Can Jesus Save Your Fantasy Season?

Marlins first-year phenom Jesus Sanchez continued to work miracles this week as he went 2-for-3 Friday night with two runs scored and his seventh home run, a 3-run blast, his third hit to the heavens in the past week! Hashtag blessed. Speaking of miracles, I had a bit of a holy experience this week when I witnessed a Razzball cameo on SportsCenter Monday night. I immediately pinged Grey to inform him that we had, in fact, “made it,” and that he should expect the cash to start rolling in any day now. That’s right all, none other than ESPN’s own Wonder Boy, Jeff Passan, name-dropped Razzball in a segment, likely referencing this tweet and how hilarious RBs commentary on the whole Mets Boo-az situation was. How do I react to the news that not only is Jeff Passan an avid fantasy baseballer (which also presents some interesting collusion questions?), but he has very likely (not-at-all-likely) read my posts and is scouting me to be his next intern? Well, I’m not going to let the fame go to my head yet, but I did buy Kanye’s $4000 red Donda jacket with the check I assume is in the mail. If you’re reading Mr. Passan, ignore all the past jabs at ESPN, you are clearly the smartest analyst there (besides Woj, of course). But back to Sanchez! The rookie outfielder is batting .357 in the past week with the aforementioned three jacks and eight ribbies. Grey told you to BUY! The power is real and if he can cut down on the Ks he might find his way into a 2022 sleeper post. You hear that, Jeff? Be on the lookout for some 2022 gems and keep the shout-outs coming! Sanchez struggled mightily after returning from the COVID list in August, but it appears over the past few days he’s finally getting his timing down. He could be worth a hail-mary hope and a prayer add that the power binge continues and Jesus could save your fantasy season.

Here’s what else I saw Friday night in fantasy baseball:

Jesus Luzardo – 5.2 IP, 5 hit, 3 ER, 2 BB, 3 K. Hey! Speaking of Jesuses. Jesus’? Jesi? Luzardo lowered his ERA to 7.00 after the solid outing. Welp. All jokes aside, probably his second-best outing for the Fish, after last week’s 1-hit gem, and the 71/36 K/BB is still legit. I will probably own him on all my teams next year.

Frank Schwindel – 3-for-4, HR (9), 2 RBI. BUY! He’s got four homers and 7 RBI in the past week and is slashing .320/.361/.624 with nine homers and 26 RBI on the year. Your Schwindel-ling yourself by not adding him.

Rowan Wick – 1.0 IP, 3 K, SV (2). BUY. Rowan looked like a dominant closer and he struck out the heart of that Pirates line up in succession–lol, that’s right Michael Perez, Anthony Alford, and Hoy Park. I almost did it without laughing, but as you can see I L’d out L. Still Wick good be useful for saves and headshots if the Cubs ever win again this season.

Michael Hermosillo – 3-for-5, HR (3), 3 RBI. On the wrong side of a platoon with Rafael Ortega but whoever the Cubs leadoff seems to rake.

Ian Happ – 3-for-4. BUY. Three Cubs buys! That’s a goocher! Did you Happ-en to know he’s batting .362 over the past week with 4 homers, 10 RBI, and 2 steals! Not quite Happ-less!

Anthony Alford – 2-for-4, 2 HR (4). The three homers in the past week is nice–until you see the .186 average that goes with it. As Ari would say, “Thank you, next!”

Michael Wacha – 6.0 IP, 3 hits, 2 ER, 7 K, 3rd win. We constantly hear the emphasis on good starting pitching being the key to success in this league but the Rays be all like, say what now? Oh, good starting pitchers? Yeah, I think we have one of those.

Andrew Kittredge – 1.0 IP, 2 K, SV (6). Trusting Kevin Cash to go to the same guy for saves is like having a belt buckle with a clock on it–a waist of time! Still, Kitteredge seems to be the main guy.

Freddy Galvis – 2-for-4, HR (10). The Phillies are really about to blow first place after playing the Diamondbacks and Nats 30 times in the final month. I’m not even mad, it’s actually impressive. That’s the kind of slide I’d expect from the Mets.

Kyle Gibson – 5.1 IP, 8 hits, 8 ER. He is a pitcher that relies on defense, on a team with no defense.

