Rangers Aren’t Gonna Want To Reid The Box Score

If you had a predictive market bet of two Reid Detmers (Detmerses? Detmii?) ledes on Razzball in the first two months, you win. Can you take me out to dinner? Without me, none of your good fortune would be possible. Tell me who you want me to do a lede for tomorrow and I’ll start now. A River Ryan callup whether it happens or not? I’ll start typing it up now. So, Reid Detmers was coming off a 5 2/3 IP, 8 ER start at home vs. the A’s, and yesterday he went 8 IP, 1 ER, 1 hit, zero walks, 14 Ks, ERA at 4.57 vs. the Rangers. The Rangers are sad or Reid is good? Can I have a third option? Detmers is a riddle inside an enigma wearing the Riddler’s leotards that are covered in question marks standing at the foot of The Sphinx asking, “What is love? Baby don’t hurt me.” Call him The Puzzler. His perfs of 10.7 K/9, 2.7 BB/9, 88.4 exit velo, which are great, then he has almost zero positive pitches (um, okay), but his O-Swing% is solid and his O-Contact% is decent and his SwStr% is top 25, and he had a 5.07 ERA coming into this game (ha, I mean, lol). So, he’s great, great, great, hideous, great, great, great, hideous. The Puzzler! If you told me he’d go out next time and throw a gem, I’d believe you. If you told he’ll throw 6 ER in 1 2/3 IP, I’d believe that too. I can understand the allure, no one escapes The Puzzler’s draw! But riddle me this, Puzzler, why did I not even check if he’s available in my leagues? Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Chris Taylor – Announced his retirement on Saturday, then unretired, looking at the Angels’ lineup and being like, “I have to be better than Adam Frazier,” then re-retired on Sunday. Chris Taylor’s like Brett Favre in fast motion.

Taijuan Walker – Signed with the Angels. If you can’t hit or pitch, you could be of interest to the Angels! Drop a line to the Angels’ front office care of, Perry Minasian! He could find you work! This was paid for by the Committee to Keep the Angels Terrible (CKAT).

Walbert Urena – 5 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.58. The best pitchers are the bad pitchers and the worst pitchers are the best. Hope that’s clear!

Jake Burger – 1-for-4 and his 10th homer, hitting .241. See Devers for a surprising comp. Actually, it’s a comp that is a bit insulting to Burger.

MacKenzie Gore – 6 IP, 1 ER, 1 hit, 2 walks, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.42. You thought The Puzzler confused for a living? Don’t even get started with Gore.

Tommy Troy – 2-for-4, 2 runs, as he was called up by the DBacks. To call him up, they used Tommy Troy’s number, 867-5309. I looked up Tommy Tutone songs to see if I were forgetting any, and they listed their top songs as:

Jenny/867-5309
867-5309/Jenny

I love that for them. Imagine you had that phone number at any point in the last 40 years. You’d tell someone your phone number and then you’d have to pause for ten seconds while they sang the song and asked if they can call you, Jenny. The person with that phone number must’ve purposely said their number out of rhythm. “Um, yeah, it’s 8, ya got that? Cool, then it’s 6. All right, still with me? Cool, 7, 5, 3…You got those? Excellent, add a zero and a nine.” So, DBacks said they’ll play Troy while Lou-Gu-Ju is out with a fairly benign hamstring injury. Here’s Itch, “The 12th overall pick out of Stanford in 2023, Tommy Troy made some swing-adjustments as a professional and enjoyed a breakout season in 2025, slashing .289/.382/.451 with 15 home runs, 24 stolen bases and a 16.9 percent strikeout rate in 125 games across Double (87 g) and Triple-A (38 g). He’ll likely open the season back in Reno and could produce some loud outcomes in that hitter-friendly setting. I’ll be interested to see if they start trying him in the outfield corners as he’s got speed to burn, and I’d like to take a hot poker to Grey.” What? So, they have tried him in the outfield corners, and that’s where he’s playing now. Troy’s a 40+ steal guy who has power and was hitting .307 in Triple-A this year (.411 BABIP, but still). I’m a pretty big fan, but he needs to hit the ground running to not get sent back down when Lou-Gu-Ju returns. It could happen, and his skills translate well, but likely 15-team mixed and deeper at this point. After yesterday, Tommy Troy is already better than a one-hit wonder.

Ryne Nelson – 8 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 3Ks, ERA at 4.65. His ERA in May is 2.10. Tell me more. Okay, his K/9 in May is 6.6. All right, could’ve done without that stat. What else you got? Oh, I see, his BB/9 was 2.1, so we cook a little. Reads a lot like a number five to six, but can I sell you a Robbie Ray for a Ryne Nelson please?

Taj Bradley – 5 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.77, and out at 73 pitches. as he was activated from the IL. Taj Mah-rusty!

Brayan Bello – 5 IP, 0 ER, 9 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 6.43. ERA as a starter 1,188.00; ERA as a YarBro 0.0000000000.

