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For Mother’s Day, MLB uses pink bats. My suggestion for Father’s Day is bats with hairy bags hanging off the handle. This suggestion appears to fall on deaf ears, even though I go through the proper channels, filling out all the comment cards in the lobby at MLB headquarters. Even chitchatting with Jim, at security, for way longer than most people! No one hears my suggestions! Shoot, I was typing that instead of saying it out loud in the lobby. Hmm, my bad. Hope everyone’s Father’s Day was nice, with a special shoutout to the fathers who are “yelling at cars on their street to slow down” years old. You know who you are (all of you). So, all the fantasy fathers got good news this weekend, major rookie nookie incoming (not from their wives, as usual). First call-up was Alex Kirilloff, after being in my Friday Buy. Not sure if we’ll talk about him today on the podcast, since BDon spent the last six weeks talking about him incessantly like he lost a bet. Next up was Riley Greene, as he started in the majors on Saturday. Dan Pants gave you his Riley Greene fantasy on Saturday. I’ve been giving you a Riley Greene fantasy for the last six months. If you don’t pick up Riley Greene, you hate winning and America. You’re a Communist. I’m sorry, please enter your driver’s license number in the comments. We need to send people to your house. Finally, the Pirates made all our dreams come true. No, they didn’t dissolve into other teams, so all their pitchers could become aces. They called up Oneil Cruz! Literally just gave you my Oneil Cruz fantasy. It’s all there. The “it” I am referring to are his five tools and my post. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Mitch Keller – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.72. After a shaky 1st inning, Keller settled in and showed more of what he’s shown since the end of May.
Clay Holmes tells Mitch Keller how to throw a sinker, and since then the sinker is Keller’s best pitch, and he’s got a sub-2 ERA since.
Clay Holmes: Year’s Best Reliever and Pitching Coach pic.twitter.com/quLpsA7EgK
— Razzball (@Razzball) June 19, 2022
Jack Suwinski – 3-for-3 and his 9th, 10th and 11th homer, hitting .230. Drafting Matt Olson or waiting until May 15th to randomly pick up a free Jack Suwinski. Hmm…weighing options.
Yermin Mercedes – Signed with the Giants. Now the Giants are in search of a left-handed batter named Benz.
Alex Cobb – 4 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 5.62, as he was activated from the IL. I know he hasn’t been fun to own, but Cobb’s got great peripherals–*dodges tomato*–don’t shoot the messenger!
Lorenzo Cain – Designated for assignment. Cain…Sugar…Athlete rejected! Governors corrected! Gangsters, thugs and smugglers of Spider Tack thoroughly respected!
Hunter Renfroe – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 13th homer, as he homered in every game of the series with the Reds. Or as Scooby Doo would say, “Renfroe!”
Nick Lodolo – Will make one more rehab start. Legit forgot this guy exists. What year is it? Reds turn day-to-day injuries into “Does (player’s name) still play baseball?”
Kyle Wright – 6 IP, 5 ER, 12 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.94. The wind was blowing in and it was the Cubs. The Braves scare me so much because they get quality innings from seemingly anyone, then those pitchers disappear almost as quickly. Hopefully this isn’t the start of a long road to Touki.
Ian Anderson – 6 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.35. Don’t put him in the Touki category just yet!
Michael Harris II – 1-for-4 and his 3rd homer. II with III all in the last VI days, as he rises his schmotato profile.
Frank Schwindel – Hit the IL with a lower back strain. Tough break for the Cubs’ bullpen.
Justin Steele – 5 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 4.27. Just looked at Streamonator for Steele’s next and saw him vs. Pirates, but a negative value and I’m not sure about that. Seems worth a little how’s your father, as they say on Father’s Day.
Jameson Taillon – 5 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.70. Just another day at the Ford dealership for a Yankees pitcher. That’s as in Whitey Ford.
Josh Donaldson – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer, hitting .232. This guy is even worse than Matt Olson (barely).
Gleyber Torres – 3-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 13th homer, hitting .267. Even a rabbi’s liking what he’s getting from this Goyber.
