[brid autoplay=”true” video=”370650″ player=”10951″ title=”2019 Launch Video”]

I sure wish Grey would do his 2019 fantasy baseball rankings.  Wait, I am Grey and this is the rankings!  AHHHHH!!!  I need to sit down.  Wait, I am sitting!!!  I can’t handle all of this!!!  I’m going to put on a pair of pants and go dance in the street.  Meh, let’s be honest, pants are a chore.  So, this is the greatest day ever!  Now, only 400,000 words more until I finish my top 500 and I’ll be done.  Worst day ever!  Damn, that excitement was fleeting.  Well, not for you because you don’t have to write all the rankings.  You lucky son of a gun!  I wish I were you… *wavy lines*  Hey, why am I balding and have lost all definition in my buttocks?  *wavy lines*  Hmm, I’m gonna stay me.  Now before we get into the top 10 for 2019 fantasy baseball (though I imagine every single one of you has skipped this intro paragraph), I’m gonna lay down some exposition.  Here’s where you follow us on Twitter.  Here’s where you follow us on Facebook.  Here’s our fantasy baseball player rater.  Here’s our fantasy baseball team name generator.  Here is all of our 2019 fantasy baseball rankings.  Here’s the position eligibility chart for 2019 fantasy baseball.  And here is a picture of my son.  What a punim!  You may not get all of those links in such a handy, easy-to-use format ever again this year, so make proper note.  (Unless you just go to the top menu on this page that says “Rankings” and click it, but semantics, my over-the-internet friend, semantics.)  Also, something we never had before as I dropped my top 10, here’s Steamer’s 2019 Fantasy Baseball Projections for Hitters and 2019 Fantasy Baseball Projections for Pitchers.  Rudy’s on top of it this year!

Now my expositional half insists I breakdown some generalizations about these 2019 fantasy baseball rankings.  The 2019 fantasy baseball rankings will be an ever-evolving mass like the blob.  This fantasy baseball top 10 for 2019 list is as of right now and could potentially change with a big injury or Mike Trout quitting baseball because he’s bored with being the best and wants to play competitive Mahjong.  (I’m not sure yet where Trout would rank in my Mahjong Top 10.)  So while it is the 2019 fantasy baseball gospel, take it with a tablet of salt.  Tomorrow we will cover the rest of the top twenty for 2019 fantasy baseball, then we will go around the horn with a top 20 (more like 60) list for every position.  Then for pitchers and outfielders, I’ll turn the dial to 100 (more like 140).  Listed with each player are my 2019 projections.  Did I consult with anyone else who does projections?  It would be ignorant not to, but, in the end, these are my projections.  Players need 5 games started at a position to get included in the positional rankings.  If I put someone in a position, that is why.  Well, that is why-ahoo, actually.  Finally, as with each list in the 2019 fantasy baseball rankings, I will be mentioning where I see tiers start and stop.  I look at tiers like this, if Mookie Betts and Francisco Lindor are in the same tier, it doesn’t matter if one guy is ranked 2nd and one guy is ranked 3rd, they’re both very close.  It comes down to personal preference.  I would prefer the guy at number two over the guy at three, but you do you, I’ll do me and let’s hope we don’t go blind.  Anyway, here’s the top 10 for 2019 fantasy baseball:

1. Mike Trout – This tier goes from here until Yelich.  I call this tier, “The best thing since…”  Now you can still say, “Sliced bread.”  But there’s a lot of things that are the best thing.  Let’s list some of the best things in the world.  Pizza pockets!  Single serving packets of mayo!  Divorce!  Prescription drive-throughs!  The mute feature on social media!  A time machine to go back and ‘block’ instead of mute!  Bath salts!  Undoing a belt!  Unemployment checks!  They are all equally great!  This tier of players is right there with all of those things.  For unstints, Mike Trout or an unemployment check?  How are you separating the two?  Mookie Betts or a microwaveable pizza pocket?  Good luck choosing between those two!  Francisco Lindor or a single serving packet of mayo?  Really?  You can tell me one is better than the other?  Get out of here!  As for Mike Trout, yeah, he’s the best best thing.  2019 Projections:  108/37/111/.305/17 in 517 ABs

