Old Bay Jesus Force = Use Adley For C Jobs

They say he’s the greatest Orioles catcher ever. They say the greatest catcher prospect since Yogi Berra. They are talking about Matt Wieters. “They” are Keith Law. He’s not the only one. I went back to the 2009 prospect guys to see what people were saying about Matt Wieters and found, “Has the power of Mark Teixeira,” and “a bat so potent he could be a two-time batting champion and one of the game’s biggest stars in almost two years.” Okay, I lied, those are all Keith Law quotes! Good for baseball that Wieters wasn’t its biggest star. Others were just as complimentary to Wieters with Kevin Goldstein, who got a job with the Astros and now the Twins said, “Wieters, Chris Tillman and Brian Matusz are can’t miss.” They had great things to say about Matt LaPorta too. Who? Not sure, I think Matt LaPorta is French for doormat. From that draft alone, there was no mention of Madison Bumgarner, Giancarlo, Freddie Freeman, Josh Donaldson, or even Travis d’Arnaud, all guys drafted after Wieters and LaPorta. Why mention any of this? Just tamping down Adley Rutschman enthusiasm with this hype-cleaver. That’s my Tamp-ax! Wait, maybe it’s not a good idea to say that. So, this is a weird way to start a post where I say I’d absolutely pick up Adley Rutschman in every league. Killing enthusiasm with my Tampax. Yikes, need to stop saying that. The Tampax (this is not a sponsored post, by the way) is simply to stop up hype that Rutschman will be a top five catcher as soon as he’s called up. I don’t think he will, but he could be. Think 15 HRs and .280 for four months. It’s irrelevant what he was even doing in the minors. He was ready two years ago. He’s worth adding in all leagues if you’re struggling at catcher, Tampax be damned. Period. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Jeffrey Springs – 5 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners (4 BBs), 7 Ks, ERA at 1.32. Rays just swab the inside of Nolan Ryan’s mouth once a quarter, and make a few new aces in a New Mexico lab. If you don’t think this is true, then you’re living in a naive dreamscape. Rays are the only team I know that can invent new aces from relievers who have lost two miles on their fastball. Hope springs Springs, apparently. He’s getting by with pinpoint command, that he’s never shown before, so it could leave him just as fast, but even the Streamonator liked Saturday’s O’s start, and hates his next, and I agree.

Andrew Kittredge – Went to the IL, and Brooks Raley got the last few saves, so. Dot dot dot. Cash used Brooks in the 5th inning, yesterday, and might use him in the 9th in the next game or any inning in-between. Or maybe I should say–Pun police knock the door off hinges, “DON’T SAY IT?!”–Nothing Raley changes. *thrown to the ground and cuffed* Aren’t you going to read me my…rice? *motioning to my necklace of one rice grain where “Miranda” is written* J.P. Feyereisen might also be in the mix for vulture saves, but this is clearly, uh, unclear, since Feyereisen pitched the 7th on Sunday. Yesterday’s person asked to close the door was whoever was the last guy in the pen.

Isaac Paredes – 1-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 3rd homer, and 3rd homer in four games. He was in Friday’s Buy, and could be a light schmotato.

Ryan Mountcastle – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 5th homer, hitting .267. I know Mountcastle hasn’t been great, but I was wondering if he’s been better than Semien on the Player Rater, and, oh, yeah, just a tad. Semien’s around 800th overall.

Dallas Keuchel –  4 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 6.60. On the bright side, he’s somehow still in the league. Did he agree to drive Tony La Russa back and forth from Casey’s at the Bar?

Johnny Cueto – 6 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 0.00 thru two starts, and this one was in Yankee Stadium. Cueto’s crafty, yo. Had this game on because I was waiting for someone to get beaned and storm the mound, so I watched Cueto and I was kinda glad Judge and Giancarlo merely swung and missed, instead of pulling an oblique going after one of his goofy pitches. Cueto throws like the Road Runner right after running off the cliff. Lots of movement for not a lot of action. Would still use Streamonator for him, but obviously he’s going well right now.

Michael Kopech – 7 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 2 walks, 6 Ks, ERA at 1.29. Okay, fine, I’m sorry! But I’m not really. The underlying numbers aren’t close to supporting anything close to a 1.29 ERA.

Tim Anderson – 3-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 5th homer, hitting .359. People talk about clutch performances. They talk about gutsy. They talk about playing through injury. No one talks about turning boos to silence, and it’s phenomenal. It’s never not fantastic.

Jameson Taillon – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.95. There truly is something to every pitcher who has a homer-allowed problem doing well this year. Don’t put guys on; don’t give up homers; what do you do? I’m adamant.

