Trying to predict what’s going to happen at this time of the year is similar to fouling off a pitch straight into your man parts. You try to do everything possible to do the right thing and sometimes you just Mitch Haniger yourself out of the season. While the streamers last week were all mixed up […]

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After Reynaldo Lopez‘s last start of 2/3 IP, 6 ER, I wrote him off for this year and next year.  Now, I will begin a backpedal not seen since the bear at the circus who can ride a bicycle. “Beaux-Bo, you can’t pedal so close to that family of three eating a turkey leg. Beaux-Bo, stop it! Beaux-Bo, no! Beaux-Bo, no! Beaux-Bo, put down that torso!” And that’s the final written transcription of Beaux-Bo, the bicycle riding bear. Actually, I’m going to backpedal my backpedal, so, eat a D, Beaux-Bo, the bicycle-riding bear! I was serious last week when I said I’m outlawing pitchers who start a game, give up 5+ runs and can’t get out of the 1st. They’re completely untrustworthy, so it’s not surprising Lopez would have a start of 9 IP, 1 ER, 1 hit, 3 walks, 11 Ks, ERA at 5.17. That’s the problem!  What are we getting next time out?  3 IP, 6 ER? 7 IP, 2 ER? No one has any idea. Listen, I know there’s uncertainty in this crazy thing called fantasy (worst Queen song ever), but I’m not inviting more risk. I’m still out on Lopez. Sorry, gotta put my foot down, even if I’m writing this from an anti-gravity chamber where I can eat turkey legs without fear of a bicycle bear attack.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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Commissioner Rob Manfred was recently seen at a yard sale looking at the stitching on a crocheted dress when he remarked, “The stitching seems kinda loose.”  From there, he picked up his grandkids and they asked if they could watch Lilo & Stitch and Manfred wrinkled his nose and said, “Stitch is a genetic experiment who escaped from an alien planet, which is a loose contrivance. Wouldn’t you like to see something with tight stitches? Like 12 homers in one game?” Later in his evening, Manfred tossed and turned in his bed, asking Womanfred, “I can count with my back all 500 threads in this linen. We need tighter stitching!” So, with Manfred on a quest for the tightest stitching possible, we also have more dongs than the Houston 500. First, Matt Adams went 3-for-5, 2 runs, 3 RBIs with his 19th homer. Mean’s while, Ryan Zimmerman has a Chia pet growing on his foot. Next, Victor Robles (2-for-5, 2 runs) hit his 16th homer, hitting over .500 in the last week. This was only his third homer since the break, and hitting .260-ish in that time. Would’ve loved to see him get a legit shot at the two hole — hey now! — but he hasn’t truly earned it. Next next, Juan Soto (2-for-5) popped two tops of Sexy Dr. Pepper (27, 28) and he’s 20 years old. In 2020, he’ll be 21 and will be a 70-homer hitter by the time he’s 27. You can hold me to that, assuming you forget. Next next next, Brian Dozier (3-for-4, 4 RBIs) hit his 18th and 19th homers, and he doesn’t even start every game. Just your average 2019 part-time middle infidel who gets 25 homers. Next next next next, Anthony Rendon (1-for-4, 3 RBIs) hit his 27th homer and he’s three RBIs from 100. Feels like RBIs are down this year. Maybe because no one’s on base and everyone’s just hitting home runs. That reason feels galaxy brain-ish. Next next next next next, Adam Eaton (2-for-3, 3 runs, 3 RBIs) hit his 10th. What’s Eaton eating? Tightly-wound baseballs. Just ask Womanfred, she’s sick of hearing it. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

