Yesterday, Domingo Santana had a double slam (23, 24) and legs (12). Maybe it’s confirmation bias, but it feels like Domingo is just so much better on Sunday, right? Carl Jung and Sting would say I’m onto something with this synchronicity. As someone who doesn’t own Domingo anywhere, but wishes he did own him, I can understand when Jung and Sting speak of the duality of a man. I get the sense Domingo Santana will be underrated in 2018 too. Of course, I think this is crazy for a 25-year-old guy capable of a 30/15 season in a great home park. As Sting specifically sang, there’s a little black man named Sunday. He’s not the same old thing on Saturday. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Brandon Woodruff – 7 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 1.52. Okay, okay, but his next start is in Wrigley. The field, not the gum.
Edwin Jackson – 5 2/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.77. The Regression Fairies are quick to point out Kit Harrington’s butt depicts the Golden Spiral, Taco Tuesdays means something else in The Village, and they will seek and destroy your pitcher’s ratios.
Ryan Zimmerman – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 30th homer. Came back to earth (hitting .240 in 2nd half), but has continued to hit for some power (11 HRs post-ASB), and has stayed healthy way longer than I ever would’ve guessed.
Wilmer Flores – Broke his nose on a foul ball. Wilmer hadn’t looked that broken up since leaving a theater playing The Notebook.
Lance McCullers – Will return on Wednesday. “‘Bout time my team name made sense!” That’s Ice T with his fantasy team, McCullers-Cullers-Cullers-Cullers.
Carlos Correa – 1-for-3, and his 1st steal as he was activated from the 10-day DL. To the person who said to the sidelined Correa, “Why don’t you steal anymore?” Thank you, whoever you are! By the way, he was on the 10-day DL for seven weeks. I’m going to put this prediction down here. It may be in ten years, it may be in two years. Prediction: in the future, MLB will have more specific DL times. Not sure why it’s taking this long, but at some point MLB will have 10-day, 15-day, 30-day, 45-day, 60-day and 90-day DL stints. It’s so logical, you’re thinking to yourself right now, “Why don’t they just have this now?”
Mike Fiers – 4 1/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 4.78. Well, that two-start week by Fiers could’ve worked out better. *puts tacks on desk, slams head into tacks*
Elvis Andrus – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 17th homer, hitting .301. Also, in this game, Delino DeShields (2-for-3, 2 runs) hit his 4th homer. Mean’s while, Joey Gallo (2-for-3, 1 run) was caught stealing a bag, as it was Vice Versa day at the park in Arlington.
Robinson Chirinos – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs hit his 16th homer. Uh-oh, Chirinos!
Chris Stratton – Scratched from his start on Saturday. No word from the Giants about the scratch. Perhaps Bruce Bochy is pretending to be a mime. Sorry, Bochy, there’s no invisible box big enough for your head.
Madison Bumgarner – 6 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.15. He pitchslapped Luke Weaver (7 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 2.50), and Bumgarner is legitimately the Giants’ 2nd best hitter. He might not be their best pitcher though if they keep starting him.
Kelvin Herrera – Out for a few days with a forearm strain, which is a reoccurrence of an issue from a few weeks ago, i.e., he’s a setback away from being shut down like your drunk aunt at your Labor Day BBQ. In Herrera’s place, Brandon Maurer (1 IP, 0 ER, and the save yesterday) will step in as closer. Isn’t it funny (it’s not funny) how some guys (Brandon Maurer) get a ton of save opportunities no matter where they’re playing and no matter how awful they are? Told you, hilarious!
Jarrod Dyson – Out a few days with a re-injured groin. “What did you do for Labor Day?” You, “Read about a man’s groin.” A’la Nelson, Ha-HA!
Danny Duffy – Played catch from 60 feet. All his pitches landed six inches past the plate.
Melky Cabrera – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 17th homer, hitting .298, hitting near-.400 in the last week. That he’s not owned in 100% of leagues is slightly baffling, but maybe (can you sense a segue coming?) it’s because people have moved onto fantasy football.
Miguel Sano – Won’t travel on the week-long road trip. This feels like one of those scenarios where the Twins keep us hanging on like that motivational cat poster, but eventually Sano is shut down for the regular season.