2. Mookie Betts – “Betts is the best” is the best tongue twister since, “Pissy pissants buy pizza rat Totino’s pizza rolls.”  Hmm, I’m being told that’s not as good a tongue twister.  How about, “Poopy-di scoop, scoop-diddy-whoop, whoop-di-scoop-di-poop, says Kanye by the canyon of Calabasas?”  No?!  Wow, tough audience.  How about, “DJ Khaled doesn’t twist his tongue for cunnilin–”  Okay, I’m told that’s off limits on a family friendly blog.  Fair enough, gentle reader!  Mookie Betts is a top ten hitter until he shows he’s no longer willing or able to steal 25+ bases, because he’s an easy 25-homer hitter.  Something you may not hear elsewhere, but I’m bringing you the straight whoop-di-scoop-di-poop, you are aiming to draft the highest floor hitter in the 1st round.  Do not try to be a hero (excluding the guy dressed as a hero in front of a Subway sandwich shop, he can’t help being a hero).  I know, some of the names that follow don’t seem like ‘floor’ bets, but I’ll go over why they are when we get there.  For now, Betts is the best bet to Betts by the bettors betting at Belmont’s backbeat, the word was on the street–Okay, now I’m just singing Oasis.  2019 Projections:  114/28/91/.317/27 in 581 ABs

3. Christian Yelich – Because Yelich has history in Florida and is now in Wisconsin, I couldn’t but help to think of one thing… *intern whispers in my ear*  No, I’m not going to mention anything about elections, I was thinking of great Florida microbreweries!  Let’s see, there’s Florida Man Brewing Company, TallaHazy IPA, The Mooshine State, It’s Literally Just Meth Ale Co. and Come At Me, Brew.  Well, last year, Yelich was better than any of those.  He was like a great movie brew, as good as, say, RoboHop or Ale Me By Your Name.  Can he repeat this pinnacle of glory?  Pinnaclory, so to speak.  No.  I don’t think he can.  His HR/FB% was silly and his ground balls are still a little high, but not literally.  However, I do think he’s grown into 25-28 homer power (he averaged 407 feet/HR and his exit velocity was elite).  Throw 28 HRs and 20+ steals with a .300 hitter and he’s as good as any sip from The Color of Burple starring Hoprah Winfrey.  2019 Projections:  103/28/111/.306/21 in 589 ABs

4. Ronald Acuña Jr. – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here until Bregman.  I call this tier, “It’s sweeps week!”  You may have heard of sweeps before.  It’s when TV stations throw out all their stunts to try to get the most ratings ever.  Like Young Sheldon will have a guest appearance by Rod Carew and he’ll talk to him about Passover.  Or the news will have a segment like “Hot new casseroles for 2019” just for the ratings.  This tier has nothing to do with that kind of sweeps.  This is all about high floors that you want to sweeps onto your teams.  Not at all confusing!  As for Tildaddy, the man who one-upped the letter N and put on top of it a stadium wave.  He is née Ron Jeremy Acuña Junior.  RJAJ sounds like a battery which is perfect because he is electric.  If Benjamin Franklin were alive, he’d put a key on his kite string and Acuña would hit it.  RJAJ is barely old enough to drink, but I am old enough to drink his Kool-Aid or milkshake.  Really, any drink he’s offering me.  RJAJ is the human can of Red Bull.  RJAJ gives you wings!  If you were to simply prorate his numbers from last year, he’s a 35/20/.290 guy at 20 years old.  I’m sorry, one time in all caps — WUT.  I can’t even.  I need a pillow and a movie with JCVD to take my mind off RJAJ’s succulence. 2019 Projections:  81/30/107/.282/27 in 548 ABs

5. Trea Turner – I love to pull this shizz out for Trea Turner.  On our Player Rater last year, he was the 11th best hitter.  Is there anymore of a floor floor than that floor?  He wasn’t even good last year, according to some schmohawks.  A 15/40/.270 floor is a top 15 hitter.  No matter how you slice it, and if you order now you can slice it any way you want!  Slice it with Orange Slice!!!  Like Machado, I don’t even believe we’ve yet to see Trea Turner at his best.  I don’t want to butter your biscuits without consent, but if that doesn’t make you horny, you’re dead inside.  Seriously, go to the doctor.  No, don’t drive yourself!  You’re dead!  You’re going to kill other people driving dead!  Turner will have a 20/50/.315 season one of these years and then he’ll be the 2nd guy off the board next year and y’all gonna be crying you wish you had him this year.  Don’t cry to me!  By the way, know how to cut onions without crying?  Try not to get too attached.  2019 Projections:  105/20/71/.292/41 in 603 ABs

