[brid autoplay=”true” video=”377153″ player=”10951″ title=”2019 Razzball Draft Kit Starting Pitchers”]
With these top 100 starters for 2019 fantasy baseball, I’ve finished our (my) 2019 fantasy baseball rankings for positions. Still coming will be a top 100 overall and top 500 to see how all the positions mesh together like your mesh Redskins jersey that meshes with your burgundy sweatpants. Trust me, when you see how long this post is, you’ll be glad I kept this intro short. As always, my projections are included, and where I see tiers starting and stopping. If you want an explanation of tiers, go back to the top 10 overall and start this shizz all over again. Anyway, here’s the top 100 starters for 2019 fantasy baseball:
81. Chris Paddack – This tier started in the top 80 starters for 2019 fantasy baseball. This tier goes from here until Urias. I called this tier, “A mountain of microscopic goose pimples.” I think it’s important to quickly point out that last year, this top 100 starters post had Mike Foltynewicz, Josh Hader, Nick Pivetta and Zack Wheeler. And that was only the 1st tier! Do not ignore this post. Skim tho? Oh, hellz yeah. As for Paddack, here’s what Prospect Mike said, “Paddack has a double-plus change and plus command. Splitting time between High-A and Double-A in 2018, he pretty much made opposing hitters his b**** – whiffing 15 per nine and walking just over one per nine. He should be on all radars, even redrafts, as he’s likely just an injury or string of poor outings away from a call to San Diego. Speaking of injuries, can I pay someone to injure Grey?” Hey, what’s that about? PM thought about a month ago an injury or poor performance by a Padres starter moved Paddack into the rotation, but as we travel further into spring training and Paddack puts on a clinic, he could just be in the rotation to start the year and I’ve already drafted him. For his price, there is no earthly reason to not at least take a flyer. There’s many ethereal reasons to draft him. 2019 Projections: 7-4/3.36/1.14/112 in 110 IP
82. Brent Honeywell – I already gave you my Brent Honeywell fantasy. It was written without losing one sock in the dryer. 2019 Projections: 5-3/3.82/1.32/94 in 88 IP
83. Dereck Rodriguez – I like Dereck Rodriguez and this is where I ranked him. Imagine if I didn’t like him. I love the narrative that says because he’s Pudge’s kid so he’s got some extra gumption or some shizz, but that is really some shizz, because it means absolutely nothing. He had a 6.8 K/9 and 4.56 xFIP. Doesn’t throw hard, or have great command (2.7 BB/9). Actually, I might like him because of that Pudge narrative, because the more I think about him the less I like him. Meh, he’s in a good park and decent division. 2019 Projections: 9-10/3.78/1.21/134 in 172 IP
84. Luke Weaver – Here’s what I said this offseason, “The last piece of the Goldy trade I will cover. (You can ask Prospector Mike about Andrew Young.) Weaver has been pretty broken thus far in his career. He’s thrown 233 IP and has a 4.79 ERA. Of course, he has a 9.2 K/9, 3.89 xFIP and actually gained velocity last year. He really needs to get his changeup working again, it was not last year. He threw it almost 25% of the time and it was gross. What’s grosser than gross? Ice gross! Alright! Alright! Alright! Alright! Any hoo! Weaver is a 25-year-old with promise and I could see the very late flyer, but he needs to fix his command and change.” And that’s me quoting me! 2019 Projections: 8-13/4.23/1.34/154 in 164 IP
85. Michael Pineda – You know that clip of Ron Swanson throwing his computer in the trash? That’s what I think I’m going to feel like after drafting Pineda. I know it’s going to leave major stretch marks on my fantasy team’s ERA. I just know it. So, why draft him? Well, the upside is immense, and you’ll have no problem dropping him after his first terrible start in April, which will also be his first start of the year, coincidentally. That’s really this tier. If you can hold onto these guys after a bad start, you’re a better, more patient man than me. You’re also digging yourself a grave, so I hope you’re a zombie. 2019 Projections: 7-6/4.25/1.23/127 in 125 IP
86. Caleb Smith – At some point during my 5th draft, I started to fall in love with Marlins starters. Richards only has one pitch, but it’s a doozy; Caleb Smith might have the highest upside that no one is talking about and Pablo Lopez appears to be a 3.60 ERA pitcher. I don’t want to say I told you so, because, brucely, I didn’t really tell you so until this moment, but I could see all of these guys being 12-team, mixed league relevant. 2019 Projections: 7-7/4.11/1.31/116 in 110 IP
87. Trevor Richards – See what I said 1/18th of an inch above, or three inches above if talking to a girl. 2019 Projections: 10-9/4.27/1.33/144 in 149 IP
88. Justus Sheffield – Here’s what I said when he was traded, “(Sheffield went) the other way in the Paxton trade. Spoiler alert! I was going to highlight him in a rookie outlook post, but instead, I’ll just post it here. You get two posts for the price of one! Okay, technically, since you don’t pay anything to read any of this, you could have 1,000 posts for the price of one, so taking two-for-one, you’re kinda losing out. Any hoo! Here’s what I was going to say, “I seriously struggled to find rookie pitchers to highlight this year. Alex Reyes was right at the rookie limit innings pitched cutoff of 50 IP, and is always injured; Brent Honeywell and Michael Kopech had Tommy John surgery this year; Jesus Luzardo looks like he’s at least a half year away and might only be up less than 50 innings this year (though I do like him); Forrest Whitley had injuries/suspensions and, who along with Josh James, is dealing with a stacked Astros rotation he has to try to get in. This, finally, brings (just) us to Justus Sheffield whose Triple-A numbers were, well, okay. He throws 95 MPH with a slide piece, but had merely a 8.6 K/9 and 3.7 BB/9 in Triple-A. I decided to wag my bat towards Sheffield even though my enthusiasm is not peaking, if you can’t tell. So, what can we expect from Justus Sheffield for 2019 fantasy baseball?
