Friday night, Milwaukee Brewers’ newest phenom/heartthrob/infielder Keston Hiura went three for four with his fourth home run and three RBI. Keston case you were wondering, Hiura is slashing .296/.345/.537 with four homers a steal and seven RBI through his first 15 games in the majors with two of those dingers coming in the past week along with a .353 batting average in that stretch. Did I mention he has a four game hitting streak as well? Well yes. I just did. Hiura has arrived, folks. Grey gave you his Keston Hiura fantasy a few weeks ago, and when he didn’t Austin Riley rake out of the gate, excitement seemed to cool a bit for the 22 year old 2nd baseman. But now’s your chance. He hit .333/408/.698 in 37 games at AAA San Antonio with 11 home runs, 26 RBI and four steals. I liked everything about that last sentence. Of his 43 hits, 24 went for extra bases. Sure, the 40 strikeouts in just 129 ABs is a bit concerning but when you’re fishing for rookie upside you casually ignore little warning signs like that. Here’s what Grey said about Keston, “He was striking out way too much in Triple-A to hit .333 in the majors, but 18/7/.270 sounds about right from this point forward with a chance for more. Maybe he could even be the NL MVP.” Methinks Grey just likes him because of his mustache, but honestly, what’s not to like! He should only be better when Milwaukee comes to their senses and moves him into the heart of the lineup. Hiura/Yelich sammys anyone? He’s currently criminally under owned in many leagues and I’d add him everywhere he’s available. This kid’s gonna be a star! Ha-cha-cha!
Here’s what else I saw Friday night in fantasy baseball:
Chris Sale – 7.0 IP, 7 hits, 4 ER, BB, 10 K 7th loss. I hate so much the things that you are choosing to be right now.
D.J. LeMahieu – 2-for-4, HR (6), 2 RBI. Has now homered in back-2-back games! Back2Back bangerz like it’s Saturday night in the club! Hey DJ, my MDMA is kicking in, can you play that one song–it’s like dum, dum, dum, dum. Mmp mmp mmp mmp. Arrrrr boom. Dum dum dum dum dum. Chiiiiiiii. It’s the hottest ish out! That NEW new. Do you know it?
J.A. Happ – 5.0 IP, 3 hits, ER, 2 BB, 5 K, 5th win. If you started him vs the Sawx you deserve this win, and you know what, Happ deserved it too! Everyone pat yourself on the back!
Rafael Devers – 1-for-4, HR (8). Baby Papi has hit all his dingers in May after deciding April in Boston was not for him.
Trevor Bauer – 7.0 IP, 9 hits, 6 R, 2 ER, BB, 8 K. Bauer the Broken remains so but I will keep starting him until I’m stabbed romantically by my nephew slash lover who constantly shouts his allegiance to me but doesn’t really do much else. As for Trevor, hoping he just hates Mays as much as Devers hates Aprils.
Francisco Lindor – 1-for-4, HR (8). That’s just three less homers than the number of extra base hits Jose Ramirez has for the entire season.
Ariel Jurado – 6.0 IP, 5 hits, 2 ER, 3 BB, 6 K, 2nd win. The ratios (2.43 ERA and 1.21 WHIP) are solid but the K/BB makes me look like the first half of a Drake meme. Would need a lot of whozits and whatzits to make Ariel “Part of My World.” That’s a Little Mermaid reference, ya’ll! #KnowYourAudience
Cheslor Cuthbert – 1-for-4, HR (1). Hey, remember this guy? From when they won the World Series? Yeah, me neither. Wait. The Royals won the WORLD SERIES!? Wow. How did they pull that off? Cheslor was slashing .310/.370/.528 with 8 homers at Triple-A, and is obv happy to be back in the BIGs. I’ll keep my non-astigmatized eye on him for now.
Joey Gallo – 1-for-4, Grand Slam HR (16). First ever grand salami for, Joey! Hard to believe considering all he does is hit home runs, but I guess the Rangers have never been good enough to load the bases for him before last night. BTWs, he’s batting .272!
