Going back to one of my old favorites, that I didn’t like for awhile, then did like, then loved, then hated, then should’ve loved but hated, then was nonplussed about, then Googled nonplussed to make sure I used it right, then thought about how I went through all of these emotions in, like, two weeks, then took a nap, then clapped my hands, then shot up out of bed and wrote a strongly-worded letter why there should’ve only been one season of Killing Eve, then scrubbed my undercarriage with my Q-Bert loofah and sat down to write about why you should buy Scott Kingery. In my head, I hear Tyler, the Creator, “I think I’m falling in love, this time I think it’s for real,” and he’s singing about Kingery, isn’t he? I THINK so — Tyler’s caps, not mine. From 2016 to 2017, Kingery made adjustments that led to more power, put his swing more in line with Alex Bregman:
That’s who I want him to be. Put it out in the universe and it will come true, that’s The Secret. Last year, he was beat by fastballs, sliders, cutters…Okay, you name it. This year, he’s been positive on all pitches and he’s making way more hard contact. Now, is most of this Buy simply because Odubel Herrera needs to go Saynerrera because he’s a knucklehead? Though, knucklehead might not be the best choice of words in this instance. So, if nothing else, Kingery has short-term value because he should play every day for at least the next few weeks. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Josh Phegley – Early snapshot of his childhood: “You Phegley, you Phegley, P-H-E-G-L-E-Y, you Phegley! Your momma says you’re Phegley.” “Okay, mom, I know what our name is.”
C.J. Cron – You can pick him up for free in some leagues. A guy headed for a 35-homer season. Then again, if you have money, you can prolly sign Cron to a deal this offseason when all MLB teams ignore him. “Do you have a team?” “No, but I have money, and I want you to teach my Bernese Mountain Dog how to hit homers.”
Mark Canha – Check out these funny cat pics and hot schmotatoes at Mark Canhaz schmotatoes!
David Fletcher – A guy with 12/12 ability who will hit .300+? “Oh em gee, that is so Fletch.”
Nicky Lopez – Has been hitting leadoff. Dot dot dot. Okay, he’s been penciled into the leadoff spot, not yet hitting. Also, Nicky Lopez sounds like a Puerto Rican girl who won a singing competition, so what’s not to like?
Luis Urias – Chant it with me now, “DFA Kinsler! DFA Kinsler! DFA Jizzler!” Ha! Got you on the last one! Oldest trick, man.
Myles Straw – Could see some at-bats with Correa sidelined for four-plus weeks, and Straw has crazy SAGNOF speed. By the way, I wonder if Correa gets the shakes when he misses a call. His wife, “Hey, baby, did you get my message?” Correa, “WHAT?!” His wife also talks like Inspector Clouseau for that joke to work. Use your imagination!
Miguel Sano – It feels a bit like Sano looks at Curtis Jackson Cron and thinks, “I hope to one day be that valuable.” However — or howmever, if you’re sounding smart — Sano has been hitting for some power since his return.
David Bote – He’s been hot and if you own him, you can change your team name to I’m On A Bote. Bam and…wait for it…BAM!
Kevin Cron – The Grand Cronyon is getting even less respect than his brother. The White Walker is playing in front of The Grand Cronyon with the pizzazz of a bedazzled pile of vomit. Play The Grand Cronyon!
Brendan Rodgers – Has actually played a decent amount in his short time–Okay, I shouldn’t continue this line of thought because we know the Rockies are going to pull aside Rodgers and be like, “Hit the bench and read your bible.”
Derek Dietrich – Commissioner Rob Manfred pats his forehead with a handkerchief. It’s hot here in Guatemala. He shields his eyes from the bright sun, and spots his car service driver holding a sign that reads, “Head Baseball Juicer.” Manfred angrily pushes down the sign, “Put that away, there’s media around.” “Sorry, señor, I thought you pumped baseballs with Tang so balls go to the moon like astronauts.” This is a true story, and everyone is hitting a ton of homers. Dietrich is headed for the Brady Anderson of seasons, but that doesn’t mean he shouldn’t be owned.
Jackie Bradley Jr. – This week’s outfielder buys are narshy, which is a cutesy way to say ugly to appeal to the ladies, but they’re also sneakily sexy, which is also how I appeal to the ladies. What’s up, five female readers? I haven’t forgotten about you. Just like you shouldn’t forgot about Jackie Bradley Jr. Call me Segue Smooth.
Zach Plesac – Went over Plesac the other day (click his name and you are magically transported to other articles about him), but this is also a Streamonator call. “During the Standards and Oversight Committee, they were discussing Artificial Intelligence and AI is A-me so I thought I could weigh in…”
Shawn Armstrong – The Orioles announced they needed to give Givens (stutterer!) a break from high leverage situations. Rather than the Orioles pick a replacement from their packed bullpen of garbage options, they had an arm wrestling match. Guess who won.
Shawn Kelley – How does that saying go? Man makes plans, God laughs? Is that it? I’d Google it, but Google banned me for searching for “ways to stick PEDs in David Dahl’s butt without him knowing.” Any hoo! With that phrase in mind, fantasy owners make plans to own a closer, and managers laugh. Leclerc seemed to be headed back to the closer role, but here we are with Kelley.
Scott Oberg – His last name is pronounced like this: *sigh* ‘Not Oberg’ or *sigh* ‘Scott Oh boy,’ depends on your regional accent.
Michael Chavis – Was browsing through Statcast data and I saw Chavis averaged 426 feet on his home runs. That’s far. Then I saw around him was Dahl, Mazara, Jason Castro and Zunino and I made a fart sound by putting my hand under my armpit. I poot’d my armpit, so to speak, if one was speaking with one’s armpit. Average home run distance kinda means nothing when you have sample sizes so small, which is what she said derisively. I was merely trying to find something positive from Chavis to latch onto. My big concern with him is his 17.2% SwStr, 65.6% F-Strike and 30+ HR/FB. Basically, it’s saying he’s swinging a shizzton, missing and hitting a ton of homers for how few fly balls he’s hitting. To give you a comparison: Wil Myers without the promise of 20 steals. I will call him Still Myers. I’m not saying trade him for a remix of Old Town Road over a montage of The Grapes of Wrath called Old Town Joad, but I would check out our Fantasy Baseball Trade Analyzer and explore offers.