Late Saturday night, the Red Sox traded Connelly Early to the Nats for Curtis Mead. Check out Curtis Mead’s trade tree: Curtis Mead was traded from the Phils to the Rays for Cristopher Sanchez. Oofa! Who says the Rays always get the best side of a trade? Next up, Mead went to the White Sox for Adrian Houser, then onto the Nats for Boston. Um, Boston Smith, a catcher. That makes Mead the first player to be traded for Boston, then to Boston. I think. I could confirm it if the Elias Sports Bureau would pick up their gee-dee phone! So, this trade is a bit of an optical illusion. It changes, depending on how you look at it. On one hand, you can look at as Early was a huge prospect just three months ago, and Mead only has three decent months of hitting with the Red Sox’s Breslow saying, “We’ve won all these games recently…What can I do to mess it up?” Call him Craig “Weird Flex” Breslow. On the other hand, you can look at it as Early’s elbow is mush and they’re just getting something for him. Plus, Mead did have prospect pedigree not that long ago, and is seemingly breaking out. On a third hand that is Hamburger Helper dry-humping a mop, who cares, we’re here for fantasy. This is a boost for Curtis Mead and I already liked him a lot. He heads to a way better park, and the Red Sox say he’s going to play 2nd base. Sorry, Anthony Seigler, but in fairness I just thought you were a Jewish mobster. For Connelly Early? This does nothing for his value this year, because he’s injured, and I didn’t love him to begin with this year, due to underlying peripherals. Hopefully, Early is better than that prospect who never amounted to anything, Lattner Evers. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Foster Griffin – 6 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 2.76. This is how you go from a Streamonator call to a “I don’t need no stinkin’ robot I’m starting this guy every time out” call.
CJ Abrams – 3-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 26th and 27th homer. This year Corange became in-his-prime Betts.
James Wood – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 29th and 30th homer. Almost don’t even wanna mention it. Not trying to jinx him into a post-All-Star fade. You ain’t a barber and I can’t take a fading.
Brady House – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 1 RBI, as he was recalled with the Mead trade. So far, he seems like a Quad-A player, but he hasn’t had that many opps. So, opps opps away!
Ketel Marte – 1-for-5 and his 19th homer. Look again at what Corange is doing for power vs. Ketel. I know, I know, but his average. You’re right, Corange’s average is almost 40 points higher (.297 vs. .254).
Geraldo Perdomo – 1-for-2, 2 runs and his 8th homer, hitting .233. I was out bigly on Perdomo this year, but I have to admit even I didn’t expect him to struggle to hit for average. That felt like his one safe stat. Oops.
Shea Langeliers – Out for the season with a torn meniscus. This reminds me on Hell’s Kitchen when Gordon Ramsay says, “F**k me? How about f**k you?”
Jonah Heim – 0-for-4 and hit third (the ol’ set it and forget of lineup managing). Heim will start with Shea Banged-up-aliers (not forced, very natural).
Dallas Keuchel – Signed a minor league deal with the A’s. Think that just about wraps up their playoff rotation. Sadly, it’s for the 2015 playoffs.
Nick Kurtz – 1-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 21st homer as he was activated from the IL on Saturday. Kevin from ESPN’s “Get Him In Your Lineup” Department said, “If a car is cherry red, why doesn’t it taste like cherries?”
Connor Prielipp – 5 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.73. Let’s just say when I saw this start, I looked to see how good the A’s hitting is in road games. They’re 29th in the majors in wOBA.
Joe Ryan – Dealing with arm fatigue. It’s pronounced fay-tee-gay. It’s Italian.
Manny Machado – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 23rd homer, hitting .210. Yes, he’s been on fire since I told you to buy him.
Jackson Merrill – 2-for-4 and his 15th homer, and 3rd homer this week. With the worst Jamaican accent, “Ja-Me, Ja-Me, I wanna Ja-Me wid you!”
Kyle Stowers – 2-for-4 and his 13th homer. Picked up Stowers in one league about two weeks and, well, you ever watch paint dry?
Carson Whisenhunt – 5 IP, 4 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.60. Giants started him as a way of saying, “We’re open for business, maybe you trade for this guy and make something of him, like you did with Kyle Harrison.”
Jo Adell – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 16th homer. Told you to buy him, too. In addition to Manny, is what I’m saying. C’mon, keep up!
Jorge Soler – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 12th homer. Hasn’t done much recently, but Soler is the type to get hotter than the sun (also where he gets his power).
Spencer Arrighetti – Hit the IL with foot nerve irritation. That foot’s got some nerve! [giant cane emerges and I dodge left and run out the backdoor]
Jeremy Pena – 2-for-4 and his 10th and 11th homer, five homers this month, hitting over .400 and I’m gonna be in again next year. No way am I letting this year deflate any enthusiasm. I had those lessons, and I learned them.
