Yelich Says “Back, Back, Back, Gone” And It’s Good News?!

It’s funny Christian Yelich (2-for-5, 2 runs, 4 RBIs with a grand slam and legs) had a big game, because I was thinking about him yesterday. Well, his mom:

Milwaukee is actually full of attractive mature women

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— Razzball (@razzball.bsky.social) May 27, 2025 at 2:20 PM

So, Yelich hit his 10th homer and stole his 10th bag. A true OCD Man. We love our very special OCD Men, don’t we, fellas? Touch the doorknob five times, click your heels like Nomar Garciaparra and swat big flies and steal bags. We love it! He’s also hitting .210. That’s what’s not to love, so let’s look at that. His Ks are out of control. What happened here? He has a 26.5 K%. Last time it was that high in a full 162-game season? Never. Last year it was 18.4. That’s a huge difference. Weird for a player his age too. His HardHit% is down too, his fly balls are always down and his ground balls are goofy high (not literally). Went into this as a celebration of Yelich and his moms but I’m leaving feeling rather flaccid. Can you sell off his yesterday big fly that he used to beat Boston? If you can, it might be worthwhile. He’s actually a mature, less-attractive-than-I-thought man. (By the way, Yelich sounds like a town 40 minutes out of Boston. Go like you are going to Framingham, pass Saugus and turn left at the Stop ‘n Shop. That’s Yelich.) Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Brandon Woodruff – Will make a rehab start “at an affiliate to be determined.” Brewers playing spin the bottle with rehab starts.

Aaron Civale – 5 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 6.00. He’s a very meh, 4.25-ish ERA pitcher who you can look at the Streamonator about, like yesterday when it liked this matchup.

Richard Fitts – 3 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 2.70 as he was activated from the IL. If the Dick Fitts, you must acquit. Actually, need to update that for the P. Diddy trial: If his hands aren’t baby oil slick, you must acquit.

Bowden Francis – 5 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 5.04. That’s two straight not-so-good starts from Bowden and one solid one. So, what does that mean for next time? Hello, Zoltar, I put a quarter in your machine and I’m asking what the future holds for Bowden. What, a delicious sausage? Put your Cajun meat in my mouth, big boy? What are you talking about, Zoltar? Wait, do you think I’m saying Boudin? I’m saying Bowden! Give me back my quarter, you half-rate genie! If Bowden can harness his command, he can be as good as last year. Well, let me preface that by saying last year he wasn’t as good as last year. He’s a low-4 ERA pitcher, who could luck into a better ERA if he can harness his command. So far the Bowden’s done little but make us roux. Damn it, Zoltar is this about Cajun food again?!

Nathan Eovaldi – Left the game with triceps fatigue. [turns on sad songs] Just once can we figure out what we’ve been doing wrong, make the magic last for more than just one night… Rangers say Eovaldi won’t miss any time. Yeah…[walks from Nova Scotia to Arlington, Texas]…sure.

Robert Garcia – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 2.35, and the save. Seems to be the closer for now. Emphasis on for now. Put scare quotes on for now and send “for now” to the showers early once Bochy realizes he’s a lefty.

Sean Newcomb – Acquired by the A’s. After Sean showed up in SacTown, the A’s said, “Oh, that’s embarrassing, we thought we ordered a new comb.”

Nick Kurtz – Hit the IL with hip soreness. Ugh, just as he was starting to get into a groove. Please don’t let him suffer from Gamelitis, the rare condition that only affects rookies just as they’re breaking out, and even rarer glossary term that never made its way into the actual glossary.

JP Sears – 3 1/3 IP, 9 ER, ERA at 5.18. Can’t start him at home, can’t start him on the road, can you start Sears when facing the Macy’s home goods department?

Lawrence Butler – 3-for-3, 8th homer, hitting .252. You should watch his homer. He hits it out to dead-center with such ease, that you’d also be interested in acquiring more shares.

Jeremy Pena – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer, hitting .298. Hasn’t put up big power numbers, but on the Player Rater he’s well within “producing fantasy value for where you drafted him” territory.

Jose Altuve – 4-for-4, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and his 7th and 8th homer. We looked at Altuve and were down on him, when it was really a buy low.

Christian Walker – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer, 2nd homer in two games. Keep going onward Christian Walker!