Kyle Higashioka – 1-for-3 and his 4th homer, and 4th homer this week. Did Higa find his strioka this week for any reason other than I just picked up Trevino? No, he did not.
Anthony Rizzo – 1-for-2 and his 18th homer. HR to the Izzo!
Vladimir Guerrero Jr. – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 17th homer. Cake Batter when you wanna raw dog your fantasy opponents.
Lourdes Gurriel Jr. – 1-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 4th homer, as he hit a grand salami. A big salami the size of…well, it’s in meters and I don’t understand those.
Teoscar Hernandez – 1-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 6th homer. Just hit, like, twelve more homers this week and we’d be so good.
George Springer – 1-for-4, and a slam (13) and legs (5), hitting .264. His ground balls are way up; his fly balls are down; his xSLG is down; his HardHit% is down. Just about everything you want to see is down, except for actual production.
Corey Seager – 1-for-2 and his 15th homer, and 2nd homer in as many games. Just realized Seager and Semien (1-for-4, 12th steal) sound like musical duo that are also a romantic couple but no one knows. “Hey, did you know Seager and Semien are opening for ABBA?” “Yeah, I think I accidentally lost my tickets.”
Robbie Grossman – 2-for-3, 4 RBIs and his 2nd homer, and 2nd homer in as many games. Hot schmotato alert!
Mookie Betts – Hit the IL for at least two weeks with a cracked rib. The guys fix him up with this girl named Eve, and next thing he knows…damn! I’m not gonna say this is karma for him saying he wasn’t healthy in the preseason, when he was in fact healthy, but *looks both ways real slow, leans in and whispers* I’m saying that.
Andrew Heaney – 5 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 0.59, as he was activated from the IL. Absolutely wild how good he’s pitching this year. Granted, with about six weeks between starts. I’d grab him in all leagues to see if this Heaney stays around longer than two starts.
Oscar Gonzalez – 1-for-3, 2 runs and his 1st homer. He was a schmotato last week, and today I’m saying: Samesies.
Luke Weaver – 3 2/3 IP, 9 ER, ERA at 13.50 vs. Dylan Bundy – 8 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 5.17. Holy crap! Weaver is an Empath and has taken on Dylan Bundy’s characteristics.
Christian Walker – 2-for-4 and his 17th and 18th homer. Similar to Clarence from It’s A Wonderful Life, a Walker fly ball gets its wings to fly over a fence each time someone asks to drop him.
Pavin Smith – 2-for-4 and his 9th homer. Drafting Teoscar/Matt Olson sobbing over not drafting Walker/Pavin.
Buddy Kennedy – 1-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 1st major league homer, a grand slam. For those unfamiliar, Buddy Kennedy got an exception from Manfred, and wears blue jeans. He also has a great hit tool, and could hit .280+, but has very little power and speed. Not sure how long he’s staying up either, or playing, so I’d be careful in mixed leagues with chasing the dungarees.
Brad Keller – 7 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 3 walks, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.30 vs. Cole Irvin – 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.14. This matchup of the A’s/Royals was appropriately started by Keller, because no one wanted to see it.
Seth Brown – 3-for-4, 2 runs, and his 9th homer. “Well done, my thon.” That’s Seth Smith.
Sean Murphy – 3-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 8th homer. Hey, it’s my old catcher who I dropped and haven’t looked back at until right now. Say hello to your mother for me!
Johnny Cueto – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.95. *running my finger down Cueto’s ERA to Lucas Giolito’s ERA and having a heart attack*
Patrick Sandoval – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.70. Should make some kind of rule that if a pitcher has a sub-3 ERA by July, you can’t ask if you should pick him up or drop him. T-minus 10 days.
Mike Trout – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 21st homer, and 5th homer this weekend vs. Mariners. “First time he’s ever hit Seattle well,” said Guy Who’s Never Watched Mike Trout Before.
Manny Machado – Out for several weeks with an ankle sprain. Appeared to badly roll his ankle as he was trying to beat out a dribbler. One time this mfer hustles! What are you doing, brah?! You couldn’t jog like every time you’re headed to first? As I mourn Machado, I am actively looking at C.J. Abrams on my leagues’ waiver wires.
