I dreamt of the day when I could remove Pasketti from my lineup. Go heal your wet noodle, Pasketti, for a month or more and give me freedom! Jac Cagalianone will play 1st base for the Royals, and I’d grab him in any league, since he’s been hot. Just had a funny thought, hamate bone fractures are supposed to zap a player’s power, so Pasketti will return and hit a negative two homers. Perfection. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Joey Cantillo – 5 IP, 1 ER, 6 hits, zero walks, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.38. This is the first start I watched after Misiorowski’s on Friday, and it’s hard to compete with that. The IO Update’s start on Friday was something like the 6th best start of all-time. I went to look at the top teams in all my leagues on Saturday to see if they all had Misiorowski, and most did. Like nine of 12. I have him in one league, and I’m in 2nd in that league. Just an absolute cheat code. Do you remember where The Miz was drafted? Around 120 overall. I have ‘perts who still ping me saying I’m a moron and you need to draft a top starter. I blame myself, because I’m clearly not communicating myself well enough. One ‘pert texted me about my team that’s in first in a league they’re in with me, and they were like, “You still don’t think you need a top starter when you have Joe Ryan?” Joe Ryan was not drafted in the top 50. His ADP was 74. Any hoo! Cantillo out-pitched Skubal and he’s a Streamonator call. No connection to what I’m saying and that.

Tarik Skubal – 4 2/3 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 2.81, as he was activated from the IL. He said he wanted to get back fast to help his team. When asked which team, he said his team of business managers, attorneys, and agents.

Alex Lange – 1 2/3 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 4.13 on Saturday. Giving up runs every time out is a solid way to become a closer in a Lynchian manner. As in Daniel Lynch IV should be the closer.

Noah Cameron – 4 1/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 4.11. [standing with a stop sign by the corner to notify my pitchers to stop after they turn one corner] So, Cameron’s peripherals still say he should be better, but clearly someone needs to tell him that.

Stephen Kolek – 7 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 2.68. As I said last time he pitched, I nearly picked him up in a bunch of leagues, but I’m a giant chicken-idiot. Now it’s gonna be too late for me, but I would be less like me and get in on Kolek.

Spencer Arrighetti – 6 IP, 4 ER, 9 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.57. I’d put his expected ERA around 4.50, so still a skosh over-performing.

Rodolfo Duran – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 3rd homer, 2nd homer in two games, as Freddy Fermin (Padres’s #1 catcher is on the 7-day IL). After his home run, Tatis took Duran aside, placed a hand on each shoulder and told him in no uncertain terms, “We don’t hit home runs here.” Duran looked to the floor and Tatis backed off, adding, “Hey, you didn’t know, champ.”

Walker Buehler – 5 IP, 1 ER, 6 hits, zero walks, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.14. The resurgence of Buehler and Dustin May is one of the more interesting developments this year. It’s officially ranked 15,670th on the interesting development list, right after Troy Johnston has two T’s in his name. It’s not Troy Johnson. Or Roy Johnston.

Jeremiah Jackson – 1-for-2 and his 7th homer. Would normally not mention him because he’s the short-side platoon, but he’s hitting so much better than Jackson Holliday, who he’s behind.

Trevor Rogers – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 5.86. This start was vs. the Padres, who I knew were bad, because, well, everyone in their lineup is bad, but I just looked at their stats and Streamonator everyone against the Padres.

Spencer Strider – Hit the IL on Saturday with elbow inflammation. Sure wish he did that prior to giving up the seven runs on Friday. Seems like it would be JR Ritchie’s job. He’s a top prospect, and has pitched iffy at times with command in the minors. I don’t mind the flyer in deeper leagues, since they do have the technicolor Shroud of Touki.

Bryce Elder – 4 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 3.15. Another reason to grab Ritchie, because clearly Elder is Shroud-less.

Francisco Lindor – Should return before the end of June. Sweet, I’d sell him for whatever decent I could get after the first sign of his return.

Sean Manaea – 6 IP, 2 ER, 4 hits, zero walks, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.78. Nice to see them not bring A Man D. Peterson to piggy back, because he can’t buy an out or love.

A.J. Ewing – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer, hitting .267. He needed this game. Not for himself, but to stay on my teams for one more week. Guess I can now roster JR Ritchie and Ewing and wear a ten-gallon hat while managing my FAAB bids.

Marcus Semien – 1-for-5 and his 9th homer, hitting .218. He has four homers in June. He has eight hits. I just cackled like a hyena.

Jacob deGrom – 6 IP, 2 ER, zero walks, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.17 vs. Ranger Suarez – 5 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.21. This matchup was billed as, “I have both of these guys in multiple leagues, so please go easy on me.” And, guess what, I got easy’d on!

Nathan Eovaldi – 7 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.23. Why does it feel like his start will be terrible again? Is that a vision I’m seeing or am I holding that rod from Disclosure Day?

Wyatt Langford – 1-for-4, 2 runs and his 3rd homer, hitting .241. Wyatt Langford or Jackson Merrill in 2027? What if there’s a gun to your head and you have to choose one?