6. Javier Baez – This ranking is fascinating.  Not your standard fascinating like why wombats’ poop is in the shape of cubes.  No, this is fascinating to mostly me.  Javier Baez is your classic sexy player that real baseball fans love.  It’s hard to deny anything about him not being sexy.  I heard Jim Belushi changed his name to Jim Baezlushi he was so in love with Baez.  Belushi’s not the only one either.  I don’t think you even have to be a Cubs fan to love Baez.  He is empirically sexy.  I don’t think that’s controversial at all.  Sexy players 99 times out of a 100 are overrated.  Yet, everywhere I look, Baez is underrated.  Check this, bevakasha, Baez just went 34/21/.290, is 26 years old, lowered his strikeouts, stopped swinging at balls, swung more at balls in the zone, made more contact, averaged 404 feet/homer, made top 20 contact and is in a good park and lineup.  Why exactly is he expected to do worse this year?  Not to answer but to ruminate.  2019 Projections:  102/35/109/.281/18 in 590 ABs

7. Alex Bregman – Okay, cupcake, here’s the deal.  I originally had Bregman in the top 20 (not far into it, like around 12th overall), but as I dug into his numbers, I started to like what he was doing more than guys I have after him.  Yes, a 24-year-old Bregman coming off a career year is better than Arenado.  Get over yourself for not believing me.  By the way, if I sound like an ageist, it’s because I am.  When playing fantasy baseball, you should be too.  It’s long been documented, guys who are in the ages 23 thru 28 are just better than guys who are 29+.  That’s for the most part; no one wants to hear your examples that proves this wrong.  Okay, back into the Bregman part of the program — Bregram?  The HR/FB% was 14% with a 17 degree launch angle and a 43.4% fly ball rate.  Let me give you some comparisons:  Edwin Encarnacion, Betts, Trevor Story…Seeing a pattern?  This is not everything, but I see home run hitters, and most have a way higher HR/FB%.  His average home run distance (384) scares me.  Is he more of a 12% HR/FB% guy and he will hit 24 or fewer homers and see his average collapse because he’s going to hit many more fly ball outs?  P to the erhaps, but I see more a guy who could have a 18% HR/FB, which would give him, hold onto your hat, 40 homers.  In today’s emerging fly ball economy (totally making up shizz now), do you see a guy coming of age getting an extra ten feet on his power or a guy losing ten feet?  The earth is moving too fast, and we didn’t change global warming to climate change for us to see a hitter in his prime lose power.  *one audience member rises, clapping, then, slowly, the entire audience pours out of their seats, it’s a moment Grey wasn’t expected, and he seems genuinely touched* Wow, didn’t expect a standing ovation, thanks, thanks so much.  Also, I heard David Caruso whipped off his sunglasses and found a loose body in Bregman’s elbow, but it sounds like it won’t affect him his season.  If we get to mid-March and it’s a issue, I could move him.  2019 Projections:  101/33/107/.288/12 in 589 ABs

8. Nolan Arenado – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here until the top 20 for 2019 fantasy baseball.  I call this tier, “Hedging is not a tantric move for fantasy.”  This tier is going to be full of hedge bets.  You’re going to hear a lot from me, “I will draft this guy, in theory, but he will be off the board before I have a chance to draft him, or I will just be drafting someone else before him.”  For unstints, it is slim to anorexic that I will be looking at a draft board where someone drafts Baez before Arenado, so I will have the chance to just draft Baez and skip Arenado.  Why is Baez being ranked below Arenado by everyone?  I don’t know. *slowly looks up for Nickelodeon slime*  Listen, I’m bummed to be out on Arenado this year too.  Every time he homers during the season, I will still gather my best Torenado bits and lay them forth by an open window.  How can I justify drafting 35 HRs with no steals from a guy who struggled with an injured shoulder in the 2nd half of last year over Baez’s 35 homers while chipping in steals?  When I break it down like that it really makes no sense, right?  Are you that sure Arenado will knock in 125+ RBIs?  Is his shoulder all peachy?  I have no qualms about Baez — no qualmaez?  I will draft Arenado if he falls to me (you hedging, bastard!), but he won’t.  By the by, what is Nickelodeon slime?  Creme de Menthe and Greek yogurt?  The pleasure sauce of Slimer, the ghost?  2019 Projections: 97/35/112/.284/2 in 595 ABs

