Howie Kendrick is out for multiple 10-day DLs with a ruptured Achilles injury. Look at it this way, if Achilles couldn’t come right back from an Achilles injury, how would Kendrick? He can’t, he’s out for the year. Enter stage left, Juan Soto. True story, as I was listening to Prospector Ralph and Lance Broetc. discuss the top 25 prospects for fantasy baseball (clickbait!), every time Ralph would say Juan Soto I’d think he was asking Lance if he wanted soda. I kept wanting to say, just give him a Dr. Pepper and stop asking if he’s thirsty! I don’t drink Soto, because it makes me burp, but I’ll tell you what? I’ve found a special appreciation for La Croix. Give me flavored seltzer or give me death, as Alan Hale Jr. once said. Any hoo! Love, love, lurve what the Nats did. If you have a guy that’s going to be a superstar? You call him up! H to the hockey sticks with an E in between! If the Blue Jays don’t call up Vlad soon, I will call them the BJs for the rest of eternity. Ralph has gone over Juan Soto so many times, that it’s silly to reiterate. Literally, he just wrote a Juan Soto fantasy. If you’re really lazy and you have wheels on your barcalounger so you can get around, the most succinct is Soto could be a 35/12/.300 hitter during his peak and is 19 years old with extra fizz. You can expect this year something similar to Bryce Harper’s rookie year — 20/15/.270. If your eyes don’t bug out on that, you’ve lost feeling in your eyes. Get them checked. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Max Scherzer – 7 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 13 Ks, ERA at 1.78. Not saying he is this! Not saying that! But — and this is a large ‘but’ like seen on The Widettes — Vince Velasquez isn’t that different than Scherzer at the age of 25. It’s why we don’t give up on huge strikeout guys.
Ross Stripling – 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 2.08. A scene from the day before Opening Day, Act 1, Take 1. The entire Dodgers’ team bus stops at a red light. A clowder of black cats crosses in front the bus. Dave Roberts looks out the window, “That can’t be good.” Then suddenly, the Dodgers realize Ross Stripling isn’t on the bus. Later that day, Stripling asks, “Did I miss anything?” Kershaw shrugs and injures his shoulder.
Yasmani Grandal – 1-for-4 and his 8th homer, hitting .270. He was recently on waivers in my RCL, and I put in a claim for him, because, well, he shouldn’t have been on waivers. On our Player Rater, Yasmani > Posey, and it’s not close.
Yasiel Puig – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer, and moved all the way up to six hole! Lucky that Dave Roberts is moving him up slowly, wouldn’t want Puig getting vertigo.
Alex Wood – 6 IP, 2 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks, 1 SB, ERA at 3.32. Wood stole a base then left with a leg cramp. Not saying they’re related, but I’m saying they’re related by saying they’re unrelated.
Shohei Ohtani – 7 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 3.35. Never said he wasn’t good, but, on our Player Rater, he’s barely a top 35 starter. Takes a lot of wind out of his sails only pitching once a week.
Blake Parker – 1 IP, 0 ER, and his 2nd save, ERA at 2.78. As Billy Joel would say, if you think Parker gets the next save, you might be right, The Sciosciapath might be crazy.
Sergio Romo – 1 1/3 IP, 0 ER and started two games this week. Conspiracy Theory Alert! Kevin Cash is in a fantasy league with 11 aliens, and they look to the Rays to try to understand baseball, so to throw them off, Cash is starting Romo every game. Or Kevin Cash’s is being advised by Brian Kenny. Either explanation is valid.
Johnny Field – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 4th homer, hitting near-.375 in the last week with two homers. In Witness Protection, his name would be Billy Batts.
Brandon Belt – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 11th homer. And there’s his fifth homer this week. He will now disappear for three weeks or I will eat my hat (I don’t wear hats; have you seen my hair?)
Jon Gray – 3 2/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 5.34. Everyone with the name Gray sucks. *turns to the mirror* I’m sorry, but I’m disappointed! Don’t pout, it’s not gonna help…Okay, it helps a little, you’re cute. I think the day Jon Gray goes into San Fran and comes up throwing turdburgers, you have to reevaulate what you own on your fantasy team and look elsewhere.
— (((Rudy Gamble))) (@rudygamble) May 19, 2018
Luis Castillo – 5 IP, 1 ER, 11 baserunners (5 BBs), 4 Ks, ERA at 5.61. Know what I wish for? No, not world peace. A ketchup packet in every citizen’s packet? What the hell are you talking about? No! I wish Castillo could throw a clean game with no control issues.
Ian Happ – Hit two homers this weekend, now hitting .254 with 7 homers. One meaningless series (to me) began what I hope is Ian Happ’s star mitzvah. Were you invited? No? Oh, that’s a shame, the invites were written on black & white cookies, too. They were delicious. Now, please let Ian Happ be turning into a man!
Ben Zobrist – 1-for-4, 2 runs and his 2nd homer, hitting .290, as he hit leadoff. Maddon’s heroin is batting Zobrist leadoff. He can’t stop it.
