The Yankees called up Clint Frazier on Saturday. The Yankees are like you at a concert after your first bathroom break. “I had sixteen beers and I really gotta whizz.” *goes to the bathroom, then sips your seventeen beer* “Damn, I just took a whizz, and now I have to go again.” The childproof seal has been broken. The Yankees waited about five years too long to promote some of their rookies, and now they’re taking a whizz every third day. (I’m mixing metaphors, aren’t I?) I wonder if the Yankees are aggressively promoting rookies now because of how well Judge is doing. It’s confirmation bias, or some Psych 1010 term. In the minors, Frazier went 12 HRs, 9 SBs and .257 in 73 games. His strikeouts weren’t terrible, and that line looks like it could hold in the majors, i.e, 20/15/.250 in 162 games. That’s if he has playing time the rest of the year, which is, of course, no guarantee with Holliday, Hicks, Gardner, Ellsbury, though if they were candy, they’d all be brittle. I’d grab Frazier in all leagues to see what he can do. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
CC Sabathia – Will return to the rotation on Tuesday. Hey, that’s tomorrow. The 4th of July! A day when our forefathers said, “We will no longer live under the rule of a monarchy, though we should strongly consider other socioeconomic constraints.” Then Ben Franklin added, “I’m bad and boujee.”
Luis Severino – 5 1/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 3.52. Cheer up, Luis See K, even Louis C.K. did Blue Jasmine.
David Paulino – Suspended for 80 games for boldenone, an anabolic steroid. I did some undercover work and found an expert and dealer in the forums on Muscle Talk dot com who told me, “Boldenone adds muscle mass and you will be a GOAT like the historically veterinary steroid used to treat. If you take it, Gary Allright, I promise that you will enduce (sic) erections in men and women — your choice. I will also throw in a leopard skin speedo to show off your new bod if you buy from me.” I’m like Vice News over here!
Carlos Correa – 4-for-5, 3 RBIs, hitting .319. Out of curiosity, I’d like to see if Correa tries to steal a base if a team pulls their catcher.
Yulieski Gurriel – 3-for-4, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and his 10th homer, and his 2nd homer in as many games. Hot schmotato alert!
Jonathan Lucroy – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs, hitting .263. Rangers said they’re open to trading Lucroy. These updates slay me. The Rangers are open to trading one of the biggest busts of the year? No way! The Indians, who Lucroy declined being traded to last year, should announce they’re declining considering trading for Lucroy. Gerunds be damned, that makes sense!
Matt Bush – 1 IP, 0 ER in 8th inning as the Rangers go the committee route on Bush. Wouldn’t that mean, they’re going with closer by ménage à trois? Ménage à SAGNOF? Bush is less effed than when he almost killed a man, but Comeback Player of the Year is in more jeopardy. Keone Kela, Jason Grilli (recently traded for), Jose Leclerc and Alex Claudio will be in the mix for saves, in that order. I’d go as deep as Grilli and Leclerc, because Kela, the obvious choice, is dealing with a sore shoulder. Yesterday, Leclerc blew the save (1 IP, 2 ER). Figures LeClerc would want to help out the White Sox on the diamond. Though, usually I see his name spelled, de Klerk.
Cole Hamels – 6 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.12. He’s all name value and getting by on good vibes and bad farts.
Mike Napoli – 1-for-4 and his 16th homer, 2nd homer in as many games, and, in the last week, honestly, nothing. I checked.
Melky Cabrera – 1-for-2, 2 runs and his 9th homer, hitting .285, and near-.350 in the last week. The Melk Man could be a light schmotato, and your father.
Jose Ramirez – 3-for-4, 4 runs, 4 RBIs and his 14th and 15th homer, hitting .325, and three homers in the last two games. He homered from both sides of the plate yesterday with two barely-out-of-there, wall-scrappers. Hey, they count, right? They do, it’s not a trick question.
Mike Clevinger – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners (5 BBs), 7 Ks, ERA at 3.33. I’ll admit it’s slightly ludicrous to say Clevinger is a streamer when his ERA is better than 98% of the MLB.
Justin Verlander – 3 1/3 IP, 7 ER, ERA up to 4.96. Wow, he’s useless. I thought he already reinvented himself. Can a person keep reinventing themselves? I mean, besides Mark Wahlberg.
Nick Castellanos – 1-for-4m 2 RBIs and his 10th homer, hitting .247. I’ll meet you at the corner of Exit Velocity and Launch Angle. Zip code is 9021-ohbombski!
Xander Bogaerts – Scratched yesterday because of his groin. TMI!
