The last time anything this exciting came from a Reds’ DD was Kevin Mitchell in 1994 when demonstrating his barehanded catch on Morganna. Yesterday, Derek Dietrich went 3-for-4, 6 RBIs with his 15th, 16th and 17th homers. To add insult to injury, it came against the Pirates, who earlier this year he homered off of, which sparked a benches-clearing brawl because of how he was lallygagging around the bases. For yesterday’s home runs, Dietrich would not be outdone. For his first home run, he tagged Ric Flair and had him WOOOOOOOO around the bases. A totally legal maneuver, says in the rulebook. For his 2nd homer, he stood on the shoulders of a bear on roller skates and skated around the bases. Then, not to be topped, for his third home run, the PA announcer played porn music and Dietrich stopped at every base and mimed sexual acts with the Pirates infielders. So disrespectful to the game! Ex-Marlin Dietrich has 17 homers, the entire Marlins team has 36 homers. *lays on the floor, rolls around, laughing* If only there was an acronym for that. If you drafted Dietrich, Bellinger and Yelich (a totally reasonable possibility), please drop by the comments so I can bathe in your glow. As for Dietrich, reminds me of Scooter’s breakout a few years ago. Not sure if Dietrich gets to 30+ homers–Excuse me, I should say I’m not sure if he gets to 30 homers by the All-Star break. Speaking of which, vote Derek Dietrich for the All-Star Game so he can do a three-day home trot. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Jose Peraza – 1-for-4 and his 5th homer. It was a garbage time homer, but they all count, right? *holds hand to earbud* Being told they don’t. Damn. On the reals, if Votto is playing, Dietrich has to go to 2nd base, which leaves Peraza fighting with the much-hotter-hitting Iglesias (2-for-3, 2 runs, hitting .313).
Lucas Sims – 7 1/3 IP, 4 ER, 7 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 4.91. Sims was very workmanlike, almost like he was wearing a business suit, carrying a briefcase and made by AI. His peripherals look decent, and his minor league numbers are chef’s kiss, but this was likely a spot start.
Kevin Newman – 1-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 1st homer, a grand slam. Was off a gassed Sims, but I do own Newman in one NL-Only league. No, not for the Seinfeld jokes. He’s more of a speed play.
Odubel Herrera – Arrested for domestic violence. Sayonerrera. I dropped ODB in two leagues, and grabbed Scott Kingery (0-for-3, hitting .339) where I could. Not sure if Herrera will return in a random eight days like Urias or if he’ll actually be suspended, but Kingery’s been better anyway, and it’s worth it to see if he catches on.
Nick Pivetta – 5 IP, 3 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 7.71, as he was recalled. Weird start for Pivetta. Usually he’s a dumpster fire or a dumpster inferno. He was merely a burning garbage can with homeless people warming their hands. Pivetta’s in the Never Again bin for me, or until he rattles off actually decent results in the majors.
Cesar Hernandez – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer, hitting .303, and his 2nd homer in three games. Between a cyclops and a schmotato with Cesar, so not sure yet if I want a piece-a-piece of Little Cesar.
Paul Goldschmidt – 2-for-4 and his 11th homer, hitting .268. Au Shizz!
Marcell Ozuna – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs, and his 15th homer, hitting .231. Had no idea how poorly he was doing, outside of power. Average can still change in a hurry with a hot streak, but, damn, he’s usually around a .280 hitter. Good news is his BABIP is crazy low, his Ks are down, and walks are up, so he should come around. OZUNA like to hear this.
Lucas Giolito – 8 IP, 3 ER, 4 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 2.85. Afraid once I take off the water wings and jump fully into Giolito a tidal wave is going to knock me under, but there’s nothing I’m seeing with Giolito to be unduly worried about.
Avisail Garcia – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 10th homer, hitting .284. This was an inside-the-park home run that went about 260 feet. Grichuk misplayed it because he was distracted by how long it was taking Dietrich to run around the bases on his homers in a different game. Shame.
