From Fozzie Bear’s Big Book Of Side-Splitting Jokes (Please Laugh), “Why couldn’t you hear the guy who didn’t draft Michael Wacha?  He was Mike-less.  Wacha Wacha Wacha.”  “Did you see him pitch yesterday?  He was reWachable, knocking down Pirates like he was playing Wacha-Mole.  Wacha Wacha Wacha.”  “What do you get when you don’t listen to Grey’s preseason advice to draft Michael Wacha?  An unbearable fantasy baseball ‘pert giving I told you so’s.  Wacha Wacha Wacha.”  Yesterday, Michael Wacha took a no-hitter into the 8th inning, ending up with the line 8 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 2 walks, 8 Ks, lowering his ERA to 2.41.  At one point in the 8th inning, he hit 97 MPH on the radar gun, which was the point when I licked my finger and touched the screen to listen for a sizzle.  Since I didn’t hear the sizzle, I tried the same with an electrical socket to make sure I was alive and not a ghost.  Turns out I’m alive, but with smoke coming out my ears.  Speaking of smoke coming out of one’s ears (taking that segue right off a cliff!), Blake Snell threw about as gemmy of a gem as you’re gonna find for someone gemming up the works — 6 IP, 0 ER, 2 baserunners (0 walks), 12 Ks, ERA at 2.36.  Of course, Snell was yet another one of my preseason sleepers, but if only we had one more of my preseason sleepers that did well on Sunday to satisfy my Rule of Three craving.  Someone who was on no one’s radar for a reason I couldn’t quite understand.  Someone who hit three homers yesterday and has 13 homers on the year.  Wait, that did happen!  Eddie Rosario (3-for-5, 4 RBIs) went Bazooka Jack times three yesterday to seal one of the greatest days in the history of my life.  Sorry, wedding day, you’re moving down the list!  If you wanna bask in my glory:  here’s the Michael Wacha sleeper you ignored, the Blake Snell sleeper you missed and the Eddie Rosario sleeper you didn’t believe.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Marcell Ozuna – 1-for-3, 4 RBIs and his 5th homer, a grand slam, and his 2nd homer in as many games.  Finally, we have an answer for when Ozuna set his alarm clock — June 2nd.

Brian Dozier – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 9th homer, hitting .246.  Until we see different, I am assuming however many homers Dozier hits in the 1st half will be his total homers on the year plus 25.

Edwin Encarnacion – 2-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 15th and 16th homer, hitting .246.  “Encarnacion was a popular fantasy baseball draft pick and he still is, I get more props and stunts than Dontrelle Willis.”  That’s lyrics from Edwyck.

Michael Brantley – 1-for-4 and his 10th homer, hitting .323.  Surprised he doesn’t go by Mi-Bra.  “Wow, Mi-Bra just laced another one!  Rounding 2nd, ooh, stay in your lane, Brantley…Yes, Mi-Bra is safely secured on 2nd!  A beautiful two bagger!”

Felix Hernandez – 8 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 5.33.  For one day in early June 2018, F-Her turned back the clock like Cher in a mesh bodysuit.  The Stream-o-Nator also liked this start.

Brandon Belt – Hit the DL after having his appendix removed.  Sounds like there’s gonna be a new notch on Belt.

Andrew Suarez – 7 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.74.  In away games, he has a 6.38 ERA.  In home games, he has a 3.55 ERA.  Suarez is a rice-ja-broni treat!

Dereck Rodriguez – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 1.93, as he replaces Samardzija in the rotation.  Dereck has the pedigree of major league baseball lineage.  Or I should say pudgigree; he’s Ivan Rodriguez’s kid.  He throws 93-95 MPH, and is finding more success in the majors than he ever did in Double-A, which is not a good sign.  Maybe he visited Juan Gonzalez’s son, Balco.

Andrew McCutchen – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 4th homer, hitting .248.  The entire Giants offense looks like it needs a late afternoon nap.

Buster Posey – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer, hitting .303.  Whew, what would your 8th place team be doing without Posey?

Jake Arrieta – 6 IP, 5 ER, ERA up to 2.66.  The Regression Fairies appreciate Lena Dunham, they call their guy friends “sistah,” and they will destroy your ratios.

Vince Velasquez – 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 3.82.  Now has six straight starts when he’s given up three runs or less.  So, you just know if you pick him up, he’s going to randomly give up 5+ runs in his next start.  Yet, if you don’t pick him up, he will continue to pitch well.  What does he have against you?  Not sure, maybe you try couples counseling.