Willson Contreras – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 11th homer. Guess I should’ve drafted Contreras as my 1st baseman instead of Vinnie Pasquantino, Vlad Jr. or Tyler Soderstrom. An emoji that is teetering on the edge of a cliff writing a note to its loved ones.

Masataka Yoshida – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 1st homer. There’s no regulars without a home run in the majors, is there? [intern whispers] Tatis? That is…who? Never heard of him.

J.T. Ginn – 2 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 0 hits, 6 walks, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.19 vs. Lucas Giolito – 5 IP, 0 ER, 4 hits, 5 walks, 2 Ks, ERA at 2.70. The two starters in Saturday’s game combined for 11 walks, but only two earned runs, because of the 640 MPH winds between the pitcher’s mound and home. After hitters walked, they couldn’t run to 1st because of the winds. The Padres lost Castellanos (tailwinds).

Michael King – 3 2/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 2.76. As bad as that start was, I dream about my pitchers’ managers pulling them that fast from a game when they don’t have it. What an absolute joy that must be.

Ty France – 2-for-4 and his 5th homer, hitting .279. Inner Monologue, “Don’t think about how France has more homers than your drafted 1st basemen. Damn it, it defeats the point of not thinking about it when it’s my inner monologue thinking about it!”

Carlos Cortes – 2-for-4 and his 5th homer. A’s outfield got too crowded with Bolte, so I moved on from Cortes a couple of weeks ago, and I haven’t felt a tinge of FOMO until yesterday.

Gunnar Henderson – 1-for-7 and his 11th homer. Gunnar, take me to a place where I remember why I drafted you in the top 12. Please.

Trevor Rogers – 4 2/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 6.96. Throw the damn towel!

Troy Melton – 5 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 3 Ks as he was activated from the IL. He had been out all year thanks to an elbow strain. Actually, thanks to the butterfly in Indonesia that smacked itself on the eyeglasses of a moped driver, which led to over 300 chain reactions that caused Melton’s elbow strain. So, he blew away minor leaguers in his rehab, and for the better part of the last four years — 2025’s numbers: 75 1/3 IP, 12.1 K/9, 2.4 BB/9, 2.99 ERA. He was touching 97 MPH yesterday and sat 96, which is where he should be. Has struggled to stay healthy and likely needs some polish to get out lefties, but these are small quibbles. He looked fantastic yesterday, and I looked to pick up Melton in every league.

Framber Valdez – 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.28. This might’ve been a no decision by baseball standards, but each start where he doesn’t have a mental break and summon the spirit of Milton Bradley is a win.

Max Meyer – 7 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 3 walks, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.52. It’s gotta suck when you pitch great on a Saturday, when there’s no Daily Notes on Sunday, so you can’t get a Razzball lede. [weighing pitching excellent in the majors vs. pitching excellent and getting a Razzball lede] “Oddly, they feel similar.” That’s Meyer.

Christian Scott – 5 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.20. Mets and Marlins put MIA on their luggage to go to Miami, and all their bats were lost.

Devin Williams – 1/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 6.35. Honestly, impressive to be that terrible against that Marlins’ lineup that was held scoreless for nine innings. Also, equally impressive to allow a grand slam to Heriberto Hernandez. Maybe not the brags Devin wants.

Zack Wheeler – 6 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 1.67. Thinking about renting a time machine and going back to March and telling March Grey that May really isn’t that far in the future, and to draft Gerrit Cole and Wheeler.

Travis Bazzana – 3-for-4 and his 3rd homer, hitting .294. This is how you develop a prospect. Farting in the general direction of the O’s and whatever it is they’re doing.

Parker Messick – 5 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.24. Let’s do a quick check-in — 9.8 K.9, 2.7 BB/9; velocity still up; nasty change with a sub-.200 BAA, and a sinker that’s even nastier. Yeah, we’re still good.

Grant Holmes – 5 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 3.78. Must be nice to have enough Shroud of the Touki left to wear but not enough to share with JR Ritchie. Holmes, you Touki Shroud hog!

Jake Irvin – Hit the IL with shoulder inflammation after throwing five innings of no-hit ball on Saturday. Put on some sunscreen, Jake Icarus.

Foster Griffin – 6 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.63. I never would’ve started him if he wasn’t locked into my weekly lineup for a two-start week. We should have a glossary term for this: When you start a guy for his two-start week and get locked into a 2nd start that you dread that turns out well. Suggest in comments.

Richard Lovelady – 1/3 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 2.35. Nats don’t have a closer. They started the 9th with Dick Lovelady (after Varland pitched the 8th inning). Were the Nats really going with Lovelady or were they just horny? The latter, I hope, and he didn’t do anything worthwhile, ceding to Ribalta. Yes, they went from Lovelady to a guy who sounds like a condom. Sadly, he’s not Ribalta’d for your pleasure. I’d go with Gus Varland, and only if desperate.

Drew Rasmussen – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.78. Game on Saturday was washed out, due to rain, but Rasmussen was a Rays of light. Snort! I still got it!

Ryan Weathers – 7 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.14. This game and the Rays’ scoring was Weathers permitting. Snort! I can’t be stopped! [takes a ten-second nap] Where am I?