Like a girl who has a thing for the Pep Boys, let’s check out the mechanics:
This is not the most exciting GIF by design. I just wanted to isolate his mechanics and nothing more. Like I’m a part of, say, a Carman Auto Group. By the way, I just bought a house, and now I feel an overwhelming desire to build my own car in the driveway. Like Phife Dawg might’ve sang, what is a driveway without a half-built kit car? Nada, nada, nada damn thing. The only problem is I can’t even put together a dresser from Ikea. Any hoo! Can you see how small he is in this GIF? He’s like 5′ 5″. Marcus Stroman can spot dandruff on this guy’s head because he’s so tiny. Also, in a throwing session, Sheffield can’t throw a strike. I know! This isn’t every pitch he’s ever thrown, but look at him. He’s trying so hard to generate velocity. I don’t think he can throw a strike if the situation calls for it. And by ‘the situation’ I don’t mean Mike Sorrentino, but the catcher. His numbers back this up too. He had a 3.7 BB/9 in Triple-A and 4.5 BB/9 in Double-A in 2018. This is not good. This is against a ton of hitters who are just up there swinging at everything. Granted, with how major leaguers have been approaching hitting recently, this could describe major leaguers too. If there’s only a modest uptick in walks from the minors to the majors, Sheffield is unusable outside of matchups. The Triple-A strikeout rate (8.6) instills no confidence in me either. He has the pitches to be successful and could add more strikeouts to his game, but if you’re not locating, no one is swinging, let alone missing. He’s still only 22 years old, so I’m not writing him off, but unless he gets that disease Robert Z’Dar had in his chin and Sheffield gets it in his legs, he’s not getting any taller. He feels more of a product of the Yankees’ hype machine vs. a chance for a breakout.” And that was present me quoting future me! The only thing Sheffield has going for him at this moment is a chance at a rotation spot, because the Mariners are rebuilding.” And that’s me quoting me! 2019 Projections: 5-7/4.39/1.41/95 in 102 IP
89. Freddy Peralta – If he were in the rotation, I would’ve wrote a sleeper post for him, then ranked him 60 spots higher, then he wouldn’t have been a sleeper, then I would’ve dug deeper into him, saw his fastball is only 91 MPH, questioned his 11+ K/9 and second-guessed myself. To recapitulate, yay, yay, no yay, no yay, no yay, meh. Thankfully, he doesn’t have a starting spot, so you can draft him late, see if he breaks camp, and drop him if he doesn’t in shallower leagues. In deeper leagues where you stash, he’s good as any pitcher who I may question upon deeper reflection. 2019 Projections: 5-2/3.34/1.21/94 in 84 IP
90. Josh James – Of course, I wanted to write a Josh James sleeper post, but I’m also worried he’s a long reliever. I would’ve ranked James about fifty spots later if he was listed in the Astros’ bullpen. Outlaw Joshie James had a Framber cushion in the 5th spot of the rotation, but then the Astros signed Wade Miley, so now, if the Astros re-sign Keuchel, James is gone. Or if the Astros trade for any other starter, or promote a minor league starter, James is gone. Just when you say James is safely in the rotation, the Astros will announce something like, “James and Framber will battle for the last spot in the rotation,” then two weeks later, “We like James better in long relief. Sorry, fantasy baseballers (<–Grey’s mom’s term).” You have been warned, and I don’t think James stays in this tier until April 1st. UPDATE: Strained his right quad and will not be in the starting rotation, to at least start the year. If only I made a prop bet that he would not be in the rotation, I’d be a millionaire. I’d also be a millionaire if I didn’t sell $10,000 in Apple stock a week before the iPod dropped. #neverforget 2019 Projections: 6-2/3.88/1.28/105 in 82 IP
91. Corbin Burnes – The Brewers announced Mr. Burnes would have a rotation spot — eggggggsellent. He has a five-pitch mix — he’s got more *itches than dog breeder! I’ve started using an asterisk for the letter P, and I’m talking about dog breeders who work on their pitches to sell puppies. That’s not confusing is it? Burnes feels like he’s getting a lot of helium suddenly in drafts — Shin-Soo Choo Choo, the hype train! — but he feels like a guy who could be in the bullpen as soon as May with Jimmy Nelson’s return. I would draft him though late. 2019 Projections: 8-3/4.03/1.33/87 in 94 IP
92. Kyle Wright – The good news for Wright is he could throw 150+ IP. The bad news, he looks like a 4.25 ERA pitcher. The forbade news, don’t draft any Rockies starters besides Marquez. Wright’s numbers just scream 7.5 K/9, 3.7 BB/9 and 4.40 xFIP, which is so super bleh and also kinda obnoxious. Why do you have to scream? 2019 Projections: 9-8/4.21/1.37/110 in 131 IP