Willson Contreras – 3-for-4 and his 15th and 16th homer, hitting .304. He’s having a year like…This isn’t a contract year, is it? Hmm, no, it’s not. Well, good for him. And you if you have him.

Connelly Early – 4 2/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 3.81. He’s pitching exactly like a Streamonator call, and it hated this one and likes his next.

Blaze Jordan – 1-for-4, and homer on Saturday, as he was called up on Friday with Nolan Gorman being sent down. “NoGo became…” he turned sadly towards the mirror and muttered to himself, “No mo’.” Just Blaze went 11/2/.313 in Triple-A with a 7.5 BB% and 11.5 K%. He should have power and average in the majors too. Think 25/.260-.270. Basically, NoGo with average. Call him MoGo–Actually, no, call him Just Blaze, because that name is fire.

Alec Burleson – 1-for-4 and his 13th homer, and six homers in June. Zoinks!

JJ Wetherholt – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 10th homer, hitting .255. Jamba Juice has fallen a bit in recent weeks, but he’s a tail-end of the top 100 on the Player Rater.

Taj Bradley – 6 2/3 IP, 4 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.14. Taj Mah-not-again-I’m-already-out.

Emerson Hancock – 4 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 3.28. Regression Fairies? Yes, but also his opponent, the Nats, are sneaky oh-nay oke-jay, i.e., no joke. Do not mess.

Andres Munoz – Left the game with a trainer. Seeing if it was because the M’s were down by seven and the trainer had the good sense to not want Munoz in the game. No, that’s not it, it was his back. Eduardo Bazardo and Jose Ferrer are the handcuffs, that order.

James Wood – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 20th homer, three homers in four games. Wood ya look at that! Literally. Look at it. Admire it.

Keibert Ruiz – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer. Hit .379 in May in about a half month, and hasn’t done anything yet in June, but this might be the start.

Miles Mikolas – 7 IP, 0 ER, 3 hits, zero walks, 3 Ks, ERA at 5.29. Sadly, when Mikolas does that to an opposing team, it means all the opposing team’s hitters have to retire. Bye bye, JRod. Sad to see you go, Emerson. Fairly well, Naylor. Bon voyage, Miles Mastrobuoni.

Cam Schlittler – 7 IP, 1 ER, 10 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 1.82. Considering half his games are in Yankee Stadium, that’s a bizzonkers ERA. Figuring it had to be top ten on xERA, I just searched and it was 7th best. Interestingly, Casey Mize is 6th. Payton Tolle is 3rd. Zoinks!

Jasson Dominguez – 1-for-4, 1 run as he was activated from the IL. Don’t fully trust the extra S in the middle of his first name, but I do like that Trent Grisham was IL’d with a hammy stringie strainy and Giancarlo is eleven eggs short of a dozen in the health department. Dominguez homered on Saturday and has speed and power and I’d try him in any league.

Ben Rice – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 19th homer. Rice-a-HRoni!

Will Warren – 4 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 3.47. Warren and Weathers hit the wall harder than crash test dummies. Mmm mmm mmm mmm.

Kevin Gausman – 7 IP, 1 ER, 1 hit, 2 walks, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.41. He rolled through a Yankees lineup that looks like he should roll through it.

Davis Schneider – 2-for-3 and his 2nd homer, hitting .145. He recently returned from the minors where he had a .550 OBP. Wait, it gets funnier! And a 12.3 K% but hit .188. Elias Sports Bureau said, “No effin’ way.”

Cooper Pratt – Being called up by the Brewers. Well, I said they’d call up a prospect who they gave a multi-year deal too, only I said Lara, not Pratt. Lara? Pratt? Where’s Heidi and LC? Writing Pratt in my FAAB bids like I’m voting for LA Mayor. Finally, someone in LA who wants publicity! Lara will be up soon, because they only got rid of Joey Ortiz with Pratt; they still have Garrett Mitchell sucking the suckwagon. Pratt’s MiLB stats: 6/17/.244 and a 14.3 K% and 13.2 BB%. So, they basically have another Brice Turang. Actually, I said that for Lara too. So, they have three Turangs. Holy crap, it’s Multiplicity! I’d grab Pratt in any league, but I’d only rely on him for speed, and occasional homer, since he couldn’t even hit for a decent average in Triple-A.

Kyle Harrison – 6 IP, 0 ER, 3 hits, zero walks, 3 Ks, ERA at 2.47. …and he’s back to being an ace.

Jackson Chourio – 2-for-4 and his 9th homer, five homers this week. Just had a thought, what if he stays this hot for the rest of the season. Can I have something that beautiful? Would the Fantasy Baseball Overlord allow it? Prolly not.

Cristopher Sanchez – 5 2/3 IP, 4 ER, 9 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 1.82. For Sanchez, May was sex and June has been forgetting you have asthma and coughing through a post-coital cigarette.