Javier Baez – 3-for-4 and his 11th homer, hitting .268. Just gonna leave this here: he’s hitting 7th again.
Jose Quintana – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners (4 BBs), 7 Ks, ERA at 4.47. Whoa, you almost shut the Quintana Buy Low Window on my fingers! Careful. Guys (and 5 señoritas), last time I went over Quintana I said he struggled in April/May of last year too.
Yu Darvish – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners (3 BBs), 7 Ks, ERA at 4.95. There’s something to be said about pitching well against a garbage team. I’ll let you fill in that something.
Sam Gaviglio – 5 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 0.93. This game was home and against the A’s, so I don’t want to blow shizz out of proportion with Sammy “The Bull” Gaviglio, but his peripherals look gorge. I don’t know how long he’ll be in the rotation, or if he’s even in it, but his command is superior donuts (1.9 BB/9) and his K/9 is 11.2. Definitely cyclops’ing him.
Khris Davis – Left with a right groin strain. He’s still right with his left groin.
Sean Manaea – 5 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA up to 2.71. I go over Manaea in the video at the top of the post, it’s, uh, how do they say in Italian in 1930’s stereotypical cartoons, notta-so-good. Hey, somebody toucha my spaghet!
Eduardo Rodriguez – 5 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 9 baserunners (0 BBs), 7 Ks, ERA at 4.13. A fantasy baseball O-face should come (poor word choice) every time you see anyone facing the O’s. Starts vs. the O’s mean absolutely nothing in the big picture on how good a pitcher is.
J.D. Martinez – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 14th and 15th homer. Just Dong, because what else are you going to do with that name? Also, Andrew Benintendi hit two homers this weekend because: O’s pitching.
J.D. Davis – Was called on Sunday to platoon with Evan Gattis. Okay, but CBS ranked Gattis top 20 overall in the preseason, so what gives? Davis has been fire emoji in the minors, but, in the majors, he’s been an Incel emoji wiping dandruff off its shoulders. Could see the flyer, but best case scenario is likely 15/3/.240 rest of season.
James Paxton – 9 IP, 2 ER, 4 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.30. You know how all time is happening at the same time? In Stephen Hawking’s book, A Brief History of Time, Chapter 3 titled, “We’re All In Flux Capacitor.” Hawking states, “Your future self is playing fantasy baseball with your past self, don’t ask me how, they just are.” Okay, with that in mind, your past self is like, “Why couldn’t I get the Paxton breakout like you’re getting? Stupid Future Self!”
Wade LeBlanc – 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks, 1 homer allowed, ERA at 2.65. Stream-o-Nator liked this start for Tribbiani, let’s see what it predicted: 5 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks, 1 homer allowed. Geez, it was eight baserunners, not five! C’mon, robot!
Francisco Liriano – 8 IP, 2 ER, 1 hit, 3 BBs, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.42. Comatose Twins fan just woke from a 12-year coma, “I can’t believe Liriano is still dominating! Damn, I told Geena it would be cool if we name our kids, Francisco and Liriano, but she was so hesitant! Wait, why is everyone looking at me funny? Hey, where is Geena? Where’s Francisco and Liriano? Why am blinking to make words come up on a computer screen?”
John Hicks – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer. Serious question from me to the universe, can Hicks please start a few more games at catcher? I need him in my NFBC lineup. Thanking you in advance.
Steven Matz – 4 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 4.42. In most mixed leagues, he can be taken to the Matzresses.
Amed Rosario – 2-for-3 and his 1st and 2nd homer, hitting .248. I’ve been impressed with how yawnstipating Rosario has been. I will call him Ameh Rosario.
Jose Bautista – Released by the Braves. Here’s you when he debuted for the Braves, “Grey, you’re handsome AF, but why no love for Bautista? I’ll take 27 homers from a waiver wire pickup all day! You’re missing the boat. Have a nice day.” Here’s you now, “Should I re-pick up Villanueva?”
Sean Newcomb – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 2.39. If I were reranking right now, I’d have Newcomb somewhere in the 25-35 range for starters. Yup, me love long time.
Miguel Rojas – 3-for-3, 3 runs, 4 RBIs and two homers (6, 7), hitting .264, and batting 7th. Mattingly, Dave Roberts and Maddon are on a raft in the South Pacific, how long do they last? As long as it takes to suck the air out.
Lewis Brinson – 2-for-5, 4 RBIs and his 6th homer, hitting .168. He had literally one hit in the last week before Sunday, so saying schmotato is overstating things.
Brad Ziegler – 2/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 7.20. On the same team, so, ya know, Mattingly doesn’t need to look far, Kyle Barraclough 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 1.66. Geez, tough call. Brad Ziegler, noted baseball card collector, would trade his own card for Barraclough’s.