Jacob deGrom – 7 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 13 Ks, ERA at 1.49.  Imagine how well he’d pitch if he could locate his elbow.  Here’s the Mets trainers, “You’re getting warm…you’re getting warm…Oh, now you’re getting cold.”  Mets pitcher, “Will you just put the Icy/Hot on and stop playing around!”

Todd Frazier – Expected back on Tuesday.  This is great news for Mets fans.  Not because Frazier is anything terrific, but it gets Guillorme out of their lineup, since he keeps causing Mets fans to have flashbacks to having a Benson on their roster.

Yoenis Cespedes – Will get live at-bats on Tuesday.  Bummer for all you Dead fans.

Steven Matz – 7 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.42.  Not a terrible first two months, but there’s some regression lurking behind the scenes.  Interestingly enough (depending on your definition of interesting), he’s throwing his change a lot more and cut down on his curve.  This has caused him to lose some command (2.6 career BB/9 vs. 3.9), and his xFIP is high for him (4.34).  What does all this mean in the big picture?  He’s ownable, but not startable for all matchups.  Or Matzups, if you enjoy portmanteaus.

Mike Montgomery – 6 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.89.  Real question:  why would the Cubs put Darvish back in the rotation when they have Montgomery pitching this well?

Jon Lester – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.44.  If you were to have asked any Saberhagenmetrician prior to this season, they would’ve told you a great season was coming.  Having a hard time finding a Saberhagenmetrician?  They’re the ones with a diploma from the Fantasy Baseball College of Charleston and, instead of Duck, Duck Goose, they play Duck, Goose, Duck, Goose.

Cody Bellinger – Dave Roberts said they’re not yet thinking about demoting Bellinger.  For fear of painting myself in a logic corner, you can’t say you’re not thinking about something without thinking about it.  Roberts also said, “You can see it’s been tough sledding for him for the first two months of the season.”  Assuming he means it’s been a tough go at it, and not Urban Dictionary’s ‘tough sledding’ definition which means the inappropriate use of a toboggan.

Max Muncy – 2-for-5, 4 RBIs and his 8th and 9th homer, hitting .243.  What’s that, Muncy’s hitting more homers in the majors than the minors?  *shrugs*  Yup, no idea!  Maybe he’s a Baha Man, and Muncy’s letting the dogs out.

Dylan Covey – 5 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.82.  Don’t usually look at sabermetrics when it comes to teams, but Covey’s ERA got my curious about the White Sox’s xFIP.  Whoa!  Stop hitting on Jack McDowell, you’ve already busted!  They have a 5.12 xFIP.  Holy Castle Woofenstein that’s awful.  Covey himself isn’t quite that terrible, but he gets Fenway next, so, you can keep the Ks, and thans but no thans.

Justin Verlander – 6 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 1.24.  Some day Verlander’s gotta teach Jon and Sonny Gray, The Gray Bros., how to allow runs and not have your ERA go up.

Charlie Morton – 5 1/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 2.84.  If you were in a close H2H matchup last week and that was your last start, Morton was rubbing salt in your wound.

Dustin Pedroia – Returned to the DL with knee inflammation.  While not great for a guy who had his knee surgically repaired, the doctors who operated said, “It’s good news he doesn’t have ankle or hip problems, because there’s only about three inches between each part of his leg and our tiny scalpel can only be so precise.”

Andrew Benintendi – 2-for-5, 2 runs and his 9th homer, and 2nd homer in the last two games, and hitting near-.400 since taking over the lead-off slot for a DL’d Betts, and are we sure the Red Sox lead-off slot isn’t somehow infected with some sort of magic pixie dust, and infected is prolly not the right word, and this is a run-on, bye-bye.

Mitch Moreland – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 10th homer, hitting .305.  In one league, I didn’t want to drop Moreland, but I did to hold onto Eugenio, who also homered yesterday.  Thank you for allowing me to vent about real tough decisions happening in my life.  Cougs doesn’t understand.  I tell her about Moreland and she thinks I’m talking about the real estate search she’s doing for both of us.  “I’d love for you to see this house I saw today, but you have to do your ‘blog.'”  Don’t put finger quotes around Razzball, woman!

