If a tree falls in a forest, but no one drafts the tree does it make a sound?  That’s what it felt like this weekend at Razzball.  I’m sure a ton of people were angry that Daniel Murphy fractured his finger, but I heard nary a peep from the Razzball faithful.  I’m guessing because of where I ranked him.  According to FantasyPros, the top person ranked him 26th overall.  The worst ranking of him, and, oh, it’s just silly.  Some total numbskull ranked him 150th overall.  Wait a second, I’m that numbskull, and the awful ranking was actually him 26th overall.  I should’ve wrote an overrated schmohawk post for him, but I didn’t because I didn’t want to write this in February, “He’s old, and will get hurt.  End of post.  So, did everyone already take down their Groundhog’s Day decorations?”  I honestly couldn’t figure out why people were drafting him.  His projections were 22 HRs, .310.  I mean, okay, but kinda big whoop, no?  Meh, I guess it’s irrelevant now since I know none of you drafted him.  Right?  Riiiiiiight?  The good news is Garrett Hampson and Ryan McMahon should see more at-bats, and, just as I say that, the Rockies played Mark Reynolds at 1st base on Sunday.   Oh, Rockies, you dumb, dumb team, which is different than the creative team behind Dum-Dum lollipops.  They’re terrific.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Jon Gray – 6 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 10 Ks.  Solid start to the 2019 season even if the lineup he was facing is the Marlins’ Murmurers’ Row.

Sandy Alcantara – 8 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Alcantara sounds like a song by Dean Martin, and, if he keeps pitching like this it will be amore.  He has crazy upside but similar downside.  If his command goes sideways — literally — then he could be in for a 1 1/3 IP, 7 ER start or two, but he could also harness his command and be one of the top breakouts.  In deeper mixed leagues, I’m interested.

J.T. Riddle – 1-for-3 and his 2nd homer.  Maybe it wasn’t Realmuto that was good in Miami, but any Jerry Tomato can succeed there.

Mychal Givens – On Saturday, 1 IP, 0 ER, 3 Ks as he got the 8th inning of a 3-1 game, and the save went to Mike Wright (2/3 IP, 0 ER), but he didn’t start the inning.  Then, yesterday, Givens (1 2/3 IP, 1 ER) came in again in the 8th and Paul Fry got the save, so…*tears up all SAGNOF of the Orioles*  I don’t know.  Bullpens are a complete mess, and soon the fantasy leagues we know and love will all be Holds+Saves leagues, because this is a shizzshow.  I haven’t dropped Givens, because he did seem destined for the save, until shizz happened in the 9th on both days.  I will now laugh myself into a crying fit that I own an Orioles’ reliever who I’m justifying reasons to hold.

Renato Nunez – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 1st homer as the O’s managed to work his bat into the lineup while still playing Rio Ruiz, which brings me to, how can the O’s not work Nunez and Ruiz into the same lineup every day?

J.A. Happ – 4 IP, 4 ER.  Yankees fans watching their team struggle against the O’s, but still happy because Sonny Gray got rocked is the most Yankees fan thing ever.

Yu Darvish – 2 2/3 IP, 3 ER with seven walks.  He threw 57 pitches before a ball was put into play.  57 is also the varieties of Heinz.  Heinz is a sauce.  And Yu was throwing like a man who was sauced.  See, makes perfect sense.  Darvish’s start could’ve went worse, he could’ve ran Javier Baez over with the bullpen cart.

Anthony Rizzo – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs, and his 1st homer.  HR to the Rizzo!

Delino DeShields – 1-for-4, 4 RBIs and a slam (1) and legs (1).  I told you he was a sleeper! *under breath* Twelve years ago.

Asdrubal Cabrera – 2-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 2nd homer, hitting .455.  Hot schmotato alert!

Lucas Giolito – 6 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 4 baserunners, 8 Ks.  As they say, “It always clicks on the 43rd career start.”

Jose Abreu – 2-for-3 and his 2nd homer, hitting .364, which is *raspberries lips*  Yoan Moncada (2-for-5, 2 runs, 1 RBI) is hitting .462.  Now we just need our boy, Eloy (0-for-4, hitting .182).