Hanley Ramirez – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 12th homer, hitting over .400 in the last week with three homers in the last ten days. Every year, without hashtag fail, Hanley manages to get hot for a month and makes his season-long stats digestible. Knowing this schmohawk, he’s going to spend a week of his hot streak sitting during the All-Star break. Behind the scenes at Razzball HQ, I’m busy doing the top 100 for the 2nd half which will be posted next week during the ASB, and I don’t think there’s any way Hanley makes it, but he’s the type that could be the best hitter for a month.
Mookie Betts – 4-for-6, 3 runs, 8 RBIs and a double slam (14, 15) and legs (15), hitting .286. Mookie Best!
Drew Pomeranz – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.64. He’s one of the rare pitchers who is doing better in away games, and I’m not surprised. Pomeranz’s value took an iceberg-right-ahead-sized hit when he went to Fenway.
Michael Conforto – Hit the DL with a bruised hand. About time, that thing was bruised last Sunday. While I want to believe Conforto will be fine in less than a week when his DL stint is up, but I get the sense the Mets are going to reveal Conforto has a broken hand around the time he’s due back.
Zack Wheeler – 3 2/3 IP, 0 ER as he was activated from the DL. Though, with a start under four innings, I’m kinda expecting to hear any moment now he’s still hurt.
Nick Pivetta – 7 IP, 1 ER, 1 Hit, 4 BBs, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.85. P. Ralph gave you his Pivetta fantasy not that long ago. For no other reason, you should look at those GIFs. Doode can throw, even if the results have been iffy at best.
Sam Dyson – 1 IP, 0 ER and the save on Saturday, and 1-2-3 on Sunday for his 2nd save with San Fran. Blessed thee Saturday Evening Post’s art and Fathers who play fantasy, for I have sinned. I picked up Sam Dyson for saves. Please, Fantasy Baseball Overlord, tell me how many Hail Marys I need to throw or how many Sammy Sosa signs of the crosses-points to heavens I need to do.
Brandon Belt – 3-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 16th homer, and 2nd homer this weekend. Any ideas what he’s hitting? Threw me for a loop, which might be oddly appropriate with Belt. He’s hitting .235. Damn.
Starling Marte – Began a rehab assignment. Realness: do players who are suspended for taking PEDs need to complete some kind of substance abuse program, and, if not, shouldn’t they?
John Jaso – 2-for-4 and his 7th homer as he hit third. No, not third after six men had already come to the plate, though that makes more sense to me.
Ian Happ – 3-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 11th and 12th homers. What’s the Happ’s? Home runs, dawg!
Anthony Rizzo – 1-for-4 and his 19th homer. HR to the Rizzo!
Jake Arrieta – 7 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners (1 Hit), 6 Ks, ERA at 4.33. Not to be that guy, though I’m as much that guy as William Fichtner, Arrieta has his worst xFIP since his ’14 breakout and has diminished velocity. This great start might be the chance you need to sell him.
Manuel Margot – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer, and 4 steals in the last week. Nope, no idea why you’re waiting to pick him up. Fear of success? That’s what your dad would tell us.
Dylan Bundy – 4 IP, 5 ER, ERA up to 4.02. Bundy’s doing the slow perp walk to a 4.75 ERA.
Kevin Gausman – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 5.61, but two relatively decent starts in a row. Conspiracy Theory Alert! What if Bundy is the proverbial butterfly and the tsunami in Southeast Asia is Gausman? Though, that might’ve been more believable with King Kong Bundy dropping a splash. As for fantasy, I still don’t trust Gausman at all, but his next matchup isn’t exactly the 1927 Yanks.
Mark Trumbo – 3-for-4, 2 runs and his 12th homer, hitting .253. He’s so overdue I’m beginning to wonder if he’s ever gonna birth a home run streak or if I should adopt a new Mancini.
Manny Machado – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 16th homer, hitting .217. On our Player Rater, Odor has been better than Machado. I know this is a bit like, “Hey, that turd is prettier than that barf,” but there ya go.
Michael Wacha – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 4.16. This start was in Busch (hehe) and Stream-o-Nator liked it (barely), but what I really want to talk about is his opponent, Gio Gonzalez – 7 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 2.77. Sure, he’s walking between raindrops a bit and not getting wet, but I wish I had a few more Gios and few less, “Man, Cueto should be so much better than he is.”
Carlos Martinez – 5 IP, 5 ER, ERA up to 3.15. “I only need a Quality Start from C-Mart in the last game of the week to win my H2H matchup,” said the prematurely balding man two hours before he was found at the bottom of a bowl of Flaming Hot Cheetos muttering to himself.