Eduardo Escobar – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 15th homer, and 3rd homer in the last two games. Hello, fortune seekers and fantasy baseballers (<–my mom’s term!), you’ve found the number one schmotato to add today.
Corey Kluber – 8 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.56. Cy Young? I don’t know; if Chris Sale gets to 19 wins and 300 Ks, he’s gonna be tough to beat. Since May, Kluber’s been the best AL pitcher.
Danny Salazar – Will rejoin the Indians’ rotation on Tuesday. He’ll likely only throw three to four innings, then turn it over to relievers. Be interesting to see which Salazar shows up, healthy K-zar or injured D-zar-ster.
Jose Ramirez – 5-for-5, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and his 21st and 22nd homer, hitting .310. I just gave you a Jo-Ram lede last week after a huge offensive game, otherwise he would’ve been featured today. Homeslice is definitely on one, says the guy trying to bring back Homeslice.
Josh Tomlin – 5 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 2 Ks vs. the Tigers, ERA at 5.20. The Tigers’ cleanup hitter is John Hicks, who I thought was the director of inspirational sports movies, but that’s John Lee Hancock. So, no idea who John Hicks is. Maybe Witness Protection got super lazy with renaming, and it’s John Hinckley. No idea. Oh, and this is all to say Tomlin is not a good pitcher, but the Tigers are worse.
Rhys Hoskins – Didn’t start yesterday after being hit on the hand. Surprisingly, Rhysus wasn’t hit on the hand by a player named Roman.
Jose Urena – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.71. Hey, Young Buck, turn away if you watched Urena sit on waivers all year and never picked him up. It’s best for you. On our Player Rater, he’s a top 40 starter, ya know, better than Jon Lester, Danny Duffy, Cole Hamels and Kyle Hendricks, to name a few that are near-100% owned.
Justin Bour – Began a rehab assignment. True story, I almost wrote his name as Bustin Jour, and now I think his name would be better as that. Who is throwing a fastball to Bustin? Nobody, I’ll tell ya that!
Patrick Corbin – 5 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.83. This start doesn’t look amazing until you consider it was in Coors, and his August ERA in 39 1/3 IP was 2.52. Oh, and when I looked at his next start on the Stream-o-Nator, my eyes bulged like John Lithgow’s in The Twilight Zone: The Movie (totally hip reference!).
Zack Godley – 6 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.21. This start came in Coors, which shows you that mile high is actually below sea-level for Godley.
Aaron Hicks – Hit the DL with a strained oblique. Hicks is so productive (except when he’s hurt). The devil is in the parentheticals.
Matt Holliday – 1-for-2, 2 runs and his 18th homer, hitting .231. I give managers a lot of crap, but good for Girardi for batting Holliday in the seven hole. He should barely be in the lineup, let alone batting higher. Though, he does have two homers in two games, so he might be hot. Damn, am I talking myself out of the praise of Girardi?
Aaron Judge – 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 38th homer, hitting .275. He also added in two Ks, as he marches towards 200 Ks on the year. Well, not march, more of a lurch.
Chase Headley – 2-for-4 and his 11th homer, and 2nd homer in as many games. Okay, about what I said for Holliday, um, Headley’s batting 2nd?
Chris Sale – 4 1/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 2.85. C’mon, let’s get Kluber over the top like Rocky in that movie that wasn’t Rocky!
Andrew Albers – 6 IP, 1 ER, 2 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.43. Had a no-hitter through five innings, but Happy Labor/Albers Day was too perfect. Albers throws about as fast as a knuckleballer, only he doesn’t have a knuckleball. Impressed, I am not. Talk like Yoda, I do.
Mitch Haniger – 4-for-5 and his 10th homer, and 2nd homer in four games, hitting near-.350 in the last week. Hot schmotato alert!
Matt Olson – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 12th homer. I’ve been talking up this schmotato since hundreds had small faces! Not really, but for about a week he’s been hot.