Brad Boxberger – 1 IP, 3 ER as he entered the 7th inning.  Okay, either MLB managers think 1st-week-of-the-season games are only seven innings long, or there’s no closers this year.  Ian Kennedy closed Saturday’s game, then afterwards Ned Yost said, “Kennedy and Wily Peralta were his favorites for saves. Also, I’m retiring after this year so who gives a fu–”

Noah Syndergaard – 6 IP, 4 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks vs. Stephen Strasburg – 6 IP, 4 ER, 9 baserunners, 8 Ks.  Mean’s while, the guy who owns Matt Shoemaker in your league is in 1st.  Fantasy Baseball:  When You Want Your Hobby To Cause You Stress.

Trea Turner – 2-for-5, 3 runs, 4 RBIs and a double slam (1, 2) and legs (4).  20-year-old Grey, “How sexy is that shot girl at Senor Frog’s?”  40-year-old Grey, “How sexy is Treat Urner and how he can hit a ball 400 feet and steal 70 bags?”

Sean Doolittle – 1 2/3 IP, 0 ER and the blown save, though he was an escape goat as he got the vulture win.  Why does it feel like this year a fantasy baseballer (<–my mom’s term!) who owns a handful of closers is going to win this year’s Rolaids Award for taking the most Rolaids during the year?

Francisco Lindor – Will visit with an ankle specialist in Green Bay on Monday.  I thought Green Bay was only known for their chiropractor, Dr. Wince Lumbardi.

Jake Odorizzi – 6 IP, 1 ER, 1 hit, 2 walks, 11 Ks.  Okay, so the Indians’ lineup is an abomination, but that’s definitely a start that’s got my attention.  The Streamonator hates his next start, and I can understand why, so it’s a wait and see on Odorizzi for now, but I’m definitely a cyclops with a monocle.

Michael Pineda – 4 IP, 0 ER, 5 Ks in 40 pitches, as he was pulled because the Twins know that at any point Pineda will revert to a piñata.  I keed.  He was on a pitch count.  Be interesting to see what Pineda can do against an actual major league lineup.

Trevor May – 1/3 IP, 0 ER as he entered the 7th inning and was vamos’d after two batters.  Those mumblings of May as the closer?  They’re now grumblings.  Blake Parker and Taylor Rogers are currently in the committee, but I like Blake Parker to emerge.  Or submerge, as in my head into a sink of ice cubes like something Nicholas Cage would do if he were trying to figure out bullpens.

Aaron Sanchez – 5 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Real question:  Have the Tigers recorded a run yet this season?  The Jays pitchers are not this good.

Freddy Galvis – Out with lower back tightness.  Galvis had played in 162 games in each of the previous two seasons.  In related news, Cal Ripken Jr. called up Gregg Zaun to say, “I’m sorry about all of those wedgies.  I was just stressed about Freddy Galvis.”

Trent Thornton – 5 IP, 0 ER, 2 baserunners, 8 Ks vs. Matt Moore – 7 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Can I just take one moment to say how awful the Jays’ and Tigers’ lineups are?  The top of the Jays’ lineup is Danny Jansen, Brandon Drury and Justin Smoak.  On some teams, all of those guys would a nine-hole hitter.  The Jays would get swept in a best of seven series vs. their Triple-A team.  Thornton’s projections on the Prospectonator don’t look awful — 8+ K/9, low-4 ERA.  His delivery looks like someone off-screen is singing the Hokey Pokey, which might be why he usually throws every seven to eight days vs. every fifth day.  For now, I’m interested in AL-Only leagues, but having a hard time of imagining him on a mixed league team of mine.

Spencer Turnbull – 5 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks vs. the BJs, who suck.  I hope you didn’t buy into the Turnbullsh*t.

Bryse Wilson – 3 1/3 IP, 4 ER.  I’m just going to leave this Fresca on the counter of this al-Qaeda-owned bar and head to the bathroom.  Can you watch my drink for me?  *four hours later*  That’s weird, that guy looks like he’s wearing my kidney as a hat…AHH!!! ROOFIE!!!

Kyle Wright – 4 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 5 walks, 4 Ks.  Hard to draw massive conclusions about the Braves starters because they were in The House Where Greg Luzinski Ate, but, yeah, kinda meh.  On a related note, the NL East is stacked.

Andrew McCutchen – 1-forp3, 2 runs and his 2nd homer.  Shoot the entire Phillies lineup directly into the veins of my fantasy teams.

Bryce Harper – 2-for-3 and his 2nd homer.  Worth every penny so far, which the Phils fans have been showing by preparing rolls of pennies to throw at him.

