[brid autoplay=”true” video=”1334148″ player=”13959″ title=”2023 Razzball BUY, SELL, HOLD for Fantasy Baseball Week 13″ duration=”203″ description=”Its the BUY, SELL, HOLD for Fantasy Baseball Week 13!” uploaddate=”2023-06-21″ thumbnailurl=”https://cdn.brid.tv/live/partners/9233/snapshot/1334148_th_64935ef273175_1687379698.jpg” image=”https://cdn.brid.tv/live/partners/9233/snapshot/1334148_sd_64935ef273175_1687379698.jpg” contenturl=”https://cdn.brid.tv/live/partners/9233/sd/1334148.mp4″ width=”480″ height=”270″]
Told you in Friday’s Buy column the Orioles were calling up their top prospect. I just forgot to include top infield prospect. Well, excuse me! I blame Itch. If he wasn’t so busy making casual death threats, he’d be on this! So, Itch had Jordan Westburg in his last prospects to stash report, and, on June 11th, he said, “Has 33 home runs and 14 stolen bases in 143 Triple-A games, which feels like a lot of Triple-A games for a first-round pick who’s slashing .305/.383/.601 on his return to the level, and I’d like to level Grey.” C’mon, man! I imagine Cowser will be up soon too, because, honestly, what are they doing in the minors? It makes no season. As Itch said, Westburg being in Triple-A that long is absurd, and so is Cowser. I tried to grab Westburg in every league, and failed. Let’s go! Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Cedric Mullins – 1-for-4 as he was activated from the IL. Kevin from ESPN’s “Get Him In Your Lineup” Department said, “I cracked the photocopier’s glass by sitting on it, but no one cares if I might have glass shards in my butt.”
Kyle Bradish – 7 IP, 2 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.75. Bradish, Tyler Wells, Kyle Gibson, and Dean Kremer are the epitome of piecing together a pitching staff that is working in fantasy and real life.
Anthony Santander – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 15th homer. Yay! But also robbed a home run from JRod. Boo! Not cool, Santander.
Dean Kremer – 7 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.50. Streamonator likes Kremer’s next start a little, and I like it a lot. Go with G-d and Kremer!
Cal Raleigh – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 11th homer. He also caused an eclipse when he stepped to the plate.
Jon Singleton – Signed with the Astros. In the clubhouse, Singleton bends down and looks up under the bench. There, it reads, “Singleton wuz here.” He scratches out “wuz” and carves above it “iz.”
Jeremy Pena – 1-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 9th homer, hitting .248. Pena is likely a little bit overrated, but he’s also within striking distance of at least returning draft day value.
Max Muncy – Dodgers say he will return on Tuesday. Ah, perfect, telling us it’s safe to put him in our weekly lineup only to go back on it after lineups are locked. You’re sneaky, but not sneaky enough!
Chris Taylor – Hit the IL with a bone bruise. Bone braise is much better. Like an oxtail? Hoo daddy! That’s good! Hoo Daddy’s sounds like a place that would serve oxtail too. Any hoo (daddy)! Muncy’s due to return, so that’s where those Taylor ABs go.
Bobby Miller – 4 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 4.13. You know the old miners that stand at the edge of town with a scary story for anyone who thinks about going into town? Okay, that, but with starters. Just a crazy old coot standing at your waivers, waving their hands at all the pitchers, screaming, “You can’t trust anyone!”
Mookie Betts – 1-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and a slam (19) and legs (6). is the ball juiced? Hmm, let’s see, Mookie Best is on pace for 40 homers. Okay.
Tony Gonsolin – 5 IP, 4 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.30. I am not rejoicing his regression. I am simply joicing, since it’s the first time we’re seeing real regression for him.
Pablo Lopez – 6 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 4.41. Prolly the biggest buy right now as a starter.
Bailey Ober – 6 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.97. Was getting hit around early in the game, then settled down because Ober’s never failed me. Unlike everyone else I’ve loved. TMI?