Kyle Schwarber – 2-for-4, HR (29), 3 RBI. Scwarbombs is batting .344/.468/.609 with Boston and has turned into one of the best adds at the deadline. He’s got three homers in the past week and has led the Red Sox to three straight wins since leading off. I really hate when Chaim Bloom is right and I am an idiot.

Jonathan Arauz – 2-for-4, HR (2). Arauz got to be kidding me! Kevin Plawecki was 2-for-4 with a HR (2) since I know ya’ll like catchers. Half the Red Sox roster is on the COVID list, and half of them are unvaccinated so it could be a while before we see the regulahs again, so I present to you all the replacements who could be useful in the interim as long as Schwarbs and Devers keep hitting everything in site.

Nathan Eovaldi – 6.1 IP, 6 hits, 3 ER, 2 BB, 9 K. Nasty Nate got his cocktail–fruit! But Squirrel Master said–NO, and EVO hasn’t gotten an ez win since early August despite a 3.82 ERA and 43/6 K/BB.

Cal Quantrill – 6.0 IP, 7 hits, 5 ER, 2 BB, 6 K. Fenway is a tough assignment and Cal faired much better last week versus Boston in Cleveland. He’s still rocking a real purdy 3.15 ERA, 1.22 WHIP and I’d 100% start him versus the Twins next week.

Adam Ottavino – 0.2 IP, 2 K, 4th win. BUY. Garrett Whitlock 1.1 IP, 3 hits, ER, 2 K got the save but fairly certain Ottavino, who I told you to grab last week, is still the closer in Boston. Manager Alex Cora needed a reliable arm in the 7th Friday night so he called upon Adam, and Whitlock got the opp. Methinks Otto still gets the next chance.

Jose Ramirez – 3-for-5, HR (32), 2 RBI. Seriously where can I get one of those necklaces for myself, or better one of myself, I need this @MLB. If the Guardians are smart, they would sell them for a large profit. Also, can we get a photoshop of JoRam on the Certified Lover Boy album cover? Manny did it. Why not JoRam. It just seems right.

Vladimir Guerrero Jr. – 3-for-4, 2 runs, RBI. Speaking of Drake, on a night where the Jays scored 11 runs Vlady Daddy did not homer! Is he mad he’s not in the “Way 2 Sexy” video? Seriously Kawhi over Vlady? Anyway, Vlad didn’t homer but Teoscar Hernandez and Lourdes Gurriel, Jr. did. It’s very hard to believe this is a fourth-place team.

Sean Manaea – 7.0 IP, 5 hits, 2 hits, 0 BB, 9 K. He’s been almost as frustrating to own as his last name is to spell. So many vowels!

Marcus Semien – 1-for-5, HR (34). Semien hit a walk-off home run 3-run in the ninth to really stick it to his former team. 34 homers for this guy? Sweet sassy molassy! I look at Marcus’ line a lot because the Red Sox had the opportunity to sign a free agent second baseman this winter and went with Kiké Hernandez over Semien because Boston is a small market team who can’t afford big free agent spends like Semien. Zzzz. Anyway, Kiké has been fine but Semien could hit 40 home runs!

Alek Manoah – 5.0 IP, 5 hits, 6 ER, 3 BB, 2 K. The stats aren’t too shabby 3.63 ERA, 1.10 WHIP and 88/28 K/BB so maybe Alek just helping us have a shot at drafting him next year?

Tony Kemp – 2-for-5, HR (6), 3 RBI. Two homers and 4 multi-heat games in the past week! Do you want sour cream and butter with your hot schmotato?

Sergio Romo – 0.0 IP, 3 hits, 3 ER, BS (3). Romo was a BUY for saves, so this was not encouraging, but fret not, Lou Trivino was even worse and gave up 4 ER and Yusmeiro Petit gave up 2 ER and the bullpen was an absolute disaster. So seems Romo remains in the same shittuation he was in before last night’s game, that is, the favorite for the next save chance.

Rich Hill – 6.0 IP, 3 hits, 0 ER, 2 BB, 4 K. Rich Ain’t Over the Hill is saving his best stuff for last and–oh, wait it was the Nationals. Didn’t they trade all their players away?