Alex WoodReds said the original timetable of a mid-April return was “a little aggressive” for Wood, which sounds like a #metoo teachable moment.

Sonny Gray – 2 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 3 mound visits and 1 start that’s going to be tough to blame on the Yankees.

Trevor Williams – 6 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Not bad for a guy who was so discounted in drafts that when you clicked to draft him the draft software was prompted to say, “Are you sure you don’t mean Trevor Richards?”

Brandon Woodruff – 5 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks.  This is hilarious in a very un-hilarious type way.  The other day someone asked Rudy while his projections don’t like Woodruff at all and mine do.  So, he said, “Grey’s not taking into account Woodruff pitched better in middle relief.”  I replied, “That’s not true.”  That’s classic underestimating of Grey.  Instead of saying something like, “My projections discount Woodruff more than Grey, because mine don’t think Woodruff can bring his new pitches he used in middle relief to the rotation.”  Or maybe, “Grey thinks the two pitches Woodruff began throwing in middle relief last year will be carried into the rotation.”  Nope!  Rudy says Grey’s not taking something into account.  Even though in part of the 750 words I wrote for Woodruff this preseason, I said, “He had a 2.03 ERA (2.34 xFIP) and 11.5 K/9 as a reliever, and 6.32 ERA (5.10 xFIP), 7.5 K/9 as a starter.”  And that’s me taking Woodruff’s middle relief into account!  I told you, hilarious!

Corbin Burnes – 5 IP, 4 ER, 7 baserunners, 12 Ks.  Mr. Burnes was egggggggcellent.  This was his first career start, and his first nine outs were all Ks.  His fastballs were 95-96 MPH and his sliders were hitting spots away and…boing!  Not to throw a wet towel in the hamper for some enthusiasm damper, but it’s hard to imagine him avoiding bumps on the way to being a top 50 starter.  To mention another starter who had his debut, Paddack will be better this year, but Burnes will be ownable, and you should try to find room for him.

Christian Yelich – 2-for-2, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 4th homer, tying the MLB record for most consecutive games with a homer to start the year.  Gonna go out on a limb and say if he hits a home run every game this year, he’s going to repeat as MVP.

Dakota Hudson – 4 1/3 IP, 3 ER.  This was a tough start in The Park Once Known As Miller, but, even in deep leagues, I want to see something from Hudson before trusting him.  Or her.  The name Dakota always throws me off.

Paul Goldschmidt – 1-for-4 and his 4th homer.  Au Shizz!  *a tumbleweed rolls through his sell window, I pop my head up*  I still think he’s a sell.  *a thrown rock just misses my head*

Paul DeJong – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer.  Colonel Mustard did it with the hammer!

Michael Wacha – 6 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks.  Wacha was overshadowed by Burnes, but that’s not to throw shade at him.  Play on words points!

Brett Anderson – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Solid start vs. the Los Angles Is 45 Minutes North If There’s No Traffic And There’s Always Frickin Traffic Anaheim Angels, but he gets the Sawx next and the Streamonator isn’t having it, and I can see why.

Frankie Montas – 6 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Finally, Frankie Montas is out of the shadow of co-star Bryan Cranston!  This start was against the Angels who have Trout and nothing.  The Ghost of The Sciosciapath won’t even let David Fletcher get starts over La Stella; I’m cry-snorting WTF.  As for Montas, he’s had huge K years in the minors, but that hasn’t translated to the majors yet.  Emphasis on yet.

Khris Davis – 1-for-3 and his 4th homer, hitting .250.  On a scale of 1 to 10, how surprised would you be to find out Khris Davis is actually a machine that was made to hit homers and .247?  I’m at about a 5.

Zack Godley – 5 1/3 IP, 7 ER.  How about that bounce back tho?  Amiright?

Ildemaro Vargas – 1-for-5, 1 run.  Really hoping Eduardo Escobar just had a random day off and he’s not in some kind of whacko platoon with the Wild Seas of Vargas.

Cody Bellinger – 3-for-5, 3 runs and his 4th homer, but really, like, his 62nd homer.  Like a middle-aged man, Belly and belts go hand-in-hand.

Walker Buehler – 3 IP, 5 ER and zero Ks after only pitching once in Spring Training.  Okay, now I’m concerned.

Tyler Glasnow – 5 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks.  After putting together a wretched spring, he looked.  Dot dot dot.  Not bad.  I’ve seen better.  I’ve seen worse.  I’m still in.