Jared Walsh – Optioned to the minors. Just his luck, it came the same day the Angels scored 12 safeties and an extra point. (What, is that not how football scoring works?) Walsh had Thoracic Outlet Surgery and TOS is the worst thing to ever happen to a baseball player. Worst TOS, in general, after Apple’s Terms of Service. Why do I see so many ads for Cougar Singles? Leave me alone, Apple! You know I’m weak!
Griffin Canning – 6 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.99. Angels scoring four touchdowns and missing three extra points for Canning is the best example of cruising out to Ivictory Island for a free night at the W.
Mike Moustakas – Traded to the Angels. Lose by 25-1 but trade Mostsuckass to the Angels? Who really won on Saturday? Felt like an institutional failure for the Angels to trade for Eduardo Escobar, rather than go to Luis Rengifo, when Urshela went down, but now the Angels are hitting you over the head with their bad mistakas.
Ezequiel Tovar – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer, as he hits leadoff. Though, once Bud Black gets back his brother from another mother who added “mon,” Tovar hitting leadoff will end.
Jared Shuster – 3 2/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 5.00. Braves get one goofy starter, who is good who shouldn’t be, per year and that crown of thorns has been placed on Elder’s head already.
Matt McLain – 4-for-5, 2 runs, 5 RBIs and his 5th homer, hitting .325. Heard early last week (so I don’t know if it’s still true) that McLain is 2nd in the majors in hits since he was called up, only behind Luis Arraez. If you need exposition: That’s incredibly good for a rookie.
Matt Olson – 1-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 25th homer, and 4th homer this weekend. Olson challenges 60 homers if he called Cincy home.
Tyler Glasnow – 5 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 12 Ks, ERA at 4.45. Twelve strikeouts were in 89 pitches, which made me el oh el.
Jose Siri – 1-for-2, 2 runs and his 14th homer, hitting .238, and 2nd homer in three games. “Siri, what does hot schmotato mean?” “Grey, Siri here.” “Yes, I know who you are.” “I’m saying an example is Siri here!” “I know who you are!”
Daniel Lynch – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 3.96. I like Lynch prolly more than I should, and, when I look at his stats, it’s not “prolly.” I do like him more than I should. Blech.
Lance Lynn – 5 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 6.40. Streamonator likes his next one, and the Streamonator, I believe, is trying to get me to commit hari-kari by starting Lynn.
Luis Robert – 3-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 20th and 21st homer. Officially taking the L on calling him overrated. Even if he goes down tomorrow for the rest of the year, he’s done enough where you can pick up a guy off waivers and piece together stats. If you drafted LouBob, you did it: You got the one year where he was actually worth it. Mea culpa. Extra bitter that he did it against a guy who I streamed…
Kutter Crawford – 6 IP, 4 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.01. Yesterday, was kinda meh with a chance for meatballs, but Kutter’s peripherals still look purdy, and I see no reason why you can’t hold him.
James Paxton – Left his start with knee soreness. He lasted longer than Andres Munoz, who left with lightheadness this weekend. Unrelated? Yeah, you’d like to think so.
Corbin Burnes – 5 2/3 IP, 4 ER, 10 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 4.10. Would never tell you to draft Burnes. Would tell you to do anything but that. How’sever, I’ll be honest, Burnes being cooked was not expected by me.
Josh Naylor – 2-for-5 and his 10th homer. At the end of the year, Josh Naylor’s gonna be one of those guys who shocks you with how high he is on the Player Rater. (If we’re being honest, he also looks like he’s high, but we do not Mary Wanna Shame here.)
Yusei Kikuchi – 7 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.75. Grabbed him in my RCL because: Streamonator, and he will be the first one off my team when I need room. That’s how ruthless you need to be.
George Springer – 2-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 11th homer, hitting .265. Kinda wild how many players who are going to go 20/20 this year. Springer seems like a lock. Plus, about 30 other hitters, and seven Rays.
Eury Perez – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 1.34. Will be shut down next weekend and maybe re-started after the Break. *coughs* Yeah, right. *coughs*
Jonathan Davis – 1-for-3 and 2nd homer. Saw the Marlins’ Jonathan Davis homered, but, in the box score, it read J. Davis, and the first thing I thought was, “Which teams did Jody Davis play for?” Immaculate Grid, you’ve ruined me! If you don’t know what I’m talking about, do not Google it! You’ll be ruined too!
