Okay, there won’t be a Wander Franco (2-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs) lede after every game he plays. It’s like when FTJ, Acuña, Vlad Jr. and others were called up. You need to bask in the GLORY. Yes, capitalized. When the game started, I was like, “If Wander Franco doesn’t homer in his first at-bat, is he still a 1st ballot Hall of Famer?” I questioned that deeply, like a monk. Then when he walked in his 1st at-bat, I questioned him. “Who does Wander Franco think he is, Jackie Bradley Jr?” Then as Ryan Yarbrough (2 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 4.59) stretched the third inning into a two-hour affair, I thought, “Wander Franco, began his career on June 22nd, 2021, then ended his career 20 years later, during the very same game.” Finally, Yarbrough was yanked, er, um, Red Sox’d, and we went to at-bat number two and I was eating dinner. So, no report on that. Then, came his first major league home run, a golf shot without a Tiger Woods fist pump. I’ll always remember where I was when I saw Wander Franco’s 1st home run: the toilet. God bless Wander, and chicken parm sandwiches. The Rays calling up Wander Franco was worth it just so I could look at the left side of their infield and say, “Anyway, here’s Wander/Walls.” So, on actionable fantasy advice: A top five team — one that made the World Series — calls up their top prospect, plants him in the most important slot in the order, according to analytics. What does that say? It tells me Vidal Brujan (and/or Josh Lowe) are coming up very soon. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Byron Buxton – Diagnosed with a fracture of his hand. It’s called a boxer’s fracture. Too bad Buxton didn’t do it while in a slaughterhouse boxing hanging meat like Rocky, so there would be some sorta closure to his circle of injuries with his first injury this year, when he fractured his tooth on a steak. This is Buxton, “Cowa-bummer.” Baldelli says Buxton might be out for a month or two. We’ll see if Buxton has any fight left in him.
Bailey Ober – 4 1/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 4.64. Bailey wasn’t like other streamers (Remote Control); Stats mattered, nothing else did (Remote Control); Grey said yes and Streamonator said no (Remote Control), which is how I got burned trying to stream Ober yesterday, even though I don’t even like him. Just dumb pressing (Remote Control).
Ryan Jeffers – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer. Jeffers better get his dongs in before Garver returns with his recently reattached unit.
Trevor Larnach – 1-for-5 and his 5th homer, and 2nd homer since last Friday, which, I guess, is an endorsement. Though, not being 100% sure of an endorsement isn’t an endorsement.
Max Kepler – 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer, hitting .211. Twins are having the Giants’ season in opposite. The Twins look so much better on paper than they are. Does Josh Donaldson even still play baseball?
Hansel Robles – 1 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 3.48. In the same game, Lucas Sims (0 IP, 3 ER), ERA at 5.02. Before the game, “Whatever happens here, if this game is close,” excitedly rubs hands together, “I have Robles and Sims, so let that save roll in!” After the game, “Siri, if I rub my hands together, can I generate a spark to burn down my computer showing my fantasy team?” Amir Garrett (1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 8.44) got the save, but life is too short and my stomach is too filled with ulcers to grab Garrett.
Wade Miley – 7 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.85. ACKCHUALLY has been very decent this year. Do I buy it? Haha, no, not at all. Maybe Miley can get himself traded out of the stuck in neutral Reds.
Tyler Naquin – 4-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 12th homer, hitting .261. On Monday, I got a home run from Aquino. Yesterday, I got a home run from…slowly remembering and anagramming…O, Naquin.
Zack Greinke – 7 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.56. Greinke’s pitching mad, like Chipotle just raised their prices…Wait a minute! They did!
Myles Straw – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer. I have to move on quickly because every time I see his name I imagine cracking his head open and using him as a straw to drink boba.
Adam Frazier – 1-for-3, 2 runs and his 3rd homer, hitting .322. This home run came against the White Sox, which is a bit of a double-edged sword. You want to show perspective buyers what you can do if they trade for you, but you also don’t want to beat them out of the playoff hunt.