Hunter Brown – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 hits, zero walks, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.00. Lone blemish against Hunter was Butler, which sounds like March Madness.

Tyler Stephenson – 1-for-3 and his 3rd homer, and 2nd homer in two games. Hot schmotato alert!

Elly De La Cruz – 2-for-4, 3 runs and his 10th and 11th homer, hitting .256. Turning on E! for a special event screening of Beaches to hear, “You are the Cruz Beneath My Wings,” and sobbing.

Brady Singer – 7 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 4.60. Expositional Theme Song is pitching a bit better than his ERA would have you believe, but barely. Brady Singer still kinda about being mid, like Peter or Jan.

Cole Ragans – Threw a “competitive bullpen.” Take that, batting cage!

Cal Raleigh – 2-for-5, and his 18th and 19th homer. Fun fact! Before each game, he puts his ass together like an Ikea shelf.

Julio Rodriguez – 3-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 10th homer. Clearly not amazing, but this is much better than we usually get from him. Last year he didn’t hit his 10th homer until July. He’s about to go 40/40 if he’s doing this well.

Logan Evans – 8 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 2.83. He’s a Marginer. There’s no harm in that if the Streamonator likes him, or you’re feeling frisky, but don’t think it’s much more.

James Wood – 1-for-4 and his 14th homer. Have we come to terms with the fact he’s a superstar already? At 22. He’s gonna be a top ten, maybe top five, player next year.

Corbin Carroll – 1-for-5, 2 runs, and his 16th homer. We know Corbin is a superstar, but please look at James Wood vs. Corbin.

Corbin Burnes – 7 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.72. Dbags starring Corbin & Corbin like a bad 80’s detective show. “My wife tried to poison me, so I faked my own death and now she’s sleeping with my brother. Please, Corbin & Corbin, you have to help me.” Dramatic sting. “Sounds like you need a new will…to live!”

Kevin Ginkel – 1/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 12.60. “I don’t know, I still kinda think he’s better than Shelby Miller.” That’s Torey Lovullo.

Bryan Reynolds – 4-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 7th homer. If he gets to 24 homers and .270 like he does literally every year, I will be the least surprised anyone’s ever been.

Carlos Rodon – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 10 Ks, ERA at 2.60. In related news (he was facing the Angels), Taylor Ward’s now become a bum again.

Ben Rice – 1-for-4 and his 11th homer, 2nd homer in a week. My tender Rice-a-Roni! (As sung by Bobby Brown.)

Oswald Peraza – 1-for-3 and his 3rd homer, hitting .165. This was his first hit of the year.

Tyler Anderson – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.39. I’m sure it’s like this every year, and feels more now because it’s, well, now, but it sure feels like there’s more terrible pitchers with decent ERAs than usual. Tyler Anderson could be a 5+ ERA pitcher, yet here we are.

Max Meyer – 3 1/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 4.53. After he was staked to a 6-run, 1st-inning lead and blew it, Max Meyer’s gotta change his name. Going back to HBOMax Meyer.

Stephen Kolek – 5 1/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 4.11. What’s worse, having a huge lead and giving it up or giving up six runs to the Marlins? Can we go with a push, as in push them off my team?

Fernando Tatis Jr. – 2-for-5 and his 13th homer. Fun the Jewels! Fun the Jewels! Fun the Jewels fast!

Jackson Merrill – 1-for-3, 2 runs and his 5th homer, hitting .333. Please get hotter than the sun now, and thank you.

Miguel Amaya – Expected to miss four to six weeks with his oblique. The biggest news from this is once the Cubs had a catcher opening, they opted for the Dollar Store Jerk-Off and not Moises. I guess I get it, one conjures urine on his hands and another conjures, well, ya know.

Cade Horton – 6 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.98. Horton hears a Who Gives A Crap He’s Facing the Suckies and Matchups Don’t Get Any Easier.

Brenton Doyle – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer, hitting .214. If it’s between Buy and Sell, I’m going Buy. Am I crazy excited about that idea? Not particularly, but I would.

Jordan Westburg – Sent out on a rehab assignment to Triple-A Norfolk. Fun fact! People from there are Norfolks.

Adley Rutschman – After taking a bat to his melon the other day, the good news is he seems likely to avoid the concussion list. The even better news is he wasn’t in the starting lineup.

