Poor Red Sox fans. After being subjected to Mookie Betts game winning home run and his game ending diving catch only a night before, Friday night the Blue Jays completed a historic Beantown beatdown at Fenway scoring 28, yes, TWENTY EIGHT runs on the Sawx hapless pitching staff like it was CFL game. Boston Massacre, indeed. Toronto had 29 hits. Not a typo. The 28 runs scored was a team record for the Blue Jays and yes the 28 runs allowed was also a record worst for Boston. Well, obviously. It was the most runs allowed by the Sox since 1923. Why is this happening to me? Oh, right–you want fantasy performers. Well, take your pick. Everyone in the Jays starting lineup had at least a hit and scored at least twice with three players scoring four runs a piece. Raimel Tapia was 3-for-7 with his 16th home run, an inside the park grand slam, and six RBIs as he led off. Teoscar Hernandez came alive with three hits, four runs scored and his 14th home run. Matt Chapman hit his 16th home run with three hits and four RBI. Anyone else? Oh yeah, just Lourdes Gurriel Jr. with six hits, three runs and five RBI. He was a BUY BTW NBD. And I can’t forget Danny Jansen who hit his eighth and ninth home runs and scored four runs with six RBI. Sweet sassy molassy! Toronto Clam Baked Boston! Nathan Eovaldi gave up the brunt of the damage lasting just two and two-thirds innings, allowing eight base runners and nine earned runs in what was his first start at Fenway Park in over a month. Things got really ugly when Kaleb Ort took the mound to kick of an 11 run–ELEVEN, fifth inning for the BJays! Then comes the marriage proposal with the Sox down 23 runs at this point. I don’t know just seems like bad juju to me. Anyway, not sure if this is the Jays finally coming alive, or just a massive Red Sox meltdown (they have a -47 run differential over their past three games). Maybe a little of both. Regardless, I don’t really want to talk about it anymore.

Here’s what else I saw in fantasy baseball Friday night:

Kevin Gausman – 5.0 IP, 7 hits, 3 ER, 10 K, 7th win. This is the kind of run support SPs dream about. Along with Mookie Betts giving you a wink and a finger gun after he robs a home run for you to keep your perfect game alive. You point back at Mookie and pound your heart with your fist. That’s what I imagine starting pitchers’ dreams must be like. Speaking of imagining, imagine losing with 25 runs of support. It didn’t happen but imagine. Gausman commented postgame, “To be honest, I kinda zoned out after the third.”

Christian Vazquez – 3-for-4, 2 HR (8) slashing .281/.324/.442. Production from Boston’s first basemen has been so bad they are making Christian play first just to get some offense out of the position. And offense he has–his four bombs in July is second on the team only to Devers.

Rob Refsnyder – 1-for-4, HR (4). Jackie Bradley, Jr. also homered. I mention Refsnyder because he might start to see some more consistent playing time after this Jarren Duran debacle. Maybe Duran’s Xbox controller died? Regardless his day’s leading off for the Sox are probably over. As for Refsnyder, he’s a Quad-A player, but if he’s batting in front of Devers, JD and Bogaerts daily, he’s worth a look.

Matt Olson – 1-for-3, HR (18). Allahson! The post right after the all star game is always tough because I have no streaks to write about. Everything is a blank slate, including my mind and thought process after a week of cleaning, I mean vacationing, on the Sea Org. Well, streak or no Matt had five jacks in his past seven games, and I always forget he’s a second half guy. Keep it up, MO!

Charlie Morton – 6.0 IP, 2 hits, 0 ER, 3 BB, 7 K. Batters swung and missed at 43% of his pitches Friday night, which is a very good whiff rate. Although it was the Angels, who are a very bad team.

Shohei Ohtani – 6.1 IP, 6 hits, 6 ER, BB, 11 K. All runs off Shohei came in the 7th, but he was cruising up to that point. Unfortunately, he can not do it alone. He is trying, but I don’t think it can’t be done. If anyone could do it though…

Max Scherzer – 6.0 IP, 5 hits, 2 ER, BB, 8 K, 2nd L. Speaking of great CSW%, Charlie Morton, Max Scherzer will see your 43% and offer up his own 37%, lowering his ratios to 2.28 ERA and 0.89 WHIP. Morton and Scherzer seem like two of the toughest SOBs in the league, I saw Morton pitch an inning with a broken foot, and I’m 99% sure Scherzer would do the same.

Daniel Vogelbach – Acquired by the Mets. So much for Josh Bell. And F to Bucs fans who no doubt want their Vogelbach.

Yu Darvish – 7.0 IP, 4 hits, ER, BB, 9 K, 9th win. Fridays I’m in Love with Yu is the Cure to my fantasy troubles. Against the Mets no less, color me impressed, I mean color Yu. The sub-1 WHIP ain’t too shabby either.