Aaron Judge – 4-for-8 and his 15th homer. Big boy is so locked in this year, acting like himself, jury and executioner.

Aroldis Chapman –  1/3 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 3.86. Yankees trying to figure out how they can throw Clay Holmes 130 straight games.

Hunter Greene – 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 hits, 2 walks, 6 Ks, ERA at 5.49. If you started him in Toronto, I appreciate your pants grapes. They are ever-so-big.

Graham Ashcraft – 4 1/3 IP, 2 ER, in his first major league start, and likely just a spot start for now. Pinged our old prospect writer, Geoff, about guys to stash in NL-Only and his top name was Graham Ashcraft. Before you fall over yourself, I repeat: NL-Only. Everyone is rostered, I was looking for guys who might not be. So, I watched Ashcraft, and I was legit scared for the hitters. He seemed to have no idea where the ball was going, but the few times it was in the zone, hitters had no chance to make contact. Just a monocle for now.

Joey Votto – 1-for-3 and his 1st homer. It was around this time Votto got hot last year. June/July Votto?

Alek Manoah – 8 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 1.62. Mommaoah Mia, what a season so far!

Trevor Story – 1-for-4 and his 7th homer. It’s almost like you can pinpoint the exact moment someone said to Story, “Yo, homey, you know the left field fence isn’t an optical illusion. You can hit a pop-up out for a homer.”

Nathan Eovaldi – 6 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA at 4.10. One thing can fix any struggling pitcher: Facing the M’s. It’s almost as good as vs. the Orioles. Speaking of which, Streamonator‘s got a surprise for you for Eovaldi’s next start.

Hansel Robles – 1 2/3 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 2.65, and the blown save. When you’re relying on a guy whose name conjures “crummy” during a word association exercise, you need bullpen help.

Eugenio Suarez – 1-for-4 and his 8th homer. What I would do to get that from Matt Olson.

Andres Munoz – 2/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 6.08, as he blew the save, allowing a grand slam to fantasy baseball sleeper from 2011-2021, Franchy Cordero. No one would ever say it, but I wonder if the M’s would actually do well to have a closer in the closer role, and his name rhymes with Haul Griswold

Shane Bieber – 7 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 3.55. More than impressive when you consider he’s lost velocity and spin rate. He’s become a one-pitch pitcher. He’s throwing his slider 40% of the time. That’s more sliders than Vogelbach can handle.

Josh Naylor – 1-for-2 and his 6th homer, and picking up right where he left off, so he has 4 homers in the last three games, but separated by about ten days. The breakout continues! Wonder if someone could point Franmil’s head towards Naylor, when he’s batting, to give him a friendly reminder.

Javier Baez – 1-for-4 and his 3rd homer, hitting .207. “Think it’s smart to just wrap him in a carpet, and throw him from the hot-air balloon–Whoa! Hold on! Baez is moving! He’s alive!”

Carlos Rodon – 6 IP, 2 ER, 5 hits, 4 walks, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.43. Sorry to put this out in the world, but Rodon doesn’t just have bad starts. He has starts when he’s not 100% healthy that aren’t good.

Brandon Belt – Hit the IL with knee inflammation. With a normal team, this would give Darin Ruf more at-bats, but the Giants just invent guys, so watch them turn to Padlo/Papierski/Pauf into something, and I only made-up one of those names, and you have no idea which!

Joe Musgrove – 7 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 1.90, and he leads the majors in Quality Starts with eight. I’m well aware of Musgrove’s past year splits, and they’re under advisement for future Sells.

Mike Clevinger – Hit the IL with a triceps strain. Him and Blake Snell share arms, or what? This will give MacKenzie Gore (6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.06) plenty of leash for any mixed league pickup. This is also a classic mention of another player within another blurb to see if people are reading all of this. Unlikely, as there will be at least five comments like, “Wow, Grey, handsome face, but can’t believe you didn’t mention Gore. Big ol’ ball drop by you.”

Manny Machado – 4-for-4, 3 runs, 2 RBIs, hitting .374. I draft Machado every year, except the one when he’s gonna hit .400!

Justin Steele – 5 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 3.82. Dealing: 10.4 K/9, 4.6 BB/9, 3.51 xFIP. Throws 92 MPH fastball, leaves butter on his slider, mostly a two-pitch pitcher that has great numbers this year, mostly vs. the Dbags. Streamonator doesn’t like his next start in Cincy, and I have to be honest, nothing I’m seeing here is filling me with confidence.

