Troy Melton The Face Off Orioles

I wanna talk about Troy Melton but first we have to acknowledge the Tigers scored 14 with the hitting stars being: Gleyber Torres (2-for-5, 5 RBIs and his 5th homer). I’m convinced Hinch saw that Gleyber used to bat at the top of the Yanks’ lineup — three years ago — and was like, “Welp, he must be a top of the order bat.” No one has gotten by with less than Torres. Nats won’t even give CJ Abrams a top two spot in the lineup and there’s Gleyber every day for the Tigers! Also, in this game, Eduardo Valencia (4-for-5, 3 runs, 4 RBIs) hit his 3rd and 4th homer. You remember Eduardo Valencia. He’s the guy who does this: “Knock, knock.” “Who’s there?” “Orange?” “Orange who?” “Valencia oranges are awesome!” Eduardo Valencia has big power (24 HRs last year, 17 this year) and could have some AL-Only value. But who cares, I want to talk about Troy Melton. Yesterday, he went 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 1.75. That was what I was supposed to get this week from Keider Montero! But, no, talk about Melton! Okay, Melton is sitting on 8.1 K/9, 2.8 BB/9, 3.88 xFIP, and a 43.5% GB rate. If that sounds a little meh, it’s better under that. He induces around a 33% HardHit, which would be around Skenes and 6.3% barrels, which would be top 15, i.e., he gets some Ks and induces weak contact. That’s Melton, baby! (Never said about M&M’s.) Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Javier Baez – 3-for-4, 1 run as he was activated from the IL. Hold on a second! Tigers got Baez back! Don’t be trading Skubal away just yet!

Kyle Manzardo – 1-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 12th homer, a grand slam. Manzardo tends to go from Man to Zardo, his alter ego who can hit, seemingly overnight.

Gavin Williams – 7 IP, 2 ER, 4 baserunners, 12 Ks, ERA at 3.71. Struck out more than 10 and allowed no more than one walk in four straight starts. You know how I know when someone is on a helluva run? When I consider them for the lede, after every start. Gavin Williams has become a top 20 starter. Don’t act shocked. It’s all there.

Chase Burns – 5 IP, 1 ER, but 4 unearned runs, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 2.40. Ticker shock! Not sure who’s luckier than him and his owners when it comes to regression. Burns gives up a grand slam and it’s unearned? Ha, okay. Sure feels like a pitcher who gives up a grand slam is a little responsible, but I guess no one wants accountability in today’s world!

Sal Stewart – 2-for-6, 3 RBIs and a slam (22) and legs (12). Sal likes doubleheaders almost as much as Ernie Banks or Jennifer Connelly.

JJ Bleday – 1-for-8 and his 18th homer, 2nd homer in five games. One-for-eight is a heckuva line to get excited about even with a homer, so lowercase yay.

Brian Serven – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer. Maybe Langeliers wasn’t any good, maybe it was just all A’s catchers do is hit homers. Hmm. [pause] Hmm. Will sleep on it! Also, in a hilarious bit of Jim Leyland-esque lineup carding, Jonah Heim continues to hit 3rd, even as a DH. Stonks up!

Gage Jump – 6 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.00 vs. Jake Bennett – 6 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 2.74. Would’ve worked out perfectly fine, and I’m not sure what the Streamonator says about it, but, if you started both of these guys in Bing Bong, I fear you might be working with a loose screw.

Tommy White – 4-for-4, 2 runs. The A’s develop good hitters. Cust kayin’.

Curtis Mead – Hit the IL with a broken wrist. Hold on, I got this! Let me spray this Wrist-Injury-B-Gone! [reading bottle, extremely toxic, don’t spray on fantasy team] Bruh. C’mon! You gotta be kidding me! I’d laugh at the Red Sox misfortune if I didn’t also have Mead, and was planning on enjoying that! His wrist sounded fine after it happened, but apparently not, and they called up Nick Sogard. Was the doctor who originally diagnosed Curtis Mead the same doctor who said Roman Anthony would miss the minimum amount of time? I’m asking questions.

Brandon Pfaadt – 7 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.00. I’m sick of doing the math. I kept going to an ERA calculator and figuring out what Pfaadt had done since he returned from the minors, and it’s been great, but it’s not moving you. Y’all don’t care!

Bubba Chandler – 4 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 4.64. Good news is Money Chandler, his mom, won the District Attorney election so Bubba won’t be prosecuted for his crimes.

Aaron Nola – 5 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 5.61. Just went to see what Streamonator predicted for Nola: 5 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks. 1 ER, not 2 ER and 5 Ks not 4! You dumb robot!

Sandy Alcantara – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.82. Watched the majority of this game, while I made pizza, and Sandy pitched better than my pizza came out. I bought one of those pizza ovens that goes to a 1,000 degrees and it cooks pizza in 15 seconds but it’s only the outside that cooks, and the inside is raw and I think I’m gonna be sick. I shouldn’t have eaten one of them, let alone three. Any hoo! Sandy seems like an iffy backend starter in 12 teamers.

Kyle Stowers – 1-for-3 and his 14th homer, 2nd homer in three games. That he hit this home run off Nola counts for three-quarters of a homer, so congrats on the triple.

Michael McGreevy – 1 2/3 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 3.57. Regression Fairies were fired up yesterday. Must’ve heard the new Madonna album.

Griffin Jax – 5 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 3.74. Rays could turn you into a usable number three. Don’t look behind you. Yes, point at yourself. I’m talking about you.

Byron Buxton – Out of the game with hip soreness. That’s the same issue that forced him to the IL earlier this year. Wish I could send some of my dope hipness his way.