Aaron Judge – 2-for-4, 2 HR (36), 4 RBI, OPS is at 1.003. 465 footer. Whata shot. The 35 dingers in 95 games puts him in some pretty impressive company, depending on how you feel about Babe Ruth, Lou Gehrig, Mickey Mantle, etc. Zzzzzz. Sounds like boomers to me.

Jameson Taillon – 2.2 IP, 4 hits, 2 ER, 3 BB, 2 K. If you were hoping for an injury you’re out of luck, my dude was just bad. Couldn’t find the strike zone. To be fair, he was facing the Orioles, who are a thing now. He gets the Royals next week so fingers crossed but JTs been more bad than good lately.

Michael King – Fractured right elbow. My King is ded. The one-eyed man is now King! Wait, what’s the expression again? I don’t remember but a fractured elbow does not sound very good for a baseball thrower.

Clay Holmes – 1.2 IP, 1 hit, 3 K, SV (17). Aroldis Chapman (0.1 IP, 2 hits, 3 ER) got his chance to show what he’s got left, and gave up a 3-run home run to Anthony Santander, and yeah that’s sort of what we all thought he’s got left. Luckily for ‘Roly, Clay Holmes was there to clean up his mess and save the game.

Braxton Garrett – 6.0 IP, 2 hits, ER, BB, 7 K, 2nd win. Now back-2-back dominating starts against the Pirates. Yep, it will do wonders for your stats. He’s struck out 18 batters in 12.0 IP, and allowed a single run. Garrett was able to generate a lot of swinging strikes on his slider, which seems like naasty pitch, but yeah, Pirates. He’ll need to do it again versus the Reds next week before Braxton can Un-Break My Heart.

Seiya Suzuki – 4-for-5, HR (7). BUY. Seiya Next Tuesday!

Nelson Velazquez – 2-for-2, 2 HR (4), 5 RBI. Two tanks from the pinch-hitter! Do both homers count as pinch hit shots, or just the first one? What’s going to get lost in the Friday night shuffle and the Blue Jays epic beatdown is that the Phillies were also convincingly embarrassed at home by a much, much worse team.

Ian Happ – 4-for-6, run, 2 RBI. The Cubs scored 15 runs with 19 hits, and you might think they didn’t need Ian in this one but without him they’d be Happ-less.

Kyle Schwarber – 1-for-4, HR (30). He was a SELL but he still thinks it’s June! He also must still think Girardi is the manager and the Phillies are still in it! Whatever gets him to mash dingers!

Kyle Gibson – 4.1 IP, 6 hits, 6 ER, 3 BB. His starts seem to fluctuate between awful and good. He’s given up 30 ER since the start of June and that seems more awful than good to me though.

Justin Steele – 5.0 IP, 4 hits, ER, 4 BB, 2 K, 4th win. Gosh whata cool name. Anyone else want to call him Justice Steele? It reminds me of my favorite Shaq movie. Steele’s got a 3.49 ERA over the past month and has flashed some promise. He gets the Giants next week and I might consider the prospect of maybe thinking about mulling over the possibility of contemplating whether or not I should review the option of potentially picking him up. I still don’t know for sure though!

Adam Wainwright – 6.1 IP, 5 hits, 7 ER, 3 BB, 2 K. Against the Reds!? Well, that will ruin your head-to-head match-up. Adam you!

Paul Goldschmidt – 2-for-5, HR (21), 2 RBI. Au Shizz! Pauly G is a Jersey Sure Thing!

Jonathan India – 1-for-4, HR (5). He was a BUY but I still blame you for all my life’s problems. And if you think homering every day for the rest of summer is going to fix everything you are 100% right.

Joey Votto – 1-for-4, HR (7). Reds are 4-0 when JV posts a ‘tok. This is a no-brainer. Not only are they winning, they’re funny and awesome. Keep doing those TikToks, Joey V!

Tyler Stephenson  – Broken right clavicle. I’m not a doctor but that sounds like a necessary bone for a baseball bat swinger.

Lucas Giolito – 3.0 IP, 9 hits, 6 ER, 2 K, 6th L. UGH. ERA at 5.12. More like Puke-ass. Not sure what you do with this guy, he’s given up 41 runs since May 31st, and the good starts aren’t dominant enough to balance out the bad. I feel for owners because he’s basically doing what everyone on my pitching staff is doing, he was just drafted much higher. I can’t imagine starting him in Colorado next week, but I’m sure he is 100% going to dominate if you bench him.

Luis Robert – Hit the IL with light headedness. Probably from watching too many White Sox highlights. Yeah, they make me dizzy, too. He is eligible to return July 29th, but your season will be over by then.

Andres Gimenez – 2-for-5, HR (11), batting .298. The return of the 15-15 guy! They’re a dying breed but I’m here for you, Andres!

Steven Kwan  – 3-for-5, 2 runs, SB (6). Maybe we were premature with our Steven Kwan obsession so don’t look now and definitely don’t gush, but dude has hit safely in seven of his last eight and he stole a base!