Yandy Diaz – 1-for-4 as he hit leadoff.  This weekend Yandy is a mover of mountains and up fantasy boards. His muscles have little Gold’s Gyms built on them, but, until this weekend, it seemed like he had those air muscles that looked good in a Speedo, but couldn’t hit a home run.  So far, that’s not been the case, and, if he’s playing every day, he’s a guy I’d try to add in all leagues.  Hot schmotato alert!

Austin Meadows – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 2nd homer.  Awaken the sleepers!

Yonny Chirinos – 7 IP, 1 ER, 2 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Think I might like Yonny more than just what the Streamonator says, but I don’t think it matters for right now because he gets the Giants next and would start him everywhere.

Collin McHugh – 5 IP, 2 ER, 4 baserunners, 9 Ks.  Someone should ask someone who doesn’t trust Woodruff to keep gains made in middle relief last year, why should we trust McHugh to do exactly that?  By the way, I trust Woodruff and McHugh, so I’m not the one to ask.

Nick Margevicius – 5 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 5 Ks in his 1st career MLB start and 1st start above High A ball.  The Padres weren’t kidding when they said they wanted to get younger.  They’re gonna be fielding sonograms soon.

Chris Paddack – 5 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 7 Ks.  Just threw my TV through the window for only owning Chris Paddack in 6 of 10 leagues.  Doode looked so money he’s replacing Andrew Jackson on the twenty.

Jeff Samardzija – 5 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners (4 BBs), 2 Ks.  *singing totally off-key*  “Samardzija is…a…Shark doo doo doo doo doo doo…”

J.D. Martinez – 2-for-3, 3 runs, 4 RBIs and his 2nd homer.  Just Dong because it’s never too early to smack a dong and get it on.

Rick Porcello – 2 2/3 IP, 4 ER.  You do not want any part of the M’s right now.  Even if Domingod isn’t hurting you, he’s in your peripheral vision messing with your head.

Omar Narvaez – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 2nd homer.  The Never Narvaez people must be wishing they were never Never Narvaez.

Jay Bruce – 2-for-4, 3 runs and his 2nd homer.  Knew I should’ve went with him over Trout.

Hunter Strickland – Hit the IL with a lat strain that will knock him out at least a couple of months.  In his place saving games for the Mariners will be *looks around the bullpen, freezing up, stares at the camera light* Inner monologue, “Damn, I’ve been gearing up for someone to ask me…Gearing up…Gearing…”  Blurts out, “Cory Gearrin!”  However, on Sunday, he got the save opportunity, walked the bases loaded and was relieved by Chasen Bradford, who got the save.  Also, they have Rosscup, which sounds like a frat game that involves Solo cups and Ross Perot — “Ross, put on your pants and stop ruining elections!”  Anthony Swarzak returns on April 2nd and is my favorite for saves in Seattle while Strickland is out.  Finally, Rumblelow got Saturday’s save, but he’s actually a name for a backyard wrestling tournament.  “Welcome back to the Rumblelow!  We’re brought you by my dad’s accounting business — He’s Quicken to the point!  In our next match, it’s Willie “The Homeless Man From 7-11 Parking Lot” vs. The Masked Accountant, who looks a lot like my dad.”

 
  1. Mojoman says:
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    Nice article Grey ???
    J. A. Happ threw 89~91 mph yesterday and has been prone to allow lots of homers in spring games.
    Should owners be panicking? We know he’s 55 years old now ?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Yes, I’m a bit worried

  2. Mike says:
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    Drop gurriel for yandy to fill utility spot?

    • goodfold2 says:
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      sure.

    • Donkey Teeth

      Donkey Teeth says:
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      Sure

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      Agree with others

  3. Sell That Fools Gold says:
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    Who would you drop to pick up Brasier? A. Reyes, Z. Efflin, D. Robertson(I think he’s losing his starting job haha) C. Burnes.

