Dodgers Pour Tarik Into Their Day Parade Of Aces

Dodgers are at 41% chance of winning the World Series. In a game like baseball, where anything can happen on any given day, that’s insane. Dodgers should be more like 98%. Who’s doing these odds? They’re so dumb! Why couldn’t any other team but the Dodgers get Tarik Skubal? It’s not like other teams don’t have prospects. Why did the Dodgers ruin baseball? Was it too good to them? Are they that greedy? Why couldn’t they get Miles Mikolas? Let him pitch game three! They don’t need Tarik Skubal following Ohtani and Yamamoto and before Snell. They just don’t! They sent River Ryan, Zyhir Hope and Brady Smith. Oh, okay, no other team has a prospect? What are we doing? It was done on Saturday, why not wait until Monday for the best deal? Is MLB secretly making all this happen so next year they can say, “See, we need a salary cap because the Dodgers are big bad monsters who don’t let anyone else play and now everyone has to go home and there’s a work stoppage?”

MLB owners of losing teams getting ready to point to the Dodgers for why they need a salary cap

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— Razzball (@razzball.bsky.social) August 2, 2026 at 7:26 AM

The Dodgers prospects aren’t even any good, they lie about them! River Ryan is 28 years old! I’m now convinced they never promoted River Ryan because they were afraid he would suck in the majors and lose any possible trade value. I live in LA and this sucks. I don’t like it. So, Tarik Skubal goes to the Dodgers and gets a worse park but much better run support and he’s awesome wherever he pitches. This doesn’t matter. Nothing matters! Eat Arby’s! Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Yoshinobu Yamamoto – 8 IP, 3 ER, 5 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 2.76. Not bad for a number three.

Emmet Sheehan – 2 2/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 5.29. After the start, he met with reporters at his locker, as a moving company came and removed everything in his locker and his name on it.

Ceddanne Rafaela – 2-for-5, 2 runs and his 15th homer, 4th homer this weekend. Also, in this game, Jarren Duran (1-for-4) hit his 14th homer; Wilyer Abreu (2-for-4, 2 runs) hit his 17th homer, and Masataka Yoshida (2-for-4, 2 RBIs) hit 5th homer, as the REd Sox swept the Dodgers. No one has it harder than the Dodgers.

Bo Naylor – Traded to the Brewers. What’s a nepo baby but it’s not parents they’re nepo’ing but it’s a brother? Brofessional assistant? Also in this trade to the Brewers was Codi Heuer. I wonder if Codi’s ringtone is Lorraine Bracco as Karen Hill saying, “In 5C is a Heuer! Do you hear me? Heuer!” Bo is barely an NL-Only league 2nd catcher.

Walbert Urena – 6 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.54 vs. Jacob Misiorowski – 7 IP, 2 ER, 3 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 1.63. Walbert > Misiorowski, naturally.

Wade Meckler – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer. Try to throw 105 MPH cheese past The Meckler and see what happens.

Blake Perkins – Traded to the Guards for Bo, along with Craig Yoho. Bo/YoHo sounds like a better fit in Pittsburgh.

Gavin Williams – 5 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 2 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 3.56. He became an ace; please recognize.

Quinn Mathews – 5 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners (3 BBs), 3 Ks, as he was called up. Went over him the other day. If you click his name, you’re magically transported to every mention of him. I will say, this start looked better than I expected from him (while still not being amazing), but it was also vs. the Blew Jays, who suck.

Matthew Liberatore – 6 IP, 0 ER, 2 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.97. Cardinals went from Mathews to Matthew this weekend. And that’s gospel.

Kevin Gausman – Traded to the Cubs. Love this move by the Cubs. Gausman has been miserable this year at times, but the Jays’ rot is seeping. It’s just good to get out of there and Wrigley, while can be bad at times, it can also be good when the wind is blowing in and everything is saying Gausman should be better. Buy!

Jameson Taillon – Acquired by the Jays. AL pennant repeat back on!

Max Scherzer – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 7.92. He passed Walter Johnson to enter the top 10 all-time strikeout list. Next up, Gaylord. What a name.

