(NOTE: THIS POST WAS RELEASED EARLY THIS WEEK ON OUR PATREON. IT’S $10/MONTH)
Colton Cowser sounds like one of those goofily-named foods that the Brits send over here.
“Would you like a Peek Frean?”
“No, they are too serious for me.”
“Would you like a Curly Wurly?”
“No, my good, sir. I cannot have a Curly Wurly, they are too disruptive on my tum-tum.”
“I see, I see, how about a Colton Cowser?”
“Are those the lavender-scented candies?”
“No, they’re striking out too much since their return from the MiLB IL, and Aaron Hicks is hitting too much. There’s no room for Colton Cowser in the Orioles’ lineup.”
“I kid! Of course, I want a Colton Cowser! I love those lavender-scented hard candies, and Cowser has big power, speed and should hit for a good average. Those strikeouts are only temporary, my good man! Speaking of temporary, that’s what Hicks is too. Yes, I do believe I will take a Colton Cowser in every league with the hope he is up soon and can go 15/15/.260 in only a half a season. Giddy up, my good sir, giddy up!” Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Bo Naylor – Just putting them together, because it’s all about Bo and Henry Davis. Talking to our five lady readers now: That’s different than the Southern gentleman who keeps asking for your hand, that’s Beauregard Henry. Do not give your flower away to some man with a cape and white gloves, unless he’ll also trade you Ohtani. Any hoo! I gave you my Henry Davis fantasy, and in there I go over Bo Naylor.
Yainer Diaz – Was going to say that once Yordan returns Diaz will lose his DH at-bats, but he could play over Maldonado, then I remembered: Dusty Baker. He’s like Gepetto, but with a toothpick. Damn you, Toothpickio!
Triston Casas – Don’t put much weight in xBA, and perhaps I shouldn’t right now, because I looked at Casas’s peripherals and guessed that his xBA must be much higher than his current batting average, but it’s not. Guess I should go back to ignoring xBA. Maybe Casas’s BA is still on the Struggle Bus because he got off to such a terrible start (.133 in April). His numbers look like a guy who could be hitting .270, though. Feels like a guy I’m going to regret drafting in every league next year.
Joey Votto – Who is this young prospect?! Need to read up on him! Says here has was born in the summer of 1967, in the province of Ontario. His mother a Mountie and his father a black market maple syrup dealer. So, you know Votto, and maybe he’ll Zombino.
Orlando Arcia – You ever see The Florida Project? Good movie. That’s all I can think of when I see Orlando. And he’s been hot.
Nick Gonzales – Promoted by the Pirates just this morning. Here’s Itch’s take on him, “An early-season, desert power surge in the pandemic-shortened 2020 NCAA season rushed Gonzales up the draft boards to 7th overall. It wasn’t all smoke and mirrors by any means. Gonzales features plus bat speed, but he did manage just seven home runs in 71 games at Double-A last season and might never become a middle-order power threat. He could benefit from letting that go. I think his swing got a little grooved as he hunted to the optimal launch angle. A guy with his hand speed and coordination should be managing the strikeouts a little better than he has to this point in his career. He needs my hand speed if I see Grey’s face.” What? C’mon, man! For now, I’m only looking in NL-Only leagues.
Samad Taylor – Here’s what Itch said previously, “In 157 games across Double and Triple A the past two seasons, Samad Taylor has hit 25 home runs and stolen 53 bases. He’s probably not that type of player in the majors, of course, but it’s a fun look at the flashes Taylor can provide on a day-to-day basis. On the one hand, it’s good he got out of Toronto because he wasn’t going to play there. On the other, he’ll play in a park that’s probably too big for him, assuming he can crack the lineup at some point. Also, I’d like to crack Grey.” Okay, not cool. He’s cracked the lineup on most days. He’s done it, and he has big-time speed and maybe a handful of homer-power. Also, Samad sounds like a big brother picking on his little brother. “Just because you were adopted. While our parents were visiting an orphanage that was having a sale. On very dumb kids. And you were the last one left. On a shelf that read, ‘The dumbest one we have.’ Ooh, you’re Samad!” Don’t be the little brother and Samad you didn’t grab him.
Andy Ibanez – Feels like a “last week hot schmotato” guy, but maybe there’s a little mo’ tato in his bat and less schmo.
Geraldo Perdomo – Middle infielders are super sad this week. Making me Samad! Sorry, won’t do that again. Perdomo has been solid this year, makes great contact, and, with Josh the Red sent down, it helps Perdomo to hit leadoff and play more regularly.
Maikel Garcia – He reminds me of Maikel Franco, Donkey Teeth’s pick for MVP every year that Maikel Franco was in the league. Only his name reminds me of him. Maikel Garcia isn’t an MVP-level bat like Franco was, but he’s got solid speed, and could hit for a decent average.
Jake Burger – Takes being rostered in less than 50% of leagues to get included in this post, and I’m using multiple sources for ownership numbers this year, because of nonsense like this: Burger’s rostered in only 8% of ESPN leagues. C’mon. He’s at 55% in CBS and 100% on our 7-Day Player Rater, which is from NFBC. Which Part 2: The Return of Which is a new thing this year. This is a long way of saying Burger should be rostered everywhere.
Eddie Rosario – Currently on a heater of a hot schmotato like we haven’t seen yet this year. Like he did a blood transfusion of Schwarber’s June blood in the cover of night.
Mike Tauchman – You got the Tauchman! You got the power! Yeah! You’ve never run, but you are this year! You’re a winner! You got the Tauchman! And you’re hitting leadoff for reasons that are beyond me! Yeah!
Jordan Hicks – All of the guys for SAGNOF are like this: He will save 25 games the rest of the way, and be a top five closer. Or be replaced by next Tuesday after two blown saves. Hicks is the epitome of this.
Scott McGough – Feels like the DBags have finally committed to McGough as closer, and, just as I say that, watch Chafin see saves too. Chafin/McGough is why there’s Gold Bond Powder.
Jarred Kelenic – This feels like a sell from April that somehow got lost in the mail. “Hey, man, have you been asleep for the last two months?” I could be talking to myself about this Sell, and I could also be talking to Kelenic. What a sucky sucker on the Suck Train this Sell is. I hate it. I wanna see Kelenic breaking out, finally. Instead, has he done anything since that big week in April? Let’s see: No. Put a different way: Noooooooo. This is more of a Sell for keeper and dynasty leagues, tee be aitch. In redraft leagues, not sure you’re getting anything. His strikeouts still suck, and the dream of breakout on the wings of his big April looks like it was way more of a hot streak. Wouldn’t trade Kelenic for a Dummies Guide To Being An Influencer but I would go to the Fantasy Baseball Trade Analyzer and explore options.