Nate Jones – 1 IP, 0 ER and the save on Saturday. The White Sox closer job looks to be 80/10/5/5 — Jones/I don’t know/maybe Soria or Rondon but doesn’t matter if Jones is closing 80% of the time/Jace Fry, who got the save on Sunday and has not allowed a hit or run in 8 1/3 IP this year. Fry is a lefty, so he might only be situational, but the situation for lefty hitters is dire vs. Fry. Fry-ire?
Reynaldo Lopez – 8 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.98. There’s as much a chance his next game is a no hitter as it is a 3 IP, shellacking.
Didi Gregorius – Sat two games in a row due to slumping and might return further down the lineup. On May 4th, I said for you to sell Didi. Let’s just see what he’s done since: 1-for-54 with 1 RBI. Hmm, that’s weird. So, he’s not a 50-homer hitter with a .360 average? Odd.
Greg Bird – Could return this week. He’s hitting .174 in the low minors. This Bird you can, indeed, cage.
Sonny Gray – 8 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 5.48. Great, he’s startable against the bottom five teams in the league. Helpful!
Tyler Austin – 2-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 7th and 8th homer, hitting .261. Three homers in the last three games, hitting near-.400 in the last week, hot schmotato alert!
Miguel Andujar – 3-for-5, 2 runs and his 4th homer, hitting .286. In a deeper mixed league, I have owned Andujar since he was raking in early March. At no point have I considered dropping him. And, no, that team is not doing poorly!
Trevor Williams – 6 IP, 4 ER, 4 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.05. Obviously, not great vs. the Padres, but (here’s where Grey justifies it) his WHIP in the game was 0.67 and the Padres had quite a few fortunate hits.
Josh Harrison – 3-for-4, 1 RBI as he was activated from the DL and hit leadoff immediately. C**nt Hurdle is so predictable. What does it say to your team that you’re batting a guy leadoff who has said he wants a trade? Seriously, eff Harrison, they should bat him 8th. Instead….wait for it…here it comes…my blood is boiling good…
Austin Meadows – 3-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer, hitting .455 over the weekend, and is hitting 7th. But wait, it gets better still! C**nt pinch-hit for Meadows in the 9th in a close game!
Joe Musgrove – Will debut for the Pirates on Friday. I like Musgrove, but, in theory, I won’t pick him up. That theory is, “Shoulder Injuries Are Not Good For Pitchers, And Musgrove Had One.” It’s a very specific theory.
Christian Villanueva – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 12th homer, hitting .250 and had more success with righties this weekend, now up to 3 HRs vs. righties. Don’t totally love a guy taking on goose eggs vs. righties like Veruca Salt, but maybe he’s making adjustments.
Greg Holland – 2/3 IP, 2 ER, ERA up to 7.30 and yet another blown save on Saturday (in the 8th inning). Holland’s shakier than the tulip market in the 1600’s.
Tyler O’Neill – 3-for-4, 2 runs and his 1st and 2nd homer (across two games) as he was recalled this weekend. Giddy up! Dot dot dot. He’s not playing. Dot dot dot. Or is he?! The almost unheard of “Dot Dot Dot Double Reversal!” I grabbed O’Neill in one deeper league, but held off going crazy in shallower leagues. If you have room, by all means. I do kinda love O’Neill; I’d love him more if he wore only O’Neill wetsuits.
Jack Flaherty – 7 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 13 Ks, ERA at 2.31. Batting your doe eyes, “In the best case scenario, what is Flaherty capable of?” I simply point at his line yesterday. Yes, I’d own him. Lance will have a post about him later today.
Rhys Hoskins – 1-for-4 and his 6th homer, hitting .250. I don’t want to jump the gun, and do a supreme psych job on you — which is a psych job with sour cream — but Hoskins might finally be coming out of his funk.
Freddy Peralta – 4 IP, 4 ER, 3 hits, 6 BBs, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.72. Everyone who bid on Peralta last Sunday missed his insane start in Coors, then got this garbage. I don’t mean to laugh, but I am. Sorry, that is some serious schadenfreude with Peralta. Schadenfreddy?
Jesus Aguilar – 2-for-4 and his 7th homer, and 4th homer this weekend. Huge weekend and batting third for the Brewers. Just drop your fantasy baseball password in the comments, I’ll grab him for your team.
Jake Odorizzi – 5 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 3.17. Okay, that deserves me taking a 2nd look at his player page. *looks* Fine, grab him in 12 team leagues and deeper. What? You want me to tell you what I saw? So, you don’t trust me? That hurts, over-the-internet friend. I thought we had an unspoken, never-seen bond.
Joe Mauer – Hit the DL with concussion symptoms. Fo’serious, are we sure Mauer recovered from his concussion six years ago? Maybe that’s why he went from a 27-homer guy to an 8-homer guy. Not even joking. Like in the 1970’s Hollywood: A studio exec, “That Goldie Hawn is so daffy!” Another studio exec, “Actually, she had a 17-year concussion.” First exec again, “Whatever puts asses in seats!”