93. Forrest Whitley – Here’s what Prospector Mike said this offseason, “This is a touted arm, but one that barely pitched this year. He served a 50-game drug suspension followed by two trips to the disabled list for oblique and lat injuries. There’s too much upside in his plus heater and curve to knock him out of this tier and he’ll likely still rank highly on other 2019 lists. In 118 innings over the past two seasons he’s posted a K/9 north of thirteen. That strikeout potential is where I think his fantasy value lies. He’ll be pitching in the Arizona Fall League and could find himself in the mix for a rotation spot at some point. I doubt they rush things though, so it will most likely take an injury or a shuffle for him to get many meaningful MLB innings in the coming year. Speaking of injuries, who do I have to pay to incapacitate Grey?” Hey! As for the other things PM said, I agree. I think everyone is being way too aggressive on drafting and ranking Whitley this year. Maybe if the Astros are hit by multiple injuries, but he’s 21 years old and would be overworked to throw 100 innings this year, and I think will see closer to under 40 IP in the majors, so why rank him this high even? He’s a decent flyer with a ton of risk. 2019 Projections: 2-2/3.74/1.31/50 in 39 IP
94. Julio Urias – First off, he was amazing in The Last King of Scotland. Due to letterboxing, I was only able to see the very middle of the screen, but his eyes captured so much emotion. Urias is in basically the same situation as Whitley: contending team, rotation full in front of him, don’t see a ton of innings coming from him unless there’s injuries. So, Julio…*pinkie to mouth* Injurias? I’ll see myself out. 2019 Projections: 3-4/3.61/1.30/54 in 48 IP
95. Mike Fiers – This is a new tier. This tier goes from here until Nova. I call this tier, “Subtraction by addition.” Tier name means if you’re adding these guys to your team, you’re subtracting fantasy value. You are admittedly deep in the starter rankings at this point, and likely in a deep league if you’re looking at these guys, so I’m not kicking anyone out of bed. Every bed is burning in Teheran though. So…*pretends to be weighing scales with hands, realizing I don’t know what I’m weighing, slowly lowers hands* I could see drafting any of these guys, but the league would have to be very deep (16+ teams) and you needed to lose a little bit of hope for living last year. Can you go back in time and lose hope for living last year so you can draft these guys this year? Possibly. Ask Jose Canseco. As for Fiers, “Re-signed with the A’s. The A’s must’ve liked what they saw from Fiers last year, or maybe they need to get their eyes checked. Fiers is a tough one to recommend, because he has such a small margin of error in every aspect of his game. If he doesn’t have impeccable command with an under 2 BB/9, then kabloomie. If he loses a notch on his 89 MPH fastball, then kablamie. Kabloomie, kablamie, schlemiel schmaziel, nah’mean?” And that’s me quoting me! 2019 Projections: 12-10/3.91/1.22/132 in 164 IP
96. Julio Teheran – As for Teheran, there’s actually things to like about Teheran. It’s a dry 115 degrees in the winter. For Teheran, the pitcher, he did up his Ks last year, but also his walks and his velocity fell to 89.8 MPH from 91.4. Unlike children, decimal points don’t lie. 2019 Projections: 10-9/4.17/1.36/172 in 189 IP
93. Michael Fulmer – Latest news on Fulmer, “General manager Al Avila said last week that Fulmer has regained full range of motion in his surgically repaired right knee.” The stuff that wasn’t reported is when he was at the doctor’s office, he said, “I’ll take a knee,” and he was labeled by other people in reception as not caring about the troops, but he was simply going through a surgically repaired knee catalog. UPDATE: Done with Tommy John. Last week, he was shut down to work on his mechanics. Apparently, Fulmer’s move to Monaco to work on Formula 1 didn’t work out, and now he’s out for 14 months. 2019 Projections: 9-11/4.01/1.27/132 in 156 IP
97. CC Sabathia – He’s aged so much better than Felix Hernandez. At least as far as baseball goes. Health-wise a Sabathia isn’t covered in most PPOs. 2019 Projections: 10-8/3.94/1.34/127 in 142 IP
98. Nick Kingham – Last year, he placed a 8.2 K/9 on the Kingham altar, but a 3.1 BB/9 and 4.63 xFIP, so Ray Searage will manage to get him down to a 3.65 ERA with a 6.2 K/9 by early July. Nice blanket, Searage, but it’s soaking wet! 2019 Projections: 6-8/3.96/1.35/98 in 123 IP
99. Merrill Kelly – Here’s what I said this offseason, “Diamondbacks signed this 30-year-old to a two-year deal out of Korea. You know him, don’t you? He was the guy who started the phrase, “Merrill, Merrill, Merrill, life is but a dream.” *intern whispers in my ear* I’m told this is not true. Merrill began the phrase, “The more the Merrill–” No? That’s not it either? Harumph. By the way, the more the merrier, except when you’re paying for your own wedding. That’s how that saying goes. So, Merrill Kelly is a wash-out MLB pitcher who found success in Asia the last few years. Yes, the Diamondbacks are trying to catch Miles Mikolas in a bottle. So, samesies? Not exactly, and not just because Mikolas has a dope-ass mustache. Mikolas dominated Japan, Kelly pitched decently in Korea. Decently is not dominating, in case that wasn’t clear. Kelly feels like an okay bet for 190 IP, and maybe a 4.25 ERA, if he’s lucky.” And that’s me copying and pasting me! 2019 Projections: 9-11/4.36/1.33/141 in 185 IP