Trevor Story -1-for-3, 2runs and his 10th homer, hitting .221. Real question: Does Trevor Story retire for three weeks, then come back for one week, then rinse and repeat?
Nick Pivetta – 7 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners,10 Ks, ERA at 3.31. Isn’t it time we gave Pivetta the respect to not look at Streamonator and just start him every time out?
Andre Pallante – 5 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 1.69. Welp, it’s time I took a closer look. Welp II, The Return of Welp: He’s a NL-Only pitcher, at best. Andre Pallante does sound like he’d have an eponymously named dope hair salon.
Tyler O’Neill – 3-for-4, 1 run and his 6th steal, but left with hamstring tightness. So, he’s day-to-day or out for six weeks. We shall see!
Taijuan Walker – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 2.88. Thinking about inventing a time machine, going back to March and only drafting Yankees and Mets starters who were being drafted after the top 100. Who’s with me? If you raised your hand, you didn’t already go back in time with me, because this isn’t the first time I’ve asked this. You: *mind blown*
Jerar Encarnacion – 1-for-4, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and a slam (1) and legs (1) He hit an absolute bullet the opposite way that crushed my sweet, sweet Bassitt with inherited runs. Grabbed Encarnacion in my NL-Only keeper a few weeks ago when Cooper went down, but he wasn’t called up, so I dropped him, then he got the call when Jesus went down on Friday, and didn’t reemerge on Sunday. Jerar’s your standard big bopper with no contact. He could hit 30 HRs and .215 right now in the majors. Has a sneaky decent OBP, as he can take a walk. Don’t know how long he stays up, so just a deep league guy for now.
Jeffrey Springs – 4 1/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 2.00. Ya know when I like to see regression? When my pitchers are going against a tough opponent, not the freakin’ Orioles!
Corey Kluber – 6 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.46. Streamonator tells us Kluber gets the Pirates next, and he won’t be their peg boy.
Sandy Alcantara -8 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 1.72. People in leagues that count IP or QS or CG, Sandy’s gotta be a top 2 starter. People not in those leagues, he’s still a top what? Three? Five? Can’t imagine going much later than that.
Anthony Santander – 2-for-2 and his 12th homer, and 3rd homer in the last five games. O’s might be a shizzy franchise, but their top five hitters, and nine-hole guy, since he has 17 steals, are all shallow-league rosterable.
Seranthony Dominguez – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 1.73, and his 1st save, as he pitched the 10th on Saturday with Brad Hand (1 IP, 1 ER, 2.21 ERA) coming into a tie game in the 9th. Still don’t think this is done deal, but Dominguez has to be in the lead now. Have some fava beans with your saves, Seranthony.
Zach Eflin – 2 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 4.43. Left the game, unable to get his pitches down. This offseason he had a surgically-repaired knee during the offseason, so that might’ve been the issue. Taking a knee on Eflin, while also punting him.
Luis Garcia – 3-for-4, 3 runs, hitting .360. Let’s see how long it takes Davey Martinez to figure out Rocky III should be hitting leadoff.
Maikel Franco – 2-for-3, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 6th homer, hitting .259. Not bad for a guy pegged by Donkey Teeth. *pauses for a very long time* Pegged for NL MVP.
Juan Soto – 1-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 14th homer, hitting .218. Sexy Dr. Pepper is more like a Flat Can of Shasta. He’s hitting .220 as we head into July. Prior to this year, he only hit below .250 for one month ever.
Jackson Tetreault – 7 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 5.73. Three unearned runs make this line appear better than it was. His K/9 is below his ERA, which makes Tetreault as good as the French automobile he sounds like. “For a radio antenna, how about a stale baguette?” That’s a French automaker.
Josiah Gray – 6 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.95. I already can’t wait to draft Josiah Gray in every league next year. What, it’s just a hobby. *sets alarm for 3 AM so can wake up right when waiver guys become available*
