Mitch Haniger fractured his forearm on a pitch, which was his most solid hit this year. Giants’ beat reporters are saying Luis Matos is being called up. Luis Matos being called up is fun. I like fun. Transitive! I like Luis Matos. He had hit six homers in the last six MiLB games. Total damage in the minors: 9/15, and he was hitting .396 in Triple-A. Can I get a giddy up, pardner? Itch said two days ago he was on his Prospect Stash List. Itch said previously, after Matos was coming off a disappointing previous year, “The premium bat speed remains. He just needs to develop better plate discipline. He has the hands to make contact with most pitches, so he swings at most pitches. That has to change. Development is not linear. He’s got time, and I might do time if I find where Grey lives.” Okay, honestly, I’m scared. So, I grabbed Matos in my shallowest leagues. He’s got power and speed, and he’s crazy hot. Let’s see how far it takes Matos. Sure, his name sorta sounds like Mat Latos, but don’t hold that against him. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Jack Flaherty – 4 1/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 4.64 vs. Alex Cobb – 4 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.09. Oddly enough, Cobb looked worse than Flaherty. Oh, don’t get me wrong, Flaherty didn’t look good either.
Mike Yastrzemski – 1-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer. On Monday, I removed Carl’s Jr. Jr. from my fantasy lineup because he was sitting vs. a lefty. Today, sonavabench! Sometimes I feel like if I were less connected to what’s going on, I’d be better off.
Patrick Bailey – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer. Joey Bart got Wally Pipp’d, huh? Joey Pipp and the Sippremes, baby! Joey Bart is done-zo! (I don’t know that but I started getting charged up and couldn’t stop.)
Owen White – 2 IP, 3 ER, as he was called up, and piggybacked the starter. Hope he’s not heavy. You know when Larry David leans in to inspect something closer? That was me looking at the Rangers’ rotation. Are they moving to a six-man rotation or are they using Owen White as a long man? Is Owen White ready? Because if he’s ready, then take your glee for a top pitching prospect and move some of it over here. If Owen White’s not ready, then, dramatic pause, what are we doing? I’m between “glee” and “What are we doing?” First, let’s see what Itch said when he put him in the top 100 fantasy baseball prospects, “When (Owen White) is on his game commanding four above-average pitches, White looks like a no-doubt major league innings eater. Rangers brought a lot of rotation depth this winter, but none of it is particularly durable. Decent chance we see White in the majors before the All-Star break, and, if I’m right about that, please let me also be right about Grey getting hit by a low-flying plane.” What the heck? So, Itch pretty much nailed who Owen White is (which is why I copied it here). I’m between “glee” and “What are we doing?” because his stuff is great, but his 7.6 K/9 in 53 1/3 IP this year in Double-A leaves me wanting. So, I guess I’m “What are glee doing?” No, actually, strike that. Where’s the backspace key? Someone stop that wordplay!
Nathaniel Lowe – 3-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 8th homer. Thanks to VinWins in the comments, I found out yesterday Lowe was ranked on the Player Rater around same spot as where he was drafted. So a push on value, which is noble, no helium in price or value.
Corey Seager – 3-for-5, 2 runs and his 8th homer. Will be interesting to see if he gets to the requisite counting stats to make a real dent in AL MVP voting, because someone on the Rangers is headed that way, and I think real baseball writers feel the same about Adolis as most of you. Completely disregarded.
Hunter Renfroe – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 12th homer. Must’ve reached the magic number of 1,000 times someone asked to drop Renfroe, so now he’ll hit seven homers in a week. Good work, team!
Zach Neto – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer, and 3rd homer in three games. Hot Netotato!
Mike Tauchman – 2-for-4, 1 run as he hit leadoff. If you or someone you know has been hit on the head, and forgot everything you know about everything, your lineup for the Cubs would still be better than what Ross does on a daily basis. Mike Tauchman does not wake up, six years after he debuted in the majors, having done nothing for six years, and get a leadoff spot and Morel isn’t even starting! Tauchman is a 32-year-old journeyman who had a week of good games four years ago! Please stop.
Christopher Morel – 1-for-1, 3 RBIs and his 11th homer. It was a pinch hit homer, because of freakin’ course!
Ian Happ – 1-for-2, 3 runs, 4 RBIs and his 5th homer, had been hitting .152 in June. Scrubbing the mud off the bumper to reveal “en” at the end of “Happens.” Oh! It made sense before though, too.
Jack Suwinski – 2-for-2 and his 14th and 15th homer. Don’t look at ESPN for anything, except I do get a kick out of how they put the players projections on their page. But not actual projections, like we have on every player page — click Jack Suwinski and see projections — no, ESPN puts “projected stats,” so they take someone’s stats and prorate them to a full season. Suwinski’s “projected stats” are 35 homers and 15 steals. Suwinski is on pace for what you were hoping to get from Paul Goldschmidt, and you’re asking if you should pick him up.
Trevor May – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 6.61, and his 3rd save. I can’t believe I’m considering picking him up for saves. Let’s pretend I’ve hit my head and move on.