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Oh, Marcus Stroman.  You poor, poor soul. Can we take bets on how hard the Mets tried to include Mickey Callaway in the deal? It is so Mets to suddenly think of themselves as contenders. Blue Jays to Pirates, “Thank you for making the Mets believe again.”  We’ll see how much Stroman enjoys throwing ground ball pitches with that defense behind him. Amed Rosario plays balls two feet to his left into a diving try. Honestly, I wouldn’t be shocked if this move leads to the Mets trading away Wheeler and Syndergaard, as they change their rotation vs. thinking Stroman is some catalyst. He has a 7.2 K/9, 2.5 BB/9 and 3.52 FIP, so he’s not bad. A bit yawnstipating, but in the NL out of the AL East makes me a buyer of Stroman vs. ignoring him. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

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Yesterday, Lourdes Gurriel Jr. went 3-for-5, 4 RBIs with his 11th and 12th homer, hitting .304.  Lourdes Gurriel Jr. is the greatest living hitter, and I’m not living in a hyperbolic chamber, while dining out on superlatives to describe how hot Gurriel’s been since he returned from the minors.  On our 30-day Player Rater, he’s a near-top 10 hitter over the last month. His father, Yuli Gurriel, calls his son every day and asks him how he does it and LouGu Jay R is just like, “Father, I cannot explain my success with the white ball.”  And Yuli’s like, “Careful with the coded language because I learned the hard way people don’t like racism. Who knew?”  LouGu Jay R may simply be a hot bat, but there’s something to be said for a guy who has been hot the entire time he’s returned from the minors.  Maybe this is LouGu’s floor vs. ceiling.  At least one Junior is impressing on the Jays.  “I got a better butt.”  That’s Vlad Jr. modeling in front of a mirror for ESPN’s Nude Magazine. However, the song Vlad Jr. sings to his reflection is apt, “Gurriel, you knows it’s true.”  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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The last time anything this exciting came from a Reds’ DD was Kevin Mitchell in 1994 when demonstrating his barehanded catch on Morganna. Yesterday, Derek Dietrich went 3-for-4, 6 RBIs with his 15th, 16th and 17th homers. To add insult to injury, it came against the Pirates, who earlier this year he homered off of, which sparked a benches-clearing brawl because of how he was lallygagging around the bases.  For yesterday’s home runs, Dietrich would not be outdone.  For his first home run, he tagged Ric Flair and had him WOOOOOOOO around the bases. A totally legal maneuver, says in the rulebook.  For his 2nd homer, he stood on the shoulders of a bear on roller skates and skated around the bases.  Then, not to be topped, for his third home run, the PA announcer played porn music and Dietrich stopped at every base and mimed sexual acts with the Pirates infielders. So disrespectful to the game!  Ex-Marlin Dietrich has 17 homers, the entire Marlins team has 36 homers.  *lays on the floor, rolls around, laughing* If only there was an acronym for that.  If you drafted Dietrich, Bellinger and Yelich (a totally reasonable possibility), please drop by the comments so I can bathe in your glow.  As for Dietrich, reminds me of Scooter’s breakout a few years ago. Not sure if Dietrich gets to 30+ homers–Excuse me, I should say I’m not sure if he gets to 30 homers by the All-Star break.  Speaking of which, vote Derek Dietrich for the All-Star Game so he can do a three-day home trot. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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Happy Friday everybody! I hope the fantasy gods were with you this week (and also with you). Today, FanDuel has us set up with a 13 game slate. This slate really runs the gamut, from high-priced aces to mid-priced sneaky starters and finally to the bottom barrel (cough, cough Straily) that we want to pick on. Naturally, on a slate that includes Chris Sale ($9,900), Clayton Kershaw ($11,300), and Tyler Glasnow ($10,500), I’m going to take a look at Matt Boyd ($10,400). It’s been a long road that’s led us to the Boyd we see today. Michael Ajeto wrote the ultimate deep dive into Boyd’s transformation here. The short/super dumbed down version is he’s tweaked his slider both in 2017 (hard slider phase) and 2018 (slower slider phase), which has brought us to 2019, where Boyd has a 31.8% K% (right behind Max Scherzer). Matt Boyd faces the Royals, who have the 25th best (worst?) wOBA versus left-handed pitching at .286 and a 24.8% K%. Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t my cash game play of the day, but I love Matt Boyd……………..as a GPP play.