Mike Foltynewicz – 5.0 IP, 7 hits, 5 ER, 0 BB, 8 K, 4th loss. I think I told you the worst was behind him last week. I would hit back on my browser to check for sure, but my therapist says I should try to focus on moving forward.
Curt Casali – 3-for-4, HR (2), 4 RBI. He’s the back up catcher and he’s hitting .438 in the past week! No you shouldn’t pick him up, he’s lucky I even mentioned him here.
Jose Berrios – 6.2 IP, 3 hits, 3 ER, 3 BB, 8 K. His name is Joooooossssssssssseee! And he’s the Ace. Thank you Lonely Island for getting this song trapped in my brain.
Willans Astudillo – 2-for-4, 2 RBI. I usually hate mentioning catchers but Willans is my kryptonite. I am a sucker for his eligibility. My dream is that he will be everyday 1B/3B for Minni by end of year and I will sneakily play him in my catcher spot and everyone will marvel at my genius. So far it’s not going very well.
Keven Kiermaier – 1-for-4, HR (6). Batting over .300 with 3 steals and a homer in the past week. When I caught a game at the Trop in St. P this year all the hottest Rays fans (under 60) were rocking their pink hats and their Kiermaier jerseys. Dude is a bona fide tiger beat heart throb. Meadows may have the skills, but KK’s got the fan club.
Chris Archer – 7.0 IP, 5 hits, 4 ER, 2 BB, 7 K, 2nd win. How can Pirates fans even look at Chris Archer and not see what they gave up for him. Austin Meadows is looking like an MVP, and Glasnow was pitching like the Cy Young before he got injured. Archer’s got a 5.66 ERA and 1.47 WHIP and is in niether MVP nor Cy Young conversation. My heart goes out to you Bucs fans.
Kevin Newman – 2-for-5, run, 2 RBI as he led off. Do not fret over Archer, yinz Pittsburghians, Kevin Newman is here with his .341/.398/.471 slash and his 10 game hitting streak. Hello, Newman *Jerry Seinfeld stare* has a real nice .869 OPS so the Pirates would have to be cray cray to not continue batting him at the top of the order while he’s raking. Yeah, I might own that!
Renato Nunez – 2-for-4, HR (14), 2 RBI. Dwight Smith, Jr. hit a first inning grand slam and Trey Mancini also homered but Renato naturally got his big boy slam in too. Against all my better judgement, I kept Nunez on my team post Rudy’s batty call, and you know what? It hasn’t been a complete disaster. The opposite really. Doode is hitting .360 with 3 homers in the past week with 8 RBI, that makes 7 homers in the past two weeks and thanks again Rudy for telling me to add this trash bag! Please tell me when to drop him, too.
Andrew Cashner – 5.0 IP, 8 hits, 6 ER, 5 BB and his 6th win. More like Trashner with the win. To be fair, you gotta wake up pretty early in the morning to be worse than Drew Pomeranz (1.1 IP, 6 hits, 8 ER, 2 BB, 2 K).
Jonathan Villar – 2-for-2, 2 runs, 2 SB (11). Hitting .300 with 3 homers, 10 runs, 9 RBI and 2 steals in the past week! I think the Orioles offense stopped taking the pitching staffs’ lessons on how to hit baseballs. Now, if only the pitchers would stop taking the hitters advice on how to throw them.
Mike Yastrzemski – 2-for-4, HR (1), 2 RBI. Aww Yasssss! You know I’m all over that 28-year old rookie nookie. And he’s a Sawx legend’s grandson. Oh boy, doesn’t get much sweeter than that. Yaz is slashing .273/.360/.545 with a homer through six games, not quite Triple Crown level’s yet, but it’s only been a week.
Miles Mikolas – 7.0 IP, 6 hits, ER, 2 BB, 3 K. If we take out his 7 ER stinker in Tejas, Miles gave up just 7 ER in 34 IP in May. His strikeouts are meh with a capital EH but he’s been better than his 4.41 ERA indicates.