Munetaka Murakami – 3-for-5, 3 runs, 6 RBIs and his 21st and 22nd homer. Hold up, Okamoto, you are not the milk bread toast of MLB just yet.
Miguel Vargas – 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 22nd homer. Also, in this game, Chase Meidroth (1-for-3, 2 runs) hit his 8th homer. Vargas is good, Meidroth has been hot (.360-ish in last two weeks). Vargas is rostered, but catch Meidroth.
Juan Soto – Hit the IL with a calf strain. Mets are like Michelle Pfeiffer’s womb in Scarface — polluted!
Tyrone Taylor -1-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 8th homer, 2nd homer in his last six. Considered picking him up in an NL-Only, when Soto went down, but Taylor seems to be in a strict LLAMAS platoon.
Freddy Peralta – 4 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 4.99. No foolsies when I say, FreddyKBB’s season alone should have the Mets’ pitching coach fired.
Yoshinobu Yamamoto – 6 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.72 vs. Nolan McLean – 6 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 7Ks, ERA at 3.32. This matchup was billed as, “Yoshinolan YamaMcLean.” I over-portmanteaued, didn’t it? Goshammit!
Emmet Sheehan – 5 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.95. How bad are the Mets right now? Sheehan’s pitching well vs. them. (I know the Mets won yesterday, but c’mon. At least be honest with yourself, Mets fans.)
Salvador Perez – 0-for-3, but his 15th homer on Saturday (four homers since ASB). This home run by Perez beat George Brett for the all-time Royals’ record. George Brett still holds the Royals’ record for most times one has shit their pants in a game (1).
Lane Thomas – 1-for-4 and his 10th homer. He was in Friday’s Buy. No Lame Thomas, only Lane.
Casey Mize – 6 IP, 1 ER, 3 hits, zero walks, 3 Ks, ERA at 2.70. Here’s one example of a guy who I’m gonna be saying next year, “He’s an easy number two, and he’s being under-drafted,” and people will be like, “Meh,” and I’ll be like, “He had a sub-3 ERA into August last year, are you crazy?” And you’ll be like [rotates both index fingers by nipples] And I’ll be like, “It’s a rotating index finger by your head to indicate crazy. Not your nipples.”
Sean Burke – 6 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 3.19. I hate the expression “he shoved,” but Burke kinda shoved.
Hunter Brown – 7 IP, 0 ER, 2 hits, zero walks, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.45. Feel like I’m dealing with a ticking time bomb. Just let me get to October without anyone snipping the red wire. Or does that diffuse the bomb and that’s good? I don’t know, man, this is not Hurt Locker and I’m not Jeremy Renner!
Shota Imanaga – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.72. This guy is a machine of “pushing his ERA up to the point where you’re unsure if it’s worth holding him, then correcting the mess.”
Seiya Suzuki – 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 18th homer, 3rd homer this week. Happy to see Seiya isn’t 1st or 2nd half hitter, but a “gets injured a decent amount but is good when he’s healthy” hitter.
Paul Skenes – 5 1/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.65. Might have to institute a boxer’s type rule here and disallow sex during the season. A’la Mickey, “You got weak knees, Skenes!”
Braxton Ashcraft – 6 IP, 4 ER, 9 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.05. Don’t have him in any league (though, I do like him), and it’s unfortunate he has a 4+ ERA, because that’s not an indication of how good he is/has been. With that said, sleeper next year? Huh?!
Esmerlyn Valdez – 2-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 14th homer in 37 games. The GGOATOAT has risen! (At least I know this spell I bought from a 114-year-old Asian man works.)
Ryan O’Hearn – 1-for-2, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and his 17th homer. My kingdom for O’Hearn instead of Vlad Jr.
Brandon Young – 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.13. Example number 76,716,890 that there’s starters you don’t even realize are doing as well as they are unless you roster them.
Bryce Elder – 5 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.96. Have him in a few leagues and I just keep benching him and I’m not even sure if I should be regretting it.
Reynaldo Lopez – 5 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, ERA at 3.64. You know I like him, but he had the O’s who suck, so let me instead ask, is Jackson Holliday a nepo baby?
Pete Alonso – 2-for-4 and his 22nd homer. Albombso!
Robert Gasser – 6 IP, 2 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.71. Find it so amusing that other teams are like, “We got this kid called Zebby Matthews, and he’s gonna be great” and he’s turd soup. Then the Brewers are like, “Watch us make a great starter out of this beer mug.”