Hunter Goodman – 5-for-6, 3 runs, 4 RBIs and his 20th and 21st homer, hitting .250. Suckies were vs. the A’ss in Vegas, which is so hilarious. It’s like, “What if we made Coors but in dry heat?” Rockies scored a historic 23 runs for their franchise, which shows you how crazy Super Bingo Bong Stadium is that they outscored any previous Rockies team that’s played in Coors. Also, in this game, Willi Castro (4-for-6, 3 runs, 7 RBIs and his 4th and 5th homer, hitting .278); TJ Rumfield (2-for-6, 2 runs, 1 RBI and his 9th homer, hitting .280) and Troy Johnston (3-for-5, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and his 3rd homer, hitting .317). Or was that Roy Johnston?

Tyler Soderstrom – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 12th homer, hitting .241. Hitting against the Rockies’ pitching in Vegas, and it’s a fail if you only have one homer. I’m sorry.

Matt Chapman – 1-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer, hitting .261. Tearing cover off ball this month. In good way, not in a menace-type way. In June, hitting over-.400 with six homers.

Logan Webb — 8 IP, 0 ER, 7 hits, zero walks, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.46. Webb gem!

Seiya Suzuki – Tweaked his knee on Saturday; the same knee where he had a PCL sprain earlier this year. Seiya’s good for 110 games. Oh, he might play between 135 and 150, but he’s good for 110.

Ben Brown – 5 IP, 1 ER, 10 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 1.74. Ben Brown’s in the top 10 of best xERA, as mentioned in Schlittler’s blurb — Schlurb?

Michael Soroka – 7 IP, 1 ER, 2 hits, zero walks, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.11. Number one least appreciated pitcher or merely top three least appreciated? Or is that bottom three appreciated? Is top three least appreciated and bottom three appreciated the same thing? Am I giving myself a headache? I got questions, y’all!

Geraldo Perdomo – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and a slam (4) and legs (11), hitting .244. Quite garbagey follow-up to his spectacular 2025. Most think he’s just not very good, and that likely opens a buying lane for you to sugar-packet-draft up the side of a thigh and grab ahold of him.

Gabriel Moreno – 1-for-5, 1 run, 1 RBI and his 6th homer, hitting .264. When a manager presents a lineup card with Moreno hitting third, as Torey Lovullo from Road Rules/Real World Challenge did yesterday, it’s a little wink to predictions markets that they’re trying to throw the game. I’m Grey the Greek, get more betting tips after the break! And eat souvlaki!

Noelvi Marte – 1-for-4 and his 3rd homer, and 3rd homer in three games. Quick, Tito Francona, get him out of the lineup! No, I kid, he’s a hot schmotato. (I hope I kid, Hayzeus Cristo.)

JJ Bleday – 1-for-3 and his 12th homer, 2nd homer in four games. “I threw him out of clay.” That’s Ryan Ludwick watching Bleday.

Grayson Rodriguez – Left the game with a trainer. Trainer as in American definition, not British. He didn’t leave with a sneaker.

Griffin Jax – 5 IP, 0 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.68. This was the Streamonator call from Friday’s Buy, and, in most leagues that’s all he’s going to be, but, for those in deeper leagues, Jax lox lux under the surfax. (Hmm, I tried.) He has 8.4 K/9, 3.7 BB/9, 3.84 xFIP, and no one is confusing that with an ace, but that’s usable in some leagues.

Junior Caminero – 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 15th homer, hitting .271. Vroom, vroom, snitches!

Joe Mack – 1-for-3 and his 2nd homer, hitting .212. That had me do a google for Agustin Ramirez to see where he is. Sounds like he was made a saint in Florida, known for its tranquil beaches–Wait a second, I forgot Google stopped working in 2023. Agustin is hitting .245 in Triple-A with a higher K-rate than he had in MLB. So someone is being a spoil sport!

Max Meyer – 6 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 2.75 vs. Paul Skenes – 6 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 2.85. Meyer moved to 7-0 and Skenes moved to 6-6. I would never point out Meyer was drafted 350 picks after Skenes. Not my style!

Bryan Reynolds – 2-for-3, and his 8th homer. Leave him alone, he’s building his case for the most exciting player ever.

Colson Montgomery – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 17th homer, 2nd homer in five games. I love him. Unironically. Hearts and shizz.

Chase Meidroth – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer. Also, in this game, Sam Antonacci (1-for-4) and his 2nd homer. Which team has a higher OPS, White Sox or Dodgers? The Dodgers, you ding dong! White Sox are 7th in the league though.

Emmet Sheehan – 5 IP, 3 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 4.76. Might be the leading candidate this year for “thought he was going to be a #2” turned out he was a “number two out the butt.”

Mookie Betts – 2-for-4 and a slam(7) and legs (1). First steal! Ha, oof. Dude is so toast, he’s got Catholics in Peru looking for Virgin Mary imprints.

Freddie Freeman – 1-for-4 and his 11th homer, hitting .275. Next year is going to be the beginning of the “Dodgers have way too many old guys” narrative.

Yoshinobu Yamamoto – 8 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 1 hit, zero walks, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.52. He had a perfect game going into the 8th when Mookie Boots goofed, and then Yoshi’s no-hitter bid came to an end in the 9th with a home run allowed to Tristan Peters. The answer to the trivia question, “Who is Tristan Peters?”