Gleyber Torres was called up by the Yankees and here’s what I said this offseason, “My love for Gleyber is admittedly less coalesced into an actual thing than you’re gonna find from just about any Yankees fan. “Ya godda be fahkin jokin wit me right here, kid. Gleyber Torres is gonna be the greatest of all-time, son. All. Time. I wanna coalesce my fist into ya fahkin head with your sissy-boy words. Why don’t ya use a word like fuhgeddaboudit? Before you answer, I need to go with my mom to have her mustache waxed.” That’s your run-of-the-mill Yankees fan. See, Gleyber is already being fitted for Monument Park in Yankee Stadium before he even plays a game.” And that’s me quoting me! In fantasy, he looks more like, Gley… *pinkie to mouth* bore! He is a borderline top ten MLB prospect. That’s the Gleyberline, even. He was in Prospect Ralph’s top 100 fantasy baseball prospects. The problem (it’s not much of a problem), he’s a hit tool guy first. What does that mean? He’s going to hit for average first. That’s not a bad thing necessarily, but for fantasy when a guy is called up and he’s a 40+ steal or homer guy, they might have a bigger immediate impact, immaterial? Immeasurable to immortality or immune–Okay, now I’m just IM’ing. I would own him in any league, no matter how shallow. There’s a chance you can do better in shallower leagues. His outcome this year is anywhere from Orlando Arcia to Alex Bregman. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Jordan Montgomery – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.80. In the preseason, I liked Jo-Mo (no Jo-Mo!), but, as soon as I put it together what kind of matchups he was going to have on the five-day daily, I moved off my love of him. A 3.80 ERA seems like exactly what kind of ERA we’d see from Jo-Mo in the best case scenario.
Didi Gregorius – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer, hitting .333. Now hitting third in front of Giancarlo, and, actually, the entire team should be hitting in front of Giancarlo. I might have to fly to New York to give Giancarlo one of my patented hot oil massages, whether he wants it or not!
Miguel Andujar – 4-for-4, 1 run, 1 RBI. Has multi-hit games in four of his last five games, raising his average from .156 to .308 in a week. That’s not a schmotato…THIS IS A SCHMOTATO!
Marcus Stroman – 5 1/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 1.85–Wait, that’s his WHIP. Stro-damn!
Junior Guerra – 5 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 0.56. Nicest thing I can say about Guerra is he shuts out the teams he’s supposed to shut out. I’m farting in your general direction, Tanaka. I’d continue to look at the Stream-o-Nator for him in most mixed leagues.
Josh Hader – 2 IP, 0 ER, 3 Ks, ERA at 1.23 and his 3rd save. With Fatt Albers coming into the game in the 7th inning, he’s not even being considered for saves, which is how it should be. Mean’s while, I love the confidence Counsell has in Hader. Figures a guy that held a bat like a crippled ostrich wouldn’t care what anyone else thought of him. Unless you’re desperate for saves, I’d go ahead and lose everyone except Hader.
Caleb Smith – 6 IP, 2 ER, 2 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 5.82. Conspiracy Theory Alert! To reach a younger demographic that appreciates Cardi B., MLB offered money to anyone who would take on a B — Engelb Vielma, Kaleb Cowart and Caleb. *insert meme of black guy pointing at his head* As for Smith, he’s a high-K (yay!) and insanely high walk (no yay!) Marlins starter. I’d leave him to NL-Only leagues.
Manuel Margot – 0-for-4 as he was activated from the DL. Margot’s return might screw Franchy. Pardon my Franch.
Christian Villanueva – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer. He hit three homers in one game, which is when I started telling you to grab him, so *counting on fingers* this is the fifth time I’m telling you he should be owned.
Jake Lamb – Could travel with the club on this upcoming road trip, which means he’s close to returning. A nearby Lamb? Better get Isiah Kiner-Falefal for the combo platter!
Patrick Corbin – 6 IP, 2 ER, 3 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA at 1.89, WHIP at 0.66. Damn, only if someone told you to draft him. Wait a second! I did! Including a sleeper post.
Carlos Martinez – 6 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 1.42. His first start of the year, where he didn’t look good, must’ve been very traumatic for me, because I can’t stop thinking about it. I might have PTSP.
Jack Flaherty – With Wainwright heading back to the DL with elbow inflammation, I grabbed Flaherty wherever I could. Remember, Flaherty will get you everywhere!
Harrison Bader – 2-for-4, 1 run, hitting .300, as he’s started the last few games, due to Pham’s groin. You’ve heard of Wally Pipp? Well, if this is the start of Bader’s everyday job, he can thank Tommy’s pickle. Bally Pham? Tommy Johnson? Okay, I’ll stop now.
Paul DeJong – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 7th homer, and, in this game Kolten Wong hit his 1st homer. JeDong and Wong! Which also sounds like a Japanese game show, where businessmen ring a door bell wearing no pants.
Miles Mikolas – 7 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.46. In the preseason, my bold prediction, which I may have said only to myself, was Mikolas would give more fantasy value than Ohtani. Seems unlikely due to the latter’s Ks, but maybe not the blowout it appeared after the 1st two games.