Tyler Anderson – 6 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.82. One of the few pitchers who should be better than his ERA, that I believe can be better than his ERA. Though, he’s basically a home start-only guy, so Streamonator rightfully tells you avoid his next.
Max Scherzer – 5 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.19, as he was activated from the IL. Kevin from ESPN’s “Get Him In Your Lineup” Department said, “Had to go to the ER yesterday, because I was watching Guy Frieri eat nopales, and I tried to eat a cactus.” By the way, Scherzer being checked by umps is so hilarious. Good stuff, Rob Manfred, you giant idiot.
You thought explaining to your kids how to keep score was complicated. Try explaining why the pitcher is taking his pants off after each inning
— Razzball (@Razzball) June 23, 2021
Bryce Harper – 2-for-4 and his 9th homer. Nice to see because I had concerns about his shoulder. Only way this could’ve been more helpful for peace of mind is if he hit it just out of the reach of Soto, so I could see him raise his arm without shoulder pain too.
Luke Voit – 2-for-3 and his 2nd homer, as he was activated from the IL. Kevin from ESPN’s “Get Him In Your Lineup” Department said, “When I was signed my name into the ER, I did so sloppily, then asked a doctor if he could read it.”
DJ LeMahieu – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer, hitting .263. Snooze. Yawn. LeMEHieu.
Gerrit Cole – 7 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.33. *puts on night goggles, turns out all the lights, opens Cole’s Statcast page, zeroes in on Spin Rates, night goggles begin to burn retinae* Damn it! Expose your spin rates, Cole! *smoke rises from my eyelids*
Ryan O’Hearn – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 2nd straight game with a homer. Only problem is his last game was May 27th. Maybe he’s returned hot, but need to see more in most leagues.
Max Muncy – 0-for-2 as he was activated from the IL. Kevin from ESPN’s “Get Him In Your Lineup” Department said, “They read my name wrong off the intake form at the ER, but I continued to let them call me, Penguin.”
Jake Cronenworth – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 10th homer, and 2nd homer in as many games. As mentioned yesterday, he’s been valuable. You’ve really got your Cronen’s worth.
Blake Snell – 5 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 5.29. As frequent commenter Slimcompoop pointed out in the comments yesterday, “Snell has a 1.65 ERA and 50 Ks in 32.2 innings at home.” Poop dropping knowledge.
Ketel Marte – Left yesterday’s game legging out a double. Yesterday afternoon, I also just moved my only share of Ketel Marte in a trade with…Guess who. No, you know. C’mon. I traded him to Donkey Teeth! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA–*coughs wildly, drinks some water* Sorry, I lost it for a second. Any hoo! I got back Aroldis Chapman because I needed saves, and Donkey Teeth got back an injured player! I need to move on otherwise I will lose it again.
Zac Gallen – 5 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.67. This was a 9-inning shutout from Gallen as far as I’m concerned. Speaking of concerned, he threw only 68 pitches. How is this sustainable? Against a major league offense, he’s going to be a three-inning pitcher.
Kolten Wong – 2-for-5 and his 6th homer, and 2nd homer in three games, hitting .287. I’ve already started working on this week’s Buy column, which will be up on the Patreon later today, and Friday here. I have Wong in there (hey now!), but he really should be rostered in more than 50% of leagues.
Freddy Peralta – 6 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 4 walks, 10 Ks, ERA at 2.11. Don’t even want to talk about him for fear of jinxing.
Christian Yelich – 2-for-4 and his 4th homer, hitting .260. Ugh, just lost $5 betting someone that Yelich retired in April.
Justin Upton – Left with lower back tightness. Welp, Upton — Welpton? — lasted longer than anyone thought.
Wilmer Flores – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer, and three homers in two games, and now he’s hitting like an All-Star. The Giants could sign a recently retired Jay Bruce and he’d contend for NL MVP. Just the way the Giants are going this year.
Mauricio Dubon – 2-for-4 and his 5th homer, hitting .245. Just had a thought. Not related to Dubon, but has MLB thought about just playing all games pants-less? Also, after a team wins the World Series, is the catcher going to embrace the winning reliever while the umps check his underwear?