Taj Bradley – 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 3.65. Taj Mah-My-Number-Two-But-In-A-Good-Way!

Alex Lange – 2/3 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 6.33, and his 3rd blown save. It only feels like his 33rd blown save. It might be confirmation bias or some other Psych 101 term, but the Royals feel like they’ve blown more saves than any other team. [looking it up] Yup, I’m wrong. It’s the Nats. They have 27, and Royals have 19 for 4th.

Justin Wrobleski – 6 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 2.88. That’s too bad. [you do the Larry David lean-in to see if I really think it’s too bad] A real shame. [you eye me closer to see if my expression cracks]

Max Muncy – 1-for-4 and a slam (21) and legs (2). Max is the Munciest!

Shohei Ohtani – 3-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 23rd homer, hitting .286. Adding in being a top five starter for most of the year elevates him, but 23 homers and six steals on the year? Not gonna say it’s bad, but, if he’s a hitter only in your league, is that a return on the investment? Yes, he’s nearly top 10 overall on the Player Rater as a hitter! Get out of here! Who did you prefer to draft, Judge? Witt? JRam?

Julio Rodriguez – 2-for-4, 2 runs and a slam (16) and legs (13). [glowing red eyes] JRod, 2nd half, initiate takeoff.

Cal Raleigh – 1-for-4 and his 11th homer. Brady Anderson made his 50-homer season seem less out of nowhere than Cal.

Dominic Canzone – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 17th and 18th homer. Call him Bombinic Canzone!

Yordan Alvarez – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 35th homer. Captain Woo Cubano is a beautiful 378-pound baby that I love.

Christian Walker – 2-for-4 and his 21st homer. His July has been brutal. 2nd homer last night and hitting around .185. And June wasn’t much better. You can continue to roster now, because maybe that home run jarred something loose, but at the first sign it didn’t, I’d move on.

Peter Lambert – 5 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.06. Astros did well bringing someone over from Asia, who wasn’t Asian. Call Dana Brown, Little Marco Polo.

Reid Detmers – 5 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 4.03. This could be Detmers’s final start with the Angels, and, if it is, then he’s going to become Misiorowski. Unless the Rockies trade for him. Angels and Rockies would be a fascinating trade partnership. “We’ll give you Kris Bryant for Brian Dozier.”  “Dozier doesn’t play anymore.” “Neither does Kris Bryant.”

Mickey Moniak – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 17th homer. This home run came in San Diego. Possibly the place Moniak ends up after a trade. Rockies are really eying Luis Rengifo as a middle of the order bat. Smart team, those Rockies!

Willi Castro – 1-for-2, 2 runs and his 11th homer. Willi is just another way of saying dong.

Michael King – 6 IP, 4 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.38. His July was actually pretty solid — 1.96 ERA prior to this in 23 IP. Not “King stays King” but not May and June pauper months either.

Fernando Tatis Jr. – 5-for-5, 1 run, 2 RBIs, hitting .285. If he gets to a 20/40/.300 season (long shot, but possible), I will have some apologies to hand out.

Jake Bauers – Suffered a fractured toe, but he says he can play through it. By Hoka or croka.

Logan Henderson – 5 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.66. Ya know who he is? NL’s Drew Rasmussen. Call him Brew Rasmussen.

Landen Roupp – 3 2/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 4.12. I know it was vs. the Brewers, but it’s at home and home is a good park, and it’s inconceivable how bad he is occasionally. Hard to even say Streamonator when he has these flare-ups out of nowhere like he just had a tostada salad bowl at Taco Bell.

Casey Schmitt – Out for the season with a torn meniscus. Schmitt, indeed. That gives Christian Koss playing time. Chris Koss will not make you jump jump.

Harrison Bader – Had a setback during his rehab as he fell off a scooter. Geez with the butter fingers, Gennett!

Bryce Eldridge – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 11th homer. His K% was up to 33% in July. He’s on a roughly 27-homer, .220 pace in 162 games (which he won’t get). It’s okay. Don’t make me pretend it’s incredible.

Gerrit Cole – 6 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.57. Other than a few stinkers in June, he’s been basically an ace. Shine bright like a diamond, Cole (after 24,000 years).

Chase Meidroth – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 9th homer, and 2nd homer in three games. Hot schmotato alert!

Luis Garcia Jr. – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 22nd homer, hitting .282.

LaGaJu’s bat is a little bit louder now (shout)
LaGaJu’s bat is a little bit louder now (shout)
LaGaJu’s bat is a little bit louder now (shout)

Dylan Crews – 1-for-4, 2 runs and his 9th homer. Hey-hey-hey-hey (hey-hey-hey-hey) Hey-hey-hey-hey (hey-hey-hey-hey)– Okay, sorry. Crews has two homers in five games and has been much better since he returned from the minors. HardHit% is nice and K%.

Cade Cavalli – 6 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.55. You know I like Cade, but he also got the Blew Jays last night, and maybe they’re an every-other-year team? I’m not sure.

George Springer – 1-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 12th homer. Someone please explain Springer’s 2025 season to me like I’m five years old.

Vladimir Guerrero Jr. – Left the game early with hamstring tightness. Oh poor Nepo Baby! Ugh! He’s awful! Why did I draft Yordan 2025 last year and this year?! Why? Why? Nancy Kerrigan, why?! It’s so perfect that Kazuma Okamoto (1-for-2, 2 runs) replaced Vlad Jr. and hit his 24th homer. Just perfect. Zero notes.

Shane Bieber – 2/3 IP, 4 ER, 1 hit, 6 walks, ERA at 5.74. Jays are either one of the worst teams in baseball or insanely good at playing possum.