Money Talks, Muncy Walks It Off

Aaaaaand we’re back. I know I’m late, but I saw they were doing baseball hitting and throwing in March, and the teams were all heavily segregated by country, which seems kind of wrong, so I thought I might skip this, but also don’t tell anyone, but I didn’t hate it? Livvy Dunne’s boyfriend was there was a whole team just for guys who like mafia movies and pasta. Anyway, I realized it was just a tournament, so I’m back despite most of you (including me and my mom) preferring the other guy (big s/o MarmosDad). You can’t get rid of me, I’m grandfathered in basically. Lots of new stuff for 20-26,  Ohtani is probably definitely AI this year, you can tell the umpires when they’re wrong now, and everyone was lying about their height, which seems really relatable, especially Gavin Lux, who lost four inches. Rough. Good thing he got married just before that. Well, lots to cover, and I’m real rusty y’all, so let’s get right to what you’re all waiting for, my rambling, mostly average to mid fantasy advice.

The Los Angeles Dodgers lifer slash third baseman slash heart throb slash hero Max Muncy has the second home run hat trick, three dinger special of his career Friday night, smashing three home runs, including a walk off blast to seal the win for the boys in blue. All three bombs were solo shots and Max ended his day with four hits and three RBI. Sweet sassy molassy! Currently the longest tenured Dodger at nine years, the three home runs moves Max up to sixth on the Dodgers all time list, and third if you don’t count Brooklyn. And let’s be honest, no one’s counting Brooklyn. Fuggedaboutit. After just signing a one year $10 million extension this winter, it looks like the Dodgers are getting their Muncy’s worth. That’s right, Max don’t gotta dance, he makes Muncy move, baby. Brad Pitt would call that Muncyball. Max is now slashing .286/.375/.571 with four home runs and four RBI and should remain a valuable power bat all season as long as he’s hitting in this stacked lineup. That’s Max power for you, and as usual, he’s right on the Muncy!

Here’s what else I saw in fantasy baseball Friday night:

Andy Pages – 3-for-3, HR (4), 4 RBI, slashing .449/.481/.776. Oh hey, in case you didn’t hear, Andy Pages leads the league in batting average AND RBIs. Yes, the Dodgers third outfielder, who on paper projects to be one of their “worst” players (with all due respect, don’t flame in the comments), currently leads not just his teammates Shohei, Mookie, Teoscar, Kyle Tucker, Will Smith, etc., i.e. some of the best players on the planet, but he leads the entire league in these offensive categories. It’s like, not even fair. Sometimes there’s nothing you can do but just tip your hat and say, [expletive] the Dodgers.

Edwin Diaz – 1.0 IP, 4 hits, 3 ER, BB, 2 K, BS, W. OK, well, this made me feel a little better.

Evan Carter – 1-for-3, HR (1), SB (3). He can’t seem to stay healthy, but if he could, I may love him. He did beat Shaq in one-on-one after all. Or maybe that was his brother? Aaron? How’s he doing *quick google* oh.

Corey Seager – 1-for-5, HR(1), 3 RBI. I think if we just leave him in the woods the animals will create an ecosystem around his body, and he will sustain life for centuries, it’s what he would have wanted. Now just smear his face with honey so the bears come round while I shave his head an–wait, Corey Seager moved! He’s alive!

Shota Imanaga – 6.0 IP, 0 hits, 0 ER, BB, 9 K. It’s Shota time! The added velo is real, and it’s making all the difference. Imanaga allowed just one base runner in the second, but was otherwise untouchable. He’s rocking a 20/4 K/BB and 0.81 WHIP through his first three starts and has zero wins to show for it. That’s Shota biz, baby!

Dennis Santana – Smooth Santana looked like a guitar riff away from losing the closing duties to Gregory Soto, but notched his first save of the year on Friday. Hopefully, you didn’t drop him, he’s done nothing to lose the job. On the other hand, (literally lol) I wouldn’t drop lefty Gregory Soto just yet. This should be an aggravating situation for a while until one of these two wins, or more likely loses, the gig.