Lance McCullers Jr. – Designated for assignment. Brewers said, “If we can’t fix you in three days, we have no time for you.”
Jacob Misiorowski – 5 IP, 1 ER, 1 hit, zero walks, 12 Ks, ERA at 1.58. He has a Year of the Pitcher-type line. You know what’s narkin futs? He’s going to win the Cy Young as a 5-inning pitcher.
Andrew Vaughn – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer, hitting .308. Keep saying the same thing for Vaughn: He’s hitting much better than the lack of power shows. A show-er, not a grower (of distance), perhaps.
Cole Carrigg – 1-for-4 and his 5th homer. Someone tried to trade me for Carrigg in my keeper league, and: .360 OBP, as a rookie, has me holding.
Bryan Woo – 5 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 4.37. Not for nothing, but I told you to sell him when his ERA was at 3.44. At the time, people were like, “Boo!” Not as in Woo being bad, but as in booing me.
Dominic Canzone – 3-for-5, 4 RBIs and his 16th homer. Don’t let me get in my Canzone, don’t let me get in my Canzone, don’t let me get in my Canzone. (The Jay Z part.)
Randy Arozarena – 3-for-5 and his 12th homer. The Rice Bowl was a Sell a couple weeks ago, and not to only take victory laps here (I’m sure one of you will keep me honest with a guy I’m missing), but Rice has been pretty meh in July.
Ryan Weathers – 5 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.25. Had the transaction all queued up for Sunday. Was about to drop him, then he goes and does this on Saturday. Now what do I do? Is he out of the woods? Was he in the woods? If he’s in New York, was he in the Pine Barrens? Really don’t know what to do now, but I don’t think I can drop him, if that’s at all helpful (it’s not).
Cody Bellinger – Hit the IL with a strained hamstring. In perfectly stoned fashion, he did agility drills after hitting the IL. (No joke, he actually did.)
Ben Rice – 2-for-5, 2 runs and his 31st homer. Rice-a-HRoni!
Will Warren – 3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 4.41. Kinda got done in by a terrible play in left, but also kinda got done by pitching terrible. Six of one, I guess. Well, six of the earned runs, specifically.
Bryson Stott – 3-for-4, 5 RBIs and his 8th homer. Stott’s entertainment!
Nick Martinez – 6 IP, 0 ER, 4 hits, zero walks, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.45. Just have a sub-2 ERA already and stop mocking me!
Drew Rasmussen – 7 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 1 walk, 9 Ks, ERA at 3.07. I love this guy. Most unheralded pitcher in baseball or nah? He’s a top 20 starter on the Player Rater, and no one cares.
Parker Messick – 7 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 hits, zero walks, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.59. He’s at 125 1/3 IP and he threw 139 1/3 IP last year. That gets him through August, but, if you’re in a H2H with September playoffs, you’ve been served (with info).
Hunter Greene – 5 1/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 7.06. So, he’s not healthy, right? Can we just shut him down? Do we have to pretend everything’s okay?
Elly De La Cruz – 2-for-5, 2 runs and his 18th homer. Is there somewhere I can bet E! will be the top guy on the Player Rater one year. Not sure about next, but at some point. Polymarket want that action? I ain’t think so!
Andrew Abbott – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.85 vs. Kyle Leahy – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 3.55. Good matchup to highlight how the guy you know may be worse than the guy you don’t know. Leahy is better than Abbott, and it’s not super close. (I say ‘know’ because Abbott’s rostered in 72% of leagues and Leahy in 42%.)
Ivan Herrera – 2-for-5 and his 12th homer. This feels like a learning curve year. Like we’re Sputnik up in here, and next year: To the moon, Ivan!
Andre Pallante – 7 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.77. Streamonator hates his next one, and I can’t say I trust him much.
Dylan Cease – 9 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 3 walks, 12 Ks, ERA at 2.46. I know this impression! Great pitcher on terrible team…Damn, can’t believe it took me that long to realize it, he’s doing the “deGrom on the Mets.” Good luck breaking ten wins with your possible Cy Young year!
Kevin Gausman – 6 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.51. I’m discounting this start a little because of how bad the Red Sox looked this weekend (before Mead, of course). Therefore, ergo, vis-à-vis, still not sure Gausman is out of the woods, but his peripherals are not as bad as you think. Look at me reading your mind.
Sonny Gray – 5 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 2.78. Giving me Gray hairs!
Ranger Suarez – 4 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 3.02 as he was activated from the IL. Saw a note about Red Sox manager Chad Tracy saying some shizz and it reminded me: How dumb does Alex Cora look now? Bro drove the Red Sox into the cellar, then Chad is like, “They ain’t gonna be hanging me.”
