Blake Snelltin’ The Stefani Out Of The AL

In my Blake Snell sleeper post, my prescience was like the exact opposite of science applied by flat earthers around the world.  Look out the plane window and it’s flat, but pull further back it’s round.  In reverse, if you pull out for enough, you see I wrote a sleeper post for Blake Snell — great! — but if you zoom in closer you see everything I said in that post was far from accurate.  Good from 30,000 feet, less from Altuve’s distance.  I talked up Chris Archer and Jake Faria.  Said Jose De Leon is ready!   Only one I didn’t like was Nathan Eovaldi, who actually was solid.  I went over how Snell could be great, but this good?  Puh-leaze.  Snell and his extended family didn’t think he’d be breathing down a sub-2 ERA in the middle of September.   Most accurate thing I said, “At 25 years of age and in his third major league season while primed for his first full year of innings, is about the best time to get in on him figuring it out.  After 2018, Snell is going to be a known top 20 starter and you’ll never get him cheap again.”  And that’s me quoting me!  Yesterday, Blake Snell went 7 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners (1 Hit), 9 Ks, ERA at 2.03.  In the AL East!  Actually, my ‘accurate’ quote might not be accurate enough, I should’ve said Blake Snell will be a top 5-10 starter in 2019 fantasy baseball.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Ji-Man Choi – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer, and his 4th homer this month.  Hot schmotato, sure, but why do I picture myself in a back alley of the Roppongi district in Tokyo reading a graphic novel about a Ji-Man and his dog, Shibuya?  Am I the only one?

Jose Alvarado – 1 IP, 0 ER, and his 8th save, ERA at 2.14.  Alvarado has been filling in for Sergio Romo as he A) Helps the people of Liberia.  B) Waits by the phone to be a judge on RuPaul’s Drag Race.  C) There’s no C.  D) Is trapped under a pile of phone books.  Okay, any of these could be right, but Romo is clearly no longer on the Rays, right?  What’s he pitched, once this month?  Can someone please update us on Romo’s condition?  At least tell us if we should wish him well on the Drag Race.

Jose Ramirez – 1-for-4 and his 38th homer.  In March, you weren’t sure if he could hit 20 homers.  I will now cackle until someone thinks I’m choking.

Luis Urias – Done for the year, due to his hamstring.  I still will like him for next year, if you’re at all *pinkie to mouth* Urias.

Hunter Renfroe – 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 22nd homer.  He’s been on one for a while now.  “On one” equals hot streak; “while now” equals since beginning of August.  If you’re still asking about whether you should pick up Renfroe, serious question, are you waiting until the season ends?

Austin Hedges – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 13th homer, hitting .242.  He’s outhitting Gary Sanchez!  *presses evil laughter button bought from Spencer’s Gifts*

Wade LeBlanc – 5 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 3.56.  He also gave up three unearned runs for a mild ticker shock.  Hopefully, Kenley Jansen doesn’t own LeBlanc in his league.

Kyle Seager – 1-for-4 and his 21st homer, hitting .216.  With the homer in the 9th, he pulled off the fizzlebang!  (Going glossary term crazy today!)

James Paxton – Will miss Friday’s start with a virus.  Should’ve downloaded the latest McAfee update.

J.P. Crawford – 3-for-4 and his 3rd homer, hitting .220.  This year he lived up to his full name, Just Pfft.

Aaron Nola – 5 IP, 4 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.42.  Nola dedicated this start to deGrom’s Cy Young chances.

Stephen Strasburg – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 3.87.  Strasburg dedicated this start to the ‘chances Grey drafts him next year are looking increasingly likely.’

Bryce Harper – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 33rd homer, hitting .249.  Harper’s nearing the 100 RBI mark for the first time in his career.  No lie, he’s never had 100 RBIs before.  I know RBIs are an antiquated stat, and he hit 42 homers in 2015 from the third and fourth spot in the order with a .330 average and still couldn’t get to 100 RBIs, but, wow right?  This should be exasperated nicely when he’s in pinstripes next year.

Ryan Zimmerman – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 13th homer.  Shana tova with the Zimmermania!

Juan Soto – 1-for-4 and his 19th homer, hitting .305, and third homer in two games.  Sexy Dr. Pepper can’t even legally drink for two years!

Ty Buttrey – There’s a chance he could be the Angels’ closer.  Ty Buttrey could also be how I say I like my massages.