100. Pablo Lopez –
Tired: Padres starters
Wired: Marlins starters— Razzball (@Razzball) March 17, 2019
2019 Projections: 10-8/4.08/1.25/103 in 130 IP
101. Jake Junis – Yes, I’m ranking Junis here just to break up some of these godforsaken offseason deals. Junis shows great command, except when it comes to betraying Jesus freakin’ Christ. Last year, Junis’s 8.3 K/9 coupled with a 2.2 BB/9, which is remarkably solid, but he gives up more homers than Bryce Harper’s dad, and, when you’re on the Royals, you give up one homer, you’re going to lose the game. It could help that the outfield behind Junis will be able to run forty rows into the outfield seats before a home run ball touches down. 2019 Projections: 8-11/4.35/1.25/169 in 188 IP
102. Sonny Gray – Traded to the Reds, after Brian Cashman dangled Sonny Gray around for three months. In the negotiations, Cashman said, “I’ll send Sonny Gray for $25 in scratch-off tickets and a middle reliever….Fine, just the scratch-off tickets, but none of those tickets for the game ‘Zero Chance,’ I mean how gullible do I look?” For some reason, Gray seems to have the same shine on him as Matt Harvey. The Harvey one I understand a little bit more since the Mets do bad deals, but suddenly the Yanks are sending away a good starter? I guess the spin on ‘Gray being good now’ is his slider and curve weren’t bad, per se. The problem is they were coming off a fastball which was haaaaaaaaaaaaaa….wait for it, here it comes, ready?….rendous. *said again quickly* HA!-rrendous. How much did Gray, him not me, believe in the fastball? He threw it 25% of the time. In case you weren’t aware, that’s silly low. Only four pitchers threw the fastball less than 40% of the time: Godley, Marco Gonzales, James Shields and Mike Leake. Sexy names right there. I guess I can see a flyer crazy late on Gray, but I’m expecting nothing. 2019 Projections: 8-9/4.23/1.37/145 in 157 IP
103. Vince Velasquez – Some pitchers might break out from this tier, and I could see a scenario where Velasquez is that pitcher. In that scenario, I’m married to Sarah Palin and I’m at a Kid Rock concert, but it’s a scenario! 2019 Projections: 12-9/4.25/1.31/161 in 150 IP
104. Anibal Sanchez – Here’s what I said this offseason, “Signed with the Nats. Anibal had one of the greatest contract seasons in history. This was like he won an Oscar for Dancing With Wolves, and now he’s got a deal to go make Waterworld. Batten down the hatches, Nationals, because, when Anibal’s done with you, you’re gonna wish you had matted down the nachos! See, when you put a decorative border on a picture of nachos you are matting down–Either way, Anibal had a .255 BABIP, 79.4% LOB% and suddenly stopped allowing homers when he was a homer machine the previous three years.” And that’s me–well, you know. 2019 Projections: 10-10/4.28/1.35/130 in 144 IP
105. Carlos Martinez – I already gave you my Carlos Martinez sleeper. It was written in a chyron on The Real Housewives of Atlanta. UPDATE: Cardinals are disappointed with C-Mart’s offseason workout regiment and his shoulder is not up to snuff, which means he’s no Bob Crane. I’d still draft C-Mart, but I’d be lying if I said I was drafting him as confidently today as I would’ve back when I wrote the sleeper post, and I’ve docked him about 60 innings. C-Mart is one late-night snack and disappointing season away from being Miguel Sano. UPDATE II: Now he’s sporting an arm sling. Great, if he’s impersonating Chevy Chase taking a test in Spies Like Us, not good if it’s due to an arm injury. Sadly, it’s the latter, and I’m officially out on C-Mart. Sorry if you drafted early, and took him. He sounds headed for a lost season, specifically one of the later Lost seasons when they were just throwing stuff against the wall. 2019 Projections: 3-2/3.72/1.26/64 in 77 IP
106. Mike Soroka – Let’s just say the first thing I did after looking at Soroka’s numbers was Google “Soroka home runs allowed.” I was expecting to find at least one article at The Athletic that was behind a paywall, which I would not pay to read, and another article at SB Nation written by a 17-year-old being paid in beer money. I, however, found no such articles. Also, if you’re somewhere in your everyday life and say, “I, however,” then you will be punched in your face. Only say, “I, however,” in typed letters. So, why so weirdly interested in Soroka’s home runs allowed? He didn’t allow any. Or nearly none. Ian Kennedy threw more gopher balls in a rain-shortened, two inning game last year than Soroka did at any point. That’s great, dem grounders work. His Ks are so blah though. He reminds me of Dallas Keuchel. Also, I’m not sure he has a starting job. I mean, I’m sure he will at some point, but not to start the year. UPDATE: Shoulder injury for Soroka, so I’m less bullish. Guess you could say I’m a little less…Bravish. Sorry. 2019 Projections: 5-2/3.66/1.29/78 in 94 IP