Anthony DeSclafani – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 2.77. Benefit to having DeSKA Man in only NL-Only leagues? I can’t ever sit him, because I would’ve a few times when he still pitched well. In fact — Grey’s got more! — he’s really only one had one bad start all year, but that was a doozy.
Andrew Heaney – 6 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 4.72. I hate Heaney, wouldn’t roster him, but, even I’ll concede, yesterday should’ve been a better start.
Chris Flexen – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.87. This was vs. the Rockies in Seattle, and the Rockies on the road are a must-start against, and the Mariners aren’t a bad streaming competitor either. It’s a wonder either team scored.
Kris Bryant – 1-for-3, 2 runs and his 14th homer, hitting .278. At the end of May, I told you to sell Bryant. At the time, he was hitting .324. He has two homers in June, and is hitting .123 in June (going into yesterday). I won’t even remind you how I told you to sell Yermin Mercedes when he was hitting .375, and seemed like a surefire Rookie of the Year.
Kyle Hendricks – 6 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.84. Hendfixed? Hendfixed!
Patrick Wisdom – 1-for-4 and his 10th homer. Dur, having Wisdom was so two weeks ago.
Johan Oviedo – 3 2/3 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 4.62 vs. Tarik Skubal – 4 2/3 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 4.33. This was a matchup billed as, “I don’t feel great about streaming either of these guys but here goes nothing.” As you can imagine, not a ton of people called it this.
Jonathan Schoop – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 14th homer, hitting .277. Don’t worry, still getting at least one question a day asking about dropping him.
Matt Chapman – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 9th homer, 2nd homer in the last three games. Maybe getting hot, and maybe his Statcast numbers mean nothing, because he was battling shoulder issues earlier this year, but woof all the blue on his exit velocity.
Joey Gallo – 1-for-3 and his 13th homer, and 2nd homer in three games. Nice to see him do what he should be doing, but — and I’m sorry a but follows me wherever I go — he has the same number of homers as Ramon Laureano (3-for-5, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and his 13th homer).
Eli White – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer. Nothing appears sustainable about his power, but maybe he’s hot. The name Eli isn’t hot, that’s for sure. “Eli, you wanna do my taxes? Sure. Eli, you wanna hump and pump? No thank you.”
Joey Lucchesi – Will undergo Tommy John surgery on Thursday. Good for him, not wasting any time, but, and sorry there’s a but here, the Mets diagnosed him. Is he sure he’s not having Tommy John surgery for, like, a hernia?
Max Fried – Hit the IL because a bunch of fantasy teams suddenly got open IL slots. Wait, that’s not right, he has a blister. That explains why he asked to be called Max Ointment.
Charlie Morton – 7 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, two walks, 11 Ks, ERA at 3.68. Said nice things about Morton last week. Today, I say go check out Last Week Grey.
Dansby Swanson – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 12th homer. Unlike most of my Buy Lows that close their opportunity window in about 48 hours, I think you can still get Swanson.
Sixto Sanchez – Throwing from 120 feet. Someone’s trying to get Quentin Tarantino horny.
Corey Dickerson – Will be in a walking boot for three weeks. Goes to show you, pay your jaywalking tickets.
Jesus Sanchez – 1-for-3 and his 2nd homer. Haha, Wander my fanny! Sanchez has twice as many homers!
Sandy Alcantara – 8 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 2.93. Not to pick on anyone, but I’m not sure how anyone could ask if they should start Alcantara, as a few people did yesterday. If he were facing the 1927 Yankees in Miami, I’d start him.
George Springer – 0-for-4 as he was activated from the IL. Kevin from ESPN’s “Get Him In Your Lineup” Department said, “This is awesome, I’m gonna start wearing a tuxedo and going by the name Penguin.”
Alek Manoah – Suspended for five games for throwing at Maikel Franco. Hope we get a split screen with him and his mom during the suspension, as he surfs the internet and she screams for him to lower his music.