Juan Soto – 1-for-4, HR (24). No I don’t “want a soda,” I want to draft you next year, so quit hitting homers.

Jonathan Villar – 4-for-6, RBI Will this be the last time I recommend picking up Villar this season? Probably not! I’m honestly running out of stuff to say.

Dustin Garneau – 2-for-5, 2 HR (3), 3 RBI. If you Garneau what I’m saying! The rookie catcher has three jacks and three hits in the past week (.292/.292/.750 with three homers and four RBI), and Garneaus what I’d be without another catcher add. Robbie Grossman also homered and Jeimer Candelario, and Jonathan Schoop had 4 hits apiece including home runs as the Tigers roared to 15 runs on with hits. *Cat noise!*

Jonathan India – 1-for-5, HR (18). India with the bombay!  He’s slowed down considerably in the second half but again, that just means we can all draft him as our second baseman in 2022!

Huascar Ynoa – 5.2 IP, 5 hits, 4 ER, BB, 5 K at Coors. If you started him at Coors you have bigger rings than Shang-Chi. Dude is a stud and should do much better in a normal altitude next week, and if you don’t Ynoa, now Ynoa.

Antonio Senzatela – 7.0 IP, 6 hits, 3 ER, 3 K, 4th win. Senza-tional!

Carlos Estevez – 1.0 IP, SV (4). Last week I dreamed Estevez could be the closer, because Charlie Sheen/Wild Thing/Carlos Estevez slash it all makes sense. Well, maybe I should have wished for something bigger because someone out there is listening to me. Is it Jeff Passan maybe? Not only did Wild Thing notch his 4th save of the year but he did it with just four pitches. Yup. Three batters. Four pitches. I’d buy him wherever I needed saves and if he gets the Wild Thing haircut I’ll buy his jersey, too.

Nolan Arenado – 2-for-5, 2 HR (29), 3 RBI. Nolan seems to be hitting his stride just as the Cards are falling out of it, although taking two from the Reds is a good start if they have a shot at this WC. Arenado is batting .318 with 3 bombs in the past week. Yadier Molina hit a grand slam and Tyler O’Neill and Harrison Bader also homered and there was so much offense in the league last night I thought I’d be writing this post until 4am.

Edmundo Sosa – 2-for-4, 3 runs, HR (5). BUY. He’s batting .421 with a homer and 7 RBI in the past week! He’s available everywhere and he’s been so good I imagine the Cards will trade him this offseason.

Adam Wainwright – 6.1 IP, 4 hits, ER, 3 BB, 4 K, 14th win. Waino is rocking a pristine 2.91 ERA, 1.03 WHIP with a 159/42 K/BB and pitched his third straight 7 inning start. He allowed just 8 runs in his last 50.1 IP. He might actually be underrated despite being a popular name, and I could see drafting him as my Ace next year if the value is right!

Freddy Peralta – 2.0 IP, 3 hits, 4 ER, 2 BB, 4 K. Shaking off a bit of rust in his return from the IL but the filthy stuff was still there, and still filthy. He should go deeper into the game next week and I’d start with confidence. Confidence from an owner who doesn’t own him but wishes he did.

Willy Adames – 0-for-4, K. He’s batting just .182 in the past two weeks, and not sure if this is helping me draft him next year or a red flag that I need to avoid him in 2022. I’ll let you know what I think in March.

Nestor Cortes Jr. – 5.2 IP, 4 hits, ER, 2 BB, 7 K. I told you to BUY him two weeks ago, and although he struggled in Oakland, the numbers remain elite (2.67 ERA, 1.08 WHIP, and 71/21 K/BB). He put together a nice start versus Baltimore Friday night. He gets the Blue Kays next week and I could see streaming him there!

John Means – 5.0 IP, 3 hits, 2 ER, 2 BB, 5 K. I was scared to start him at Yankee Stadium last night but Means held his own and gets a much easier match up with KC next week. Means will likely be overvalued next year due to his impressive ratios (3.47 ERA and 1.00 WHIP) so its hard to see me drafting an Orioles pitcher that high again. He was great when he was my last pick though!

Giancarlo Stanton – 2-for-5, HR (26), 2 RBI. Also, hit a walk-off single in the 11th. Who knew all the guy wanted to do was play the outfield? I want to be out there with the boys, Skip! “Don’t Call Me Mike” Stanton is slashing .330/.398/.659 with a 1.057 OPS and 9 bombs in the past month and is a big part of why this Yankees team is surging.

