Yesterday, Abraham Toro-Hernandez (0-for-4) was called up by the Astros. Funny, I thought Abraham Toro-Hernandez was one of those special sushi rolls. “It’s got lox for the Jews, toro because it’s sushi and it’s served in a giant tostada. You want?” That’s the sushi restaurant waitress who is always annoyed. For Toro-Hernandez, I did a google (which is similar to when a baby says ‘I did a doo-doo,’ because you don’t do nothing but sh*t for 20 minutes), and I’ve come to realize the most overused expression of the last five years is “The Most Interesting Man.” Saw one article talk about how Toro was “The Most Interesting Man” because he spoke multiple languages and grew up in Montreal. That doesn’t make him interesting, that makes him from Montreal. Why does this infuriate me? He looks like a batting average-forward guy (.306 in Double-A) with some power (16 HRs in 98 games), and more speed than he’s shown in the minors (4 SBs). Appears to be a bit raw and maybe just a bench guy, but major league pitching and Double-A might not be that different, so Shruggy the Emoji shrugs. With Correa needing a giant bubble to stay healthy, Toro could see everyday starts at 3rd, and I could see grabbing him for the flier and upside. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
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Throwing a 9 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 12 Ks game against the 1927 Twins by Lucas Giolito can mean only one thing, today, we celebrate Lucas Giolito’s Star Mitzvah! Mazel tov! Here’s a check for $18. Many blessings from your bubbeleh. But, oy, it’s hot in here, can we turn on the fan? Forget the electric bill for one day, it’s a Star Mitzvah! Your uncle, Shlomo, didn’t retire to Boca Raton and leave me with the money he won from scratch-off tickets so I can’t turn on the fan once in a while. Guys and five girl readers, Giolito is a legend. Who isn’t a Giolito fan? (Besides the Streamonator; why the long face, tin can head?) I’ve already given you my Lucas Giolito 2020 fantasy too, that’s what a legend he is. This is his 2nd insane game this month, and, brucely, it’s more fun to revel in great pitching performances this year than the 400th three-homer game. Last time, I said Giolito would be a top 15 starter. Now I’m starting to think I was being too low. Dude’s so lit he’s got that shizz in his last name! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Here, friend, are some catchers that I will be targeting at my 2019 fantasy drafts after the top options are gone. I’m not going to get into the strategy of punting catchers. Been there, half-drunkenly wrote that years ago. Click on the player’s name where applicable to read more and see their 2019 projections. This is a (legal-in-most-countries) supplement to the top 20 catchers of 2019 fantasy baseball. Now, guys and five girl readers, I am not saying avoid catchers like Yasmani Grandal if they fall, but to get on this list, you need to be drafted later than 200 overall, and, to preemptively answer at least seven comments, yes, I will go around the entire infield, outfield and pitchers to target very late. Anyway, here’s some catchers to target for 2019 fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
It’s that time of the year to talk about everyone’s favorite topic, rebuilding! The Detroit Tigers are in full rebuild mode and likely will be for the next two to three seasons. The front office claims they want to compete in 2020 but progress is a slow process in Detroit. The most exciting thing to happen for Tigers fans last season was trying to decipher what happened during the fight between local broadcasters Mario Impemba and Rod Allen. Miguel Cabrera DH and friends lost 98 games last year and finished 3rd in a weak AL Central, which boasts a few other rebuilding teams with high expectations this year (looking at you Twins and White Sox.) I’m going to keep writing DH every time I type Miguel Cabrera until it becomes true. Thoughts become things. Did you know Justin Verlander, J.D. Martinez, and David Price were once on this team? Of course you did, but I have to mention it or someone in the comments will say “I can’t believe you didn’t mention they used to have JV, JD, and David?!”Please, blog, may I have some more?