David Price – 6 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.08.  If the Price were right and neutral on luck and playing Cliffhangers, the yodeling man would hear a 4.08 ERA and get right to the edge of the cliff before falling off.

Marco Gonzales – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.38.  He was in Friday’s Buy, and I believe that was two Buys in a row he’s appeared in.  Only seven more Buys in a row to equal the record held by Ty Wigginton.  A record many say will never be matched like Joe DiMaggio’s hit streak or the number of trips taken to the supermarket in one day by the world’s fattest man’s nurse — both 56.

Chris Archer – Questionable for next start, after his groin tightened.  At least someone is finding excitement from his pitching this year.

Randal Grichuk – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 3rd homer, in his third game back, hitting .120.  Maybe he got his terrible two months out of the way and now it’s onto better things.  You’ll have to excuse me for not going to a 24-hour fireworks store in Indiana and lighting an aisle on fire in excitement, but the Jays just refuse to call up Vlad Jr. and now their whole organization is annoying me.

Leonys Martin – 1-for-3, 2 runs and his 7th homer, hitting .257, two homers in the last five games, and a hit in each of those games.  My favorite Martin could be a risin’ schmotato.

Anthony DeSclafani – Will start Tuesday.  He had a 22/3 K/BB in his rehab games and wasn’t awful the last time he was in the majors (3.26 ERA in 2016).  Not a terrible gamble, if injuries are truly ass him.  Oops, I shouldn’t have used the thesaurus for ‘behind.’

Matt Harvey – 5 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 5.79.  This start came in Petco, which means Harvey is a hare better than Bailey.  Misspelling for the pun!

Luis Castillo – 4 2/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 5.64.  So, all the sleepers weren’t great.  Guys and five girls, there’s a big blinking sign above Castillo’s head now for six weeks.  It reads, “Drop him.”

Scooter Gennett – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 12th homer, hitting .342.  He’s not hitting over .340 thru, like, five games.  We’re nine weeks in and Scooter is rolling!

Nomar Mazara – 1-for-4 and his 14th homer, hitting .274.  Aw, how cute, he felt left out with all my sleepers having a huge Sunday.

Justin Anderson – 1 IP, 0 ER, 3 BBs and the save, ERA at 2.89, after Blake Parker blew a save on Saturday, but Parker had worked the previous two days and–Oh, who are we kidding, I have no idea what The Sciosciapath is doing.  He doesn’t know!

Daniel Murphy – Still a long way from returning, as he has looked gimpy in rehab.  Sounds like he’s taken the hidden ball gag too far.

Gio Gonzalez – 7 IP, 3 ER, 5 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 2.27.  The Marla Gibbs line!  Gio’s the anti-sexy, but so reliable.  Gio’s like a Gio!  Only reliable.  By the by, I Googled ‘Gio cars’ and there was a Gio mechanic in my neighbor that had one out of five stars.  Maybe, I don’t know, the mechanic isn’t the problem when you have a Gio.

Jeremy Hellickson – Left after four pitches with an injury.  Or Brian Kenny started managing the Nats.

Anibal Sanchez – 7 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.16.  Don’t fall for it.  It’s a booby trap, pronounced like the little kid in The Goonies.

Dansby Swanson – 2-for-3, 2 runs and his 5th homer, and 2nd homer in three games.  Sticking with the newly established little kids in movies theme, Dansby?  Whoever heard of a Dansby?  Of course, Dansby has been less of a snozzberry of late.

Masahiro Tanaka – 5 1/3 IP, 4 ER, 9 baserunners 7 Ks, ERA at 4.79 vs. Kevin Gausman – 5 1/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 4.63.  This matchup was billed as the, “Anti-Gio’s, which is not related to Papa John’s, but they could also give you indigestion.”

Trevor Cahill – 4 2/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 2.77.  The A’s pitchers are causing a lot of consternation this year, right?  (I don’t know what consternation means either, so just agree with me.)  Cahill’s peripherals are still too good to drop, and the Stream-o-Nator loves his next start.

Dustin Fowler – 3-for-4, 1 run and a steal.  He also homered twice on Friday.  And they said The Dusty Chicken Dance is only for bar mitzvahs where the DJ had to cancel after accidentally swallowing a glowstick.

Matt Olson – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 12th homer, and four homers in the last four games.  To mix religious metaphors, Rhysus crossed us, sacrificing himself, but, holy cow, Allahson is feasting on some Meccaburgers!  Good thing he brought his Muhammitt to the park.  I think I just brought a fatwa on myself.