Carlos Hernandez – 6.0 IP, 5 hits, 2 ER, 3 BB, 3 K, 5th win. C-Her has been basically unhittable over the past two weeks with a 1.45 ERA and 0.86 WHIP with 17/6 K/BB. He gets a cushy start in Baltimore next week. You might want to stream that!

Adalberto Mondesi – 1-for-4, run, 2 RBI, SB (3). For a Glass Man who can’t play back-to-back days, he sure has no hesitation stealing bases. Please don’t hurt yourself again!

Dallas Keuchel – 3.0 IP, 7 hits, 6 ER. Woof. He’s got a 8.31 ERA over the past month. I could see Reynaldo Lopez replacing him in the rotation if he keeps this up.

Shohei Ohtani – 7.0 IP, 7 hits, 2 ER, 2 BB, 8 K, 9th win. I mean yeah the 2.97 ERA, 1.07 WHIP and 135/41 K/BB is nice but he went o-for-4? More like 0-for-tani. Pathetic. But for really real talk, 42 bombs, 22 steals and 9 wins as a pitcher with a sub-3 ERA? What are you doing to me Shohei? I want to buy a poster of you to put about my mantle. I’ve never felt these feelings before. I love him more than I could ever love a human baby.

Jason Martin – 2-for-4, HR (6), 2 RBI. Homered off Ohtani, which has gotta be a life highlight for this J-Mart. Well done, Mr. Martin. You can tell your grandkids about this one.

Glenn Otto – 4.2 IP, 4 hits, 2 ER. BB, 4 K. His name is Otto, he loves to get Blotto!

Jarred Kelenic – 2-for-5, HR (8), 3 RBI. GW RBI. Don’t let the .154 average fool you, Jarred has been putting on a Kelenic with 2 homers and a steal in the past week. What do you mean you dropped him? Oh, that’s probably for the best.

Anthony DeSclafani – 6.0 IP, 2 hits, 0 ER, 3 BB, 5 K. The 3.24 ERA, 1.09 WHIP, and 132 strikeouts ensure that he will be overdrafted next year OR, dot, dot ,dot is next year a big break out for DeScalfan? IDK! Why do I always want to leave the “i” off his last name? Regardless! As long as he’s on the Giants, these starters can do no wrong! He gets the Rox in Coors next week and damn right I’m starting him! Idec.

Jose Urquidy – 4.1 IP, 5 hits, 2 ER, BB, 4 K. Returned from the IL for his first start since June and threw 70 pitches. Based on that pitch count he should be off a leash next week as the Stros try to stretch him out for the postseason, and gets the Angels next week. Yes I’m starting him!

Kyle Tucker – 2-for-3, HR (23). Mmhm yess, a solid 25/15 guy, these are exactly the players I’m trying to target in March. But instead, I somehow end up drafting Nick Solak.

Jake Arrieta – 5.0 IP, 3 hits, 3 ER, BB, 3 K. Made his second start for the Padres after returning from the IL and actually looked pretty solid until Carlos Correa got to him. He gets the Dodgers next week and I trust him about as much as I trust Kanye to release his Donda album, and I’ve been eagerly waiting to hear this masterpiece for over a year. What’s that? He released it last Sunday!? 27 tracks!? Almost two hours?! DaBaby AND Marilyn Manson??? Ehh, actually I think I’m good. I’ll listen to it later.

Corey Seager  – 4-for-5. Hitting .400 in the past week, but I assume all his owners have been out of contention since July. You know the season is winding down when razzball.com has fantasy football videos in the BUY column. Desperate for a hot batyour playoff run? How about the top 5 tight-end sleepers instead? Welp, we gave it our all, now it’s time to give up move on to the next sport, so go check out Razzball’s Fantasy Football Rankings. I’m thinking Mac Jones with my first pick, and Brady with the wrap? Does Ohtani play football?

Thanks for reading! Questions? Problems? Complaints to management? Advice, small gifts or large bribes? Please leave it in the comments below. Join us next Saturday for another Friday recap as fantasy baseball continues next week, all week long!