107. Anthony DeSclafani – He’s going to be two years removed from PRP injections, which means he’ll now need Tommy John surgery, after pitching two abbreviated seasons. Those PRP injections hold up about as well as lip injections with College Inn! Not collagen, but the chicken broth. 2019 Projections: 9-12/4.17/1.27/138 in 154 IP
104. Joe Ross – I go through each player before writing up a blurb, and just write a snippet of what I’m going to talk about. For Ross, I wrote, “Rotation on Nats? Rotationationals?” Also, his K/9 in Triple-A was 3.1. It was only in 11 2/3 IP, but that made me cackle like a hyena, so I figure I’d pass it along. His velocity is back, and he’s pretty far removed from Tommy John, so I could see the flyer in crazy deep leagues. Still think his ceiling is low like in the Mertin-Flemmer building. 2019 Projections: 6-8/4.09/1.33/89 in 118 IP
108. Lance Lynn – Here’s what I said this offseason, “Signed a three-year deal with the Rangers. Usually I don’t mention how many years, because for fantasy it doesn’t matter, but, Hayzeus Cristo, three years to Lance Lynn? Did the Rangers lose a bet at the Vegas Winter Meetings? Did someone say, “We’re going to the Wynn,” and it was misheard? Lynn was good in St. Louis, but Miles Ridikolas is good in The Loo. Arlington is not The Loo, unless you’re using the secondary definition of a loo.” And this is me suddenly realizing how many crappy starters signed this offseason! 2019 Projections: 8-11/4.24/1.34/148 in 153 IP
106. Dan Straily – Admittedly, I like Straily a lot more than most people. For NL-Only leagues. Let’s not get carried away with ourselves. In deep leagues though, he can give you a random 150-ish innings around a 4.15 ERA. If you don’t know how that’s valuable, your league is not that deep. S’cool, I ain’t mad at cha, that shizz is just the reality about fantasy. 2019 Projections: 8-11/4.09/1.29/128 in 154 IP
110. Mike Minor – For those of you who thought the Marlins, O’s and Royals pitchers were awful, move over! There’s something meatier for hitters, the Rangers pitchers! 2019 Projections: 9-10/4.24/1.24/142 in 166 IP
111. Tanner Roark – Here’s what I said this offseason, “Acquired by the Reds for Tanner Rainey. Too bad the Reds didn’t have a player named Mike Trouty to trade. In 2017, Mr. Roark was a fantasy disaster, getting Tattoo’d to the tune of 4.67 ERA in 181 1/3 IP, but he still had his Ks (8.2 K/9). Last year even those abandoned him, along with the fastball velocity, and his xFIP was 4.42. Even if the Astrostraded for Roark, I’d avoid. With the Reds, a team that can turn good pitchers bad, I wish Roark well.” And that’s me re-Roark’ing me! 2019 Projections: 8-11/4.31/1.31/151 in 184 IP
112. Gio Gonzalez – Yes, obviously Bryce Harper and Manny Machado still unsigned is a, uh, sign of a broken free agency, but I’d go as far to say Gio unsigned is just as bad, if not worse. You’re telling me no team could use a vet starter for 170+ IP at a decent price? Look again at the Reds, Orioles, Rangers and other teams’ pitching staffs. UPDATE: Gio signed with the Yankees. He is exactly who you think he is, just now in stripes. So Nat Gio becomes a zebra. 2019 Projections: 9-9/4.11/1.38/116 in 134 IP
113. Ivan Nova – Here’s what I said this offseason, “Traded to the White Sox. His last three year ERAs: 4.17, 4.14, 4.19. I’d guess his next one off of that but A) That’s the world’s hardest SAT question. B) ERAs are kinda dopey. C) There’s no C. Nova seems to be in that 6 K/9, no walk phase of his career. ‘Do it for 17 years and call me,’ says Jamie Moyer.” And that’s me dropping some past science on the future of America (and sometimes Canada)! 2019 Projections: 10-8/4.22/1.27/126 in 186 IP
114. Framber Valdez – This is a new tier. This tier goes from here until Barria. I call this tier, “The penultimate tier.” By this tier name I mean, it’s the penultimate tier. I love that word. It’s like the biggest word that I can properly say. Recapitulate is the longest word I can try to say while saying it wrong. Anyhoodle! If you step back, you will see alternating tiers of love and hate. That’s for shallower leagues, and this tier is to the point where they won’t even be drafted in shallower leagues, but I do like them. Also, from that mountain valley vantage point, you can see these tiers alternate between solid bets for more innings vs. more risky. This tier is more exciting, but more risky. That was much easier to say once I said it. As for Framber, he either will or won’t be in the rotation (hey, intern, trademark that sentence; it’s always accurate when talking about starters!), but even if Framber is in the rotation to start the year, he may not be by June. Best case scenario is a 9 K/9, 3.00-ish ERA in 150 innings, which is a damn good scenario! Chances of that are like 4,000 to 1. Realistic scenario, 80-ish innings of solid Ks, bouncing between bullpen and rotation. 2019 Projections: 7-4/3.44/1.31/83 in 86 IP