Josh Naylor – 2-for-5, run, 3 RBI. He’s hitting .333 with four bombs in July, and he’s been mostly boring, somewhat underwhelming but he could be huge in the second half and is still available in some leagues so what are you waiting for. Naylor!? I mean she’s pretty but I just met her!

Drew Rasmussen – 5.0 IP, 7 hits, ER, BB, 4 K, 6th win. Dwew looked kind of wild, especially considering it was the Royals but a win is a win and that spin-rate would make a yoga mom blush. The Rays have one of the best schedules in baseball over the next few weeks and Rasmussen gets the O’s next week. Time to pad those stats!

Patrick Corbin – 5.0 IP, 8 hits, 5 ER, BB, 7 K, 6.02 ERA, 1.70 WHIP. Rumor is Nats insist on including Corbin in any trade for Soto, which is probably why he hasn’t been traded yet.

Daulton Varsho – 3-for-4, 3 runs, HR (13), RBI slashing .239/.305/.423. I don’t understand batting him eighth. He then hits a home run with no one on base. He is their best player by a lot. The DBacks won 10-1 so it didn’t matter but I still want answers.

Zac Gallen – 7.0 IP, 2 hits, 0 ER, 7 K, 5th win, 3.31 ERA, 1.02 WHIP. Took a no hitter into the sixth and this may very well have been the best game Arizona played all season. Not really a compliment, but kinda!

Ramon Laureano – 1-for-5, HR (10). He was a BUY at some point in the past few weeks and you probably want to grab him in case he gets moved to a contender. The .235/.316/.416 is meh, but he’s a 20-20 guy easy in the right ball park.

Cole Irvin – 7.0 IP, 3 hits, ER, 8 K, 5th win. StreamONator loved this start and Grey told you to BUY. He gets Houston next week, so you can probably drop him now though. It’s been real, CI. Thanks for that!

Lou Trivino – 0.2 IP, 3 hits, 2 ER, BB, K. Louie got a whiff that teams were actually inquiring about his services before the deadline and he put that to rest real quick. AJ Puk came in to record an out and notch his first save. Puk should probably get the next chance, but the A’s aren’t in any hurry to win games here, and since they’re trying to move Trevino, unfortunately, methinks the job is still his.

Corbin Burnes – 5.0 IP, 6 hits, 2 ER, 2 BB, 5 K. Burnes, baby, Burnes! Brews now 4-0 in the CityConnect unis! Drip matters!

Charlie Blackmon – 2-for-6, HR (15), 3 RBI. A 413-footer! Speaking of unis, the light blue slash yellow clashing with the Rox purple. Mmm. Color-wise this game was a real treat for the eyes!

Willy Adames 1-for-6, HR (20). Andrew McCutchen also homered. Willy now homered in back-2-back games like that Drake song I can’t remember the name of and he’s got five bombs in July. Now if only he’d hit over .220..

Hunter Renfroe – 2-for-5, HR (14). Game tying home run in the 10th, and it was a big one, almost 450 feet. Is sliding down the Miller Park slide a reasonable life goal? Or should I just accept now that it’s not gonna happen for me.

Jose Altuve – 3-for-5, 2 runs, HR (18). My god man do you even age? Did he find Mjölnir and it’s keeping him strong? Maybe part of the deal with being in a 13 year old’s body is you maintain your youthfulness well into your 30s.

Yordan Alvarez – 1-for-2, HR (28). The .310/.409/.675 slash is nice. As are the 65 RBIs. I think all the Yankee love has had us sleeping on the Astros, as is tradition. They have just theee less wins than NYC City. And honestly, who would you rather give 500 million dollars, Judge or Yordan? You don’t have to answer yet.

Logan Webb – 6.0 IP, 5 hits, ER, 4 BB, 2 K, 2.77 ERA, 1.12 WHIP. More or less the only Giants starter doing what he’s supposed to be doing.

Marco Gonzales – 5.2 IP, 9 hits, 5 ER, BB, 2 K, 3 home runs allowed. Ho hum. So the Mariners epic win streak finally ends but, hey, at least Kyle Lewis is back!

Tyler Anderson – 6.0 IP, 4 hits, 0 ER, 2 BB, 6 K. Lowers his ratios to 2.79 ERA, 1.02 WHIP. I’m just going to draft Dodgers pitchers next year. Grey told you to SELL before the shoe falls off and Tyler’s still mad Kersh and Gonsolin got to pitch in the All Star game and he didn’t.

Cody Bellinger – 1-for-4, Grand Slam HR (12). The most surprising thing to me about this game winning grand slam is how packed with fans Dodger stadium still was in the ninth inning. Big mistake! The 110 to the 405? On a Friday night!? It’s gonna be jammed! Those fans will be sitting in traffic until Sunday!

Thanks for reading! Questions? Problems? Complaints to management? Advice, small gifts or large bribes? Please leave it in the comments below. Join us next Saturday for another Friday recap as fantasy baseball continues next week, all week long!