Tommy Pham – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 10th homer, hitting .283. He has three steals this week and is hitting around .300 in that time, while hitting out of the two hole. It’s about a week beyond the point when Pham should be owned, so, of course, he’s owned in only 13% of leagues.
Bryce Harper – 3-for-5, 4 RBIs and his 19th and 20th homer, hitting .318. I will say this for Harper. For spells, he gets even H-O-T-T-E-R than Trout, but he also gets colder than some guys you don’t even want to own. His June, for unstints, was not great.
Max Scherzer – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 12 Ks, ERA at 1.94. When we record our podcast today, I’m gonna ask Halp if we can use SeatGeek to get tickets for me to see Kershaw vs. Scherzer in the final round of the NL playoffs. Using sponsor code, RazzMLB, of course.
Julio Teheran – 6 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners (4 BBs), 8 Ks, ERA at 5.14. Lowercase yay! Do it at least two more times in a row and I’ll check back in.
Kurt Suzuki – 2-for-5 and two home runs (5, 6), because 2017, man.
R.A. Dickey – 6 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.44, though he does have three straight Quality Starts. I appreciate that a knuckleballer is named Dickey, but I can appreciate it from afar and not pick him up in fantasy.
Marcus Semien – Sticking with the Dickey theme, Semien is due back this week.
Sean Manaea – 7 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.75. Fun fact! Afa and Sika love Manaea, but wish he were more wild.
Ryon Healy – Left yesterday’s game with back spasms. Shouldn’t be long for Healy to, uh, heal.
Yasmany Tomas – Won’t be back any time soon after having a setback with his groin. Hope he didn’t get it caught in a door. That’s no fun!
A.J. Pollock – Says he might be back Tuesday. Hopefully this Pollock means this Tuesday.
Taijuan Walker – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.30. Damn, I was thisclose to streaming Taijuan, and, now that I see his season ERA, I realize how stupid it is that he was not only on waivers, but that I dropped him. #firstplaceproblems
Chris Owings – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 12th homer, and 3rd homer this weekend. I still get questions about Owings. He is top 5 for the entire major leagues on our Player Rater for shortstops, above Corey Seager, Bogaerts and Lindor, to name a few, and Kinsler, to name a Jew.
Eric Thames – 1-for-2, 2 runs and his 21st homer, hitting .243. How does this fit into the narrative that he only hits homers vs. the Reds? Ooh, ooh, I know! He hit the home run against the Miami Marlins, and there’s a lot of Cubans in Miami and Cuba is a Communist island filled with Reds! I didn’t even have to work very hard to jam that square peg in a round hole.
Orlando Arcia – 2-for-4 and his 8th homer, and 2nd homer in as many games, and I’ve been telling you to pick him up for about a week. If you take nothing else from this post, grab Arcia.
Marcell Ozuna – 3-for-6, 4 RBIs and his 21st and 22nd homers. OZUNA say goodbye to number one then number two. OZUNA always politely wave goodbye after flushing toilet.
Dan Straily – 6 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.51. Same exact sentiments as what I said above for Clevinger. I mean, really, you can’t find one starter to lose for Straily?
Rich Hill – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA at 4.00. If you own Hill, and I would, I wouldn’t celebrate to loudly. Loud celebrations have been known to cause blisters.
Whit Merrifield – 3-for-5, 1 run, 1 RBI and 3 steals (9, 10, 11), hitting .286. Hitting near-.225 in last week with mostly bupkis, to Whit.
Jose Berrios – 5 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.44. Be a real shame if Berrios ends up with a 4+ ERA after starting so well, but A) I don’t own him. B) Everyone has a 4+ ERA. C) There’s no C.
James Paxton – 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.27. Wow, least manic start I can remember from Paxton. Not crazy good or crazy bad, just normal. Paxton must’ve taken his Paxil.
Bud Norris – 1 IP, 0 ER in the 7th inning of a losing game, as he was activated from the DL. This is funny: I couldn’t have been more anti-Norris when he first got the Angels’ closer job, but now I’m actually rooting for him to get it back because I dropped Street and own Norris. Okay, not haha funny.
Ricky Nolasco – 9 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.42. On one summer night in 2017, Nolasco’s eight years of outperforming his peripherals came to a sudden halt like Cash Cab when you get a question wrong. Ooh, TV show idea! Cash Cab meets Taxi Cab Confessions. Very simply: you ask trivia questions of drunk people in Vegas. “What is the device used to remove varnish called? Hint: it’s sitting next to you in seven-inch heels.”