Please see our player page for Andrew Cashner to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.

Trea Turner broke his finger when he squared around to bunt.  He hit two homers in his last game, including a walk-off homer, so of course he’s bunting.  I mean, OF COURSE.  Why wouldn’t he be bunting?  You gonna let (fill-in name) just be the best bunter in Major League history?  (Fill-in name of a bunter that no one’s ever heard of because no one cares about bunting) is not gonna go down in history as the greatest bunter without a freakin’ fight from Trea Turner?  Is he?  I mean, IS HE?!  What in the holy eff bombs!?  Don’t bunt!  Turner will likely be out for a month and everything that is wonderful can’t be mine.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Hello, Genie, I have three wishes for this baseball season?  My first wish is “No one I own get hurt.”  I didn’t buy Kevin Kiermaier, Steven Souza or Troy Tulowitzki, so I made your job easy for you, great, powerful Genie.  My 2nd wish is “Everyone I own do well.”  I drafted Trea Turner, Luke Voit, Enrique Hernandez, so, really, I’m doing much of the heavy lifting for this wish too.  My 3rd and final wish is “All 3rd base coaches send runners home by doing The OA interpretative dance.”  Thanking you in advance, Genie.  Wait a second, you’re not a genie, you’re Bartolo Colon in Blue Man Group paint.  Damn you!  So, we’re off and running for another great season, just like the Dodgers’ offense.  Enrique Hernandez (2-for-3, 3 runs, 3 RBIs) hit two home runs.  Ya know what, maybe Kiké does love me.  Next up, Joc Pederson (3-for-5, 3 runs, 4 RBIs) hit two homers, as he hit leadoff.  A double dong day from Wong and Joc?  Baseball, do you stuff your pants?  Also, Max Muncy (1-for-4, 2 RBIs) hit his first homer, saying, “Hey, don’t forget Grey wrote a sleeper post about me?”  Then Cody Bellinger (2-for-4, 2 runs) hit his 1st homer; he’s not Cody Malinger!  Actually, I’m convinced Dave Roberts could field any lineup and they would score more runs than their opponent for at least 90+ games, especially when they’re going up against some of these teams.  Wilmer Flores (1-for-4, 1 run) was the three hole hitter on the Diamondbacks.  I love Wilmer and his ubiquitous tears like he’s reading The Notebook, but there’s a bunch of MLB lineups out there that just are not good.  Also, in this game, Corey Seager (1-for-3) hit his 1st homer and Austin Barnes (3-for-4, 2 runs) hit his first homer, because BASEBALL’S BACK!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

NL West | NL Central | NL East | AL West | AL Central | AL East

We move to the AL East, an interesting division for dark horses. For a division with so many wins, there’s a large amount of uncertainty for who’s in the ninth. Required disclaimer: these aren’t players to draft outside of nuts-deep leagues. These are spec plays at best and probably just a name to remember should one of the top guys go down.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

