Please see our player page for Chris Owings to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.

Baseball is finally in full swing, and if you are a member of the Club of Deep-League Fantasy Baseball Owners (CDLFBO — pretty catchy, huh?), and play in NL-only, AL-only, or other extra deep leagues, you’ve come to the right place.  Each week, we swim in the deepest end of the player pool, taking a look at a handful of players that some shallow-leaguers may have never even heard of, but that we CDLFBOs might be needy enough to take a look at for our teams. Our threshold for now will be guys who are less than 10% owned in CBS leagues, so let’s see who might be out there waiting to cozy up to an available roster spot.

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Cougs’ brother bought a place in Jackson Hole, Wyoming; I mentioned to Cougs at one point in the last five years of marriage I skied once twenty years ago, and that’s the story of how I drafted a fantasy team falling graciously down the side of a mountain.  That’s right, ya boy went skiing this past weekend, and was drafting from a ski lift!  Thankfully, Geronimo Berroa is no longer in the league, because I might’ve ended up with him on my team because I kept screaming out his name during each round.  So, I took on the monsters of the industry in an AL Only league that was hosted by Scott White of CBS and I came away with a team that is more imbalanced than your aunt after two cocktails.  This league is deep so hold onto ye old hat. (If you want a shallower league, play against me and hundreds of your closest buddies in the Razzball Commenter Leagues.  Or closet buddies, if you’re reading fast and/or experimenting.)  Anyway, here’s my 12-team AL-Only team and some thoughts:

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We’ve done it!  We’ve reached the end of the fantasy baseball hitter rankings.  Give yourself a big round of applause.  I’d clap for you, but I have carpal tunnel from actually ranking all the hitters and writing all their blurbs and calculating all of their projections and– What exactly did you do?  Oh, yeah, you read them.  No wonder why your hands can still clap.  Okay, let’s get to it because this post is like 5,000 words long and I wrote it with my toes.  C’mon, pinkie toe, push down the shift key!  Here’s Steamer’s 2019 Fantasy Baseball Projections for Hitters and 2019 Fantasy Baseball Projections for Pitchers.  All projections listed are mine and I mention where I see tiers starting and stopping.  Anyway, here’s the top 100 outfielders for 2019 fantasy baseball:

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After going over the top 20 shortstops for 2019 fantasy baseball, I needed a cigarette.  A good after-sex cigarette, not a waiting-to-go-into-court-to-hear-if-you-have-to-spend-18-months-in-jail cigarette.  Subtle, but important differences.  We also hit up the top 20 catchers for 2019 fantasy baseball, the top 20 1st basemen for 2019 fantasy baseball and the top 20 2nd basemen for 2019 fantasy baseball.  In no way was that clickbait.  Okay, onto the hot corner.  Here’s Steamer’s 2019 Fantasy Baseball Projections for Hitters and 2019 Fantasy Baseball Projections for Pitchers.  All projections listed are mine and I mention where I see tiers starting and stopping.  Good times, dyn-o-mite!  Anyway, here’s the top 20 3rd basemen for 2019 fantasy baseball:

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One super quick word about the top 20 2nd basemen for 2019 fantasy baseball and all the 2019 fantasy baseball rankings, each ranking appears insanely long and it is, but I imagine in a lot of leagues guys won’t have eligibility, because I’m using the extremely lax Yahoo position eligibility.  Without further ado because this post is longer than the combined length of the Gutenberg Bible and Steve Guttenberg’s IMDB page, I mention where tiers start and stop and all projections are mine and cannot be reproduced without the express written consent of Major League–Damn, I’m being told by Major League Baseball I did not have express written consent to use their warning.  Anyway, here’s the top 20 2nd basemen for 2019 fantasy baseball:

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The Cardinals acquired Paul Goldschmidt for Luke Weaver, Carson Kelly and Andrew Young.  Or as they’re known in St. Louis, “Giggle, giggle, WUT.”  I’ll go over the “Giggle, giggle WUT” part of the trade after the lede jump.  As for Goldschmidt, Au Shizz was “aw shizz” until the beginning of June last year, as he hit .144 in May.  However, Au Shizz’s BABIP in May was .186, and his strikeouts boomed to 31.5%, because he was in an extended slump.  He still ended the season more valuable (33/7/.290) than, say, Freddie Freeman who played 162 games (23/10/.309).  Au Shizz still feels pretty risk-free, like you getting to the airport four hours before your flight.  At least less risky than your November charity pledge to go “condom free” or dressing as Jar Jar Binks for a Star Wars convention.  For 2019, I’m giving Au Shizz the projections of 102/30/105/.284/8 in 574 ABs.  He also scrambles up the Cards’ infield a bit.  Carpenter picks up his tools and screws Gyorko out of a 3rd base job, and Jedd’s on the wrong side of the Wong 2nd base platoon.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this offseason for 2019 fantasy baseball:

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This article originated as a Paul Goldschmidt buy low article. Unfortunately the Gold Rush was on last week in San Francisco and Colorado as Pauly went 16 for 28 with 4 homers, 10 extra base hits and 11 RBI over the six game road trip, ruining any semblance of a buy low opportunity that remained. The moral of the story? Donkey needs to learn to write d*ck jokes quicker if he wants to publish any future buy low articles.

On the plus side, a new glossary term was coined during the process. Blue Balls: When you’re trying to buy low, but the player breaks out before you’re able to close the deal [credit: Walter McMichael]. As the Goldschmidt window slammed shut on my fantasy blue balls, the idea hit me to instead analyze a bit of the effects of the new Chase Field humidor through 10 weeks.

Fortunately, prior to the vicious window slam, my blue balls had already stored the following home/away statcast exit velocity data for the five Diamondbacks players who have been active with Arizona for large portions of the last three seasons (as of 6/6/18):

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Hope everyone’s well rested and had a joyous Michael Bay Day.  If you couldn’t be American yesterday, I hope at least you got drunk and ate a bunch of hot dogs.  As they say in Mississippi, Amurica, “Spelling’s for sissies!”  In honor of Amurica’s half birthday, I hope you put a hot dog in your fly and went up to a female reporter, then let Roger Clemens watch you have sex with his wife.  Amurica would’ve wanted it that way!  Trevor Cahill did his part of keeping Amurica as true as the red, white and blue underwear you wash once a year and shut down those Rays, who we know want to have Devil in their name.  Cast out their demons, Trevamurica!  Yesterday, Cahill went 8 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners (zero walks), 6 Ks, ERA at 2.25.  He’s never gonna give you a fire emoji of 98 MPH or even throw his fastball more than 45% of time.  He is throwing his slider twice as much as last year, cutting his curve’s usage, and after about 11 years in the league, it looks like its paying dividends.  His ground ball rate is over 60% and his walk rate is down to 1.8 with a 8.4 K/9.  What, you a rich man’s Dallas Keuchel?  I will call you, Dynasty’s Carrington.  I could see owning him in almost all mixed leagues.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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Charlie Morton aka Ground Chuck was playing “Hamburger Patty Cake” with the Mariners yesterday — 7 IP, 0 ER, 3 hits, 0 walks, 8 Ks, ERA at 0.72, WHIP at 0.88.  Ground Chuck said, “I’m A-1, try to ketchup.”  Then he took a long pull off his Jamaican meat patty, and continued to speak in food allusions, “I’m topped by Monterey Jack, you’re whack.” Ground Chuck cracked his knuckles, “I make you so gay, you try to find Ground Chuck on Grindr.”   Then, after a pause, “Gay, as in happy, but no judgments.”  Finally, concluding, “If the Babe had a kid named Chris, then Ruth’s Chris still ain’t got shizz on Morton’s.”  Charlie Morton sounds a bit cocky there, but he has every reason to be.  In the preseason, I said, “A pitcher that goes through life as an also-ran to turn it around in his 30’s is rare.  One other guy comes to mind, his name rhymes with Bitch Chill.  Anyhoo, I’m buying into Morton’s transformation.  How about a late-in-career transformation we call The Caitlyn Jenner?  No?  Okay.”  And that’s me quoting me!  One thing I did not understand at all was why there were so many skeptics on Morton this preseason.  It was as if they ignored all of his previous season, and did not watch him in the playoffs.  Ground Chuck is Salisbury Steak’ing his claim as a top five starter.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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Hello and welcome!  We’re going to take a look at the AL and NL league leaders in each standard rotisserie category after the first full week of baseball and discuss, analyze, and Razz it up! (90’s phrasing!) My favorite in the group is ONLY available when there is a tie in a category. Waiting in the weeds is a pitcher or hitter that is not currently leading the category, but could find their way into the lead soon…

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