Yu Darvish – 6.0 IP, 3 hits, ER, 2 BB, 6 K. Hasn’t gotten a win since April 27 but he’s pitching deeper into games with third straight 6+ inning start. Friday, I’m in love with Yu. What did Yu expect, me to not use the overused [insert Yu into song lyrics]? Well, Yu were wrong.
German Marquez – 7.0 IP, 6 hits, 2 ER, 3 BB, 7 K, 6th win. This is the life of the Rockies Ace. And what do we say to Coors? Not today!
Edwin Jackson – 2.1 IP, 10 hits, 10 ER, 3 BB, 4 K. 13.22 ERA. Something tells me he’s not going to be playing for any new teams any time soon.
Vladimir Guerrero, Jr. – 3-for-4, HR (6). Vlady daddy! He loves to party! He just hits dingers, and it don’t bother nobody!
Trevor Story – 3-for-4, 4 runs, 2 HR (15), 7 RBI. Trev is hitting .444 with 11 runs, 2 homers, 7 RBI and 2 steals in the past week, including 10 hits in his past three games. Sweet sassy molassy! Can you say MVP? *Fantasy Pro Tip* That will help your fantasy team!
Ramiel Tapia – 2-for-4, 4 runs as he led off. “I think Charlie Blackmon’s injury might be the best thing to happen to my fantasy team all year.” –Tapia and Dahl owners, probably
Anthony Bass – 1.1 IP, 2 K, SV (1). Is he the M’s new closer? IDK! But we’re running out of options here and he got a save last night so he’s worth the add if you you need saves and you hate yourself.
Shohei Ohtani – 2-for-4, HR (3). Yay. I like watching him ding dongs. I am a sucker for you, Nick Jonas, I meant, Shohei. I might even, but I don’t know it’s been so long, well, OK!–are you ready? Say it with me, Jerry…Sho-hei. Oh-tani. SHO-HEI! OH-TANI! JERRY! Louder! Doesn’t it make you feel good to say it, Jerry!? I’m your mother h*cker! SHOOOOO-HEEEIII OHHHH-TAAANIIII!
Mike Trout – 1-for-3, HR (13). I’d grab him. Worth owning while he’s hitting.
Brad Peacock – 6.0 IP, 5 hits, 2 ER, 3 BB, 3 K. Proud as a dot, dot, dot big [expletive deleted] colorful bird. B-Rad has now reeled off five solid starts in a row with a few more-than-solid starts sprinkled in there. The 35/8 K/BB in his past five games makes me especially happy happy. He gets the anemic Mariners next week and needs to be rostered everywhere at this point.
Mike Fiers – 6.2 IP, 4 hits, 2 ER, 3 BB, 3 K. You won’t own Mike Fiers unless you are Mike [expletive deleted] Fiers!1 Or his mom, at least. That’s two expletives in one post, I am all riled up today. Fiers hasn’t pitched a bad game since mid-April yet he’s surprisingly available in lots of leagues. No wonder I’m so angry!
Derek Fisher – 1-for-3, HR (1). Why are you not Yordan Alvarez or Kyle Tucker?
Matt Chapman – 2-for-3, HR (15). Four homers in the past week! I don’t know whether to say you’re a good chap or a good man, so I’ll just say you’re both and move on.
Kenta Maeda – 6.0 IP, 3 hits, 2 ER, 6 K, 7th win. Kenta notced his fourth win a row last night. One more and he gets a special velvet jacket!
Jake Arrieta – 5.0 IP, 10 hits, 5 ER, BB, 3 K. I’d rather have drafted one of those Dodgers starters no one really wanted on draft day.
Scott Kingery – 2-for-4, RBI. BUY. Per my billion year contract with Razzball, Inc. I am required to mention at least one buy per week. It’s how I make what the US government calls a “barely livable wage”!