Aaron Judge – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 17th homer, hitting .250. Guy’s really struggled of late. I can empathize with his owners, I have Fernando Tatis Jr.

Chase Meidroth – 1-for-5 and his 4th homer. He has three homers in May. Guess how many he had in April. I’ll give you one guess. Bzzt wrongo! It was zero. He homered on Opening Day in March. Roped in and clocked!

Miguel Vargas – 1-for-3, 2 runs and his 12th homer. He’s near-top 25 overall on the Player Rater. Zoinks!

Casey Schmitt – 2-for-4, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and his 11th homer, and his 5th homer in eight games. There’s no hotter schmotato in the entire schmotato land.

Rafael Devers – 2-for-4, 5 RBIs and his 7th homer. Still think he’s capable of a hot streak, but Jake Burger is basically him for fantasy with a lot less name brand recognition.

Robbie Ray – 4 IP, 4 ER, 2 hits, 7 walks, 3 Ks, ERA at 4.60. Dude’s broken or he’s somehow squeezed Jack Flaherty into his pants. I don’t know if he can get unbroken, but I don’t think it matters in most shallower mixed leagues. Let someone else mess with this schmohawk.

Yoshinobu Yamamoto – 7 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.09. I’m waiting anxiously for the Dodgers to be like, “Yamamoto has an injury…What injury? Um, his…uh…general soreness,” to keep his innings down.

Andy Pages – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 11th homer, hitting .282. Looking at the Dodgers, and saw Mookie Betts (1-for-5, 1 run) was hitting .171. That caused me to do a spit take. Luckily, I had nothing in my mouth. Outsmarted my shock!

Stephen Kolek – 9 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 2.77. You gotta take my word for it, but there’s more pitchers with bleh K-rates succeeding now because they listened to what I said about how pitchers should worry about command more than strikeouts with the pitch clock. I am the pitching coach for the entire MLB. Laugh all you want, but I don’t tend to laugh at truths.

Seth Lugo – 6 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.74. Looks like a Quality Shart to me.

Julio Rodriguez – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 9th homer. He didn’t hit his 9th homer last year until May 21st! Wait, that’s not impressive.

Bryan Woo – 4 2/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 3.82. “They’re saying Woo-urns.”

Shota Imanaga – 6 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 4.04. Now he will make his way back down to a sub-3 ERA, then back to 3.50, then to 2.75, then to 3.75, then finally to 3.20. Yes, I have the most randomly specific Magic Eight Ball.

Michael Busch – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer. Lagging on power still in the month of May, but he is hitting close to .280 for the month with an OBP near-.440, i.e., there’s signs for Busch, outside of St. Louis.

Kevin Alcantara – Pinch-ran yesterday, as he was called up by the Cubs. Never good when the first reaction to a callup is: Why? Alcantara had a 33.3 K% in Triple-A as a 23-year-old, and Spencer Jones was like day-um!

Christian Walker – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 14th homer, 3 homers in two games. Onward Christian Walker!

Nick Allen – 3-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and a slam (1) and legs (1). We have a new most random slam & legs of the year! This is very exciting. Also, in this game, Jake Meyers (1-for-4) hit his 2nd homer. Meyers/Allen is also the name on the header of that subpoena you were just served.

Peter Lambert – 5 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.79. Pet-Lamb’s numbers aren’t exactly great, but they’re not baaaaaahd either.

Kai-Wei Teng – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.19. Sitting on 8.8 K/9, 3.7 BB/9, and a fastball that is up a mile per hour (93 to 94). The command worries me a decent amount (was 5.2 BB/9 last year), but so far it’s been better, Trying to get jazzed up for Kai-Wei and feeling a bit Meh-Meh, but in 15-team mixed, he’s obviously on the table, and in 12-teamers with the right matchups on the Streamonator.

Spencer Horwitz – 1-for-4 and his 5th homer, 2nd homer in a week. He’s the Tax Man. Pitchers, declare the pennies on your eyes!

Esmerlyn Valdez – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 1st career homer. He’s got that $54 Vending Machine Steak power.

Oneil Cruz – 1-for-4 and his 11th homer, hitting .250. I could point out how in the month of May he’s got two homers and is hitting .240, but what would I gain from that?

Dylan Cease – 4 2/3 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 3.05, and removed with hamstring discomfort. He was taken deep on the 1st pitch of the game by Spencer Horwitz. Cease stood no chance when the hitting coach whispered in Horwitz’s ear, “Cease takes no deductions.”

Vladimir Guerrero Jr. – Left the game after a HBP on his elbow, but x-rays returned negative, and he escaped without an injury to his 7-homer-in-162-game power.

Patrick Corbin – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 hits, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.86 vs. Paul Skenes – 5 IP, 4 ER, 10 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 3.00. [checks to make sure I don’t have the Skenes line for Corbin and the Corbin line for Skenes, doublechecks it, triple checks it….checks it for the 67,570th time]…so Corbin out-pitched Skenes?