Francisco Arcia – 3-for-4, 4 RBIs and two homers (4, 5), hitting .240.  Francisco to balls, “Arcia you later!”  Then added, “That’s to baseballs, to clarify.”

Felix Pena – 6 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.75.  This was a Stream-o-Nator fave, but his next one is the opposite of a favorite — an underdog — hmm, might be using my thesaurus incorrectly.  An over-cat?  Yeah, this is wrong.  Stupid thesaurus!  *throws thesaurus*  Damn, that was my phone.

Jose Fernandez – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer, and 2nd homer in as many games.  Stop making me revisit Jose Fernandez, it bums me out!

Ross Stripling – 3 1/3 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 2.61.  Solid first start since his DL stint, but he’s still about two starts away from being stretched out enough for our purposes, or porpoises, if dolphins have already taken over the world.  I never enjoyed my time at Sea World, I want that down for the record.

Joc Pederson – 2-for-3, 2 runs and his 21st homer, and 2nd homer in as many games, as he hits leadoff.  Previous to those two games, Chris Taylor homered in two games from the leadoff spot, then stopped playing abruptly.  Dave Roberts:  The Enemy of the Schmotato.

Jose Peraza – 1-for-4 and his 11th homer, hitting .293.  Too bad no one saw this coming.  Dot dot dot.  Except I did!  I told you to draft Peraza.  Drunk SpongeBob:  wHy dON’t yOU liStEn tO mE?!

Anthony DeSclafani – 4 2/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 4.80.  Speaking of Drunk SpongeBob, DeSclafani’s name looks like it’s typed that way.  Maybe that should’ve tipped us off to avoid.

Derek Holland – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.46.  I streamed Holland yesterday like a Dutch baller, which I believe means to fart on testicles in a tightly-wrapped bedspread, because the Stream-o-Nator liked it.  No other reason, and now he’s off my team, for better or worse, which was my grandmother’s favorite cartoon.

Anibal Sanchez – 6 IP, 1 ER, 11 baserunners (5 BBs), 4 Ks, ERA at 3.01.  If I owned Anibal, she’d have a 6.50 ERA and be retired, asking her husband to Netflix and chill.  I promise you this.

Jonny Venters – 1 IP, 0 ER, and his 3rd save, and 2nd save with the Braves, but the first one was a while ago, so I don’t think this means anything, besides Venters has a Five Million Dollar Man elbow, and that show was cancelled.  The Braves scored late in the 8th and maybe Minter wasn’t ready to go.

Aroldis Chapman – Could return sometime next week, which sounds like horsecrap, to be honest, but the Yankees said it, which means it is horsecrap, but to be fair, maybe.

Luis Severino – 5 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.46.  One of the most baffling 2nd half slides has been Severino — emphasis on ‘has been’ — and it’s also puzzling why the Yanks didn’t shut him down for a few weeks.  Almost like the Mets sneezed on them.

Jake Odorizzi – 7 1/3 IP, 1 hit, 1 ER, 3 walks, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.41.  His 2nd half ERA coming into this game was 4.63, and his one September start was a mollywhopping.  Guess what I’m saying or sayin’ even, this was a nice start, but not sure how indicative it is of anything.  But, Part II:  Turn That But Around, the Stream-o-Nator loves his next start.

Yu Darvish – Underwent elbow surgery and plans to be 100% ready for the start of Spring Training.  You’re going 24 days of eating a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos every day, and I have more faith in you being 100% healthy next March.

Kris Bryant – 2-for-3, 1 RBI, hitting .277.  He just missed a home run by mere feet.  So, that gives him 11.5 homers.  Where’s the other 25?!

Curtis Granderson – 3-for-4, 3 runs and his 13th homer.  Not a great season…unless you compare him to Kris Bryant!

Carlos Rodon – 6 IP, 2 ER, 10 baserunners (5 BBs), 5 Ks, ERA at 3.10.  Gotta appreciate how much effort Rodon is putting into being overvalued next year.

Tim Anderson – 2-for-6, 2 RBIs and his 19th homer, hitting .248.  Another guy who absolutely no one wanted any part of in March, except for me.

Adalberto Mondesi – 4-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 22nd steal, hitting .284.  Here’s a guy who I’m gonna want every part of in 2019.

Jon Gray – 4 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 4.80.  I guess in some ways it’s appropriate that Gray is killing my fantasy team.  To each his own, literally.