Framber Valdez – 7 IP, 2 ER, 11 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.41. Check out who was looking for a life vest on the Titanic. “Ooh, now I’m good, please trade for me.” Get out of here! Not literally! You’re stuck on the Tigers, you loser! I am curious if they call up River Ryan, but I don’t see why they would. I’m no longer a River Ryan truther.

Camilo Doval – Traded to the Pirates. Let’s say this, he should not be a closer on any team. Will he close for the Pirates? It wouldn’t shock me.

Ryan O’Hearn – Out six to eight weeks with a quad strain. Worst quad incident since I fell asleep on the quad, and someone painted on my face, “Nerd.” I don’t forgive or forget!

Andrew Abbott – 5 IP, 3 ER, 3 hits, 5 BBs, 1 K, ERA at 3.91. Five walks to one K. Shaking my damn head and snapping my fingers. He can’t keep getting away with this!

Chase Burns – 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 2.35. Even though this doesn’t make any sense, and is not how regression works, but I’ll be so scared of Burns next year if he avoids regression this year.

Drew Rasmussen – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 2.91. If you asked the smartest minds in fantasy baseball to name the top 20 starters off top of their head, they’d never mention Rasmussen. You may as well have asked them ‘best place for date night.’ If you then said to them, “What about Rasmussen?” They’d shrug, and he’s the 8th best arm on the Player Rater, better than Cease.

Martin Perez – 7 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.24. I’m sure other teams have guys come out of nowhere to be solid, but do they have as many as the Braves. The Braves make chicken salad out of chicken shizz every year.

Matt Olson – 2-for-4 and his 31st homer, 3rd straight game with a homer. Four more to go!

Lane Thomas – Acquired by the Braves with Bailey Falter. That’s right, Braves stay in their Lane, with getting quality outfielders. Bam! Landed the pun! I never Falter. [crowd grows restless, an errant cough] Crazy, just looked at park factors, and Royals are the 4th best stadium for runs. Moving in the fences did work, but only when opposing hitters are facing the Royals’ pitchers. Either way, Thomas is in a better lineup, and the park isn’t much worse.

Tyler Mahle – Acquired by the Braves for Anthony Molina. They traded away Doc Ock?! I know Spiderman has new villains but c’mon! Braves’ assistant’s assistant to the GM will go tot eh tailor on Monday with Mahle’s measurements. The Shroud of Touki can be made to fit anyone. Until he’s fitted, he’s NL-Only or a Streamonator.

Cade Cavalli – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.52. When dust settles today, the Nats might be James Wood and Cade and for rain they prayed.

Kyle Freeland – 9 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 6.81. Righto, Royals.

Cristopher Sanchez – 6 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners (5 BBs), 11 Ks, ERA at 2.61. Check out this guy, wanting to be the runner-up to Misiorowski for the Cy.

Zack Wheeler – 2 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 2.49. Rain delays when a starter is still in the game and causes them to be removed should result in a fine for the ump.

Bryan De La Cruz – 1-for-2, 3 RBIs and his 2nd homer. Not sure if he’ll have a starting job after the trade deadline today, but, if he does, he has been a hot schmotato.

Brandon Nimmo – 2-for-3, 2 runs and his 11th homer. He had two homers in July, and one homer in June and three homers in May and three homers in April and those are incredibly pedestrian monthly numbers and he’s killing Vlad Jr. in power.

Jacob deGrom – 3 1/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.96. Welp, you are not Chris Sale, my friend. Thanks for the virtual noogies, deGrom.

Jeremy Pena – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 13th homer. We need a 2027 season so Pena can have a full-fledged star mitzvah.

Yordan Alvarez – 4-for-5, 1 run, 2 RBIs, hitting .330. He’s gonna win the Triple Crown on zero of my teams I’m so sick.

Carlos Correa – Said he could return this year. I’m jotting down that in my Very Important Journal in disappearing ink.

Robert Stock – 5 IP, 1 ER, 3 hits, zero walks, 4 Ks, as he was called up. He’s 36 and I thought he was just a guy on Twitter.

Max Clark – 1-for-3, 1 run and did nothing but hit all weekend. Wait until he gets called up to a MLB park with MLB pitchers. He’s gonna be good. (On a side note, Gleyber hitting leadoff and Clark 7th is a call for help.)