David Peralta – 1-for-2, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer, hitting .265. Without looking up his last ten or so games, I roster him in one deep league, and I can tell you he’s been hot for about two weeks.
Tony Gonsolin – 6 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 1.93. He rubs the carcass of a squirrel on his neck before each start to keep away the Regression Fairies. I read about it at a truck stop.
Corbin Carroll – 1-for-3, 2 runs and his 14th homer. Oh my God, I love him so much!
Kyle Schwarber – 2-for-5, 2 runs and his 18th homer, hitting .177. The Schwammer leaves June with how many homers? 25? 27? 30?
Bryson Stott – 3-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer. How many homers does Stott leave June with? Six?! Seven?! Seven and a half?!
Zack Wheeler – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.73. I’m all in on Wheeler next year. I don’t care if his shoulder falls off this September and they need to glue it on next March.
Gary Sanchez – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 6th homer. Gary’s doing this for all the people who drove through Gary, Indiana and said, “I could go for a Filthy Sanchez.”
Fernando Tatis Jr. – 1-for-3, 2 runs and his 13th homer. Fun the Jewels fast!
Tanner Bibee – 4 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 3.91. No, you lousy Regression Fairies! Leave Tanner alone! He comes from a long line of guys who tan, isn’t that enough for you?
Josh Bell – 2-for-4 and his 6th homer, 2nd homer in the last two games. Have my doubts on him, but grab him now! Figure out when the hot streak ends later.
Kyle Tucker – 1-for-3 and his 9th homer. Tucker’s going to be worth a top 20 overall pick at the end of the year, so I’ll let you figure out how much ‘making up’ he’s got to do on stats.
Cal Raleigh – 1-for-3, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 9th homer. What a giant dumper!
George Kirby – 6IP, 0 ER, 3 hits, zero walks, 10 Ks, ERA at 3.24. If you have this guy and your fantasy team isn’t named, Kirby Your Enthusiasm, who even are you?
Edward Cabrera – 4 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 4.70. Practically an ace!
Joey Gallo – 1-for-3 as he was activated from the IL. Oh, he’s back? Wow, I thought those were Santa Ana winds I was feeling.
Michael A. Taylor – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 10th homer, hitting .237. So, this is very funny to me. On the Player Rater, Micahel A. Taylor is roughly 200 spots higher than Carlos Correa (1-for-5, 3 RBIs, hitting .217). At least he was yesterday. Might’ve changed after this.
Pablo Lopez – 6 IP, 3 ER, 5 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 4.27 vs. Corbin Burnes – 6 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.44. With the way starters have been, not only was this two aces going head to head, but they both lived up to the hype too. A double Quality Start? That’s basically “Sandy Koufax right after Yom Kippur” good.
Christian Yelich – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and his 9th homer, and 2nd homer in as many games. Before the game, Yelich asked if they could use special balls labeled, “2019.”
Devin Williams – 0 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 2.08, and his 1st blown save. Well, I guess if you’re gonna blow one, do it in style.
Kutter Crawford – 4 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 4.20. Sigh. By “sigh,” I mean: That stinks.
Rafael Devers – 2-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 16th and 17th homer. Our of curiosity, I went to look to see if he were a “buy low” and, yes, big time. 10-4. Affirmative, big buddy. He’s not over, he’s not out.
Brandon Belt – Hit the IL. Belt is a modern-day Icarus. He gets hot, and that heat is the sun and he needs two weeks on the IL to cool off.
Chris Bassitt – 3 IP, 8 ER, ERA at 4.02. “Are there good starters?” Today’s question will be answered by a few fantasy baseballers who are found wandering the street aimlessly.
Ryan Mountcastle – Hit the IL with vertigo. I told him to stop following that blonde dame and doing that Jimmy Stewart voice.
Gunnar Henderson – 3-for-5, 4 RBIs and his 10th homer, a grand slam. Gunnar, you crazy sonsabeech! *smacking the side of the shower wall*
Ryan O’Hearn – 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer, and 2nd homer in as many games. Hot schmotato alert! Also, Adam Frazier (2-for-5, 3 RBIs) has two homers in three games, so all O’s might be hot right now. (Weird world we live in, I know.)
Luis Severino – 4 2/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 6.48. and he had two balks in the game. He’s the 1st Yanks’ starter to have two balks in the game since Hideki Irabu. Bet Steinbrenner would’ve had some encouraging words for Severino.
Giancarlo Stanton – 1-for-4 and his 6th homer. If I caught that home run ball, I’d return it for a kiss. Hersey’s! A Hersey’s kiss! What is wrong with you people?
Brandon Nimmo – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 6th homer. Nimmo found that one!
Max Scherzer – 3 1/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 4.45. His slider looks broke. Not sure what’s happened, but it’s flat and not working. My guess is he can fix it, but that’s a total guess at this point.
Pete Alonso – Fielding grounders already. Only thing that would bring a wider smile to my face is if it were Dan Fielding.
Jose Quintana – Will begin his rehab assignment. Mets, good news! Your season can be saved! If Quintana visits the same voodoo healer as Shane McClanahan and they accidentally switch bodies in the waiting room when they bump fists.