The Mystery

I love a good mystery. So why not start my preseason writing off with a mystery? That mystery is, what the [bleep] are we supposed to do with Nestor Cortes? He came on to the scene last year and found something magical. After some unimpressive showings before he put a spell on hitters last year with great effect. Nestor was magnificent!

Season IP ERA WHIP FIP K% BB% K-BB% AVG BABIP HR/FB
Before 2021 79 6.72 1.71 6.69 21.7% 10.3% 11.4% 0.297 0.327 22.6%
2021 93 2.90 1.08 3.78 27.5% 6.7% 20.9% 0.216 0.265 11.3%

So main thing to note is in 2021 Nestor started 14 games. Before that, he had only started a grand total of… (carry the 1… multiply by square root…) 2 games. 2 games that’s it. So this was a bit of a new foray for him. It’s not often that you go from the pen to starting and your numbers improve drastically. Not just a little mind you; but by every conceivable measure, he got better. His K-rate went up, BB-rate went down, and he cut home runs in half while suppressing hard contact and limiting runners. Everything you could possibly want. Mama mia!

The plot thickens…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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Monday begins the 2022 fantasy baseball rankings and I cannot wait for you to feast your eyes on these. Or eye, for our one eye-patched reader. Hey, Google analytics tells us everything. Argh, matey! Also, hello to our reader in Mauritius! The movie about your people was very interesting, though I honestly thought The Mauritanian was going to be in outer space and the title was a typo. Enough of that! So, I left myself one spot for one more fantasy baseball sleeper. After finishing my 2022 fantasy baseball rankings (which are available on Patreon already), I went back through all of the rankings for one guy who was jumping out as being way above in my rankings, and, well, there were about hundred guys. But I only left myself one spot for one player who I am clearly more jazzed about than others, according to NFBC ADP. Now, the NFBC ADP I’m looking at is very specific, because it’s 15-team, mixed, but if Adolis Garcia has an ADP of 160 there? Well, he might actually be ranked even later when Yahoo and ESPN drop theirs, which means I like him a lot more. Let’s take a journey through my mind and find out why Grey, in all his very special third person-esque glory, likes Adolis Garcia so much. So, what can we expect from Adolis Garcia for 2022 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Bailey Ober gave up a lot of home runs. 20, to be exact. That was only in 92 1/3 IP. His 1.95 HR/9 made me choke on my boba. That alone is a crime punishable by “not getting a fantasy baseball sleeper post written for him.” Bailey Ober’s pitches generated a 19.7 Launch Angle. If you’re going to allow a 45.8% fly ball rate, which would’ve been 2nd in the league, if he qualified, you kinda can’t be allowing a Ding Dong Parade. By the way, a Ding Dong Parade is the all-male revue your wife went to during her bachelorette party; don’t shoot the messenger. “Ding Dong” Parades is a weak-hitting shortstop in the Mexican Fall League, different guy. Also, a Ding Dong Parade is not what you want to see from a pitcher or Bailey Ober’s xERA at 4.48. Reach for the Remote Control, get Ober off my TV.

Bailey wasn’t like the other kids. (REMOTE CONTROL!)
Stop allowing homers is what mattered, nothing else did. (REMOTE CONTROL!)
Fantasy baseballers said “yes” but he said “no”. (REMOTE CONTROL!)
Now he’s in this game and just like that he’s down 4-0. (REMOTE CONTROL!)

I will now grin like an idiot as I try to defend why we’re even talking about Ober. Stop giving up homers, Bailey Ober! Oh my God, I just realized something, Bailey Ober is really Homer Bailey Ober. Goodbye, friends, I’m going to walk into traffic. But first! So, what can we expect from Bailey Ober for 2022 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?

Psyche! Before we get into the Bailey Ober sleeper post, just wanted to announce that I’ve finished my 2022 fantasy baseball rankings and they’re all available on our Patreon. Anyway II, the Bailey Ober sleeper:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I saw Tanner Houck had a slider that produced a .142 xBA and I gulped, then I went looking for some examples. Enjoy:

When a hitter is swinging at a pitch that’s either so far off the plate that the catcher can’t get to it or if it hits their back leg, it’s so nasty. Or simply S’nasty, which is Tanner Houck’s new name. S’nasty is basically Chris Sale from the other side, who was like Mr. S’nasty Sr. He was S’nasty before S’nasty. Yes, I’m comparing Houck to a guy who was the fastest to 2,000 strikeouts in history. That’s heady company, which sounds like what a pimp would name his LLC. Now, what made/makes Chris Sale nasty is/was he can’t/couldn’t be hit by lefties or righties. Naturally, he’s much harder for lefties. His career mark is .202 vs. lefties and .223 vs. righties. Bringing that up for a reason, can imagine if S’nasty Jr. aka The Incredible Houck is that good vs. righties? For those slow on the uptake, there’s more righties! If Houck is as good vs. righties as Sale is vs. lefties, then Houck’s about to have himself a few Cy Young awards and become a top five starter in the league. So, what can we expect from Tanner Houck for 2022 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?

