Rangers’ GM Forgets To Tell “My Cauley Callup” About Road Trip

Yesterday, Cameron Cauley (1-for-3, 2 runs) was called up by the Rangers. This past Sunday Itch just gave you his latest Prospect Stash list and had Cauley as the guy he highlighted. That’s impressive, because I had no idea who Cauley was prior, and Itch predicted it 24 hours prior. It’s a cool parlor trick, if nothing else. Maybe just to me. Maybe I’m buttering up Itch so he doesn’t murder me. Who is to say? Speaking of saying, Itch said, “In his last 33 games, Cauley is slashing .313/.390/.520 with five home runs and 19 stolen bases in 19 attempts. He’s played mostly shortstop and centerfield this season but kicks in at second and third base once in a while as well. He’s a valuable real-life roster piece for any contender and could help alter the stolen base standings in our leagues. Wouldn’t mind altering Grey’s face with my fist.” C’mon, we can be friends! On the season, Cauley’s gone 8/29/.262 in 290 ABs in Triple-A. Cam Cauley’s minor league numbers look like the 2nd coming of Evan Carter and Wyatt Langford. If only we can be so fortunate! Langford Carter-Cauley sounds like a Duke basketball player, so that doesn’t work. I know! Call him Wyevan Langfarter. Can Wyevan Langfarter be better than Wyatt and Evan? I doubt it. Rangers’ park kills all hitting, but, if you need speed, I can see a flyer on Langfarter. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Tyler Soderstrom – Hit the IL with hip tightness. Right before a home stand is such a gut blow. Which is better than taking Colon Blow, but barely.

Jacob Wilson – Hit the IL with thumb inflammation. Terrible setback if he needs to hitchhike. Being called up is Joshua Kuroda-Grauer (3-for-4, 1 run, 1 RBI), who went to Rutgers, which was my safety school. Sadly, I didn’t play football, so no one drafted me to play safety! JKG won’t spike your EKG, but looks a lot like Wilson. JKG went 7/15/.323 with a 7.9 K% in the minors this year. If I were the A’s (I’m not), I’d play him over Alika, who’s astinka.

Gage Jump – 4 2/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 2.93. Welp, he’s a Road Scholar until further notice.

Max Muncy – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 17th homer. This was the Dodgers’ Max Muncy, but on the other side of the diamond was the A’s Max Muncy (1-for-3, 1 run). They were both born on August 25th and they both stole the identity of a drifter in Reno named Max Muncy.

Shohei Ohtani – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 18th homer. Ohtani in Bing Bong is legal, but Mark McGwire on steroids in the old Coliseum is illegal. Get out of here!

Teoscar Hernandez – 2-for-5, 1 run as he was activated from the IL. Kevin from ESPN’s “Get Him In Your Lineup” Department said, “Acronym should be abbreviated A.”

Andy Pages – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 16th homer, hitting .269. Had been in a month-long drought, but Bing Bong has the curative powers everyone could use.

Matt Shaw – Hit the IL with a sprained hand. Bit of a Mat Gamelitis, as it’s lousy timing, just as Shaw was carving out some playing time. Kevin Alcantara was called up, but he can’t make enough contact nor have the at-bats.

Shota Imanaga – 6 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 9 hits, zero walks, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.30. Oh, wow, he was able to lock it down vs. the Tatis, Machado, Merrill-led 1927 Padres?

Addison Barger – Diagnosed with a stress reaction in his back. The Vibes Doctor said, “Yeouch, that sounds painful and like he could miss a lot of time.”

Trey Yesavage – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 3 hits, zero walks, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.34. He got to face the Mets. Or should I say, the CIA’s Mets. More in a moment.

Sean Manaea – 5 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.71. He gave up a “triple” and an “error” for a run to George Springer, and it was such a botched play it was more like a single with a three base error, but this play got me thinking, are the Mets an MLB team or a psyop by the government to see how much a fanbase can take psychologically? You notice how this happened in Canada? Is this the work of the CIA?

Luis Robert Jr. – Will begin a minor league rehab assignment today. He asked, “Can this get me traded the hell off the Mets?” Then clarified, “Um, a friend is asking. Not me.”