Luis Castillo – 5 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 6.51. You have five more days to Buy Low.
Manny Machado – 3-for-4 and his 7th and 8th homers, hitting .356. He has 8 homers and 7 RBIs. Kidding, but I’m not far off. If you wanna see a pretty swing, check out Manny’s home run in the 1st yesterday. He’s going to make a great six-hole hitter on the Yanks next year.
Mike Clevinger – 9 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 1.75. In related news, Danny Salazar was given a stuffed animal at a carnival to get him to stop playing “Knock over the milk cans” when he kept losing balls with errant throws.
Jose Ramirez – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 6th and 7th homer. Go back to check out some of the comments from the 1st week of the season about Jo-Ram. Fun fact! Instead of Razzball, we almost named this site, Point-and-laughball.com.
Yan Gomes – 3-for-5, 1 RBI, hitting .261. Has a hit in his last nine games, though that’s dating back to April 8th. May be a small schmotato.
Jeimer Candelario – 1-for-3, 2 runs, hitting .277. Candelario sounds like a beefcake character of a Harlequin novel who comes to life when a lonely single girl makes a birthday wish over her tiramisu while on her Under the Tuscan Sun-inspired journey.
Nicholas Castellanos – 3-for-4, 1 run, 2 RBIs, hitting .309. Diane Lane starring in Under the Tuscan Sun, Part II: More Under, who will she choose between Candelario and Castellanos, The Greek God of Hard Contact. “You should try my yogurt. It’s thick.” That’s Castellanos talking to Diane Lane, wearing nothing but a cheesecloth.
Danny Duffy – 4 2/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 5.26. I told you not to draft him, and have said I don’t trust for three weeks in a row. This is on you.
Whit Merrifield – 1-for-5 and his 3rd homer, hitting .266. Early last week, I said Merrifield’s Buy Low window was shutting soon, and now he’s hit three homers in a week. Yup.
Mike Moustakas – 1-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 6th homer, hitting .318. Moistasskiss!
Abraham Almonte – 1-for-3, 4 RBIs and a slam (4) and legs (1). I like my pasta, al dente, and my schmotatoes, Almonte.
Aaron Nola – 7 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 2.30, WHIP at 0.93. Nola has to be at about 5 to 1 odds to win the NL Cy Young this year, right? If you’re thinking, “Wow, Grey, your handsome and I think about you when I’m making love to the missus, but you’re crowning Nola for a Cy Young after three weeks?” Over-the-internet friend, this is not after three weeks. This is Nola’s career arc over the course of three seasons.
Nick Pivetta – 6 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.57 vs. Trevor Williams – 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners (1 Hit), 7 Ks, ERA at 2.15. I’m trying to remain realistic about both of these guys, and it’s working better for Williams, but Pivetta’s got me so sprung. I watched this entire game, and Williams was being squeezed, hence the walks, and Pivetta looked dazzling, an easy #2 fantasy starter.
Garrett Richards – 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA at 3.46. If Richards can keep up his current pace over the course of the season, there’s no way he’s not a top 20 starter. If he can lower his walk rate with his 12.1 K/9, he could be a top 10 starter. But he’s thrown over 200 IP once since 2009, and his career K/9 is 7.7 in almost 700 IP. In other words, if ifs and buts were candy and nuts, we’d all be diabetic squirrels.
Mike Trout – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 9th homer, hitting .306. No exaggeration, Trout had two homers and a .205 average, then I blinked, and look where he is now.
Brandon Belt – 3-for-5, 2 runs and his 5th homer, and 4th homer in as many games. Belt would be the perfect guy to tie Don Mattingly’s home runs in eight straight game streak, because Don’s ex-wife used to call him Brandon and hit him with a belt.
Evan Longoria – 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer. True Story Alert! Someone dropped Longoria in one of my deeper leagues, and I was like, “Um, huh? That kinda makes no sense.” Then I looked at the team who dropped him, and they have Colin Moran as their 3rd baseman. And that’s why I call them ‘perts and not experts. So I put in a bid of $26 out of a possible $100, and I didn’t get him because someone bid $90. Oh, and the person who dropped him put in a bid of $6. Oh…*climbs to the top of Mt. Kilimanjaro* …Kay.
Hyun-Jin Ryu – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 1.99. There’s a Launch Angle Revolution and its flag has a hammer and sickle being held by Dwayne Murphy. There’s also a revolution going on simultaneously with pitchers to help combat the Launch Anglers. It’s the Rise of the K/9 Revolution led by Gerrit Cole and Garrett Richards, and could be what’s going on with Ryu. Pitchers with a career 8 K/9, suddenly have a double digit K/9.
Walker Buehler – The Dodgers’ top pitching prospect will start today for Rich Hill. I grabbed him in two leagues (though, in fairness, I grab everyone somewhere), but I dropped Buehler in the shallower league, because it will likely be a spot start and I didn’t need him. Losing Buehler makes me a total Rooney.