Seiya Suzuki – 1-for-3 as he returned from the IL. What’s the opposite of Seiya later! Kevin from ESPN’s Get Him In Your Lineup department missed this memo cause it was the early game, but give him a break, it’s April.

Bryan Reynolds – 1-for-4, HR (3), 2 RBI. I’m expecting big things for B-Rey in 20-26. I love me a boring 20 homer .255 hitter. This Pittsburgh lineup is finally not laughable. My health and sanity depend on his performance. No pressure.

Jesus Luzardo – 4.2 IP, 5 hits, 5 ER, 3 BB, 8 K, 2nd L. Laughably inconsistent. How can you possibly trust this guy? He’ll be better for sure but, it’s anyone’s guess as to when that will be.

Michael Soroka – 5.2 IP, 5 hits, 4 ER, 2 BB, 10 K, 3rd win. This one started off shaky, and it was looking like the Soroka hype train was coming to a screeching, bloody trolley problem crash. After allowing four runs in the first, Mike found his chi and managed to stay in the game battling a tough Phillies lineup at home. When we’re talking early season about breakouts for pitchers, it’s these kinds of starts that tell you if a guy’s breakout is actually for real. When you can navigate out of a hole like that against one of the best offenses in beisbol, that’s for real! He gets the O’s next. I’d add him everywhere!

Paul Sewald – 1.0 IP, 1 hit, SV (4). Paul is our current star heart-attack closer. Owners best look away when he enters the game. After two hard hit line drive outs, he gave up a triple (not bypass) before getting Trea to pop out. He’s now got four saves to two losses and hopefully things can get a little less nerve racking going forward.

Keider Montero – 6.0 IP, 2 hits, 0 ER, BB, 7 K, 1st win. I’m sure Tigers fans weren’t thrilled when Keider Montero was entrusted to end their five game losing streak but the WBC champion Montero stepped up in a big way to help combine for a shutout. He was able to command the zone with his sinker/fastball combo, and utilize his nasty changeup enroute to seven strikeouts. Maybe the 50 degree weather and a Miami team helped a little too but credit where credit is due. Montero for the Mitten!

Chris Paddack – 6.0 IP, 7 hits, 2 ER, BB, 4 K. As terrible as this Detroit offense has looked in the early going (and they have looked horrible), they still weren’t terrible enough to lose to Chris Paddack.

Javier Baez – 1-for-3, HR (1). Do you think there’s a correlation between the teams that struggle offensively to begin the year and the cold weather? New York, Detroit, Boston, Seattle, Toronto, Chicago? I’m sure it’s nothing. The only thing better than playing baseball in 40 degree weather, is watching it live. Anyway, here’s Javy Baez swinging at a beisbol a mile out of the strike zone and taking it deep in true Javy Time fashion.

Elly De La Cruz – 1-for-3, HR (4). Elly of the Cross has yet to have that one trademark breakout game, but he’s got four homers and three steals, so I ain’t complaining. Really! Because I know it sounds like I’m complaining.

Zach Neto – 2-for-5, HR (5), 2 RBI. Geez whiz Zach puts the Neto in Neato! Yes, he leads the league in homers and has hit safely in six straight games with three bombs in that stretch. Are the Angels a wagon, ya’ll!?

Jorge Soler – 2-for-5, HR (4), 4 RBI. Josh Lowe also homered (2). He was a BUY! And you know I dig the Soler Power, especially in April when it’s sorely needed. My only hesitation to add him is that seven game suspension which is sure to come as soon as I pick him up.

Chase Burns – 5.1 IP, 7 hits, 5 ER, 4 BB, 2 K. C. Montgomery Burns was less than excellent in this one. He allowed 11 baserunners (ELEVEN) in this one after surrendering just 10 in his previous two starts. I’d say release the hounds, Smithers, but he gets the Giants next week.

Jack Kochanowicz – 7.0 IP, 2 hits, ER, 4 BB, 2 K. If you thought the Reds would have their way with Kochanowicz (double checks spellings, three times), then you don’t know, Jack! He gets the Yankees next week, pick him up if you hate yourself.

