Welcome to the 2020 Razzball Team Previews! (Our “2020” comes with more Jay and less Barbara Walters!) (That joke is probably older than you!) Sorry for all the parentheses and exclamation points, I just get so excited when I think about Barbara Walters, and don’t even get me started on Hugh Downs… Regardless, here, you’ll find everything you need to know about each team to get yourself ready for the upcoming fantasy baseball season, Razz-style. So while you’re stretching your lats and relearning calculus to get that upper hand on your fantasy peers, why not also check out what the Baltimore Birds with orange on them have in store for you and your fantasy team?Please, blog, may I have some more?
Please see our player page for Andrew Cashner to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.
We’re about to flip the turn cards of the fantasy season as September approaches. A well-placed gamble on a potential closer can be a winning bet. We all need more saves from any place we can get them. Here are seven lucky numbers that might become a jackpot.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Josh Rojas (2-for-4, 1 run, 1 RBI) was called up and played left field with David Peralta moving to the bench for the 2nd night in a row. I said to sell Peralta about three months ago, so I got no skin in that game and I’m not flustered by that flushing. Good night and good riddance, you 2018 career year-er! Grey’s got a take no prisoners attitude, which is what he says during his interview to be a prison guard. What a schmuck! Hey, that’s me! Josh Rojas has been mentioned exactly zero times on Razzball. A Googlewhack! (Razzwhack?) Likely because Rojas came on strong just this year, and previously appeared to be a Quad-A player, unless he’s a late bloomer. Hello Sharks! My product is an underwear line for Cougars called Late Bloomers! The Prospectonator loves Rojas, giving him a 15/29/.260 over 150 games. That’s an absolute fire emoji. I’m tentative for his playing time (are they benching Peralta indefinitely?), but I grabbed him in one league. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Psych! Before we get into the roundup, just wanted to point out that we’ve started doing fantasy football videos at the top of the post. Anime Grey is learning the ways of the pigskin with sherpas, Donkey Teeth and Rudy. If you don’t watch, you will be labeled a traitor and sent to a hard labor camp, which would suck for you. Also, if anyone’s into a “Beat Rudy Gamble” NFFC league (it’s like the NFBC leagues we do), then join here. Use RAZZBALL25 code and get $25 off $150 entry and you can win a thousand or more smackeroos. BUT MAYBE YOU DON’T LIKE MONEY. Anyway II:Please, blog, may I have some more?
You know how you bought that prosthetic pierced nipple in college? Then, one day, you were at a strong-in-energy kegger and everyone was screaming for you to jump in the pool, but you knew there was a 99% chance your prosthetic pierced nipple would come off and everyone would know you’re a fraud? But you jumped in anyway, and your prosthetic pierced nipple floated away, but, to your surprise, everyone liked you still, without the prosthetic pierced nipple. Lucas Giolito is your tan-lined nipple without the prosthetic piercing. He may get hit around occasionally, he might not always get Ks, but, at the end of the day, Lucas Giolito (6 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 13 Ks, ERA at 3.42) is a great, bare-nippled pitcher. His 11.3 K/9, 3.2 BB/9, 3.35 FIP tell me next year he’s going to be a sneaky top 15 starter in 2020, who is forgotten like a prosthetic pierced nipple. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Stan Bush? Give me that beat! You got the Tauchman! You got the power! Yeah! You’ve never walked, you’ve never run! You’re a winner! (Though some may say running and walking aren’t bad for baseball.) You got the moves, you got the streets (not as important in baseball)! Break the rules (well, Barry Bonds had some success with this)! You’re nobody’s fool! Yeah! You’re at your best when the going gets rough! (This is true since the Yanks had some injuries and needed Mike Tauchman to step up.) You’ve been put to the test, but it’s never enough! (That’s less true; we appreciate you here, Tauchman). You got the Tauchman! You got the power! It’s all true! So, Mike Tauchman (2-for-4, 2 RBIs, hitting .299) hit another home run last night, his 10th, that’s in 60 games. And he stole a bag, his 4th! He now has three homers in two games, and four homers in the last week. I grabbed him in multiple leagues, because who doesn’t love dongs! Not this redblooded American! Hoo-rah, I got the Tauch!
Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Psyche! Before we get into the post, fantasy football RCLs have launched. Get in now!
Please, blog, may I have some more?
If you missed out on my RCL earlier don’t worry, there’s still plenty of other leagues open against other @Razzball writers. Join now for a chance to win a spot in #RazzBowl 2020, it’s FREE! https://t.co/SF1dgtZWCS
— DonkeyTeeth (@DonkeyTeeth87) August 6, 2019
Yesterday, Zack Wheeler went 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.45. Can you please be “2nd Half Wheeler?” Can you be anything but “1st Half Wheeler?” Who do I have to pay for that to happen? Because I made $1.67 from yesterday’s ads and I am willing to give a percentage of that to ensure Wheeler is right for another two months. It’s all I ask and I one day have to say, “Damn, I can’t believe I crashed my 1st yacht into my 2nd yacht. Stupid yacht problems!” Okay, now to go on a rant you never asked for, but I have some legitimate first world problems that need addressing: the Starbucks menu is too complicated. What is all this crap and no Unicorn Frappuchino?! Dubya tee eff! Oh and Netflix has a 15-second rewind but no 15-second fast forward? Are you people stupid?! Also, Amazon Prime two-day shipping begins when the seller ships your item but not when you order? Is this a joke? Seriously? Do I look like a chump to you! Any hoo! Wheeler was phenomenal last 2nd half, and I keep saying I was buying him for his 2nd half. All his peripherals point to him being much better: 9.9 K/9, 2.3 BB/9, 3.64 FIP, velocity up to 97 MPH on average. Drop the R from boring, because that’s BOING! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Astros got two great starts this weekend from two guys who weren’t in the conversation until recently. On Saturday, Jose Urquidy went 7 IP, 1 ER, 2 hits, zero walks, 9 Ks, ERA at 5.54. He made my pants up-jump-the-boogie a little from his pitching. I expect multiple roofies from him still, but Urquidy is […]Please, blog, may I have some more?
