I was doing fine without games every day. Thanks for checking in on me. *nervous giggle, looks into the mirror, laughs hysterically* I’m just fine! The other day at 7 PM EST, I took a magic marker and every few minutes I wrote on my computer screen, giving my fantasy team a run, RBI and the occasional home run. Sadly, even with my fantasy fantasy team accruing stats, Jonathan India went 0-for-5. Since there was only a handful of games this week and players haven’t been able to get hot or cold or humid, this Buy/Sell is going to be slightly different. This Buy/Sell includes some players that are owned in more than 50% of leagues. Okay, that’s not different for the Sells, but it does change the Buys. “Hello? No, I’m changing buys — B-U-Y-S. I wouldn’t dream of changing Bis. Thanks, you too!” That was GLAAD calling me about potential insensitivity. I have not triggered anyone in almost three days, unless you count that time yesterday I told someone in Vancouver that their country smells like maple syrup. That’s right, I’m in Canada, as you read this, so apologies for the excessive use of eh. I try to avoid making the Sell the same Sell as an Anime Grey video from our Youtube channel, but I gave you a video a couple weeks ago to sell Xander Bogaerts, and here I am again. Doing two Sells is like screaming-in-the-theater of Sell. I’m reading a sign that says “Ant farm” while snacking, making me a panicked picnicker. I got onomatopanic! As I went back to a few times before (maybe a zillionty or so times), if a player is not giving speed and power, that player is going to be lagging in fantasy value. Bogaerts is a laggard. Call him Lagaerts. Only he doesn’t just lack speed. He’s lacking power too! His name value is saying something completely contrary to his lived-in fantasy experience. I like him still for runs and RBIs, but you can find that elsewhere. I wouldn’t trade Bogaerts for a ride on the back of two men in a horse’s costume, but I would go to our Fantasy Baseball Trade Analyzer and explore options. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Jose Abreu – For the right price, every player is a Buy or Sell. So, these are empirically “this guy should get better or worse.” Is there a scenario where I could see selling Abreu? Abreusolutely. Though, did you know we have a Buysellatops, our dinosaur-slash-Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell Tool, that tells you empirically if a guy is a buy or sell, and, with that said, Abreu is almost exactly even for dollar value, i.e., he’s neither a Buy or Sell. So, I’m going to talk more about perception. People think (out on a limb here, I know) that Abreu is a Sell — aging, not huge power, kinda meh — but his numbers back him up and he’s performing around a top 40 hitter overall, and that should remain similar. Like what your grandma says of pewter, that’s just a smart purchase that will stay useful.
Jonathan India – This is the moment when you find out my whereabouts and send three goons to beat me up. Oh, I wouldn’t spend much to acquire India, but could he be worse in the 2nd half? Hmm, I don’t even want to answer that. Let me answer anything else.
Seiya Suzuki – The pole vault would be so much better if they landed on a trampoline and had to clear the bar on the way back, and Seiya would be so much better if some of his fly balls went for homers. I think the latter is possible, and the former isn’t without a ladder.
Adolis Garcia – People think Adolis is disguised as a 1st half guy — What a terrible costume, by the way. — but what if Adolis is actually a 162-game hitter? Only thing that has us convinced he’ll fall off in the 2nd half is his previous year. That could be true, but that’s a sample size of one year. Guys tend to struggle after teams figure them out, then they make adjustments back. This year could be Adolis’s answer to last year’s struggles. Oh, I’m not 100% sure, but don’t take “Adolis can’t hit in the 2nd half” at face value if someone is selling him.
Leody Taveras – Singular of Lourdes is Leody. Also, he was hot there at the end of the 1st half. Again, this post is mostly for players who are not available on waivers. It’s for Buys and Sells in trades. How’sever, I needed to re-mention a guy from last week to send you to last week’s Buy, so here we are.
Lourdes Gurriel Jr. – Speaking of 2nd half hitters, last year’s 2nd half was so good for Lu-Gu-Ju, it’s why we even drafted him this year.
Jon Berti – More on Berti below, I promise.