9. Manny Machado – As I said when Machado signed–Kidding!  Of course!  Because the MLB offseason has been awful for signings.  Not to bum people out like a pre-baseball career Evan Gattis, but the MLB really feels like it’s headed for a work stoppage with how teams don’t want to pay anyone.  Machado and Bryce have maybe three teams to choose from.  Either way, when Machado does sign, he is essentially who he is.  I might change his runs and RBIs projections a little depending on team lineup, but if I were drafting today, I’d draft him here.  When he does sign, here’s what I will say, “Here’s the thing with Machado and it’s a big, long, never-flaccid thing.  He hits 30 HRs, steals on average 12 bags and is a career .282 hitter, and he’s only 26 years old!  I get it, he’s not likable.  Heard loud and/or clear all postseason.  Don’t call him Johnny Hustle.  That’s fine.  Here’s some things you can call him:  Paulie Has Played 155 Games Every Year, Jimmy Has A Career .282 Average, Billy Hits 35 Homers Every Year, Bobby Steals Around 12 Bases A Year and Bobby Can Steal 20 Bags With An Aggressive Manager, Tommy Knocks In Runs If His Lineup Helps Him, Yitz Got No Quitz and, all of those people would be Manny “Not A Nanny, But Could Be If It Involves No Hustling” Machado.  I hear ya, he steps on 1st baseman’s ankles.  Call him Cheapshot Manny.  I don’t care, but you cannot say he’s not an elite floor player.  At worst, you’re going to get 30/7/.285 — at best…Well, I’m not even sure we’ve seen yet his best, and he’s had some incredible years.”  And that’s present me quoting future me!  UPDATE:  Signed with the Padres, and Machado will be in the cozy position of hitting between Ian Kinsler and Eric Hosmer.  Does he just prefer to hit in garbage lineups?  Was Balty-more (how I say it) not bad enough for him?  What an absolute shizzshow this 1st round has become.  I’ve moved Machado down to another tier as the 2nd tier in this top 10 becomes increasingly barren.  “Acuña or Trea Turner or die,” as my bumper sticker I’m manufacturing says.  Petco isn’t the ‘terrible’ park everyone has made it out to be in past years, i.e. Petco isn’t for the birds and is not a dog of a park or–Fill in your own damn animal pun!  It’s still makes me shudder hard at thinking of hitting in front of Hosmer, but, as previously mentioned on the aforementioned tip, hitting in the Orioles’ lineup wasn’t amazing either and Machado did fine for many years.  I did lower his projections, and I’m now way more tentative on him.  2019 Projections:  96/34/105/.281/12 in 602 ABs

10. Francisco Lindor – There’s one guy conspicuously missing from my top ten.  Can you guess who it is?  Hint:  It’s Lindor’s teammate.  No, not Tyler Naquin, bruh.  I’ll get to the one missing little Indian.  Lindor, however, I believe in Believeland.  Last year, he hit 38 homers and stole 25 bases, and he just turned 25 years old in November.  His HR/FB% was 17.3%, which is not nearly ridiculous, but even if it comes down to his career norm of 14% and he hits 40% fly balls, he would still hit 31 homers next year.  If you throw in his Hard Contact went up, his average feet per homer is totally fine, and his line drive rate is solid.  Like a Chinese man would tell a duck, he is peaking.  UPDATE:  Lindor is out seven to nine weeks with a calf strain, as of February 8th.  Let’s see the season starts on March 20th, but that’s only for two teams, then the real season starts two weeks after that, then Lindor’s injury is seven to nine weeks from Feb. 8th and if the train is going 175 MPH from Akron to Cleveland that takes us to Lindor returning on… Where’s my calendar?!  I subtracted 80 at-bats from his stat line, and a calf strain is worrisome with steals, at least in the early part of the season (not the March 20th part of the season).  2019 Projections:  89/28/91/.282/18 in 525 ABs