Daulton Varsho – 2-for-5, HR (1). You were one more 1-for-4 night away from getting the big drop, but the Jays are too good to be this bad.

Vladimir Guerrero Jr. – 3-for-5, 2 runs, RBI, SB (1). Steal one for Canada!

Ryan Jeffers – 3-for-3, HR (1), 3 RBI, slashing .348/.483/.565. I don’t love it either but he’s batting in the heart of this fearsome Twinks lineup. Did you know the Astros are the only AL team to score more runs than Minnesota so far. Well, now you know!

Brent Rooker – Placed on 10 day IL. Zack Gelof was called up in a corresponding move. I can’t even have my cheap dime store Rooker. Mr. Manager Kotsay declined to comment on the severity of Rooker’s injury, but Langeliers had a similar injury last year that sidelined him for about three weeks. That seems optimistic, but I’m nothing if not an optimist. Sigh. I’m depressed.

Clay Holmes – 5.1 IP, 5 hits, ER, 3 BB, 3 K. Left this one with hamstring tightness. Sigh, again. We can’t have anything nice. Life is only pain. I mean, at least it wasn’t his throwing arm!

Luis Gil – 4.0 IP, 3 hits, 3 ER, 3 BB, 2 K, 1st L. Gil looked shaky all spring and brought that shakiness with him to his debut. Remember when he won rookie of the year? Me neither!

Steven Matz – 5.0 IP, 2 hits, 2 ER, 2 BB, 7 K, 3rd win. Matz, now undefeated through three starts, seems like the perfect prototypical Rays starter. I can only hope that he’s mid enough that he’ll make his way on and off my roster all season long. He gets the White Sox next week, and I could see considering the prospect of maybe thinking about mulling over the possibility of contemplating whether or not I should review the option of potentially picking him up. I still don’t know for sure, though!

Bryan Baker – 1.0 IP 2 hits, K, SV (2). BUY. He’s the Rays closer, this week at least. Don’t blow this for us, Cash!

Yandy Diaz – 2-for-4, HR (3), 2 RBI, 1.066 OPS. I’m always so impressed with Yandy. Dandy for Yandy you could say. Figured his 20-26 power was a result of their wittle baby bawlpawk last year but mayhaps not?

Chandler Simpson – 1-for-5, 2 RBI as he led off. He’s slashing .373/.407/.412 with five steals and doing exactly what you drafted him to do. If he continues to lead off, he could be one of the biggest breakouts of the year! Imagine how bad his defense must have been to keep him out of the lineup last year. Have you seen Oneil Cruz field?

Ben Rice – 1-for-1, pinch hit HR (4). No one who started for the Yankees actually did anything. No way we can start our third best hitter against the elite and fearsome lefty Steven Matz (who, yes, I understand I just hyped up two blurbs ago). Aaron Boone is a big idiot and Rice needs to play every day.

Matt Olson – 1-for-4, HR (4), 2 RBI. Now homered in back to back. Was all in on Olson last year so it makes sense that this year he’d deliver. Next year, remind me to draft all the players on my do not draft list.

Ronald Acuna Jr. – 2-for-5, HR (1). Tildaddy says enough screen time for today! Unless you’re watching Alt-164 highlights.

Michael Harris II – 2-for-4, HR (2). MH2 with number 2! Braves scored 11 runs  with 15 hits. These new CityConnect’s are some of the best yet. But I’m a sucker for anything baby blue.

Angel Martinez – 2-for-4, run, 2 RBI, SB (3). He’s hitting .533 with a homer and 2 steals in the past week. Most of this stems from one four hit game but he was a BUY and he’s one of my favorite Angels in the Outfield. That’s no small task for a film that features Danny Glover, Matthew McConaughety, Tony Danza, Adrien Brody, Christopher Lloyd and Joseph Gordon-Levitt. That’s two Oscar winners!

Landen Roupp – 6.0 IP, 5 hits, ER, 2 BB, 4 K, 2nd win. I feel like the Giants pitching is too good for the team to be this bad. Maybe we shouldn’t panic in April? Hold my beer, fool, I was panicking in March.