It’s all Rangers, all the time up in this Mug’s Root Beer.  You in your 90’s, “Hey, kiddo, I remember back in the August of 2018, this young man, Grey Albright.  He had a full head of hair and a gorgeous hairlip.  Well, that young squirrel talked at length about the Texas Rangers.  Texas?  You don’t remember that?  It was a state.  It became a part of Meh-eee-co after the War of 2020, when Admiral Kushner tried to invade Tijuana to erect a large-scale fence twenty yards from an already erected fence.  Oh, well, it was nice talking to you, I’m going back to watch The Real Housewives of Miami Island.”  Yesterday, Joey Gallo (3-for-5, 4 RBIs and his 30th and 31st homer) lit up the scoreboard like the Macy’s Day Parade.  Macy’s Day is a holiday when jeans you don’t want are purchased cheaply by relatives and handed to you, much to your chagrin.  It’s a tradition; don’t act above it.  You, “Can this guy really talk for 500 words about Joey Gallo without talking about Joey Gallo?”  Just try me!  So, Gallo is on pace for a nearly identical year to last year when he hit 41 HRs and .209.  Right now, his average is at .202, but, don’t worry, he’s got at least .007 in that bat!  His strikeout rate never budged from last year no matter what spring training narratives were saying about him cutting his Ks down.  Have you seen his swing?  He starts in Austin and ends in Arlington.  Never the hoo!  He is who he is, and good at what he does — hit bombs.  Now, see you back here tomorrow for all the dirt on Isiah Kiner’s Korner with Falafel.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Know why Steve Pearce went off yesterday for three homers (3-for-5, 6 RBIs and his 6th, 7th and 8th homer)?  Because he’s only owned in 3% of fantasy leagues.  That’s spiteful, Steve Pearce.  Spite is one of the seven deadliest sins.  Right after that soup the fat guy ate in Se7en.  Not to be confused with Goop, which is Paltrow’s career after she stopped being harassed by Harvey Weinstein.  Allow a gross, sweaty producer to rub his genitals against you in unwanted advances, win an Oscar.  Sleep with that guy from Coldplay, do movies with Huey Lewis.  Speaking of Coldplay, Pearce has been terrible for the last few weeks, but the Sawx have committed to Pearce in a favorable lineup spot, at least against lefties, which he’s rewarded them with solid production (hitting near-.360 vs. lefties).  He’s not quite at a Goop-level bounce back, but he is above starring with Huey Lewis and/or Chris Martin.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

You ever see something and you still don’t believe it?  You distrust your own eyes.  Well, I just saw a video of this, and I still don’t believe it:  Mookie Betts bowls better than he hits.  And he hits pretty damn good!  He rolled a perfect game yesterday vs. the Yankees (4-for-4, 5 runs, 4 RBIs, and his 2nd homer), but he also rolled a perfect game in the World Series of Bowling last November.  On Shabbos, no less!  Half of me is expecting someone to point out that it was this other cat, Mookie Betts from Virginia, who is a white guy who looks like Ed Kemper.  (By the way, you kinda know Ed Kemper reads Razzball.  You just know this.)  So, out of habit, does Mookie spray his baseball cleats?  Does he ever beat out an infield single and want to sweep out his right heel like he just threw a bowling ball?  Between innings, does he play arcade games?  How is Mookie Betts a world class bowler and not Matt Albers?!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

If I had to choose a background song for my Michael Conforto feelings right now, it would be Lucinda Williams’ Those Three Days.

You say there’s always gonna be his swing,
So many DL days filled with screams,
Conforto’s news crawl across my screen,
Shows how he hit an oppo taco that sent him home,
Now he’s beneath my skin.
Underneath my dress, stick their tongues (figuratively),
The first game back a dong, and I am so effin’ alone!
Since those five days.
If I could’ve just waited out his DL trip of five days!
Those five days!
Did you not want me in five days?
Did you not want me in five days?
Did you not love me more than Mitch Haniger?
Just for those five days!

I’m literally standing on my table, crying, singing Lucinda Williams.  I’m wrecked.  I might need a new hobby.  So, Michael Conforto — 1-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer — came back way quicker than I expected, and I’m feeling major regret that I don’t own him.  I still think shoulder injuries are tricky — to rock a rhyme, that’s right on time (callback to title!) — but I wish I had a share of him.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

It’s the Winter Meetings, Part 2:  This Time Free Agents Are Really Signing.  Starring as Eric Hosmer is Turtle!