New to FanDuel? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well, be sure to read our content and subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays. Just remember to sign up through us before jumping into the fray. It’s how we know you care!

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Ron Swanson: Lover of meat, woodworking, hunting, whisky, and breakfast foods. Also, a promising rookie pitcher for the Seattle Mariners. That’s Erik Swanson, dummy. Who keeps inviting the random italicized voice and why is it so condescending?

Donkey Teeth and B_Don discuss the ins and outs of young Erik Swanson’s game, only hours prior to Swanson’s second major league start against the San Diego Padres. They then take a look at an early pitching breakout candidate, Matt (Matthew?) Boyd. Can these guys please stop changing their names on us already?
In the final segment, a bunch of hot pickup names are flipped around, fresh off the grill: Cole Tucker, Michael Chavis, Renato Nunez, Hunter Dozier, Mike Soroka, Mike Tauchman, Jesus Luzardo, and Alex Reyes, just to name more than a few. Grab your sausage and prepare for pleasuring on this week’s episode of the world’s #1 fantasy sausage podcast.
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B_Don and Donkey Teeth are back at it: grinding the sausage, stuffing the sausage, and inserting the sausage into various holes. This week they take a close look at two young arms off to very promising starts to the 2019 season: Yonny Chirinos and Spencer Turnbull.

The guys also discuss German Marquez’s first rocky 2019 outing in Coors, Max Fried’s emergence into relevance, and Baseball Savant’s fantastic new film review features. The show is rounded out with some rapid fire pickup options. Don’t miss out on this once in a lifetime opportunity to insert the sausage into your ear holes!

If there is anybody that you’d like for the guys to profile, throw it in the comments section or Tweet @DitkaSausagePod or @DonkeyTeeth87. Donkey Teeth and B_Don are also giving away a Rotowear Ditka, Sausage, and Fantasy Sports shirt for rate and reviews on podcast subscriptions. Tweet them a photo of your review to be entered for this sweet shirt!

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Briefly alluded to Stephen Piscotty in yesterday’s roundup and how I’d love to the see the A’s go deep in the playoffs.  Do I think they will?  Can pigs fly?  No, though, Puig can hit deep flies, and lick inanimate objects like he’s a fly regurgitating his food.  The A’s have two starters and they’re named Mike Fiers and Edwin Jackson (5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.18).  So, that’s an uphill battle as they say on the way to the soap box derby starting line.  They do have a well-balanced offense, which is a little crazy when you think about their home park.  Ron Jeremy has less foul territory.  Oakland is a top five offense, and their park, as it always has been, is a bottom five park for offense.  That’s so backwards it’s like, “I’m getting so lucky on Tinder recently!”  Then finding out you’ve actually been opening 23 and Me and you’re banging your cousins.  At the forefront of the A’s attack — A’stack? — is obviously Khris Davis (2-for-4, 2 runs, 1 RBI), but ‘a little dab will do ya’ with Semien (3-for-5, 1 run, 5 RBIs), every Semien encounter begins with a Martini (3-for-6, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer), and Matt “Thank God I’m Not Matt Olson” Chapman (2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs) has been on one since July, but Stephen Piscotty is having the year everyone expected from him when he was on the Cards.  I know he had some personal issues, but he might be the first player ever to not be better on the Cards vs. anywhere else they’ve gone.  Piscotty went 2-for-3, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and hit his 26th homer with back-to-back huge games, and in the last 20 games, he’s hitting .338 with eight homers and 26 RBIs.  For 2019, what can he do?  Piscotty doesn’t know!  Piscotty doesn’t know!  But I do.  He can do what he’s been doing this season, a solid third outfielder with 2nd outfielder upside.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?