Bryan Hoeing – 5 IP, 0 ER, 0 hits, 3 walks, 2 Ks, ERA at 2.31. Fun fact! Bryan Hoeing is occasionally mistaken for Buck Farmer.
Johan Oviedo – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.06. His K and BB/9 are 8/3, which is: Streamonator.
Ryne Nelson – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.97. Was facing the odd-year’d Giants, which ain’t no easy task. You’re thinking of the even-year’d Giants. Just looked at Ryne’s player page and that’s hideous, moving on.
Ketel Marte – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 14th homer, hitting .294. Love to have some of that Ketel Marte sugar, instead I drafted that bum Josh Rojas.
MacKenzie Gore – 5 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 3.89. This is the year where we see stretches from him where he looks like an ace. Next year, it’ll come together.
Jeimer Candelario – 3-for-5, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and his 10th homer, and 2nd homer in as many games. Hot schmotato alert!
Seth Lugo – 5 IP, 3 ER, 7 htis, zero walks, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.01. Meh, and his next matchup is *raspberries lips*.
Ha-Seong Kim – 1-for-3 and his 8th homer, and 3rd homer in four games. Look at Kim on some sorta power trip!
Francisco Lindor – 1-for-5 and his 15th homer. Lindor hitting .220 with occasional homer as he becomes Eduardo Escobar in tribute.
Pete Alonso – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 24th homer. Albombso!
Zack Wheeler – 5 1/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.76. Like a bad uncle talking to a 5-year-old about Santa, “There’s no such thing as an ace.”
Trea Turner – 2-for-3, 3 RBIs and a slam (8) and double legs (14, 15). If you’re thinking, “Oh I should Buy Low on Trea,” you should’ve been thinking that before he was actually hitting and running.
Jon Gray – 5 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 2.89. This is your first ever reminder that you can Streamonator your pants off against the Yanks. Just hope your pitcher works around Billy McKinney.
Gerrit Cole – 4 2/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 2.78. If I were the Yanks, I’d let Josh Donaldson pitch every fifth day and shut down Cole to save his arm.
Ron Marinaccio – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 3.12, and the Win on Sunday, and his 2nd save on Saturday, as Clay Holmes worked the 8th. Then Michael King (1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 3.07) earned his 5th save on Sunday. Not sure why Ron Maraschino got the save on Saturday — was it a cherry of a matchup? — or King on Sunday, but the Yanks are moving towards that “Who cares, one save every two weeks isn’t worth it” territory.
Aaron Judge – Tore the ligament in his toe. Dodgers hired a construction company to build their fence called, Lilliputian Fencing, and I thought nothing of it. Then, as Judge laid on the examination table, they started roping him down to the table, that was when I thought it was suspicious. Sounds like Judge might be out until August, at least. Wouldn’t shock me to hear the Yankees, with the worst Yanks’ lineup since 1991, tell Judge to rest up for next year. And stay away from Lilliputians!
Marcus Stroman – 3 1/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 2.47. Since Westburg was a late-breaking prospect call-up, I wrote another lede about the games in London. Here it is in its entirety for your seeballs:
Cheerio, guv! Taking the lift up to the 2nd floor to my flat to watch some of this American, and sometimes Canada, baseball on the boob tube, by which I mean the TV, not the alternate meaning, which is Page 3 girl billboards on the public transportation. This game is something, innit? It’s like cricket with no bouncing to the wickets. The pitch is a ball sailing towards that bloke behind home plate and not the field where they’re playing. Now let’s grab a Guinness watered-down with urine to imitate a Budweiser, grab a banger that they call a hot dog, and play ball, my good man! I hear it’s just like our football with no clock…Wait a second! So, Stroman found out about Londontown, and why it’s the most hitter-friendly park, outside of Mexico. Though, he was singled to death like a stripper on CSI, had a break with some unearned runs, and was seen shaking his hand. Supposedly, he has a blister. Needs to hit up Boots. Not Riley. Boots as in British. No, not as in trunks. That’s male strippers. Boots as in a pharmacy. Ya know what? Forget it, guv, innit!