    • Donkey Teeth

      Donkey Teeth says:
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      Eflin or no one

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Agree with DT

  4. Ante Galic says:
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    Grey!!!!

    What a cup of lovely, thanks a lot!

    a. So good the recap! Loved it. Thank you also for NOT mentioning Hicks’ implosion, very empathetic (emphasis on the pathetic part) of you!! I’ll give him one more chance to succeed and then….not sure. I’ll chalk this latest hiccup to a much better Yelich than Hicks on any day. What say you on Hicks’ implosion?

    b. Trea for president, UN Secretary General and captain of my heart!

    c. Keepin’ Skaggs for now but…if he continues to screw the pooch then he’ll be on his way too. Plus I’ll have Minter and Jeffress returning to the active roster soon so, someone has to go.

    d. My team is chalk full of your Friday Buy guys…Oh! that’s why I’m still in 8th in my league. God, I knew there must have been another reason apart from I suck and start pitchers I shouldn’t (like Pena on Saturday, ouch don’t remind me). Thank God the sun will come up tomorrow.

    e. Had something else funny to say but my subconscious brain said that you all deserve a break today, so…

    f. Abbott and Costello quote of the day for April 1 [No foolin’]

    Captain Jonah and the whale sketch

    Bud Abbott (Slats): Jokes? I wish we had a couple of jokes to give you!
    Lou Costello (Oliver): What do you mean “I wish you had a couple”?
    Bud Abbott (Slats): I said
    Lou Costello (Oliver): I got a joke!
    Bud Abbott (Slats): You gotta joke?
    Lou Costello (Oliver): A brand new one, I wrote myself.
    Bud Abbott (Slats): Where’d you get it?
    Lou Costello (Oliver): I wrote it!
    Bud Abbott (Slats): Aaaarr, stop!
    Lou Costello (Oliver): Yes I did Slats, I did.
    Bud Abbott (Slats): You wrote a joke?
    Lou Costello (Oliver): It’s a brand new joke and I’d like to tell it to the girls for the first time. I think they’ll like it!
    Bud Abbott (Slats): Is it brand new?
    Lou Costello (Oliver): Maybe they can use it for the show.
    Bud Abbott (Slats): Hey! That’s a good idea!
    [enthusiastic “yeah”s from the girls.]
    Lou Costello (Oliver): The only thing is … err … I tell this one by myself. I don’t need you!
    Bud Abbott (Slats): Oh, that’s alright. That’s alright. But you say it’s brand new?
    Lou Costello (Oliver): Yeah!
    Bud Abbott (Slats): Nobody’s ever heard it?
    Lou Costello (Oliver): No! And I tell the story and you keep your mouth shut! [to audience] It’s about a whale, a ship, and Jonah!
    Bud Abbott (Slats): And it’s brand new?
    Lou Costello (Oliver): Very brand new story, yeah! Now once upon a time there was a whale.
    Bud Abbott (Slats): Huh? What kind of a whale?
    Lou Costello (Oliver): And this whale …
    Bud Abbott (Slats): …what kind of whale?
    Lou Costello (Oliver): A plain everyday whale!
    Bud Abbott (Slats): Alright…I …
    Lou Costello (Oliver): How do I know what kind of whale?? What do you think I do? Go round with whales or something?
    Bud Abbott (Slats): sshh sshh please!
    Lou Costello (Oliver): Don’t try to make a fool out of me in front of the girls!
    Bud Abbott (Slats): Alright, go ahead!
    Lou Costello (Oliver): I mean a plain everyday whale, that’s all!
    Bud Abbott (Slats): It’s always a whale
    Lou Costello (Oliver): How do I know what kind of whale?
    Bud Abbott (Slats): Alright!
    Lou Costello (Oliver): Now, the whale was in the ocean and …
    Bud Abbott (Slats): What Ocean?
    Lou Costello (Oliver): he was…mmm
    Bud Abbott (Slats): Well I mean …
    Lou Costello (Oliver): Go on…pick out an ocean, go ahead