Keider Montero – 6 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 3.17. Last Sunday was the big FAAB day for Keider-Falafel Montero, but that doesn’t mean you can’t get involved in last week’s lovefest this week! Hop on, there’s plenty of room on the bandwagon.

Nick Kurtz – Visiting a hand specialist on Monday. To hand model….right?….Please?

Gage Jump – 3 2/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 4.59. Have not regretted dropping him about a month ago. Gaged that jump just right! High five me right now! No? Okay.

Landen Roupp – 4 2/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 4.34. When he’s going good, it’s nice, but there is something impossible about rostering a guy who has these blowups.

Osleivis Basabe – 1-for-3 and his 2nd homer. Osleivis left the building! Twice in two days. That’s a schmotato.

Jackson Merrill – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and a slam (16) and legs (22). His home run went 420 feet. “He really smoked it.” That’s Cody Bellinger.

George Kirby – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.76. Could be the last start for Kirby in Seattle teal. *bha$!18–Sorry, I had fingers crossed he would be sent somewhere with a decent park.

Cole Young – 4-for-5, 1 run, 1 RBI, and hitting leadoff. Don’t mind if I do!

Cal Raleigh – 1-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 12th homer, hitting .162. This might be the worst followup season to a historic season ever.

Taj Bradley – 6 IP, 3 ER, 11 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 3.69. Taj Mah-where’s the Ks?

Trevor Larnach – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 10th homer, and 2nd homer in two games, as he hits leadoff. He’s also hitting .283 with a .371 OBP. When did he get good?

Royce Lewis – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 12th homer, and 2nd homer this weekend. Welp, here we go again!

Luis Castillo – Traded to the White Sox for Seranthony Dominguez, Nolan Jones and Boston Smith. Mariners were like, “Here’s a not-so-good pitcher, and we’ll take the worst stuff you got.”

Luke Keaschall – 2-for-4 and his 6th homer, and 2nd homer in two games, and average is up to .263. When did all the Twins start hitting? I sound like someone who just faced The Bushwhackers.

Anthony Kay – 6 1/3 IP, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 4.01. More like Anthony Kay-less.

Andrew Benintendi – 1-for-4 and his 12th homer, 2nd homer in three games. Hot schmotato alert!

Miguel Vargas – 1-for-5, 2 RBIs hit his 24th homer, and 2nd homer in three games. No brakes, all Vargas!

Freddy Peralta – Traded to the Rays. …and he’s fixed. FreddyKBB is back and he’s a 10 K/9, 3.5 BB/9, 3.50 ERA pitcher again. I don’t even know if I’m joking. I could see giving FreddyKBB a chance again that the Rays can fix him, but I obviously don’t think it’s that clearcut. There was a reason why I was out on him in the preseason, and it wasn’t only Mets-related.

Shane Baz – 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.86. Baz’s stats are Bzzt wrongo. Streamonator, I guess, but very meh stuff going on there.

Griffin Jax – 5 IP, 1 ER, 4 hits, zero walks, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.63. If they can do this with Griffin Jax, FreddyKBB gonna challenge Schlittler for AL Cy in two months of starts.

David Peterson – 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 8 Ks, ERA at 5.52. On Saturday, the Yankees’ lineup looked like it hadn’t been that bad since it featured Mel Hall, and he’s a sex criminal. Thankfully:

Luis Garcia Jr. – Traded to the Yankees for four prospects. Yankees are sending back to the Nats Luis Garcia Jr. Jr., Luis Garcia Jr. Jr. Jr., and Luis Garcia Jr. Jr. Jr. Jr. Jr. because Luis Garcia Sr. skipped a Luis Garcia Jr. Jr. Jr. Jr. LuGaJu in YaSta! LuGaJu in YaSta! LuGaJu in YaSta! This is a boon for the lefty. It’s time to go doink like a non-clown in the right field bleachers! YaSta is one of the best places he could’ve landed. Yeah, I’ll stop saying YaSta when ya stop me! The House That Steinbrenner Built Across The Parking Lot From The House That Ruth Built is going to be the House That LuGaJu Ate In.