Austin Meadows – 2-for-4 and his 12th homer, hitting .356. This was only Meadows’s 2nd start batting third. Which is an answer to, “Isn’t Kevin Cash a great manager?”
Michael Pineda – Hit the IL with “Damn, he looks like he’s in tip-top shape…Wait a second, I’m looking at a picture of him from four years ago. Holy crap, he’s gained a lot of weight. You’d think Pineda could lose some of that filling every time a team hits him hard.”
Devin Smeltzer – 6 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 7 Ks in his 1st major league start. Sweet anecdote alert! Approximately 13 years ago, Smeltzer was a Make-A-Wish kid with cancer, and the Twins broadcast showed him as a child playing catch with Chase Utley. Then, last year, Smeltzer was teammates with Utley in the Dodgers organization (I’m late to the party on this). Not usually moved by stuff like that, but…Grey’s a big softie! Any hoo! Was impressed by his start, as in I can’t believe the Brewers didn’t rock him. He is the stereotypical Twins starter of yesteryear in the mold of Brad Radke. A whole lot of 90 MPH junk.
Keston Hiura – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer. Ya know what’s almost as bad as the Rockies’ treatment of rookies? Playing them, but hitting them 8th. Brewers lineup isn’t bad, but there’s at least three guys Hiura could hit above.
Zach Davies – 6 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 2.19. Mean’s while, I’m over here ghost-riding the WHIP with Wheeler.
Zach Plesac – 5 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 2 Ks as he was called up while Josh Smith was sent down. Captain Josh Smith had no business being with the Indians. Podcaster Ralph and I talked about Plesac on this week’s podcast and how Dan Plesac held his baby batter longer than most. Ralph opened my eyes a little to Plesac’s solid command, but I fear the reaper, besides contrary advice.
Jose Ramirez – 2-for-3 and two steals (13, 14), hitting .204. Didn’t see the hits, so they don’t count. Kidding, nah, it’s actually a good sign he hit two singles, rather than trying to knock everything out of the park. For him to turn around his season, this is what you want to see. Massive amounts of singles like he’s at The Cheetah’s lunch buffet.
David Price – 6 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.83. Totally jinxing myself right now, but in a league where I own Price, I have a 3.31 ERA, powered by him, Corbin, Paddack, Wheeler and Caleb Smith.
Ryan Brasier – 0 IP, 3 ER, and the blown save, ERA at 3.97. Beaten this horse before but it so hilarious to me that Alex Cora kept saying all winter he knew who his closer would be. We’re almost to June and it doesn’t seem like he has a fudgin’ clue.
Addison Russell – 1-for-2 and his 4th homer, and 2nd homer in as many games, hitting .298. Yes, he’s a POS, but could also be a hot schmotato.
David Bote – 3-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 5th and 6th homer. As someone who owns Bote in one league — I’m on a Bote! — he hasn’t done much, but a two-homer game goes a long way to the start of a schmotato run. Only issue is Bryant was taking grounders at third yesterday, presumably to get Jason Heyward (2-for-5, 8th homer) and Kyle Schwarber (1-for-4, 9th homer) into the lineup.
Ben Zobrist – May not return this season, due to ongoing divorce proceedings. Yo, dude, get a divorce attorney. They’ll handle it for you. Can’t find one? They’re listed on every park bench. As someone who has mentally divorced his wife dozens of times, this is crazy. Nobody gonna steal my happiness! Watch some Oprah reruns and get back with your team!
Jon Lester – 5 2/3 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 3.59, and his third straight gnarly start. He was on my bench yesterday, because it was a hideous matchup, but he’s getting one more shot in his next start, which the Streamonator is a little meh on.
Alex Bregman – 2-for-4, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and his 16th and 17th homer. We were worried about him in the preseason, but that was before we knew baseballs would be pumped with helium, causing a worldwide shortage and closing Party City locations.