Francisco Lindor – 1-for-4 and his 3rd homer. Truly hilarious thing is we’re like, ooh, look how bad the Mets are, but, entering play, the Jays were only four wins better.

Sean Burke – 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.69. Three sixty-nine? What kind of sick Only Fans is this?! Burke seems a fraction better than a Streamonator call, i.e., rosterable in most 12-team mixed leagues.

Shane Baz – 7 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.19. He threw 109 pitches, which is the most pitches someone threw in ten years. No, I kid. But that is a lot. As for Baz, meh, but kinda worse than meh. Muy meh.

Aaron Nola – 4 1/3 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 6.04. Wow, did his ownership numbers creep over 50% and he had to bomb out some fantasy baseballers (<–my mom’s term!)? Just when you think Nola’s safe; he is incredibly awful. The Nola Way.

Brandon Marsh – 2-for-5 and hit his 13th and 14th homer, hitting .322. Also, in this game, Bryce Harper (1-for-4, 2 RBIs) hit his 20th homer. Or Bryance Marsh, which sounds like an area in Missouri. “You know Bryance Marsh, it’s by the Ozarks.”

Trea Turner – 2-for-5, 2 runs and his 8th homer. As I said for a week and a half while Wyatt Langford was hot after his Sell, I would be more aggressive about selling Treat Urner after his homer.

Esmerlyn Valdez – 2-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer, 4th homer in four games. The Magician got a whole lede from me about a month ago when he was called up. There I said he’s worth an add in most leagues for power. I don’t say that lightly. I am a fan.

Endy Rodriguez – 2-for-3, 4 RBIs and his 4th homer, hitting .271. Ya know what kind of year he’s having? A surprisingly good 2nd catcher year for an NL-Only league.

Jared Triolo – 1-for-4 and his 1st homer. He’s on pace for 1.98 homers!

Elly De La Cruz – 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 13th homer, hitting .267. Wild on E! is back!

Nick Lodolo – 5 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 4 BBs, 4 Ks, ERA at 5.05. Not trying to see bad where there’s positives, but four walks in five innings is not a good start. He was lucky to escape this without more damage. Trust me, I want him to be right. He’s not right.

Robert Gasser – 5 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.54. Not throwing a Quality Start as a Brewers’ starter has to be so embarrassing. Like being Andrew Ridgeley in the 90’s.

Aaron Ashby – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 3.24, as he won the game, moving his record to 11-1. Ridiculous. This guy’s corrupting the Win stat!

Joey Ortiz – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer, hitting .201. This Home Run Derby, Tatis vs. Ortiz, and ground rule doubles count. Tis vs. Tiz. We call it, The Big Tease.

Sandy Alcantara – 5 2/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 4.20. You know I love you, right? Okay, here’s some tough love. You gotta have screws up your melon if you started Sandy in Coors.

Otto Lopez – 2-for-5 and his 7th homer, hitting .333. I wonder if he’s having a season that makes him insanely overrated next year or still wildly underrated. No, he won’t be just rated. Don’t be obtuse.

Hunter Goodman – 2-for-5 and his 26th homer, hitting .245. Goodman had a great year last year. GREAT! Caps and all! He only hit 31 homers. He’s at 26. It’s June.

Cam Smith – 2-for-4 and his 10th and 11th homer, hitting .22222222222222. Imagine if he had one huge month once in his career. That would be nice. Maybe July!

Jeremy Pena – Headed to the IL with a calf strain. Moo! I mean boo!

Peter Lambert – 5 2/3 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.51 vs. Zebby Matthews – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.15. This matchup was a perfect coming together of “Guys who are rostered in more leagues than they should be.”

Josh Bell – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 10th homer. Bell’s video guy is so busy this time of year. “Edit together clips of my ten homers, but make them look like 30 homers and send the tapes out to all contending teams.”

Victor Caratini – 1-for-2 and his 7th homer. He was the catcher in last Friday’s Buy. Cust kayin’.

Royce Lewis – 1-for-4 and his 8th homer. Royce hasn’t been hot since June. Dot dot dot. Of 2024. I don’t know what happened.