Starring as Wil Myers is your goofy friend from high school who now works for Enterprise Rent-A-Car:

Trailer Voice, “What if all of MLB’s owners weren’t in collusion….But just the rich teams!”  In the last few days, the Padres, Twins and Rays got some deals done, which is kinda like shuffling the deck chairs on the Titanic.  Some ‘perts will likely move Hosmer down in their rankings, but I always assumed Hosmer would be a Padre, and ranked and projected him as one in my top 20 1st basemen for 2018 fantasy baseball.  There, I said, “Here’s what I will say when Hosmer signs, “I made the case last year that Hosmer was Joey Votto Jr.  I called him Kangaroo Embryo.  I just thought of a kangaroo wearing a Kangol, but I’ve never thought about an alligator wearing an Izod shirt, I’ll have to discuss this with my shrink.  At one point, Wil Myers said he’d move to the outfield for Eric Hosmer to come to the Padres, and I thought to myself, “If I were Hosmer, I’d tell Myers to please not do me any favors.”  San Diego is like the Trojan Horse of cities (for baseball and just visiting).  It’s like this, “Oh, man, San Diego is gorgeous.  What’s this, 77 degrees every day?  I can get used to this!”  Five minutes later, “I am bored out of mind.”  Five minutes after, “Damn, can we get out of here?”  Ten minutes after that, “If I see one more white person in flip-flops I’m going to readily embrace going to Tijuana.”  Any hoo!  Hosmer isn’t exactly a home run hitter.  His fly balls were goofy low last year for a guy with 25 homers.  He was the third lowest for fly balls (22.2%), fourth highest ground balls and the 29th lowest for Hard Contact.  He does hit a decent amount of line drives, and feels like a 23-26 homer guy with a few more fly balls.  He might be Kangaroo Embryo this year, but to emulate Joey Votto Jr. he’s going to need to elevate the ball more.”  And that’s me quoting future me!”  And that’s me quoting me quoting future me!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for 2018 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I am a winner who’s probably gonna win again.  Giancarlo, forgive me!  Giancarlo, forgive me!  So many swings I don’t understand.  Sometimes I need to stream Tommy Milone.  Mitch don’t kill my vibe!  Mitch don’t kill my vibe!  I can feel your energy while Judge hits homers two planets away.  I got my drink, I got my music.  I would share it, but today I’m yelling.  Mitch don’t kill my vibe!  Mitch don’t kill my vibe! (repeat 2x)  Yesterday, Mitch Haniger (2-for-4, 3 RBIs) hit his 15th and 16th homers, and now has 4 homers in the last nine games.  He even has a steal, and his run game got the whole world talkin’.  King Kunta.  Oops, wrong Kendrick Lamar song.  If you need help this final week, grab this *itch.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Greetings and welcome to the last Two-Start Starters post of the year. With it being the last week of the season, make sure you take this list with the biggest grain of salt you can find. Just stay away from the bath salts. That will lead to entirely different issues in the coming weeks.

For the last week, obviously, our problem is that these rotations are written in pencil. As more and more teams clinch the playoffs and become locked into their spots, they will rest starters. Some teams, looking ahead to a potential one-game playoff (which is the dumbest thing baseball has ever decided to do, but that is a rant for another time), may even tweak their rotation to get a certain starter lined up for that crucial game. So, disclaimer over. Take this list as a starting point, but know that it could be very fluid throughout the week.

The first thing you may notice is that Chris Sale is scheduled to make two starts, but I did not include him in the rankings. That is because that second start is not a certainty by any means, and I would argue it is very unlikely. If the Red Sox have already clinched the division, there is little chance he starts or, if he does, that he pitches deep into the game. If the Red Sox might be destined for a Wild Card Playoff game, then they will likely want to keep Sale fresh to be able to start that game. Sale is obviously still worth starting for his one start, but don’t bank on getting two starts from him this week.

There are others who are probably in similar situations. I removed Dallas Keuchel, Jon Lester, Luis Severino, and Jake Arrieta because I would avoid them strictly for two start purposes. Obviously, those are still pitchers worth starting; they just are not reliable options if you absolutely need two starts. While I left them on the list, I would also avoid Yu Darvish, Alex Wood, and Carlos Martinez.

As for the Streamonator picks for this week, there are actually seven starters with positive money values who are owned in less than 75% of RCLs:

Please, blog, may I have some more?