Many of you might not realize this, but I try to stay consistent in advice. When you write 3,000 words/day, sometimes things get blurred. I like so-and-so and don’t like that so-and-so, then the first so-and-so gets cold and I no longer like that so-and-so or the 2nd so-and-so gets hot and I like him, so I no longer like so-and-so, but do like that so-and-so. Or sometimes I’m just so-so on a particular so-and-so, but that so-so is fluid and a so-and-so can become a little more than just so-so or a little less than just so-so. BTW, those who just Googled for “so-so fantasy advice,” welcome! You’re at the right place. So, my so-so feelings on Nathan Eovaldi have moved up, and he is rattling off irrefutable evidence that he should be owned. Yesterday, Eovaldi took a perfect game into the 7th, ending up with 7 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, zero walks, 9 Ks, ERA at 3.35, and, outside of one start in Yankee Stadium, he hasn’t allowed more than four earned runs in any start. He’s thrown three starts with one hit or less! Johnny Lasagna may have been exposed as a noodle arm, but the Italians still have Rachel Ray’s E-O-V-A. Eovaldi is now at 8.2 K/9, 1.1 BB/9, 3.36 xFIP; those numbers suggest he should be owned in every league, and I’m in agreement. The origin story film, Velo, may have received mixed reviews, but is a guaranteed crowd pleaser, and I loved Jordan Hicks’ cameo. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Jake Bauers – 2-for-3, 3 runs, and his 3rd homer, hitting .240. More impressively, he has a .372 OBP. You’d think someone with a name like Jake Bauers he’d have no time to walk so much. Shows you that you can save the country, your daughter and the president all while finding time for low-impact cardio.
C.J. Cron – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 17th homer. Him breaking out after being under The Sciosciapath’s control is so unsurprising. If Trout went to another team, he’d be a 70/70/.450 guy.
Joey Wendle – 2-for-3, 2 runs and his 3rd homer, hitting near-.450 in the last week. Go ahead, Mr. Wendle!
Steven Matz – 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.31 vs. Blake Snell – 7 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 2.09. Snell, man. “Oh, he relieved Matz.” Snell, man, on the Rays. “Nah, he relieved Matz.” You’re thinking of Gsellman. “Fine, Blake Gsnell is awesome!” I’m talking about Blake Snell! “Oh, he’s okay, but not an All-Star.”
Kyle Tucker – 0-for-3 as he was promoted on Saturday. I just gave you my Kyle Tucker fantasy. It revealed Cecil Cooper is a wizard, and you weren’t ready to handle it. In 80 games in Triple-A, he had 14 homers, 14 steals and hit .306. Here’s what I want to say to that…ZOINKS! In Prospector Ralph’s top 100 fantasy baseball prospects, he was sixth overall. And that was before the season even began! Hard to see another prospect coming up for fantasy that will be as monumental of a call-up as Tucker. Willie Calhoun might come up, but he doesn’t have power AND speed (caps for emphasis, not due to sticky keyboard). Tucker should be owned in every league.
Carlos Correa – No activities yet for Correa. Hopefully if you own Correa, your fantasy league has two categories for Pins & Needles.
Nick Williams – 1-for-3 and his 11th homer, hitting .240, and two homers in the last four games. Williams is one of those guys who I’m anxious to pick up, so I’m constantly looking at him to see if he’s stringing together some wonderful like your maw-maw crocheting. Honestly, not sure if that heatness is there yet for Williams, but one more good game and I’m going in.
Enyel De Los Santos – Being called up for Tuesday. Halleberrylujah! I love Enyel. Yes, partially because I own him already, but, hey, what fun is this mishegoss without a rooting interest. So, in Triple-A, he has an ~8 K/9, ~3 BB/9 and 1.89 ERA. (Yes, listing ERA is cheating, but shut up! Okay, his xFIP is 3.89.) Fine, it’s not amazing and he’s young, but he gets the Mets and I’d give him a whirl.
Joe Musgrove – Will return on Tuesday vs. the Nats. The Stream-o-Nator likes the start, but robots aren’t as frightened by players returning from injuries. I could see the start going sideways faster than Frogger with a 18-wheeler bearing down on it.
Nick Kingham – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.26. You know you have too many teams when you could’ve sworn you dropped Kingham everywhere then about two innings into yesterday’s game, it’s like, “I guess I’m starting Kingham in one league. Here goes nothing, apparently.” I don’t hate him, never have, it’s just rookie pitchers give you roofies and that’s the sitcom set at an all-girl’s school. Shoot, shouldn’t have used a thesaurus for “The Facts of Life.”
J.A. Happ – 2 2/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA up to 4.44. As Fred Willard would say, “Wha’ Happ-ened?” I feel a DL stint headed Happ’s way, or some team is going to trade for him and get Jokey Smurf’d.
Ryan Borucki – 7 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.25. You can click his name and see what I said about him after his call-up, it wasn’t all bad, but we’re not here to talk about the past! His next start is in Fenway — that’s more like Barf-yucki.