  1. Cxx says:

    Wacha is 2018s Gio except Gio keeping being Gio as well. I own him a lot and am happy I’m not playing in top leagues

    • Grey

      Grey says:

      @Cxx: I hear ya

    • Montezuma's Revenge... right now says:

      @Cxx: for a closer comp see: l.lynn’s 2017 (hint it’s closer since they were on the same team)

  2. Ante GALIC says:


    Great write-up!!

    a. Fatwa indeed! Now someone is going to blow up the main branch of some cartoon magazine! Well done.

    b. Pray for me. Got Romine today for his double header with DET (VerHagen is pitching in one of the games, though he has been lights out in Toledo) and Jon Jay because he has been quite hot of late. To deny it is anti-American.

    c. Mark Twain quote of the day for June 4

    This is the law, keep it in your mind. From his cradle to his grave a man never does a single thing which has any FIRST AND FOREMOST object but one–to secure peace of mind, spiritual comfort, for HIMSELF.


    • batflix says:

      @Ante GALIC: Is that like “Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law” ?

    • Hawk says:

      @Ante GALIC:

      There is no one in history who eviscerated politicians any better than Twain did. As much as people today think they hate this pol or that one…Twain hated them more – and he hated all of them.

      • Montezuma's Revenge... right now says:

        @Hawk: this is arguable between twain and mencken

    • Grey

      Grey says:

      @Ante GALIC: A. Aw geez! B. Haha, good luck! C. Is that Mark Twain or DMX?

      • Ante GALIC says:

        @Grey: Grey!

        a. Thanks for the good luck. I chickened out and dropped him from LeonysM. Who knows what will happen, Romine does look good of late.

        b. On Twain, the quote comes from his Essays – this one from the essay entitled ‘What is Man?’

        c. In a H2H points league, start 1 at the U.

        1. Cruz

        Cruz plays 6 games, 2 @HOU and 4 @TB

        Per the schedule, Cruz faces

        Keuchel, LHP (.333, 4 HRs, 33AB)
        McCullers, RHP (.150, 20AB)
        Archer, RHP (.350, 1 HR, 20AB)
        Snell, LHP (.286, 7AB)
        Eovaldi, RHP

        2. E5

        E5 plays 5 games, 2 @ home versus MIL and 3 @DET

        Guerra, RHP
        Anderson, RHP
        Fulmer, RHP (.250, 8AB)
        Fiers, RHP (.125, 1HR, 16AB)
        Lewicki, RHP

        I’m leaning Cruz this week. I played E5 for the week that concluded last week. He can’t put two weeks like that back to back, can he? Listening.


        • Grey

          Grey says:

          A. Gotcha B. So, you’re saying not DMX? C. Edwin

  3. Nick says:

    Hi Grey :)

    maybe it’s time to sell away Tanaka’s inflatable ERA,,, Dynasty league
    one offered a cold Mc Cutchen OF
    another offered a hot Castellanos 3B
    i’d rather get pitching but ,,,

    • Grey

      Grey says:

      @Nick: I’d take either, Castellanos first

  4. muskysmell says:

    Who is the odd man out in this week’s rotation for me, boss? Need to bench one.

    T. Ross @ MIA
    E Rod vs DET
    M Mikolas vs MIA
    A Wood vs ATL

  5. Phil says:

    Grey, I have to drop Vlad Jr., Aguilar, or OZUNA when C-Mart comes back tomorrow. I’m sad to say I think it’s Vlad. What do you think?

    Also, someone dropped Manaea. Do I drop Tanaka or Quintana for him? I can’t see why, but his cumulative stats are superior.


    • b the esq. says:

      @Phil: what type of league? Obviously, if its a keeper of any sort, you dont drop Vlad. He just hurt himself, and the Jays just dont seem to be in a hurry to get him up. I can see dropping Vlad at this point in a redraft.

      I would consider dropping Tanaka for Manaea….his season long are bolstered by the no hitter and the near no hitter in Houston the following start.

      • Phil says:

        It’s a redraft 10 team league with 10 offensive categories. My batting average is mediocre, so Vlad could potentially help in that area. That said, my offense is pretty well stacked.