    Bud Abbott (Slats): That’s immaterial to me
    Lou Costello (Oliver): Alright, the immaterial ocean.
    Bud Abbott (Slats): Oh come on!
    Lou Costello (Oliver): Now, the whale was in the immaterial ocean, minding his own business, he was following a ship!
    Bud Abbott (Slats): What ship?
    Lou Costello (Oliver): And this ship
    Bud Abbott (Slats): What ship?
    Lou Costello (Oliver): A ship that swims in the water!
    Bud Abbott (Slats): You mean a swimship?
    Lou Costello (Oliver): Yeah.
    Bud Abbott (Slats): Ooh!
    Lou Costello (Oliver): Now the whale was following the swimship, because he…[registering] WHOEVER HEARD OF A SWIMSHIP?? I asked you to keep your mouth shut didn’t I?
    Bud Abbott (Slats): You’re telling the story!
    Lou Costello (Oliver): You’re getting me MAD!
    Bud Abbott (Slats): Wait a minute – when do we laugh at this thing?
    Lou Costello (Oliver): They’re laughing before they’re supposed to. [to girls] Don’t laugh now! I didn’t say nothing yet!
    Bud Abbott (Slats): Go ahead, go ahead
    Lou Costello (Oliver): Now, the whale was in the ocean. She was very hungry and Jonah was the Captain of the boat, he didn’t want the whale to capsize the boat
    Bud Abbott (Slats): What?
    Lou Costello (Oliver): To capsize the boat!
    Bud Abbott (Slats): Capsize?
    Lou Costello (Oliver): Yeah! he … he …
    Bud Abbott (Slats): You know what that means?
    Lou Costello (Oliver): Sure! I … I don’t put words like that in stories if I don’t know what they are!! He didn’t want the whale to capsize the boat
    Bud Abbott (Slats): What – what … what does it mean?
    Lou Costello (Oliver): Capsize.
    Bud Abbott (Slats): Capsize
    Lou Costello (Oliver): That … that’s a big word!
    Bud Abbott (Slats): Well, what does it mean?
    Lou Costello (Oliver): [looks uncomfortable]
    Bud Abbott (Slats): You know what it means?
    Lou Costello (Oliver): Sure …
    Bud Abbott (Slats): [interrupting] Well, what does it mean? What does capsize mean?
    Lou Costello (Oliver): It’s a nice word!
    Bud Abbott (Slats): But what does it mean?
    Lou Costello (Oliver): Capsize
    Bud Abbott (Slats): Capsize
    Lou Costello (Oliver): It’s like 6 & 7/8s, 7-1/4
    Bud Abbott (Slats): Alright, go ahead! Go ahead!
    (girls laughing)
    Lou Costello (Oliver): So he didn’t want the whale to 6 7/8ths of the boat,
    Bud Abbott (Slats): Alright go ahead
    Lou Costello (Oliver): See? So Captain Jonah was the captain of the boat and he was afraid he was going to lose some passengers, so Captain Jonah figured the only thing he could do is to throw the barrel … the whale a barrel of apples ….
    Bud Abbott (Slats): What kind of apples?
    Lou Costello (Oliver): … and ….
    Lou Costello (Oliver): [looks annoyed]
    Bud Abbott (Slats): What kind of apples?
    Lou Costello (Oliver): Apples that grow on the tree
    Bud Abbott (Slats): Well, there’s all kind of apples. There’s bowman apples there’s …
    Lou Costello (Oliver): [interrupting] CRABAPPLES!
    Bud Abbott (Slats): Well tell the girls that!
    Lou Costello (Oliver): [loud voice] He threw over a barrel of crabapples!
    Bud Abbott (Slats): Take it easy. Take it easy!
    Lou Costello (Oliver): He’s got me mad at you kids now!
    Bud Abbott (Slats): Now just take it easy!
    Lou Costello (Oliver): Now after the whale ate the apples, the whale was still hungry and Captain Jonah figured the only thing he could do was throw the whale over a stool – (quickly) what kind of stool?
    Bud Abbott (Slats): Who said that?
    Lou Costello (Oliver): I did! That’s in case you asked me!
    Bud Abbott (Slats): Oh!