115. Domingo German – Singing, “It’s Friday, I’m in love…Saturday wait! And Domingo always comes too German, but Friday never hesitate.” That’s The Cure translated into Spanish then German then back again. Now we need a cure for Domingo that would get a bunch of guys out of the rotation in front of him. Or I guess an illness. Anyone know if James Paxton is an anti-vaxxer? 2019 Projections: 5-3/3.66/1.34/87 in 79 IP
116. Jonathan Loaisiga – Hey, it’s Garfield’s favorite pitcher! One thing we can all assume when prospect pitchers are promoted is they will have more strikeouts in the majors, and prospect hitters will have more homers. That sounds like I’m joking, but I’m not. Jonathan made sure that real G’s move in silence like swinging and missing at Lasagna, striking out 12 K/9 in the majors, after topping at 10.5 in Double-A. I have no idea when we see Lasagna, or what role, but we should see him at some point in 2019. 2019 Projections: 4-5/4.23/1.31/87 in 77 IP
117. Nate Karns – Here’s what I said last year, “Wouldn’t shock me to see Karns finally break out and make good on the payload he’s hinted at in the past. Also, wouldn’t shock me to see him throw 65 IP this year with five starts and file a class action suit against the world for how poorly his career has been handled. “Can I get in on that?” That’s former Yankees prospect Brien Taylor.” And that’s me quoting me! Karns threw 45 1/3 IP last year with a 3.71 xFIP. Seriously, can he get traded to a team with Buck Showalter managing so he can throw 200 IP in a year? 2019 Projections: 5-3/3.45/1.19/73 in 67 IP
118. Drew Smyly – Here’s what I said this offseason, “Traded to the Rangers for previously unreleased DVDs of Name That Sound! with Guy Smiley. Smyly missed all of 2017 and was limited to one rehab start in 2018, so I’m not sure what Drew’s all Smyly about. If he’s healthy, he could surprise with a fantasy number three-type season. If he’s not healthy, he should not go see Dr. James Andrews because I saw him on House Hunters International looking at a castle in Liechtenstein.” And that’s me quoting me! 2019 Projections: 7-8/4.28/1.25/134 in 154 IP.
119. Sean Reid-Foley – I should’ve named this tier, pitchers who struck out many more in the majors than at any point in the minors. Reid-Foley is currently slated to start the year in the minors. A big March can change all of that, especially since in front of him on the depth chart is Shoemaker, Clayton Richard and Borucki, i.e., The Cobbler and cobbled together. 2019 Projections: 5-7/4.41/1.39/89 in 74 IP
120. Tyler Mahle – With the Reds losing Homer Bailey, Mahle might have a starting job in the landmark case of sooner vs. later. In other words, the Reds lost the guy who serves up meatballs for a spicy T. Mahle. Could get indigestion either way though. 2019 Projections: 6-9/4.28/1.42/105 in 113 IP
121. Max Fried – There is a competitive imbalance with teams when you see, say, Orioles’ pitching staff and pitchers the Braves have who are not even yet in the majors, and it’s not even a money thing. Braves just drafted better. So, Max Fried sounds like a name a carny would give himself.
Customer, “These deep fried Oreos are awesome!”
MF: “Tell ’em Max Fried sent ya!”
“Where did he send me?”
“To hell from clogged arteries!”
“Oh, that’s not good.”
Suddenly, Max Fried second guesses everything about his life, “You’re right, that’s a terrible slogan.”
“Also, isn’t your name pronounced Max freed?”
“Don’t insult me, I’m a carny, not Jewish!”
Actually, he might be Jewish, I have no idea. Fried freed (stutterer!) from his hand a 93 MPH fastball, but only has three pitches, two of which I’m not sure he can throw for strikes. He feels like a guy who will be a top 40 starter at some point, but, until then, he will be very risky to own, due to his command. 2019 Projections: 4-3/3.91/1.40/84 in 71 IP
122. Alex Reyes – I get the feeling that the buzz of drafting him is going to wear off by about April 3rd, then you’re gonna wanna drop him. I have so little faith in Reyes. Here’s a big red flag: If you asked him how many innings he could throw this year, he’d prolly have no idea. Um, when the pitcher himself has no idea, there’s major risk. He didn’t pitch in 2017 or 2018, for cryin’ out loud! By the by, never say “cryin’ out loud” in real life, it is reason enough for someone to punch you, then you will be, obviously, cryin’ out loud. UPDATE: Cardinals said Reyes is battling for a bullpen spot. Um, guys, bullpen? I thought he was battling for a rotation spot? Yeah, that’s not good. 2019 Projections: 6-4/3.34/1.19/86 in 75 IP