Kendrys Morales – 2-for-4 and his 10th homer, and his 2nd homer in the last three games. Could be a light schmotato for power.
Domingo German – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 5.06. In my top 100 for the 2nd half, which I’m working on now for release next week, I talk about how awful Severino was in 2016. This is also why we can’t make any sweeping generalizations about Domingo German, but also why we can’t trust him.
Aroldis Chapman – Dealing with a knee injury, but the Yankees say it’s minor, like the sex worker he tied to a bed for eight hours. Stay woke! Yesterday, David Robertson (1 IP, 0 ER) nailed down his 2nd save.
Shane Bieber – 6 IP, 4 ER, 9 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.47. Bieber was given the A’s, and that’s exactly what he had handed to him. Stream-o-Nator still likes Bieber against the Yankees next time out, and I don’t know if I have those kind of pants marbles.
Stephen Piscotty – 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 9th homer, and 2nd homer in the last two days. What’s the least exciting way to homer in back-to-back games? Piscotty doesn’t know! Piscotty doesn’t know! Well, he should since he did it with back-to-back 1-for-5 games.
Jed Lowrie – 1-for-5 and his 16th homer, hitting .290. He also homered in back-to-back games, but at least he went 2-for-5 on Saturday. Ter, if, ick.
Yasiel Puig – Hit his 11th homer, but because we can’t have anything nice or subpar, as the case may be with Puig, he strained his oblique. That should vaguely knock him out anywhere from 3 to 10 weeks.
Andrew Heaney – 7 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 3.94. I’m pretty sure he would’ve given up 5 ER in 3 IP if you started him, so not sure how we combat that. Though, your cammo cargo shorts are a good start.
Kevin Gausman – 5 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.11. Gausman, please remove your surge protector for the 2nd half.
Chris Davis – 1-for-4 and his 9th homer, and 2nd homer in as many games. If you can handle a 4-for-24 with four homers, Davis could be heating up.
Kyle Gibson – 7 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 3.59. You know what postseason award he’s headed for, right? The Razzballie “Pitcher Who I Picked Up And Dropped Countless Times And Should’ve Just Owned” award. The metal plaque with the name of the award is larger than the award.
Brian Dozier – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 13th homer. Shhh, don’t get hot until after the All-Star Game so a few more people can trade for you.
Eduardo Escobar – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 14th homer, and has 35 doubles. No one in the majors has 30 doubles. Cup runneth over with double E’s!
Mitch Garver – 1-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer, 2nd homer in the last four games and hitting .500 in the last seven days. Hot schmotato alert (if he’s in the lineup)!
Jake Odorizzi – 6 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.28, but three straight solid starts since he altered his mechanics. In one deeper league, I grabbed him in case he’s turned a corner, and he gets the Rays next.
Mark Reynolds – 2-for-4, 1 run and two homers on Saturday (9, 10). He also had ten RBIs on Saturday while going 5-for-5, as Saturday was the highest single scoring night in the history of my memory, but I can’t remember further back than about ten days. I’d also grab Reynolds, because Mini Donkey is dropping haymakers.
Tanner Roark – 4 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 4.76. Roark more like Ruh-Roark.
J.T. Realmuto – 5-for-6, 2 runs, 3 RBIs, hitting .317. Jerry Tomato hit five singles for the Juan Pierre cycle plus one. Don’t you dare try to Juan-up Pierre!
Martin Prado – 4-for-6, 2 runs, hitting .217. As long as it’s not Martin & Stealin’ Riddle’s playing time. It wasn’t yesterday, since J.T. 2: The Riddle went 3-for-6, 1 run, 2 RBIs, hitting .269.
Robbie Ray – 4 1/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 5.23. He was only staked to 15 runs thru four innings going against the Padres at home, I mean, what could we expect? Maybe, I don’t know, FIVE INNINGS FOR THE FREAKIN’ WIN?! Too much to ask, APPARENTLY! All you needed was TWO MORE OUTS! By the way, I’m trying this new keyboard that simulates walking in and out of a LOUD BAR! I don’t know what’s going on with Ray, but he can’t be started anywhere. I’m not dropping him yet, but that’s the next step after being unable to start him. Such a SHAME!
Zack Greinke – 4 1/3 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 3.39. Geez, must’ve been something in the air in Arizona this weekend. It definitely wasn’t moisture from a freakin’ humidor!
Wil Myers – 1-for-6 and a slam (6) and a double legs (3, 4), and three homers on Saturday (3, 4, 5), and that’s just what he did off Robbie Ray. Kidding, he only hit two homers off Ray, but that’s because Ray was removed before he had chance to surrender more homers. Effin’ schmohawk.
Trevor Story – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 17th homer, as he returned to the lineup. Damn, I fell for the ol’ “Player’s going to be out at least a few days so pick up his replacement, then the player who was supposed to be out plays.” It’s a tricky gambit, and now I am the proud owner of Pat Valaika.