Shane Baz – 5.0 IP, 9 hits, 3 ER, 2 BB, 4 K, 1st L. I got it bad for Baz, dating back to last season, except now I can’t blame his inconsistencies on the wittle baby bawlpark. Maybe he’s just not very good? Naw, couldn’t be that. Arizona next. I will sink with this ship, unfortunately.

Gunnar Henderson – 1-for-4, HR (5), 2 RBI. I feel so burned by Grounder Henderson that even now, as he leads the league in home runs, I’m still mad at him. It’s gonna take a while to get over that, but keep doing what you’re doing, and we’ll get there.

Willy Adames – 2-for-5, HR (2), 2 RBI. Jung Hoo Lee also homered (1). Four straight multi-hit games, for not Adames a dozen! Channeling his inner Barry. Also, as bad as Netflix is at live sports, and they are very bad, seeing Barry Bonds was so awesome. He was literally the best baseball player ever, you can take your pick of ridiculous stats (from 2001 to 2004 Bonds reached base in 94% of the games he played in) and it’s like all broadcasters choose to forget he existed.  I don’t care that he did durgs. We all did durgs. More Barry, please!

Kris Bubic – 7.0 IP, 2 hits, 0 ER, BB, 11 K, 2nd win. You were all this close to getting a Bubic lede but keeping abreast on the night’s highlights, Muncy gets it in the end. But just to let you know, it was absoboobly breastacular! Limiting contact and proper support can help relieve Bubic. This is the breast approach. Take notes, Chicago. Looking like Kris’ 20-26 was no bust! He’s now rocking a 2.50 ERA, and 0.83 WHIP through three starts and the 23/7 K/BB is also quite boobiful. He no-hit the ShiteSox into the fifth and allowed just 2 hits and put up a 34% CSW! Bra-vo! Here’s hoping the breast is yet to come. He gets the Tigers next, and I’d milk this for all it’s worth.

Lucas Erceg – 1.0 IP, SV (4). He’s the closer, and Carlos Estevez would be hard pressed to get his job back when he returns

Carter Jensen – 1-for-3, HR (4). It’s those extra two hours of shut-eye, let me tell ya! Those Italians should take note, I’m not getting out of bed without my requisite 10 hours. We should call him the Sandman cause he’s bringing me dreams!

Trevor Megill – 0.0 IP, 2 hits, 4 ER, 2nd L. That’s a woof , oof and a yikes all rolled into one. He probably needs another one or two of these before everyone’s favorite Dominican Abner Uribe gets a shot at the ninth though.

Jake Bauers  – 2-for-3, HR (3), 3 RBI. He was a BUY! And you have just 24 hours to pick him up before the President blows up the White House. Who knew how real that would sound 20 years after Kiefer Sutherland made this show.

James Wood – 4-for-5, run, RBI. I’ll admit I was worried about J-Dubs going into this year and no knock on Wood the strikeouts are a tad scary but he’s hitting .440 in the past week and I have nothing to be afraid of. Wood’nt you know!

CJ Abrams – 2-for-3, run, RBI, slashing .311/.415/.600. Why this guy is hitting fifth and sixth I cannot say. But what do I know I’m not Mr. Manager and the Nats shockingly have the second scoring offense in the entire league. That’s right. Only the Dodgers have scored more than the Washington Nationals. I wouldn’t believe it either unless AI told me it was real.

Dustin May – 6.0 IP, 4 hits, ER, 4 K, 1st win, and lowered his ERA to 9.45 ERA. Only the Red Sux could make this guy look good.

Riley O’Brien – 1.0 IP, K, SV (4). Sorry, Boston, you just got ROB’d. The Cards are 8-5 bee tee dubs.

Connelly Early – 4.1 IP, 5 hits, ER, 2 BB, 5 K. Nope. No, thank you. No.