    Lou Costello (Oliver): Jonah threw over a camp stool. Now, the whale ate the apples and he ate the stool but the whale was still hungry. His appetite had not been appeased – (to Bud) don’t ask me what that means, I don’t know.
    Bud Abbott (Slats): I won’t ask, go ahead!
    Lou Costello (Oliver): So, after the whale ate the apples and he ate the stool, the whale was still hungry and Captain Jonah figured the only way he could save his passengers, and his boat, is to sacrifice himself.
    Bud Abbott (Slats): Yes.
    Lou Costello (Oliver): And he did. He threw a beautiful jack-knife dive right into the mouth of the whale. Now the whale ate Captain Jonah, he ate the apples and he ate the stool, and the whale swam away.
    Bud Abbott (Slats): Yeah [wanting to interrupt]
    Lou Costello (Oliver): [not letting him] Three years later, they caught that very same whale …
    Bud Abbott (Slats): Yeah, Oliver …
    Lou Costello (Oliver): They cut him open
    Bud Abbott (Slats): … Wait a minute …
    Lou Costello (Oliver): And what do you think they found?
    Bud Abbott (Slats): Oliver, just a minute
    [girls laughing]
    Lou Costello (Oliver): Not now! Not now!
    Bud Abbott (Slats): Wait a minute
    Lou Costello (Oliver): Now, he says something, and then I tell you the funny joke!
    Bud Abbott (Slats): Wait a minute Oliver. Just a minute! Now, you’re not coming up here this afternoon in front of these girls, and try to give them, for their little play, a joke, an old wheeze, about the time they found the whale and cut him open and there they found Jonah seated on that stool selling those apples three for a nickel are you?
    Lou Costello (Oliver): [mortified]
    [girls laughing]
    Bud Abbott (Slats): [to girls] – Now wait a minute! [To Lou] That’s not the story you … Oh no. no. no. [polite again]. I’m sorry. No, it couldn’t be that because, that’s right, he promised us it was a brand new joke. He wrote it himself. It couldn’t be that because every little schoolboy knows that joke. (To Lou). No, I’m sorry. Go ahead. You tell the girls what they found when they cut the whale open.
    Lou Costello (Oliver): [Silently mortified, looking sick]
    [Silent pause – girls laughing]
    Bud Abbott (Slats): [to girls] Now, wait a minute please. Give Oliver a chance. After all, he wrote this himself. If you girls can use it in the play, go right ahead! [To Lou] Go ahead!
    [Silence except for girls laughing]
    Bud Abbott (Slats): Tell the girls! Tell the girls what they found when they cut the whale open.
    [girls laughing]
    Bud Abbott (Slats): Now, don’t laugh girls. Please, he’ll blame me for this.
    [girls laughing]
    Bud Abbott (Slats): No, I thought it was build up to that old joke, you know, but every little school boy knows that, he wouldn’t tell that – he wouldn’t dare tell that one [to Lou] Go ahead
    [Silence]
    Bud Abbott (Slats): You know the answer don’t you?
    Lou Costello (Oliver): [nodding slightly]
    Bud Abbott (Slats): Eh?
    Lou Costello (Oliver): [looking sick, slightly walking away]
    Bud Abbott (Slats): What’s the matter, don’t you feel good?
    Lou Costello (Oliver): [Shakes head slightly]
    Bud Abbott (Slats): You go ahead and…tell the joke, and we’ll go inside and clean the other room.
    Lou Costello (Oliver): [backing off]
    [girls laughing and feeling sorry for Lou]
    Bud Abbott (Slats): Go ahead. No, here! Tell it right here!
    Lou Costello (Oliver): [Walking towards door]
    Bud Abbott (Slats): Oliver! Look Oliver! Oliver! [Goes to Lou, puts hand on shoulder] Is there something wrong? Oh, now come on Oliver …
    [Bell rings and girls leave room]
    Bud Abbott (Slats): …I didn’t mean any harm! Oliver! Was that the joke you wanted to tell?
    Lou Costello (Oliver): [Head against wall nods slightly].