123. Jesus Luzardo – Here’s what Prospector Mike wrote, “Luzardo’s stock, meanwhile, just continues to rise. He’s in the rarified air of “best pitching prospects” now. The lefty threw 109 innings across three leagues in 2018 and posted a 129/30 strikeout-to-walk ratio. Everything is plus or better – the heater, the curve, the change, the control. He’s the total package and we’ll probably see him get a cup of coffee in late. Speaking of cups of coffee, can someone near Grey throw one on him?” Jesus, man! Luzardo, that is. I agree with PM, of course. 2019 Projections: 2-1/3.16/1.12/44 in 37 IP
124. Matthew Boyd – This is a staggeringly long post, so I need to get to the meat after not getting to the meat by saying this, Boyd serves up so many fly balls and home runs, call him Chef Boyardong. 2019 Projections: 8-12/4.44/1.20/167 in 182 IP
125. Jose Urena – Hey, it’s the most despised pitcher of the modern era! Dot dot dot after Curt Schilling, Roger Clemens, Trevor Bauer, John Smoltz, but more for his broadcasting–Why are so many pitchers hated? Seriously, are hitters hated as much as pitchers? Are pitchers loved? What is love? Baby, don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, no more. Urena always manages to maintain a solid ERA in the face of terrible peripherals. He does, inexplicably, feel like a guy who could break out (of a cell that I wanna put him in for hitting Acuña). 2019 Projections: 8-8/4.04/1.22/131 in 178 IP
126. Jaime Barria – His name reminds me of what I want to name a Chihuahua, “Jaime Business.” So, when someone asks, “What’s his name?” I can say, “JAIME BUSINESS” and pull out my DVD of Die Hard. By the way, Die Hard is a Toyotathon movie. Don’t @ me. Barria is also like a lot of pitchers in this tier, not great for Ks, ERA or WHIP, but they could get a lot of innings because there’s a lot of bad teams in the majors. 2019 Projections: 8-12/4.39/1.34/118 in 158 IP
127. Dylan Bundy – This is a new tier. This tier goes from here until the end of the list. I call this tier, “Odds and ends, and by ‘ends’ I mean lots of ass.” A lot of the guys in this tier will get some innings, but at what cost?! I said that last line while shaking my fist at the heavens as frogs rained down. As for Bundy, he made some gains on Ks (9.7 K/9), but, wowsers, everything else is coming up Orioles. 2019 Projections: 9-12/4.56/1.37/178 in 169 IP
128. Marcus Stroman – This tier’s parenthetical name could be (Guys I have legitimately stopped caring about). 2019 Projections: 7-10/4.44/1.34/125 in 164 IP
129. Drew Pomeranz – If he gets lucky on his xFIP, he could have a sub-4.00 ERA this year. And if my sweatpants had a drawstring, my mom wouldn’t keep saying, “You really should buy yourself new sweatpants.” Neither are likely to happen. 2019 Projections: 8-11/4.32/1.41/151 in 164 IP
130. Clay Buchholz – See what I said for Gio Gonzalez about 12 inches above, or 14 inches if a girl’s reading. UPDATE: Signed with the Jays. The Jays also signed Bud Norris. To go with Clay and Bud, they should sign, Rolland Gregarious, the reefer dealer outside of the French Open. 2019 Projections: 7-9/4.13/1.37/86 in 112 IP
131. Jake Odorizzi – I was about to say something like, “A ton of pitchers got old and bad last year,” but then I looked at Odorizzi’s age. He’s 28 years old? Woof. 2019 Projections: 7-10/4.41/1.37/161 in 179 IP
129. Manny Bañuelos – Fun fact! His name translates literally to “Men’s Bathroom.” He has approx. 14,000 minor league innings, so someone needs a courtesy flush. 2019 Projections: 4-5/4.23/1.37/76 in 73 IP
132. Danny Duffy – You thought the Orioles’ pitching staff was terrible? Well, it is, but the Royals are giving them a run for their lack of money. 2019 Projections: 7-12/4.48/1.38/154 in 167 IP
133. Matt Harvey – Here’s what I said this offseason, “Signed with the Angels. Matt Harvey has become more than a pitcher. He’s now a barometer as to what teams are idiots. The Mets carried him for a while, but they shook the idiot label to the Reds. But fool me once, shame on Matt Harvey, fool me twice and I won’t get fooled again, as they say in Texas. Now, the Angels are showing their true selves and grabbing Harvey for a cool $11 million.” And that’s me quoting me! 2019 Projections: 8-10/4.54/1.33/127 in 149 IP
134. Ervin Santana – When I saw his name, I put on Robin Thicke’s Magic song. *winks* Top notch fantasy analysis. UPDATE: Signed with the White Sox. Dylan Covey is like, “Damn, I ate all of that dolphin meat this offseason preparing to be the 5th starter and now this.” 2019 Projections: 8-9/4.56/1.39/114 in 166 IP
135. Dinelson Lamet – Here’s what I wrote last year, “I’m almost guaranteedeedly (Ned Flanders Word of the Day!) drafting Lamet in at least one league this year. I love late starters who you can start at home (Petco) in deep leagues without any stressors. Last year, I had great success with Clayton Richard and Jhoulys Chacin. Or as Mr. Miyagi would’ve said, Petco whacks off Dinelson’s ERA.” Then later in the offseason I wrote, “Pain in his elbow and out until May. Too much damn waxing on and off, Dinelson! No! Don’t paint the fence either! This was a dog day afternoon for Lamet. Jury’s still out, but if you owned Lamet, find 11 other angry men who also owned him, you’re gonna need company. Elbow pain is of grave concern, and now he’s ranked by Kendall Graveman.” And that’s me quoting me! Soon after the season started, he was scratching his elbow with a hanger under his cast and won’t be back until midseason. Bummer Rooski, who was teammates with Nadir Bupkis. 2019 Projections: 4-6/3.97/1.34/72 in 64 IP