Psyche! Before we get into the Tanner Houck sleeper post, just wanted to announce that I’ve finished my 2022 fantasy baseball rankings and they’re all available on our Patreon. Anyway II, the Tanner Houck sleeper:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Let’s start here:

Not sure why it’s so visually pleasing to watch a pitcher strikeout guys, but, mah gawd, I could watch that all day and twice on Muesday, the magical day that Narnia’s itself between Monday and Tuesday. So, Sean Manaea, the real-life Girl Scout cookie–*intern whispers in ear*…not Samoan as in the cookie? Okay, will be researching that further. But he’s more of a snack than Lars Nootbaar. *intern walks away* Are you quitting? But who’s going to toss boba into my mouth from ten feet away so I can yell, “Score?” Sean Manaea throws three pitches a sinker (60%), a change (24.4%) and a curve (15.6%). His basic numbers were 11-10/3.91/1.23/194 in 179 1/3 IP. Solid 9.7 K/9 and 2.1 BB/9, but overall kinda yawnstipating. What are we even doing here? I need flash! I need intrigue! I need spice! But not turmeric, because that shizz stains everything. I’m sorry, I love you yellowy spice, but my pots and pans look like my dog, Ted, urinated on them! So, what can we expect from Sean Manaea for 2022 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?

Psyche! Before we get into the Sean Manaea sleeper post, just wanted to announce that I’ve finished my 2022 fantasy baseball rankings and they’re all available on our Patreon. Anyway II, the Sean Manaea sleeper:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

As I said in the Gleyber Torres sleeper, calling Yankees sleepers is already a thin ice proposition. Who doesn’t know the Fawkees, dawg? They’re like covered by ESPN morning, noon and night, when ESPN is covering baseball, which is a bit more than badminton but way less than every other major sport. ESPN sees woman’s volleyball engagement on IG and is like, “Let’s spike our baseball coverage! High five me on the pun!” That’s someone in Bristol. Or maybe it’s because the Yankees had such an underperforming year in 21 after 20, but I’m finding some value this year in Yankees bats and arms, which brings us to Jordan Montgomery. I ain’t no JoMo, but I love what I’m seeing with this guy. Last year, he went 6-7/3.83/1.28/162 in 157 1/3 IP and had a 9.3 K/9 and 2.9 BB/9. Wait a minute, I went full hot-and-heavy on that? Kinda bleh, Previous Sentence Grey, kinda bleh. I hear ya, Current Sentence Grey, but you’re gonna wanna pay attention, because this guy is so close to tipping off into top 10 starter range. Like a horny set of conjoined male twins, I feel it in my bones! So, what can we expect from Jordan Montgomery for 2022 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?

Psyche! Before we get into the Jordan Montgomery sleeper post, just wanted to announce that I’ve finished my 2022 fantasy baseball rankings and they’re all available on our Patreon. Oh, and Happy New Year! Anyway II, the Jordan Montgomery sleeper:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Not sure if I’ve said this recently. Oh, I’ve said this before, absolutely. But recently? Maybe, maybe not. What is…recently? The last ten minutes, ten months, ten years? What is *pauses for dramatic effect* time? What I’ve definitely said before, but maybe not recently is there’s many different types of fantasy baseball sleepers. There’s guys who are sleepers in 12-team leagues; 15-team leagues; NL or AL-Only leagues and 50-round draft and hold sleepers. Not all sleepers are built the same. Also, what we expect from them is different. An AL-Only sleeper might be projected for 4.25 ERA and 8-ish K/9. A 12-team league sleeper better have an outside chance for a top 20 starter year. Also, an AL-Only league sleeper might not be worthwhile in shallower leagues, but a 12-team league sleeper is worthwhile in all leagues. Those 12-team sleeper guys are also guys who I just want to talk about because they’re gonna be so good. Think of the 12-team sleeper guys as the Kevin Gausmans (Gausmen?) from last year. These guys are good with a chance for being elite and should be drafted a round or four earlier than they’re going. Dylan Cease is in that camp. He won’t be a sleeper in most deeper leagues, but he will be a factor in all leagues. So, what can we expect from Dylan Cease for 2022 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?