Marcus Stroman – Hit by a liner on his elbow, but argued to stay in the game, so it doesn’t sound too bad. Maybe he was wearing his Iron Mike Sharpe elbow pad. CST! (Canadians Stick Together)
Josh Donaldson – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 25th homer, hitting .261. Okay, so nowhere near the value you drafted him for, but he has salvaged a total mess of a season.
Welington Castillo – 3-for-5 and his 17th and 18th homers, and six homers in the last eleven games. If this were India, I’d be ‘shipping this Beef with prayer emojis.
Mark Trumbo – 3-for-6, 2 RBIs and his 21st homer, hitting .246. This guy’s putting together the most yawnstipating season. Has he homered even twice in a week all year? Don’t answer, don’t want to know, because it feels like he hasn’t. That’s all that matters. Like when it’s cold in the winter and it feels like climate change is a hoax. That’s all that matters, how it feels. I got the feels!
Matt Andriese – 5 IP, 5 ER in his first start since he was activated from the DL. Fun fact! Andriese is Italian for undressing. “Mama mia! Dem bracioles are Andriese!” It’s not just the crime family ties, I wouldn’t trust him this year until we see something.
Lucas Giolito – 7 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA 2.25. Mama mia! Giolito is Andriese major league hitters! I already gave you my Lucas Giolito fantasy, but you better believe I’m cyclops’ing him hard for next year.
Tim Anderson – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 15th homer. Real talk, I’m going to be excited about Tim Anderson next year, as I was this past preseason, and I will grow bored of him within the month of April, as I did this year.
Jose Abreu – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 27th homer, hitting .301, as he returned to the lineup after missing a few days with a tweaked elbow. Put your concerns for Jose in your hat, and call his elbow macaroni!
Chris Archer – Left the game after three batters with “right lateral forearm tightness.” He could play catch today if Dr. Koco Eaton okays it. Oh, and if you go to a doctor named Koco, he better be good.
Yu Darvish – 3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 4.09, and this game was vs. the Padres. Don’t want to yell fire in the theater of Razzball, but has Darvish been pitching with an injury all year? Did Tommy John not work for him? I’m gonna have to put a monocle on my cyclops this offseason, and really look closely at him.
Alex Wood – 6 IP, 4 ER, 10 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.57, as he was activated from the DL. I hope this start knocks Wood (pun!) down from the top 4 for Endorphin Ralph’s top 100 starters. My guess is no. Endorphin’s pot-committed at this point.
Cody Bellinger – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 36th homer, hitting .272. He’s two home runs away from Judge, in about a month less at-bats.
Jhoulys Chacin – 7 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.96. I don’t understand why anyone would not automatically start Chacin in home games. For the last two months, I’ve said his home ERA is below 2.
Jose Pirela – 2-for-2, 2 runs and his 10th homer, and around the 17th time I’ve told you about him in the last 16 days. Give or take 12 times and 12 days.
Jameson Taillon – 6 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.50. Man, I don’t trust this guy at all anymore. Ever since he had his cancer scare, his pitching has been iffy at best. Not counting him out for his career by any means, but I’m likely not going back in on him unless circumstances are dire like a wolf in GOT.
Josh Harrison – Out for the season with a fractured metacarpal in his hand. Or as Harrison said when he heard the news, “Metacrapal!
Starling Marte – 1-for-4 and his 5th homer. No one that drafted him this year wants to hear this, but his season prorated over 150 games would be 12 HRs, 35 SBs. In other words, it’s gonna be hard to ignore him next year.
Ian Happ – 2-for-4 and his 21st homer, hitting .256. If Maddon would’ve taken the reins off Happ this year, he’d have 30+ homers and we’d be talking about him in the same breath as Bellinger and Judge. A hot, steamy breath that is exhaled into our pillow as we watch Emmanuelle on Skinemax.
Javier Baez – Left after being kneed in the head. Somewhere, John McDonald is maniacally laughing.
Freddie Freeman – 2-for-4, 1 run, hitting .315. Says his wrist feels like he’s swinging a wet newspaper. For those millennials reading, a newspaper was a printed publication featuring news, articles and advertisements. Sometimes crazy kooks would write in to the newspaper to sound-off on topics that bothered them. Now they use Facebook and/or Twitter. On Tuesday, we’ll go over ‘landlines.’