MLB should put pinball flippers by each dugout, then every time you think someone is about to have a 1-2-3 inning, the ball is flipped out of the stadium for a home run. “Looks like the ump is tossing that ball in the dirt to the ball boy–BANG! WHIZZ! BOOM! Wow, another home run, Roger! This is crazy!” “Just when you think you’ve seen everything to further enhance the game by adding offense, MLB has put in pinball flippers.” “It’s pretty cool, Roger.” “My name’s Bill.” “Sure.” So, yesterday the Dodgers and Phils traded blows and blown saves — Kenley Jansen (1/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 3.72) and Hector Neris (1/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 4.08). Both closers are safe as far as any pitcher is safe. THEY’RE USING PINBALLS! However, Jansen was limping, due to taking a comebacker off his ankle, so Pedro Baez might see some looks. The hero, or gyro depending on ethnicity, was Bryce Harper (2-for-3, 5 RBIs and his 17th homer, hitting .257). On our Player Rater, he’s been about as valuable as Shin-Soo Choo and Max Kepler. Yup. Then, yinging his yang, Max Muncy went 1-for-3, 2 runs with his 25th homer. Most home runs since April 17th of last year when Muncy debuted: Yelich 67 HRs; Trout 63 HRs; Muncy 60 HRs. And people didn’t want to draft Muncy this preseason. Yup…YUP! Of course, no highlight reel in prose would be complete without Cody Bellinger (1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 34th homer). Forget Bellinger, he’s the Bellingest. Yup…YUP…yup. Also, getting in on the action, Scott Kingery went 2-for-4, 3 runs, 2 RBIs with his 13th homer, and his 2nd homer in two games. His average did drop about 100 points in the last three weeks, but he’s starting to pick it up again, and is still hitting towards the top of the lineup (2nd yesterday). Yup…YUP…yup…YuP. Then yanging that yin, A.J. Pollock went 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 5th homer, and 12th homer in the last three games. If it wasn’t for Oscar Mercado, I’d say Pollock was the hottest bat in the majors. I might say it anyway, but while crossing my fingers. Right Brain, “LIAR!” Yup…YUP…yup…YuP…yeppers. Finally, Matt Beatty hit his 3rd homer. Snap into a Batt Meatty! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
The last month the Gurriel father & son team, Yu-Lou-Gu, have been having is absolutely crazy. It’s the best father & son month since August 1984 with Yogi and Dale Berra. Only Yogi and Dale’s great month wasn’t due to on-field play, but Yogi making a drug-sniffing dog’s handler laugh while Dale snuck an eight ball of coke through security at a Def Leppard concert. “If this leopard is deaf, what kind of singer is he gonna be?” Oh, Yogi, you card! Yesterday, Yuli Gurriel went 3-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 16th homer, hitting .281, as he continues his torrid pre-All-Star break pace. He’s hitting close to .380 in July with eight homers. That’s in 38 at-bats. He has 11 homers in his last fifteen games. Only one near as hot is his son, Lourdes. Hopefully, both Gurriels keep it going, knowing it ain’t over ’til the encore of Pour Some Sugar on Me. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
*nervous finger tap* How many days without baseball? So, I can close my fantasy baseball team browser window without missing anything? Okay. *throws computer out window* What? Was there another way to close my fantasy team page? I hadn’t in so long I forgot. What do you mean I can go outside without worrying about missing anything in baseball? But there’s real people out there! I’m staying right here, thank you very much! So, we’re headed to the break, and it couldn’t have come at a worst time for Jack Flaherty (7 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.64). Let him pitch again tomorrow, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday or until his ERA is under 4! Also, can he pitch against the Giants for all of those? Even if Alex Dickerson is as strong a cleanup man as you can find (in any Division II school’s lineup). Flaherty’s peripherals (9.9 K/9, 3 BB/9, 4.07 xFIP) aren’t exactly whistling Dixie; they’re closer to ‘fixing dinner from stuff found on the floor of a Winn-Dixie.’ “Toomgis hate Winn-Dixie. Their bath salts are lame.” I know, Toomgis, I know. Flaherty won’t appear in the top 100 for the 2nd half that’s coming tomorrow, but at least he’s headed to the break looking better than he has all year, even if it was vs. the Aints. By the way, I hear the Orioles are going to pitch on Monday to stay in game shape. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?