Yesterday, Shane Bieber went 9 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 1 walk, 10 Ks, ERA at 3.44. Donkey Teeth and I made a trade the other day. My first trade of the year. I sent him Kenley Jansen for Shane Bieber. I discuss it on this week’s podcast. I receive Shane Bieber in this trade…TOMORROW! I don’t even want him now! He’s tainted with Donkey Teeth juice. That one-hitter is supposed to be mine! Mine, I say! Only thing worse would’ve been he threw a one-hitter and broke his hand high-fiving Bauer. Ugh, why couldn’t Donkey Teeth offer the trade the day before so I had Bieber on my team? I want him. Me! Me! Me! *Idris Elba opens an envelope* “…and Best Dramatic Retelling of a Fantasy Baseball Trade goes to…Some guy in his mom’s basement you never heard of.” Damn, I lost that too! Donkey Teeth offered me Rhys Hoskins, Madison Bumgarner or Bieber and I jumped at the lattest (totally a word), because Bieber’s peripherals are gorge — 11.2 K/9, 2 BB/9, 3.19 xFIP. Bieber was a preseason sleeper of mine, and he is essentially a top ten pitcher. So, put that in your natch and natch it! Too bad I own him in one less league as of yesterday. Me! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Please see our player page for Blake Parker to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.
Leonys Martin was designated for assignment. His assignment is to go back in time and impress 2016 Grey less, so he doesn’t write a sleeper post about him. On Saturday, Indians were saying Martin’s DFA’ing is more to do with Mercado getting a boost of confidence vs. Bobby Bradley getting promoted, and the Indians were lying. Bobby Bradley was called up on Sunday. Fun fact! After Bobby Brady lost a pie-eating contest, his father Mike told him to take the L like a man and disowned him, so he briefly went by Bobby Bradley. Bradley has 24 HRs in 67 games, hitting .292, but has some Ks, so the average could come down, but the power is not going anywhere since the majors are using a SuperBall. As Prospect Mike said yesterday in his Bobby Bradley fantasy, even with the balls stuck with Capri Sun straws, dripping juice, Bradley could still hit 20 homers the rest of the way and every fantasy team could use him. I tried to grab him in every league, but was too slow. Don’t worry, I just did two lines of coke to avoid that ever happening again, but now my nose is dripping with a secret formula of caramel flavoring. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Handed down through the generations from Hammurabi to Hammurabi was a code of SAGNOF. It read, “Yo, Hamm-whaaaaaazzzzzup-be?! Don’t pay for saves, dem shizzes are free on waivers.” It read a bit like a text message, tee bee aitch. But that was the code as written. Cut to 14,000 years later, and I received this code in a dream after ingesting a massive amount of peyote. I would’ve discarded it like the iguana I also received, but there was something to this code, and from that day forward I forbade myself from paying a lot for saves. Then March came and Craig Kimbrel was falling and I was like, “Ain’t ever gonna get a price like this again!” and drafted him, and not listening to Hamm-whaaaaaazzzzzup-be really effed me. Thankfully, my long national nightmare is over and Craig Kimbrel signed with the Cubs. Does this negate all the leagues where I have Pedro Strop? *Lisa Simpson grumble* Yes, appizzarently, it does. I’d imagine Kimbrel will need at least two to three weeks of minor league games to get up to snuff, but closers can get stretched quicker than starters, obvi. I wouldn’t drop Strop until I saw a Kimbrel save, but he’s coming back. Finally. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
The last time anything this exciting came from a Reds’ DD was Kevin Mitchell in 1994 when demonstrating his barehanded catch on Morganna. Yesterday, Derek Dietrich went 3-for-4, 6 RBIs with his 15th, 16th and 17th homers. To add insult to injury, it came against the Pirates, who earlier this year he homered off of, which sparked a benches-clearing brawl because of how he was lallygagging around the bases. For yesterday’s home runs, Dietrich would not be outdone. For his first home run, he tagged Ric Flair and had him WOOOOOOOO around the bases. A totally legal maneuver, says in the rulebook. For his 2nd homer, he stood on the shoulders of a bear on roller skates and skated around the bases. Then, not to be topped, for his third home run, the PA announcer played porn music and Dietrich stopped at every base and mimed sexual acts with the Pirates infielders. So disrespectful to the game! Ex-Marlin Dietrich has 17 homers, the entire Marlins team has 36 homers. *lays on the floor, rolls around, laughing* If only there was an acronym for that. If you drafted Dietrich, Bellinger and Yelich (a totally reasonable possibility), please drop by the comments so I can bathe in your glow. As for Dietrich, reminds me of Scooter’s breakout a few years ago. Not sure if Dietrich gets to 30+ homers–Excuse me, I should say I’m not sure if he gets to 30 homers by the All-Star break. Speaking of which, vote Derek Dietrich for the All-Star Game so he can do a three-day home trot. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Sorry, but first I must purge myself of all Yu song references. If you don’t like that, Yu Can’t Always Get What Yu Want, but, if Yu try, Yu might get what Yu need, because all Yu Need Is Love, and I Wish Yu Were Here. Yu Give Love A Bad Name, but I’m gonna Run to Yu. Even if Rick rolled, I’m Never Gonna Give Yu Up, and shut don’t go up, but Yu do. Yu Take My Breath Away when Yu pitch well, but Yu Never Give Me Your Money, which makes sense since Yu Don’t Know Me. Without or Without Yu Yu (stutterer!) can put together a solid rotation, but Yu Light Up My Life when it’s the Best of Yu. Have I Told Yu Lately he needed to cut down on his walks? Yesterday, he went 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 11 Ks (zero walks!), ERA at 5.14, and I Know What Yu Did Last Summer (disambiguation: song), but what about now? Don’t Yu (Forget About Me). Did the Rangers closer, Chris Martin, Fix Yu? Remains doubtful, but no walks is Arthur’s Theme (Best Yu Can Do). Any hoo! Yu Darvish might’ve been dealing with a mechanics issue, and maybe now that’s fixed. He does have a near-12 K/9, the only bugaboo is his 7+ BB/9, but if he can tame that he immediately shoots to at least a number two, and stops plopping out number twos. Do Yu Understand (ft Tory Lanez & Gunna). Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