Psyche! Before we get into the Dylan Cease sleeper post, just wanted to announce that I’ve finished my 2022 fantasy baseball rankings and they’re all available on our Patreon. Anyway II, the Dylan Cease sleeper:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Don’t even know if Ranger Suarez is a 2022 fantasy baseball sleeper. I’m sorry, I think he’s a 2022 fantasy baseball sleeper. I’m just not sure. See, I looked at his Statcast numbers and my eyes fell out of my head. Since that moment, I’ve sorta been flailing around with my fingers on what I think is the keeeboard. How’s my spellling? I spellled spellling wrong, didn’t I? And misspelled ‘spelled’ too, huh? Hey! I got my eyes back in my head! Sweet! Now to look at Ranger Suarez’s Statcast page again–Ow! I just dropped my jaw on the ground! This sucks! Could someone please tamp down Ranger Suarez’s Statcast numbers so I don’t bug out my eyes or drop my jaw? We’re unable to do that? Okay, well, I want to warn you all before I show you these gorge digits. Brace yourself. They are some of the best stats I’ve ever seen. (If you click the image, it gets bigger. That’s what she never said!)

How many of you also lost your eyes and/or jaw bottoms? I see a show of a few hands. Oh, man, I can see that one guy lost his bottom jaw and it smashed down on someone else’s eyes. What a mess! Okay, let’s go through these numbers to help those who are not impressed become impressed. So, what can we expect from Ranger Suarez for 2022 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?

Psyche! Before we get into the Ranger Suarez sleeper post, just wanted to announce that I’ve finished my 2022 fantasy baseball rankings and they’re all available on our Patreon. Anyway II, the Ranger Suarez sleeper:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

It’s a rare occurrence when a Yankees player is a sleeper. I can count the instances on one finger, the same finger I use to point at my mustache, my mustache-pointing finger. In 1984, Don Mattingly was coming off a 4-homer, .283 season, and everyone admired his mustache, but thought his bat was too weak to stick at 1st base. “He’s no Cecil Cooper,” they’d say. “I do love Mattingly’s mustache though,” they’d continue, “Do you think he’d sell pictures from his nose down to his top lip only? I’d really like to buy a picture of that to put on the ceiling of my bedroom.” That’s what they’d say. Then Mattingly broke out in 1984 and the world thought, “This guy is more than just a glorious mustache. How can one man be so lucky? A glorious mustache, a great hitter and a great wife.” A sleeper for the ages from the New York fawkin’ Yankees, or the Fawkees, as they say. Almost 40 years later, Don Mattingly is mustache-less and the Fawkees still didn’t have another sleeper. Dot dot dot. Tension builds. Until now. Last year, Gleyber Torres went 9/14/.259 and, mah gawd, this better get good fast, because that’s awful. I think I fell asleep under a giant poster of Mattingly’s mustache one too many times and my brain is mush. Well, I’m this far in, let’s just salvage this thing. So, what can we expect from Gleyber Torres for 2022 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Wait! Before you close the window, just give me a chance! Come back! Everyone’s gone, huh? *yells, hears echo* Welp, I guess I’m doing this 2022 fantasy baseball sleeper post for myself. I get it, Jeimer Candelario is mega boring. If Jeimer Candelario were an NFT, he’d be a jpeg of beige. If I am properly understanding what an NFT is, and that’s at like 25% odds. Also, if I’m understanding odds correctly, and that’s at like 50% odds. I got 2 to 1 odds that I understand 1 to 2 odds or 1 to 2 odds that I understand 2 to 1 odds? Any hoo! Jeimer Candelario is boring! Who cares? That makes someone more of a sleeper. You’re thinking about him and yawning. That’s the good part of this, not the bad part. Boring isn’t bad. They can’t all be Jarred Kelenic with 40/20/.270 upside. Did I just say Jarred Kelenic has 40/20/.270 upside? My God, what am I doing talking about Jeimer Candelario? Last year, Candelario went 16/0/.271. No wonder he’s a bore. So, what can we expect from Jeimer Candelario for 2022 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?

Psyche! Before we get into the Jeimer Candelario sleeper post, just wanted to announce that I’ve finished my 2022 fantasy baseball rankings and they’re all available on our Patreon. It’s an early Xmas miracle! Like waking in the middle of the night for some egg nog, and not accidentally drinking egg beaters. Anyway II, the Jeimer Candelario sleeper:

Please, blog, may I have some more?