Jordan Walker – 2-for-4, run, slashing .313/.377/.667. BUY. ALL HE DOES IS HIT BASEBALLS. More of a hitter than a walker, Jordan is looking like the add of the year so far. Thanks Grey!

Wyatt Langford –  1-for-3, HR (1). Ripped a solo ding dong off Glasnow in the fifth and appeared to have tweaked a quad during his home run trot. This is why we need robot pinch runners. ABS working so well, and AI has taught me that we really should be automating everything. I thought we were trying to shave minutes from games, but we’re still watching players skip around the bases for two minutes? I know it’s kind of cool and fun, but I also own Wyatt Langford, and I’m mad right now.

Tatsuya Imai – 0.1 IP, 1 hit, 3 ER, 4 BB. Unless you’re Shohei’s dog, four walks in the first inning is mostly unacceptable. He’s been alternating good starts and bad, and he does get the Rockies next week. I’m not gonna bail just yet, but I’m pretty close.

Emerson Hancock – 5.0 IP, 4 hits, 3 ER, 2 BB, 5 K, 2nd win. His roughest outing to date, and he still got the dub. This was also the Astros, who lead the AL in runs scored. If you could just sign at the bottom that you’re my new favorite streamer. Make it big so we can see it.

Randy Arozarena – 2-for-4, HR (1). We love you, Randy! For the unindoctrinated, that home run traveled all the way to Randy Land, and Arozarena made sure it got there safely.

Yordan Alvarez – 2-for-3, HR (5), 3 RBI.  .341/.516/.750 with five homers and 13 RBI in 14 games. Air Yordan makes it look so easy. Most impressive, to me at least, is not the 26% barrel rate or the 163 OPS+, it’s that he’s struck out just seven times this season. I think we’re primed for a MVP caliber season for Yordo. Just like I knew would happen, last year.

Christian Vazquez – 2-for-3, run, 3 RBI. Don’t look now, but is Vazquez stealing Yanier Diaz’ starting job? That’s so very un-Christian of him.

Fernando Tatis Jr. – Is fantasy baseball always this miserable in the first week? Soto, Tatis, Rooker got me all up in my feelings y’all. I nailed my pitching staff, but it doesn’t make me feel any better. I’m depressed. Pity me. Feel bad for me!

Walker Buehler – 6.0 IP, 3 hits, 0 ER, 4 K. Tomoyuki Sugano – 6.0 IP, 4 hits, 2 ER, 3 K. This was dubbed as the battle of starting pitchers I wouldn’t even start against the Rockies. Sugano’s got a sparkling 2.16 ERA through three games, but I still don’t want no part of that, Dewey. Walker entered this start with a 9.45 ERA and left with it under 5. So there ya go, folks. Don’t believe everything an April win loss record tells you, Rockies = still very bad.

Gavin Sheets – 2-for-4, 2 HR (2), walk of 3-run bomb. Not pictured, the crowd chanting “Holy Sheets” before the blast. How about that call though! Chills! Good stuff all around.

Luis Campusano – 2-for-2, HR (1). Dads looking like the comeback kids! Does Jay still work here? I bet he’s happy right now. As a courtesy to the Dodgers, let’s make this season interesting at least.

Mason Miller – 1.0 IP, 10 pitches, 3 K, 1st win. This was a pitch away from an immaculate inning. You can cherry pick whatever insane Mason Miller stat you want to use: be it his 103 mph cheese, or that just one hitter has even made contact with him so far this year. Maybe its the 81% whiff rate on the slider that impresses you, or that he’s struck out 19 of the 24 batters he’s faced, but I’m going to go with the fact that he’s thrown one more ball than (20) than batters he’s struck out 19. Can I interest you in a 79.2 K%? How about -1.28 xFIP? Yes, negative, didn’t know that was a thing. Whatever stat you fancy, Mason Miller is must see TV right now and looking like a Cy Young candidate through the first two weeks of the season! But hey SAGNOF, right?

Thanks for reading! Questions? Problems? Complaints to management? Advice, small gifts or large bribes? Please leave it in the comments below. Join us next Saturday for another Friday recap as fantasy baseball continues next week, all week long!