    Cheers,
    Ante

    • JakeTPE says:
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      Hi Ante!

      Exactly. I bet Yelich is going to make better relievers than Hicks look sad this season. He’ll (Hicks) get another chance and hopefully take it. Let’s hope C-Mart doesn’t get any ideas though.

      • Ante Galic says:
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        Jake!

        Thanks, man. Hope all is well in Korea.

        Cheers,
        Ante

    • Wow says:
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      LOL can I get a tl;dr here?

    • bigbear says:
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      Vote for Trea!

      #TLDR

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      A. Too early to draw conclusions B. Yes! C. Yeah, we’ll know more after another start or two D. Nice! E. Fair enough F. Whoa, I need to come back later today to digest this

      • Ante Galic says:
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        Grey!!

        Sorry for overdoing it. The joke is simple but it’s their repartee that’s even funnier and Abbott’s total emasculation of Costello is the centerpiece of the whole of the sketch. ‘e’ above was probably to wish you a Happy April Fool’s Day, but I forgot from all my heartaches on the weekend. EdRod screwin’ the pooch too although a small sample and SEA is hitting on all cylinders. Will be happy today when F-Her gets F’d in the hoochie. Make it happen for me, FML!

        Cheers,
        Ante

  5. JakeTPE says:
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    Grey the Fantasy Master Lothario,

    Fantasic recap. I love the sleeper posts, the Top 10, Top 100, and everything, but the first weekend daily notes might be my favorite! So much to digest!

    Grabbed Reynolds in a league where I needed CI help because, well, Coors.

    Speaking of which, would a preemptive prayer hexagon for Buehler make sense or do we banish the thought? He’s supposed to be my ace but I can’t start him against the likes of Mark Reynolds in Coors next time, right? Hope he gets right sharpish.

    Have a great day!

    • Al KOHOLIC says:
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      I have a terrible feeling we see another short shitty start and then a IL trip for Buehler. I really hope not but I am worried

      • JakeTPE says:
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        Yeah, wouldn’t surprise me one bit. He obviously needs to work more to get up to speed after an abbreviated spring. An IL stint and then some extended spring training and he’s back maybe in May? Not to get ahead of ourselves of course…

      • knucks says:
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        I’m in on the prayer hexagon. And there will be quite a few joining us I’d imagine… he will be on my bench for his next start…

        …its at Coors.

        • JakeTPE says:
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          Nice. Yeah, can’t start him in Coors. A good first start and I would have considered it but now? No thank you. Let’s hope he gets right soon!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Thanks! I’m hoping Buehler just needs another warm up game, and I am benching him at Coors

  6. Al KOHOLIC says:
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    Yes Buehler is starting to worry me also.

    • JakeTPE says:
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      Impromptu preemptive prayer hexagon, let’s do it!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Yeah, thoroughly concerned, bench him in Coors

      • The Great Knoche says:
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        I just benched him a little while ago for a two-start Drew Smyly in a weekly league.

        Woof.

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Woof indeed

          • The Great Knoche says:
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            Should have gone two start Ivan Nova

            • Grey

              Grey says:
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              Me too

      • 183414 says:
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        Pulled up every possible site on Buehler. Nada. Definitely in on the prayer chain.

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          We need you!

  7. toolshed says:
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    Need a 2nd catcher. Kelly, astudillo, Suzuki, narvarez? Kelly has played 1 out of 4 games. Az carrying 3 catchers, wth? Astudillo finally got in the lineup and produced. Suzuki in a time share, Gomes probably gets more pt since he is better defensively. Narvarez has 2 he, but he will probably hit his 3rd in July if I add him. M’s also just acquired another catcher (murphy). Thanks

    • Donkey Teeth

      Donkey Teeth says:
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      Narvaez for me

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Agree with DT

  8. Scott says:
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    Is Brett gardner worth holding onto in a 12 team 5 OF league for at least as long as he is leading off for ny? Is he done? He did steal 16 bags last year and had double digit hr and could score a fair amount of runs if he gets on base. Therein lies the problem. Not sure when hicks will be back and/or how long he’ll stay on the field when he does return. Thanks

    • Cram It says:
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      Could probably do better, but depends who is available.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Agree with Cram, can lose him

    • Twins Peaker says:
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      Unfortunately there wasn’t a massive over-reaction after the first weekend of baseball. Jose Martinez, Brandon Crawford, Sonny Gray and Wilmer Flores….oh and Dakota Hudson.

      Did any of your leagues feature some massive drops?

  9. goodfold2 says:
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    rosscup up!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Haha, I thought of you when I saw him

  10. goodfold2 says:
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    smyly or thornton for AL only with QS over wins? this decision will probably be made for me before this is answered.

    • goodfold2 says:
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      realized swarzak is off DL tuesday anyway, grabbed thornton in case smyly is horrible today, dropped soria for now. swarzak seems more likely to be useful (OAK flips tons of guys for the 8th inning, SEA ain’t got much etc) anyhoo.

    • Donkey Teeth

      Donkey Teeth says:
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      Thornton

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Agree with DT

  11. DocMcstuffins says:
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    6×6 OPS

    Yelich
    Or
    Baez and Springer

    Not really a Springer guy…feel like I almost need more to move Yelich. Baez is only an $8 keeper next year while Yelich will be $30 makes me lean Baez side maybe.

    • The Scrant Dog

      The Scrant Dog says:
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      Baez Springer allllll dayyyyy

    • Donkey Teeth

      Donkey Teeth says:
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      Agree with Scrant Dog

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Agree with others

  12. Spider Pigs says:
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    ROS ….please rank CI:

    Yandy, Healy, Cron, Bauers

    thanks Grey