Nolan Arenado – 3-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 33rd homer.  Turns out my great uncle — yeah, the one that drank a lot — left me a piece of the Shroud of Turin.  Guess I’m a Christ on my dad’s side.  Here, I’m gonna leave it by this open window–NOOOOOO!!!  Torenado!!!

Eduardo Escobar – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 21st homer.  He has 10 more homers than Kris Bryant!  Escobar has been in an almost month-long slump, but appears to finally be peeking his head out from the cloud cover.

Yoshihisa Hirano – 1/3 IP, 2 ER and his 4th blown save.  I legit laughed out loud when I saw this.  The Diamondbacks’ closer role is polluted like Michele Pffeifer’s womb!  Steer clear!  Unless you really need saves, then I guess Archie Bradley’s next man up.

Jeff McNeil – 3-for-5, 1 run, 2 RBIs, hitting .340.  When he was first called up, I half-joked he could be like Jeff Kent.  The part that wasn’t half-joking might be more accurate.  Kinda pumped to own him in my keeper league.

Zack Wheeler – 8 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.23.  His post-All-Star break ERA is lower than deGrom’s.  Cust kayin’.

Jay Bruce – 1-for-3, 4 RBIs and his 7th homer.  Quite the season the Mets got from Bruce.  Helluva signing!

Amed Rosario – 1-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 8th homer.  I need so many things to go right in some of my leagues to win, but Amed getting hot would be a nice boost.  Yes, this is about me!

Niko Goodrum – Left the game with an injured quad.  Like any Goodrum, he will now be shelved.

Nicholas Castellanos – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 21st homer, hitting .294.  The Greek God of Hard Contact connects with a home run and screams, “Disco!”  Then seconds later, “….Fries at the Galaxy Diner on Route 22, it’s my Uncle’s place.”

Gerrit Cole – 5 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 2.88 vs. Daniel Norris – 4 2/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 6.14.  This matchup was billed as, “Cole/Norris or what Chuck’s child, Diamond, was named before he beat the crap out of him.”

Alex Bregman – 2-for-5, 1 run, 3 RBIs with his 50th double, hitting .296.  He’s the first hitter in history to play mostly 3rd base and hit 50 doubles with 30 homers in one season.  Not since 2007 have we seen 30 HRs, 10 SBs and 50 doubles, and there’s only eight in history with Lou Gehrig, Chuck Klein, Frank Robinson, A-Rod, Al-So, D-Lee and Ma-Ho.  The last three were not players in the Nippon Baseball League.

David Price – 7 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.42.  Gonna have to give Price a long, hard look this offseason for 2019; he might be taking the path back to likability that Verlander cleared.

Aaron Sanchez – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.90.  Solid game against the Red Sox, but they clinched like four months ago and were playing Fortnite in the dugout all game, finally able to get to play with Price on the mound.

Trevor Cahill – Might be skipped on Saturday because of a back issue.  Also, because the A’s might make the playoffs and they need one healthy starter.

Matt Olson – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 26th homer, hitting .241.  Fairly quiet 2nd half for Allahson.  At one point, he was on pace for 40 homers; now he might not reach 30, without Allahson getting jihotti.

Ramon Laureano – 3-for-5, 1 run and his 5th steal, hitting .293, and has two homers this week (they both came in the same game).  Also, was hitting leadoff yesterday.  I cannot tell a lie, which is good in general, and this isn’t a lie, I’ve owned Laureano for the better part of September in my Yahoo league (15-team mixed).  By the by, the Yahoo Friends & Family league standings are getting pretty interesting.  Rudy and I are battling it out at the top.  Wish me luck and curse Rudy.

Liam Hendriks – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 5.94, and a one-hitter, as he started for the A’s.  Is it me or do you think Billy Beane got a little jealous he didn’t start using The Opener first (opening The Opener?), so now he’s just using it ’cause?

Daniel Poncedeleon – 5 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.81. He feels a bit like a trap for 2019.  He’s older, walks a ton of guys, and is likely first one out of the rotation for the Cards.  I realize I have a real sickness thinking about 2019 rankings still in September of 2018.  Any hoo!  Poncedeleon won’t win ROY but maybe the FOY if he wanders around Florida, and I’d just use Stream-o-Nator for him.

Gregory Polanco – Underwent shoulder surgery after injuring his knee.  Wow, that was some slide into 2nd base!

Jameson Taillon – 7 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.37.  Underappreciated how great his season has been, and doing this with fewer balls.  Also, his walks are down.