Max Muncy – 2-for-3, HR (12). Joc Pederson, Kike Hernandez and Corey Seager also homered. So yeah, basically all the Dodgers homered as per usual, except the one you probably own because that’s how this fantasy stuff works.
Joey Lucchesi – 6.1 IP, 2 hits, ER, BB, 5 K, 4th win. EZ Joey Lucheesi with the stinky cheddar! Here’s what I said about him last week “Lil’ Joey Lucchesi of the Mozzarella di parma Lucchesis made his family proud last night, and the Sargento Provolones and even Belgioioso Parmigiano-Reggiano family will be gathering at Nana’s house Sunday evening for a big pasta dinner.” I’m thinking Baked Ziti this week! That’s three straight quality starts and 62/15 K/BB sends me to the moon, my friends! Which I’m actually told is made of cheese! I’d own him everywhere.
Kirby Yates – 1.0 IP, K, SV (22). Yep. Officially has more saves than my entire team. *opens oven, sticks head inside, turns on Game of Thrones finale, realized I forgot to turn oven on* Oyyyyyyy.
Franmil Reyes – 2-for-3, HR (16). He’s tailed off a bit at the end of May but leads the ‘Dres in dingers. Still better than Machado!
Rosell Herrera – 1-for-2, PH HR (2). I like the idea that the only run scored by Miami was by a player who wasn’t even in the starting line up. Marlins baseball, people! Get hooked!
Zack Wheeler – 7.0 IP, 7 hits, 4 ER, 0 BB, 9 K, 5th win. YES. More like this. This is what I had in mind in March when I drafted you way too early.
Dominic Smith – 1-for-4. He’s slashing .370/.469/.556, and he’s playing the outfield as the Mets are handling him in a very un-Mets way so I thought I should mention him. Watching him closer than the Netflix original The Perfection. I hope the twist is just as good!
Christian Walker – 3-for-3, HR (10), 2 RBI. He was in a massive slump but has seemed to burst out of it with homers in back-2-back games. I thought maybe he ran out of wishes but Will Smith has decided to help him out anyway because he seems like a nice guy and he’s way more woke than the original Aladdin. Girls can be sultans, too!
Spencer Turnbull – 6.0 IP, 5 hits, ER, BB, 2 K, 3rd win. Spence is rocking some real pretty ratios, 2.84 ERA and 1.26 WHIP, and a 64/22 K/BB but is still available in about half of leagues because…Tigers? Look, I get it, I wouldn’t want to own him either, but maybe with your team?
Patrick Corbin – 2.2 IP, 11 hits, 8 R, 6 ER, 0 BB, 2 K. Oof. P-Co, how u gon’ do me like dat. His ERA went up almost half a point and MY ERA? Well, it’s best we not talk about that right now.
Juan Soto – 3-for-4, HR (10). Nothing like a hot Soto–and I don’t mean a spicy Dr. Pepper, I mean hot as in temperature, as in batting .435 with 9 runs and 2 homers in the past week, as in Juan Soto. Excuse me, Soda Jerk, could I get that Diet Coke at 155 degrees, plz? Thank you.
Miguel Cabrera – Left the game with knee soreness. But you probably didn’t even notice he was gone.
Niko Goodrum – 5-for-5, 4 runs, 2 HR (6), 3 RBI. Tigers drunk off two shots from Goodrum! Nick Castellanos and Grayson Greiner also homered. They say every dog has his day, well I guess the same applies for giant feral cats. Niko raised his average almost 20 points with the 5 hit game and is now slashing .230/.316/.399. OK, not that appealing, but he’s also got 3 homers in his past four games and power to spare. Goodrum raising the bar! Get it? Because rum…raisin–ice cream pun! I will see myself out.
Thanks for reading! Questions? Problems? Complaints to management? Advice, small gifts or large bribes? Please leave it in the comments below. Join us next Saturday for another Friday recap as fantasy baseball continues next week, all week long!