*blows dust off cover to the book, “Raimel Tapia, Fantasy Sleeper”* Just found this book on a shelf in this Colorado-area bookstore. “I think this is yours.” The bookstore owner holds up a copy of, “Josh Rutledge’s Fantasy Sleeper.” Haha, no, that’s not mine. “It says “Property of Grey Albright.” Can I just read from one of your other books in peace without paying for it? No wonder bookstores are all going out of business, you don’t leave your customers alone! Any hoo, as I was saying about Raimel Tapia, he was a 2015 Pick-to-Click, a 2016 Gotz-to-Getz-Him, a 2017 This-is-the-Year and a 2018 Absolute-Must-Own for a reason. He has 15-homer power and 25-steal speed who shouldn’t hurt you in average (think .270). The problem for so long has been the Rockies’ inability to kowtow to fantasy owners and play the sexy guys. Not unrelated, Garrett Hampson is due for everyday playing time in 2023. However, something interesting has happened recently — interesting is subjective but if you’re reading this I assume it applies — Ian Desmond has been getting benched regularly. Finally! If Tapia gets 5+ starts a week, he is a Pick-to-Click-Gotz-to-Getz-Him-This-is-the-Year-Absolute-Must-Own in all leagues. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Apparently Blake Snell was moving some granite hoozawhatsit in his bathroom and dropped it on his toe. We’ve all been there — our partners buy some unnecessary piece of furniture and we’re tasked with building it, moving it around to and fro and end up being the ones sweaty and frustrated. And don’t get me started on throw pillows — their purpose is in their name — throw them on the floor before you go to sleep…please don’t share this with my wife. Anyway — reports are that Snell will only miss one start. Granted, it’s his own report, but still it’s only his little ring toe. Fill In: If you need one start, give good ol’ C.C. Sabathia (10.8%) a shot. His next start comes at home against the Royals who are 17th in OPS vs lefties. Sabathia looked sharp as heck in his first start against the White Sox (5 IP, 1 base runner, 3 Ks.)Please, blog, may I have some more?
With the season in full swing and fantasy baseball well underway, Grey and I are feeling the early season blues. An off-season of hope and promise has turned into a week of despair. Instead of wallowing in self-pity like a Morrissey song, we hit the wavier wire and talk about some of top adds you should be scooping. Then we let out all the feels as we talk about our FOMO players for the upcoming season. It’s the latest episode of the Razzball Baseball Podcast!Please, blog, may I have some more?
There was a time when I thought Freddy Peralta (8 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, zero walks, 11 Ks) was merely a starter. A guy who took the ball every fifth day, stared in at the catcher, shook off a sign or two and scratched his balls. Not like a Gaylord. Perry, not, um, yeah, Perry. Yesterday, we (me) gained a newfound appreciation for FP Saintdamnvelo. His command was gorge, and I’m engorged. In fact, I’m not typing this with my fingers. It’s whether he can replicate that command going forward like he’s a replicate in one of those sci-fi movies with replicates. I don’t know sci-fi, so you have to figure out your own analogy. Sci-fi is for nerds! That’s why I play fantasy baseball. Either way, you have to pick up Freddy Peralta after yesterday’s start to see if he can build off it. If Peralta continues that no-walk command, he’s a potential breakout. Speaking of breakouts (can you believe the ease of that segue), Matthew Boyd dropped the ew, dunked 13 Ks on the Yankees and that’s straight Matth. Like his most famous fantasy baseball owner would say, “Yeah, Boyd!” Damn right, Flavor Flav! Matthew Boyd (6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 13 Ks, ERA at 3.18) leads the majors in Ks. El oh cmon. He’s the first Tigers starter to start the season with back-to-back 10+ K games. This wasn’t the A lineup for the Yankees, but more “a Yankees lineup.” Still, I’m buying partly because of FOMO, and since he had 26 swinging strikes, i.e., he was fooling them real good. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Trea Turner broke his finger when he squared around to bunt. He hit two homers in his last game, including a walk-off homer, so of course he’s bunting. I mean, OF COURSE. Why wouldn’t he be bunting? You gonna let (fill-in name) just be the best bunter in Major League history? (Fill-in name of a bunter that no one’s ever heard of because no one cares about bunting) is not gonna go down in history as the greatest bunter without a freakin’ fight from Trea Turner? Is he? I mean, IS HE?! What in the holy eff bombs!? Don’t bunt! Turner will likely be out for a month and everything that is wonderful can’t be mine. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?