Patrick Wisdom – 2-for-3, 2 runs and his 9th homer, and 3rd game in a row, and 2nd game in a row he went back-to-back with Frank Schwindel (1-for-2, 2 runs, 4th homer). The Wischidomel! That sounds like a rabbi with braided payess. The Wischidomel schmotato sounds like a game the rabbis play after dark. “Hey, those gems aren’t uncut!”

Elieser Hernandez – 5 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 5.59. Ah, nice, just after I drop him in all of my leagues. Very, very nice, enjoying that. Went from owning him to him owning me.

Sandy Alcantara – 9 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.11. He gave up three unearned runs just to make me seem silly for not trusting him. How do I get my starters to only give up unearned runs? Is there a pep talk I can give? Maybe they can hire me on Cameo?

Kyle Garlick – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer. Fun fact! Anne Rice created the character, Kyle Garlick.

Bailey Ober – 5 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 2.55, as he was activated from the IL. He was a preseason sleeper, and Streamonator loves his next start, and, grinning like an idiot, I nod.

Jhoan Duran – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 2.66, and his 3rd save. Likely still Pagan’s job, but Duran’s got a solid grasp on the back-up-fill-in-if-Pagan-falters role.

Brady Singer – 7 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 1.83. Streamonator loved this start, and doesn’t like his next, which will be a real test. Man vs. machine!

Taijuan Walker – 7 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.70. Sonavabench! Also, the Rockies had a streak of 84 straight games with 2+ runs in Coors. They were held to 1 run on Saturday, and a shutout yesterday. Who are these Mets!?

Matthew Liberatore – 4 2/3 IP, 4 ER, in his 1st start, and optioned back to Triple-A. Rookie pitchers, can’t start them, can’t resist them. They are the most deadly siren.

Steven Matz – Left yesterday’s game with the Pirates after four pitches in a game where the Cards scored 18 runs. Somehow, Matz manages to frustrate even when not doing anything. Matz feels like a final test before they let you graduate anger management.

Albert Pujols – 2-for-3, 4 RBIs and his 3rd and 4th homer. Now has 683 career homers. Would be pretty cool to see him get to 700. Wonder if he gets close in September if he’s grooved a few. According to Meriam-Webster’s dictionary, grooving to Pujols is a wedgie.

Harrison Bader – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 4th homer, as he (and Pujols for one of his) took VanMeter deep. Then Jack Suwinski (1-for-2, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer) and Yoshi Tsutsugo (1-for-2 and his 2nd homer) took Yadier Molina deep. You are living right if you have hitters face position players and get homers. Like your best life, but I wonder if you won’t pay for that later — get hit by lightning or something. Consider karmic retribution and please donate your cheap homers to me.

Jose Urquidy – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 4.24. Interesting, as they say after a Baz Luhrmann movie. Worth a monocle to see if Urquidy can get his strikeout rate up to 8+, but right now it’s still at 6.7 K/9, and kinda meh.

Mookie Betts – 1-for-4, 2 runs and his 10th homer. Mookie Best!

Tony Gonsolin – 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 1.62. Gonsolin’s peripherals are saying he’s not this good, i.e., still Gonsellin’, if you can get right price.

Zach Eflin – 7 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 12 Ks, ERA at 3.65. Pretty much the polar opposite of Gonsolin. Call him Anthonyartica and Eflin is Zarctic. Actually, don’t ever say those again. Eflin’s biggest issue is always homers allowed, but, with the dead ball, that might be less of a problem.

Frankie Montas – Hit on his hand by a comebacker, but says he’s fine. There were a few moments of panic in the A’s clubhouse when they thought they couldn’t trade Montas away for pennies on the dollar.

Michael Lorenzen – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.05. He was in Friday’s Buy, as the Streamonator call, and, for that call, I say, “No dur it was vs. the A’s.”

Mike Trout – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 12th homer. Also, in this game, Shohei Ohtani (2-for-5) hit his 9th. They both dedicated their homers to my fantasy teams that only have Taylor Ward.

Brandon Woodruff – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.76. Went over him in this week’s Buy, Sell, Hold. You can see all of them on our Youtube channel <– click this, then click subscribe. It takes two seconds and it could save a life.

Freddy Peralta – 3 IP, 5 ER and headed to the IL with shoulder tightness. Hey, bro…Hey, Mr. Man…Hey, buddy, do you think you could point to your shoulder prior to the game where you give up a shizzton of runs and say, “Ow?”

Tyrone Taylor – 2-for-4 and his 3rd homer, and 2nd homer in his last two games. Hot schmotato alert!

Patrick Corbin – 5 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 6.60. Ever worried about some of the decisions you’ve made with your keeper team? Well, the Nats are paying Corbin $23 mil this year, $24 mil next year, and $35 mil in 2024. That’s not a typo.