Anthony Rendon – Hit the DL with a toe injury. Eeny, meeny, miney, doh!
Michael Taylor – 3-for-3, 2 runs and a slam (1) and double legs (7, 8), hitting .224. Another one of my preseason sleepers, with Taylor going H.A.M.
Blake Snell – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.54. To avoid infiltration from the Launch Anglers, the Rise of the K/9 Revolution elicited help from Blake Snell and his 10.2 K/9, guarding the south tower. Yes, I’m slowly morphing this from fantasy baseball to just fantasy.
C.J. Cron – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer, and 3rd homer in two games this weekend. It only took Cron about three weeks away from The Sciosciapath to realize his potential.
Yonny Chirinos – 4 2/3 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 2.92, but his 2nd straight less-than-ideal start. Uh-oh, Chirinos! In most leagues, I’d look elsewhere.
Lucas Giolito – 2 IP, 9 ER, ERA at 9.00. But how about that Spring Training by Giolito?!
Reynaldo Lopez – 5 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners (4 BBs), 2 Ks, ERA at 1.50. His K/9 is 8.6; his BB/9 is 5.6. That ridiculousness is funnier than the MTV show, Ridiculousness, that is trying to be funny. By the by, what do kids under the age of 18 think MTV stands for? The Challenge, The Jersey Shore, Teen Mom, Nick Cannon…Is MTV short for Moron TV? Any hoo! I’d use Stream-o-Nator for Lopez, but at some point the Regression Fairies are gonna sashay all over his stats.
Jeurys Familia – 2/3 IP, 2 ER, and his 1st blown save. You mean Familia’s not going to save 155 games with a zero ERA? C’mon, you gotta be joshing me!
James Paxton – 4 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 5.61. This is either a great buy low, or he’s about to go on the 60-day DL. There’s no in-between with Paxton.
Mitch Haniger – 3-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 7th homer, hitting .314. In case the seven homers and average doesn’t tell you the whole story, Haniger is 1/6th of the way to a huge season.
Delino DeShields – 0-for-4 as he returned from the DL. Kevin from ESPN’s Get Him In Your Lineup Department said, “I accidentally brushed my groin against Steve in Accounting, so I’m not in the office today.”
Nomar Mazara – 1-for-4 and his 3rd homer, hitting .309. For those just joining us, Mazara was another sleeper of mine. Mezuzah!
David Dahl – 1-for-4, 1 RBI as he was recalled to replace CarGo. Hopefully, CarGo recovers quickly, then, through a series of misunderstandings, CarGo’s placed in the Lost Ark warehouse, and never heard from again. I grabbed Dahl in every league where I could, just in case he hits, and sticks.
Noel Cuevas – 0-for-3. The Christmas Tequila was called up by the Rockies too, but he might be out of a job when Parra returns from his suspension. Cuevas’ minor league numbers were solid last year (15/16/.312 in Triple-A), but, apparently, there’s something wrong with him because the Rockies have never called him up and he’s 26 years old. Oh, wait, something is wrong with the Rockies because they always choose to play journeymen vets over prospects. “Amen to that!” That’s Tom Murphy languishing in Triple-A.
Nolan Arenado – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 3rd homer, hitting .344. I filed for an extension, but I think I have all my taxes done now, I’m just going to leave them for a second by this open window–NOOOOOO!!! Torenado!!!
Yu Darvish – 4 2/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 6.86. Cougs has decided our dog, Ted, needs a behavioral psychologist. No joke; mental illness in dogs is nothing to joke about anyway. With that said, I wonder if Yu needs one to get past his playoff yips. His stuff does not look bad, but, man, does he stink.
Javier Baez – 2-for-6, 3 RBIs and his 7th homer, hitting .292. The bright side of Joe Maddon’s maddoning lineup behavior is Baez probably feels like he has to produce every day or else.
Kris Bryant – Was hit on the head yesterday, but passed initial concussion tests. He said, “I’ve never felt better,” then put his pants on over his head and stepped into his shirt.
David Price – 7 2/3 IP, 4 ER, 10 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.93. If I’m being honest, he’s doing better than I expected. Would it surprise me if he’s dealing a 4.50 ERA within three weeks and doing exactly what I expected? No, hence the ‘what I expected.’
Sean Manaea – 9 IP, 0 ER, 0 hits, 2 BBs, 10 Ks, ERA at 1.23 and WHIP at 0.60. No hitting the Red Sox deserves our full admiration. *does some quick research, decides the searching is not worth it* Whoever was the last person to no-hit the Red Sox, that person deserves our full admiration. I couldn’t find the name. It definitely was not Sean Manaea, even if that’s what his line says. I know, haters gonna hate, but are you kidding with this no-hitter? Fine, a replay overturns one play at first. Okay, don’t agree, kinda BS — that’s not BS as Alex Colome would use the acronym either — but fine. That called error on the outfield pop? That’s a ridiculous error. This is no slight on Manaea. I gave you a Sean Manaea buy a few weeks ago because I would own him. No hitter though? That was a jerk-off error call, and I’m not saying that just because Semien was involved.