Cody Bellinger – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs, and his 20th homer, hitting .382. I saw two runs were scored off of Matz, and, without looking, I thought to myself, well, at least I own Bellinger in a few leagues.
Amed Rosario – 2-for-3, 1 run, 1 RBI and his 5th steal, hitting .262, as he hit leadoff. I’ve been saying for two years that Amed should steal 30 bags and hit leadoff. Maybe it will now materialize for Amed on a prayer, he’ll take us there.
Eduardo Escobar – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 13th homer, hitting .290. This Escobar doesn’t blow!
Mallex Smith – 3-for-5, 2 RBIs as he hit leadoff. Take the R out of boring for boing! As the inventor of flypaper said, huge if it sticks.
Ronald Guzman – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 6th homer, and 2nd homer in as many games. Guzman was my “crazy deep sleeper who no one is drafting” pick to hit 30 homers. Could’ve named nearly everyone else and had a better shot, but Guzman does appear to be getting hotter.
Nomar Mazara – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer. Fun fact! His dad loved Razor Ramon so much Nomar’s name is a tribute.
Ramon Laureano – 1-for-4 and his 6th homer, hitting .250. Fun fact! Ramon’s dad was a Nomar Garciaparra fan and Ramon’s name is a tribute.
Trea Turner – 3-for-4 and his 7th steal as he was activated from the IL–Wait, I’m being told it only feels that way.
Austin Riley – 3-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer, hitting .365. Could someone play Riley highlights for Eloy? Call ’em something cutesy like Rile-lights. Pretty please.
Howie Kendrick – 3-for-5, 2 runs and his 9th homer, hitting .320. Between La Stella, Dietrich and Kendrick, it was a good year to punt 2nd base. You did punt 2B and grabbed Joey Wendle? *insert Michael Scott grimace GIF*
Jorge Alfaro – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 8th homer, hitting .259. I have the ability to search and tabulate all the comments asking about dropping Alfaro. I won’t, because that’s almost as crazy as asking me to drop Alfaro, who I stan like most stan Posey.
Harold Ramirez – 3-for-4, 1 run, 1 RBI, hitting .413 and hitting, like, .999 in the last week. Hot schmotato alert!
Garrett Cooper – 2-for-4, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and his 3rd homer, and 3rd homer this week. All aboard the Marlins’ train! Next stop: Explaining to people who these guys are that you own on your fantasy team.
Trevor Richards – 7 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.82. Taking a page out of J.D. Davis’s book, he should call himself T.R. Richards. Streamonator loved this start, and is less enthused about his next, but I could see starting him.
Matt Boyd – 6 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.85. Here’s one for you Elliot Smith fans out there with an Either/Or: Boyd or Frankie Montas? Trick question. Answer is both, and they’ve been remarkably similar. Push comes to shove in a melee, going with Boyd, and not just because Montas had his first rough outing last night. I mean, he was up against La Stelllllllllla!
Niko Goodrum – 1-for-5 and his 4th homer. Goodrum led to a sweet batty call for me, just as it was intended. Know how I decided on him yesterday when I had to fill in for Kris Bryant? I went to look at who was available that was facing Orioles pitching. Strategy!
D.J. Stewart – 3-for-4 and his 1st steal, as he was called up. Yo, D.J., pump this party! Yo, D.J., pump this party! Yo, D.J., pump this party! Yo, D.J., pump this party! Yo, D.J., pump this party! Why waste your time when you know you’re gonna be mine why waste your time when you know you’re gonna be mine why waste your time when you know you’re gonna be mine if you’re able to live up to the projections set out in the Prospectonator oh man they’re tasty! I’m gonna get you yes I am! I’m gonna get you baby! I’m gonna get you yes I am! He has power and speed. Da da da a doo da da da! Da da da a doo da da da! Da da da a doo da da da! Be crazy for the Orioles not to play him. I’m gonna get you yes I am! I’m gonna get you baby! I’m gonna get you yes I am! Yo, D.J., pump this party!