Ryon Healy – 2-for-4, 5 RBIs and his 18th homer, hitting .245. I know he’s hitting for a little less on average and it’s a different position, but think about how you would never think about dropping Trevor Story, yet you’re not sure about picking up Healy. At least 62.2% of you, because that’s how unowned he is.
Anibal Sanchez – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.72. *sees ERA of all my fantasy teams, looks at Anibal Sanchez’s ERA, opens window, jumps down one story into rose bush* OW!!! *sees my neighbor calling to his daughter* “Anibal, come here, you’re so great and wildly undervalued by society.”
Sean Newcomb – 3 2/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.44. Not trying to rub salt in your wound, but I said to sell Newcomb when he had a 2.71 ERA.
Junior Guerra – 6 IP, 1 ER, 10 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 2.79. In one league, I picked up Guerra about six to eight weeks ago, and haven’t found a reason to drop him. Trust me, it’s not without looking.
Ryan Braun – Hit the DL. This is only his 2nd DL stint, which puts him about two DL stints behind his preseason projected pace.
Lorenzo Cain – 1-for-4, 2 runs as he was activated from the DL. Makes me a little “emoji on the chin” that Braun was just sacrificed to the DL Gods to make room for Cain…Sugar.
Jesus Aguilar – 2-for-4, 3 runs, 4 RBIs and his 21st and 22nd homer. No kidding, the best moves the Brewers have done all year are the moves to put Braun on the DL. They should just trade Braun for a partially opened fake vomit, gag gift. To further the point, Jesus Aguilar has been a top 25 hitter this year on the Player Rater.
David Price – 4 2/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 4.44. In this game, the Sawx scored 15 runs, but most came after he was out of the game, so he didn’t exactly break win’d, but it was the Royals, so pretty much what I said for Ray applies here. Only fortunate thing (for me), I don’t own Price and won’t.
Andrew Benintendi – 4-for-5, 2 runs, hitting .293. He reached base ten straight times before striking out in the 8th inning. Impressive, until you realize he struck out against Jason Adam, who is a fan who won a Royals’ giveaway. Kidding, he was a top prospect *does a lame job of covering mouth* in 2014.
Whit Merrifield – 5-for-5, 1 run, 1 RBI, hitting .303. To Whit, nothing in excess, except base hits.
Alcides Escobar – His consecutive game streak ended at 421.
I’ve also taken a crap for 421 straight days. https://t.co/lVKFCF4TSA
— Razzball (@Razzball) July 8, 2018
Tyler Chatwood – 5 2/3 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 5.01. “Theo Epstein is a genius!” Then, “Well, genius is often misunderstood, like how I don’t understand how Chatwood is still in the rotation.”
Billy Hamilton – 1-for-3, 2 runs and his 20th and 21st steal, hitting .231. Billy Hamilton has the ability to turn the routine into a Little League-type play. Whether it’s him stealing a base and forcing errors by the other team or hitting with the ability of a 12-year-old.
Eugenio Suarez – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 19th homer, hitting .315. Total broken record with this but–Total broken record with this but–Total broken–Sorry. I just can’t get over Eugenio fractured his thumb this season and is doing this. He is definitely going to be in my top 100 for the 2nd half. Easily. Looking at top 40-50 right now.
Mike Fiers – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.65. Like the founding father who doesn’t have a smash hit musical about him, I cannot tell a lie, I streamed Fiers even though the Stream-o-Nator was iffy on it. I apologize to our robot overlords and Elon Musk.
Nicholas Castellanos – Out with a mild wrist injury. Castellanos said, “I’d only be able to hit the ball 178 MPH today at best.”
Cole Hamels – 2/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 4.37. He also gave up four unearned runs, but the Fantasy Baseball God, Unearnedio, showered Hamels in reprieve.
Austin Bibens-Dirkx – 5 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.71. ABD making it as easy as 1, 2, 4. As simple as do re fa.
Carlos Martinez – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.05. Forget if we (I) deemed C-Mart fixed after his last start, but, yes, I think he’s fine once again to start everywhere, except Coors.
Jack Flaherty – 2 1/3 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 3.34. Flaherty? That’s insulting.
Marcell Ozuna – 1-for-4, 1 run, 1 RBI, hitting .275. He didn’t much of anything yesterday, and ma effin’ nishtana.
Steven Duggar – 2-for-6, 1 run, and hit leadoff, as he was called up with the eradication of Austin Jackson. Duggar is one of 19 kids and had 4 homers and 11 steals in Triple-A. Duggar’s got more siblings than power, but he should walk enough to get on base to steal 15-ish bags.
Pablo Sandoval – 3-for-5, 3 runs, 5 RBIs and his 8th homer, hitting .257. His uniform number should be 8, because he just did.
Jeff Samardzija – 5 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 6.42, as he was activated from the DL. Maybe this is a coincidence maybe it’s not, but when Samardzija was activated my Apple Watch “detected a heart rate that rose above 140 while you appeared to be inactive.”