Ketel Marte – 1-for-3, 2 runs and his 16th homer, 2nd homer in two games, third homer in three games, fourth homer in five games and 16th homer in however many games! (80)

Paul Sewald – 1 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 4.50,. Has allowed 5 ER in the last 1 2/3, and runs in his last three of four appearances. Behind him is Ginkel/Einhorn, Einhorn/Ginkel and I guess Juan Morillo, which is to say, this is likely Sewald’s job to figure out for a little while longer, especially since he got the save last night.

Nolan Arenado – 2-for-2, 2 runs and his 9th homer, hitting .243. You gotta see this! In an auction, I bought one of Captain Lou Albano’s beard rubber bands…Here, I haphazardly placed it by this open window–NOOOO!!! Torenado!

Eduardo Rodriguez – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 1 K, ERA at 2.21. If I didn’t have so many regrets about drafting Tatis and Vlad Jr., I’d prolly be more upset with myself that I picked up EdRod the first week or so and dropped him, thinking of him as a streamer. See, having lots of regrets is good!

Heliot Ramos – 1-for-4 and his 5th homer, but it was only the 2nd game back from a six-week absence. A healthy Heliot is rosterable in most leagues, i.e., a’la E.T., “Heliot,” with a glowing finger using a mouse to pick him up.

George Kirby – 8 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.81. Woo! Wait, wrong M’s starter.

Dominic Canzone – 1-for-4 and his 13th homer, as he hits third. It only took the M’s three months to figure out what I’ve been saying since December when I wrote a Dominic Canzone sleeper post!

Cole Young – 3-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 8th and 9th homer. Move him up the order too! Crawford and Raleigh suck! Hayzeus Cristo, why does it take teams so long to react?

Ryan Johnson – 5 IP, 1 ER, 4 hits, zero walks, 3 Ks, ERA at 7.40. Yes, terrible ERA, but I’m actually at the monocle phase of our relationship. His stuff looks pretty good. I know, Angels! But still, pretty good!

Ranger Suarez – 6 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.94. Saw someone say Suarez was going to regress because it gets hot in the summer and that means more homers allowed. I didn’t read the article (just read the clickbait about Suarez) and I don’t know. Maybe I’m too pot-committed to be realistic, but his career 3.32 ERA, 0.79 HR/9 and 50.8% GB rate in primarily Citizens Bank doesn’t mean anything? Feels like more than most starters that people seem to want to hate Suarez. He hasn’t “regressed” in over 850 career innings, now he’s going to?

Caleb Durbin – 1-for-3 and his 7th homer, 2nd homer in five games. Looked at the 7-day Player Rater — ya know, the home of the schmotatoes — and Caleb Durbin was sitting on top of it for guys under 50% rostered. As Tarantino would say, that’s an incredible feat.

Willson Contreras – 1-for-2, 3 RBIs and his 18th homer, hitting .282, 2nd homer in four games. Happened to notice Jarren Duran (0-f0r-4) in the box score hitting .197. The world’s longest woof. It’s time to move on there.

James Wood – 1-for-4 and his 21st homer. Going off what I just said in the last blurb, this is the world’s longest Wood!

Casey Mize – 7 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, zero walks, 10 Ks, ERA at 2.63. If it wasn’t for the hope of a two-start week, I would’ve been out on this start in Yankee Stadium. Thank you, BOGO!

Jazz Chisholm Jr. – Left the game after colliding with Jasson Dominguez. Dominguez didn’t seem to be calling for it and Jazz seemed to be saying, “50/50, 50/50, 50/50,” so a lot of confusion out there.

Ryan Weathers – 1 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 4.08. He also allowed three more unearned runs and feels about two days away from a “What kind of injury should we make up for him” IL stint.

David Bednar – Out on paternity list, so Fernando Cruz is likely the fill-in, but, to channel Random Caller From WFAN, “I’m more curious how Bednar could think about sex nine months ago, after being eliminated from the playoffs last autumn? He should’ve been too sad to be having sex! Does he not have what it takes to be a closer for the New York Yankees?”