Ryan O’Hearn – 1-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 9th homer. He has nine homers and is hitting .340. Do you think you should roster him? Make nodding head motion.

Tomoyuki Sugano – 5 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 8 hits, zero walks, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.23. I’m not against streaming him if Streamonator likes him, but it won’t because his Ks are so hideous.

Lars Nootbaar – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 8th homer. Sometimes you feel like a Noot! Sometimes you doon’t!

Nolan Arenado – 2-for-5 and his 6th homer, 2nd homer in a week. Hey, I have a very rare Billy Ripken *uck Face card. It’s not an F under the asterisk, but a D, and Billy is making duck lips. Here, let me show you by this open window–NOOOOO!!! Torenado!

Logan Webb – 6 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 2.82. Webb gem? Meh, kinda. Webb semi-gem!

Jack Flaherty – 6 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.94. Told people to buy him last time out, and that seemed to fall on deaf ears so will try: BUY!

Ranger Suarez – 6 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.97. Watched all of this start and: He’s fun. He battles every hitter, and throws so many loopity-loops that have hitters off balance the entire at-bat.

Bryce Harper – Hit on the elbow by a Strider fastball and I winced. I was Wenceel’d Perez. I was Señor Wences wincing. But x-rays were negative.

Spencer Strider – 4 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 1 hit, 4 BBs, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.50. Talk about an uncomfortable at-bat. Strider was chucking the ball in the high 90’s and seemed to have no idea where it was going.

Joe Ryan – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.57 vs. Taj Bradley – 7 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.38. This matchup was a tale of two seasons. One season that is better than expected, and one season that is worse. The better is so far and away better, the worse is so disappointing. In March? They seemed like a coin flip. Pitchers, man and five womans.

Kody Clemens – 1-for-4 and his 5th homer, 2nd homer in four games, and has been a hot schmotato going on about two weeks.

Pete Alonso – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 11th homer, 2nd homer in three games. Albombso!

Jared Young – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer. You expand Jared Young’s minor league experience on his player page and your web browser goes into pinwheel mode it takes so long to load.

Tylor Megill – 5 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.52. The dreaded one out from the Quality Start. Well, dreaded if you’re in a Quality Start league, I am not.

Miguel Vargas – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 8th homer, 2nd homer in three games and 7th homer in May, while hitting near-.270. A 40-homer pace type month, which is well worth rostering if it continues. Will it continue? Um, well, interjection, awkward pause, I don’t know.

Shohei Ohtani – 1-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 20th homer, 2nd homer in two games, and 20th homer in 54 games. A 60-homer pace and like a pimp directing the action, it’s ho-hum.

Max Muncy – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and a slam (4) and legs (2), hitting .212. Muncy has been better recently (3 HRs, .260-ish in last two weeks), so don’t take this the wrong way, but everyone pales compares to Ohtani. Ohtani had Muncy’s 4/2 by 4/7!

Michael Conforto – 2-for-3 and his 3rd homer, hitting .172. He’s going to make one of the greatest KBO sluggers next year.

Dustin May – 5 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 4.20. That’s May’s final start. Sorry, that’s confusing. That’s May’s final start in May. Hmm, not less confusing. May’s May swan song? Hmm, not getting better.

Daniel Schneemann – 1-for-2, 3 RBIs and his 7th homer, then he was platooned out when a lefty came in. Guards’ manager, Stephen Vogt should fall into the Silence of the Lambs Pit for that. Any manager who platoons out a guy who homers in that very game gets SotL Pitted.

Tanner Bibee – 5 IP, 4 ER, 10 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.86. Only starter who is quite as bad as Bibee is his teammate, Gavin Williams. Not sure what happened to the Old Starting Pitcher Factory in Cleveland, but it was better as an Old Spaghetti Factory and no one has ever said that before.

Shane Bieber – Will start a rehab assignment this weekend. Figure he throws for a month in the minors, and says he’s ready by early July, then has one setback and doesn’t return until August, and looks pretty terrible and you wonder why you waited for him, so you drop him, then he throws a gem in September and you can’t believe you dropped him, then he looks good in the playoffs and you draft him next March only for him to be awful in April and you wonder why you drafted him.