        • batflix says:

          @Phil: In a 10 team do you need Aguilar? I’d consider dropping him
          even tho he’s been just fine

    • Grey

      Grey says:

      @Phil: Tanaka for Manaea… Can see losing Vlad, depends if you have bench room or Vlad has to play

  6. Savoy Special says:

    14 team H2H auction redraft league. 6×6: Runs, HR, RBI, SB, AVG, OPS and Ks, QS, ERA, WHIP, Saves+Holds, K/9

    1) This season is far from over but this team hasn’t been out of 1st place a single week and is now over 12 games ahead of 2nd place. Thank you Grey!

    2) Prominent players dropped by other managers early: Wacha, Snell, Rosario, Cesar Hernandez
    Players dropped recently: Ian Desmond, Yonder Alonso, Jeimer Candelario

    C: Evan Gattis
    1B: Ian Desmond
    2B: Cesar Hernandez
    3B: Jeimer Candelario
    SS: Francisco Lindor
    OF: Mike Trout
    OF: Mitch Haniger
    OF: Eddie Rosario
    UTL: Jake Lamb
    Bench: Yonder Alonso

    DL: Wil Myers

    P: Max Scherzer
    P: Hunter Strickland
    P: Daniel Winkler
    P: Ryan Madson
    P: Matt Barnes
    SP: Mike Foltynewicz
    SP: Miles Mikolas
    Bench: Blake Snell
    Bench: Michael Wacha
    Bench: German Marquez

    DL: Clayton Kershaw
    DL: Joey Lucchesi

    Thanks as always!

    • Savoy Special says:

      @Savoy Special: Gattis was also dropped by someone else. So I dropped Yasmani Grandal for Evan Gattis. you said to hold Grandal but I mean, how bad could a DH eligible at C that hits on the Astros be? It’s a long season and catchers wear down after a while.

  7. surfer dude says:

    Hi grey, 10 tm h2h pts. For ROS – Pham or D.Peraltra?
    Thank you.

  8. Chris D says:


    What are your thoughts on Folty after his weekend gem? You think he’s finally starting to put it together? Really excited about his future if that’s the case.

    • Grey

      Grey says:

      @Chris D: Seems like a strong #2, too little command for a #1

  9. Wallpaper Paterson says:

    My team was 13-32-5.
    It is now 39-36-5.

  10. Wallpaper Paterson says:

    Is there any hope for Felipe Vazquez to turn it around or can he be dropped without regret?

      • Wallpaper Paterson says:

        @Grey: thanks. Have him in both leagues. Will hold for now

        • Grey

          Grey says:

          No problem

  11. Drew says:

    What to with Josh Bell in a 16-team OPS H2H? He’s been floating in and out of my UTL spot, but the lack of power is frustrating. Candelario, Franmil, and Descalso on the wire. Also could drop Bell and call up Flaherty from my MiLB.

    • b the esq. says:

      @Drew: Get Flaherty up for this week.

    • Grey

      Grey says:

      @Drew: Agree with b

  12. Conktown Tinker says:

    Got offered Donaldson for Aguilar and Treinen..

    Aguilar is batting three bills, praise Jesus, and Blake’s in Treinen to be the best closer in the Wild West. My team just catapulted into first…..

    So why do I want to pull the trigger on Donaldson- a baseball player who can’t throw or stand on two legs. The human mind is weird. Thats why the words for thoughts and feelings translates to psychopathic.

    So, how far does the Razzerific Donaldson Hatred go…. Big Bame or Production

  13. phennore says:

    16-team 5×5 league. Drop Wood or Heaney for Marco Gonzalez? The rest of my staff is Sale, C-Mart and Pivetta. Yeah, last week was a rough week.

  14. Alex says:

    Okay I feel bad about treating Wacha like a streamer, used and abused. Now he’s probably gone forever. Oh well (trying to adopt an “oh well” attitude with fantasy baseball).

    Should I pick up Olson over Aguilar?

    • b the esq. says:

      @Alex: Aguilar

    • batflix says:

      @Alex: I would, I don’t trust Aguilar as much as Olson esp w/ playing time

      …although I just looked them up and they are not as different as I thought they were

    • Grey

      Grey says:

      @Alex: I’d want Aguilar

  15. Grey grade dee’z two trades 5×5 standard roto cats

    I traded Altuve and Addison Russell for Mike Trout. Inserted Schoop and picked Glyber Torres off the free agent.

    Now my second trade I let School for Dozier

    I think I did good your thoughts

    • b the esq. says:

      @Dnut Eastwood: If you got Trout, you did good.