136. Taijuan Walker – Not 100% sure why I even ranked Walker, but I’d write the 100 in red lettering with lines underneath it, so it was real cool. 2019 Projections: 2-4/4.19/1.40/65 in 81 IP
137. Danny Salazar – He’s working his way back from arthroscopic shoulder surgery. That sounds great! *smiles very wide, veneer begins to crack, ducks head under table and cries* UPDATE: About two weeks away from regular season games and he still hasn’t shown me anything. Who am that he has to show me something? The one who’s ranking his ass. 2019 Projections: 5-7/3.78/1.31/111 in 87 IP
138. Fernando Romero – As mentioned previously, I write snippets of things to cover next to guys, then go back and write the blurbs. For Romero, I wrote, “Stephen Gonsalves?” What I am saying there is Romero should change his name. No, I’m saying one of these guys should be ranked, which one is in the rotation? Are they both? Neither? I’m not sure, but I like Romero a hair better. Purple hair with Joker makeup, to be exact. 2019 Projections: 4-3/4.37/1.41/77 in 85 IP
139. Junior Guerra – Davies appears to be in the rotation, but Guerra should be more valuable once he replaces him, with far less Kinks. 2019 Projections: 7-5/4.12/1.34/109 in 106 IP
140. Felix Hernandez – Here’s what I said last year, “*wavy lines signaling a dream sequence* The Barefoot Contessa leans down and whispers, “Bartolo Colon has aged better than you.” Then the Barefoot Contessa eats a quesadilla and says, “I’m pregnant with Bartolo’s 18th child.” *Felix shoots up in bed, sweaty* Felix gets his bearings, “I must’ve fell asleep while eating and watching the Food Network.” Then Felix turns to see The Barefoot Contessa in bed with him, and she purrs. *wavy lines ending the dream sequence* This was the beginning of the Black Mirror episode where we realize Felix Hernandez is no longer a good pitcher, due to technology, and multiple dreams within a dream.” And that’s me quoting me! For F-Her, things are not getting better. Is he playing himself out of a Hall of Fame candidacy? 2019 Projections: 7-10/4.41/1.37/112 in 141 IP
141. Jeff Samardzija – I don’t know this for a fact, but I believe it to be true, Steamer will give Samardzija solid ratios in 170+ IP as long as he’s in the league. 2019 Projections: 7-9/4.43/1.33/118 in 141 IP
142. Adam Wainwright – I’m pretty plugged in on baseball things. This is not to brag, but to emphasis when I say I swear to God I thought Wainwright had retired two years ago. Didn’t that happen? 2019 Projections: 6-8/4.24/1.38/94 in 119 IP
143. Aaron Sanchez – He had surgery to clean out his UCL this offseason. Apparently, Sanchez was dirty after all. 2019 Projections: 5-7/4.65/1.41/87 in 102 IP
144. Lucas Giolito – His name scrambles to Lucas Oil to G.I. Since his ERA last year was 6.13, I’m going to guess it’s not a G.I. like we would salute, but gastrointestinal. 2019 Projections: 8-12/4.66/1.46/132 in 156 IP
145. Adalberto Mejia – The good news, if you draft him and put your finger over his last name you can think you drafted Mondesi. The bad news, how much time do you have? 2019 Projections: 6-7/4.09/1.29/81 in 127 IP
146. Alex Cobb – They should rename the Orioles’ stadium and call it, “Bird Box.” DON’T LOOK AT OUR PITCHERS OR YOU WILL DIE! 2019 Projections: 6-12/4.61/1.39/127 in 178 IP
147. Derek Holland – Re-signed with Giants. He had a good year last year, and I think I might have under-ranked him, but when you’re betting on a guy with 1,291 1/3 IP in his career and a 4.44 ERA, you’re betting on the house, and the house is underwater in a giant toilet. 2019 Projections: 7-10/4.34/1.37/138 in 166 IP
148. Tyler Anderson – I could’ve also listed here Ryan “The” Yarbrough “Man,” Brad “Helen” Keller, Trevor “Not Bauer Or Michael” Richards, Seth “This Is Bud Abbott, Which Way Did” Lugo, Mike “My Name Sounds Like A Name Bart Simpson Would Give Mo” Leake, John “Ron” Gant, Daniel “My Brother” Mengden, Luiz “Scarlett” Gohara, Adam “Bomb — Trademark Garbage Pail Kids” Conley, Wade “In The Church Singing About Water” Miley, Ryan “Banana Fanna Fo” Borucki, Jerad “Jer-khoff” Eickhoff, Jordan “JZ Is WHIPped” Zimmermann, Amir “Mrs.” Garrett, Chris “Star 80” Stratton, Matt “No” Moore, Daniel “Chuck” Norris, Ian “George” Kennedy, Frankie “In The Middle” Montas, Jason “Scut” Vargas, Chris “The B Is Not Silent” Bassitt and Aaron “Rent-A-Tuxedo From My Brothers” Brooks. They’re all rosterable in insanely deep leagues, and I feel bad for you if you have to go there. 2019 Projections: Bleh/Burp/Belch/Gas in Farts