I have to keep this short, because after the jump is going to be the longest post you’ve ever seen in your life. How do I know all the posts you’ve seen to compare this one to? Because I’m sitting behind you. *waves* Hey! Also, the top 20 1st basemen for 2019 fantasy baseball are the saddest crop of 60-something 1st basemen I’ve ever seen. I’m shook, Baby Boo! So, I’ve given you the top 10 for 2019 fantasy baseball, top 20 for 2019 fantasy baseball and top 20 catchers for 2019 fantasy baseball. Here’s Steamer’s 2019 Fantasy Baseball Projections for Hitters and 2019 Fantasy Baseball Projections for Pitchers. All projections included here are mine, and where I see tiers starting and stopping are included. Let’s do this! Anyway, here’s the top 20 1st basemen for 2019 fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Hello, darkness, my old friend. But replace ‘darkness’ with ‘catchers’ and ‘my old friend’ with ‘we have to get through this to get further into our 2019 fantasy baseball rankings.’ Hmm…Then replace ‘our 2019 fantasy baseball rankings’ with ‘my 2019 fantasy baseball rankings,’ then replace ‘with’ with ‘wit’ to millennialify it, then replace every third ‘replace’ with ‘in place of’ to diversify word choice because my 3rd grade teacher, Ms. Pinatauro, said we shouldn’t repeat words–Actually, she can eat it! After going over the top 10 for 2019 fantasy baseball and the top 20 for 2019 fantasy baseball (clickbait!), we are now in the positional rankings, and all 2019 fantasy baseball rankings can be found there. Here’s Steamer’s 2019 Fantasy Baseball Projections for Hitters and 2019 Fantasy Baseball Projections for Pitchers. The projections noted in the post are my own, and I mention where tiers start and stop. I also mention a bunch of hullabaloo, so let’s get to it. Anyway, here’s the top 20 catchers for 2019 fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
It’s all Rangers, all the time up in this Mug’s Root Beer. You in your 90’s, “Hey, kiddo, I remember back in the August of 2018, this young man, Grey Albright. He had a full head of hair and a gorgeous hairlip. Well, that young squirrel talked at length about the Texas Rangers. Texas? You don’t remember that? It was a state. It became a part of Meh-eee-co after the War of 2020, when Admiral Kushner tried to invade Tijuana to erect a large-scale fence twenty yards from an already erected fence. Oh, well, it was nice talking to you, I’m going back to watch The Real Housewives of Miami Island.” Yesterday, Joey Gallo (3-for-5, 4 RBIs and his 30th and 31st homer) lit up the scoreboard like the Macy’s Day Parade. Macy’s Day is a holiday when jeans you don’t want are purchased cheaply by relatives and handed to you, much to your chagrin. It’s a tradition; don’t act above it. You, “Can this guy really talk for 500 words about Joey Gallo without talking about Joey Gallo?” Just try me! So, Gallo is on pace for a nearly identical year to last year when he hit 41 HRs and .209. Right now, his average is at .202, but, don’t worry, he’s got at least .007 in that bat! His strikeout rate never budged from last year no matter what spring training narratives were saying about him cutting his Ks down. Have you seen his swing? He starts in Austin and ends in Arlington. Never the hoo! He is who he is, and good at what he does — hit bombs. Now, see you back here tomorrow for all the dirt on Isiah Kiner’s Korner with Falafel. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
First Friday after the trade deadline and we have a 14 game slate on FanDuel. Since my head’s still spinning like my 3 year old struggling to steer the bumper cars, we’ll get through these same faces in different places together. I’m pretty excited to see what Chris Archer can do with a fresh start in Pittsburgh. He comes in at a very reasonable $9,000, and faces a pretty righty heavy Cardinals team (could see 6 + the pitcher), that sports a bottom-third wOBA and wRC+ vs RHP. Let’s see what else this Friday slate brings us.
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*visoring your eyes with your hand, squinting at the light as you emerge from your mother’s basement* “Hey, mom, it’s the All-Star break and I thought I’d come up to say hello.” Where the house once stood, it’s now a Whole Foods, and you’re standing in the cheese aisle. Confused, you approach a man in Birkenstocks, “Excuse me, is this 450 Palm Terrace Road?” “It is.” “Wasn’t there a row of houses here?” “Back in March, they bulldozed this area when the yuppies won a city ordinance that says there needs to be a Whole Foods within at least three-quarters of a mile of another Whole Foods.” You reel back, overwhelmed with how your family is gone and how you’ve been living in a Whole Foods basement. You turn to an employee, “I need to sit down, and can I get a free sample of any cheese?” You smile, revealing Cheetos-dusted teeth, and thus begins your All-Star break. Tomorrow, I’ll drop the top 100 for the 2nd half, then there will be a Buy/Sell again Friday morning. One guy who will have extra time this All-Star break will be Mike Matheny. Last week it was revealed, Mike McNulty set up a sting operation in the Cards’ bullpen to see if everyone was doing their best with Bud “Bubbles” Norris as his informant. Then when the Cards fired Donnie Brasco Matheny, he might’ve took his informant with him, because Jordan Hicks (1 IP, 1 ER) got Sunday’s save and Norris came down with mysterious arm concerns. I’d absolutely grab Hicks. You know what’s the difference between Hicks and Norris? One makes you say, “Ooh MPH…” The other makes you say, “Oompha.” Also, usually I ignore trade rumors, but at this time of the year, you should be extra vigilant about backing up closers because at any point in the next two weeks a closer could get traded and you don’t want to leave it up to getting to the waiver wire before everyone else. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
With Aaron Nola, I should likely talk about Zydeco, but he reminds me of Paul Simon’s quote about Graceland. Vampire Weekend was criticized for copying his signature style, which is absurd since he copied it from African artists, and Simon copped to that. He said, “In a way, we were on the same pursuit, but I don’t think you’re lifting from me, and anyway, you’re welcome to it, because everybody’s lifting all the time. That’s the way music grows and is shaped.” Without every great pitcher to come before, would there be Aaron Nola? I know what I know, and I lost Nola this year. Like I lost Carlos Carrasco and Corey Kluber previous years. I long for them when the diamond’s on the sole of their shoes. Every year, I have guys I’m targeting as my ace whose preseason prices aren’t out of control yet. Well, Nola went from fringe Grey-ownership this year as possibly my ace to not going to be able to own him until he falters one year down the road. That sucks, and not sucks as in good, but sucks as in bad. Yesterday, Nola went 7 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 1 walk, 10 Ks, to lower his ERA to Marla Gibbs’ address 2.27. When he’s on other people’s teams next year and I say I would never draft him because his price is too high, remember, I see losing love is like a window in your heart. Everybody sees you’re blown apart, everybody feels the wind blow. In Nola, in Nola. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?