Robbie Ray – I had a thought: If this were the 1600s, someone would think Robbie Ray was a witch because they’d think he was cursed with gray legs. See, they would’ve never heard of stretchy pants, so they wouldn’t realize he was wearing pants, because they were so tight. They’d just see gray legs, and scream, “Witch!” Thankfully, we don’t have that problem. There were moments in the 1st half when I wish we did have that problem. Finding a pitcher who can actually be better in the 2nd half, pitch near 100 innings, and might come at a discount is nearly impossible, but Ray’s not all perspirations in the shorts, folks. He’s got aspirations too! There’s as much a chance he has a 100 IP 2nd half with a 2.75 ERA or lower, as he has of just repeating his first half, which didn’t end up being that bad — 19th overall starter on the Player Rater.
Lucas Giolito – I’m officially becoming the Who Knows Man. No question mark. It’s not a question asking someone, “Who knows, man?” Like I’m trying to figure out who has the answer. I’m saying “Who knows,” as in, “No one knows.” I’m that guy. Will Giolito be better in the 2nd half? *looks around, twiddles thumb, waits for someone to say my name* “Who Knows Man.” That’s me! No one knows. The better statement for Giolito or anyone here is, “They should be better.” Whether they will is up to the Fantasy Baseball Overlord and luck itself. Giolito should be much better though, and that’s all you can ask for. Well, that and the Who Knows Man’s current location. “Who knows, man?” Right, yes, that’s actually a question.
Cole Irvin – As of this writing, I’m not anywhere near 100% confident that Streamonator has all the matchups correctly, uh, matched up. If it’s got this start right, this is a Streamonator call, like the call it makes to Metallica’s Fan Club.
Brett Martin – Look at last Friday’s Buy for all the possible relievers who might on the move or worth a waiver wire lookie-loo. By the way, instead of asking if you can see the bathroom, just say lookie-loo. People will appreciate that.
Edwin Diaz – If you need the SAGNOF, then here is the SAGNOF!
Jon Berti – Okay, Imma let you finish, but you have Berti as a Buy and Sell. Good joke, Grey, but I’m not laughing very much. Yeah, I know I put Berti as both a Buy and a Sell. I did that to show that a lot of trades are needs-based at this point. Do you needs yourself some steals? Then buy him! Do you not needs no steals or grammar books? Then sell him! If I could gain three or more points in steals without losing points in power, I’d make some pretty ridiculous trades to acquire Berti. (Or Esteury Ruiz or…Is there anyone else that steals bases anymore? Whatever happened with Myles Straw? Does he still play baseball or did he retire to be a straw?) If you’re worried about Berti’s groin — hey now! — I wouldn’t be too worried about his IL stint. Teams like to use the break and an IL stint to get a guy extra rest.
Edwin Diaz – Yes, he was a Buy too! Same sentiment as Berti, but the other side of SAGNOF.
Tyler Anderson – I saw something recently that said, “Tyler Anderson with Tony Gonsolin (11-0) is the first time two Dodgers pitchers have won 10 of their first 11 decisions in the same season since Sandy Koufax and Phil Regan both started 10-1 in 1966,” and I thought about how the Dodgers have two Phil Regans now. You know how I feel about Gonsolin — I’ve ‘gone sellin!’ — and add Anderson to that too. I’ve loved having Anderson in leagues in the 1st half, but, c’mon, this ain’t real.
Kyle Schwarber – Owning Schwarber has been a joy so far. I laughed, I cried, I asked “IS IT THE SHOES?” in the NBA Jam voice. All of it’s been just fun! Now, I am the Fun Killer, the Killing Machine of Fun, the Wet Blanket dangerously close to an electrical outlet. He’s making awful contact. His line drives are the worst in the league, around that of Trent Grisham. He might be able to hit some homers in the 2nd half, but he also might go: 17/10/23/.180, even if you plead, please Schwammer don’t hurt ’em!
Brandon Lowe – Was activated in time for last Saturday’s game, and that gives you *doing rough math* approximately three hours to trade him. Are you moving on this or WHAT?! Let’s go! Trade, Lowe low, high, I don’t care! Get moving! Sorry, I’m writing this while also sitting in traffic. I don’t mind Lowe in the big picture. St Elmo’s Fire was great. Oh, we’re talking about Brandon Lowe, right. Coming back from, uh, a back injury is always tricky, and if you are expecting a big 2nd half, I’d expect less. Would I trade him to take part in an argument with someone insisting Eleven on Stranger Things should now be called 18? No, but I would go to the Fantasy Baseball Trade Analyzer and explore options.