Jordan Yamamoto (7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 0.00) is the 1st pitcher to begin a career with back-to-back outings of 7+ scoreless while allowing three or fewer hits in the modern era. The modern era meaning from 1908, not from 2017 until now when baseballs were filled with helium, which caused Party City stores to close nationwide. This is exactly what everyone expected when the Marlins called up an 89-MPH fastball that was flame-retardant. “How fast does he throw?” A scout recently said to another scout who was holding a speed gun. “I’ll tell you when the ball passes the plate.” The scout sticks chew in his mouth, scratches his sweaty armpit, then, finally, “89-ish? Maybe. I might’ve just been taking a reading of that bird that flew overhead.” This goes back to my recently prophesied conspiracy theory that I introduced the other day regarding Zack Greinke. When everyone is throwing fast, it actually keeps hitters off-balance to throw slow. The Slow Pitch Theorized Conspiracy for Hardball (SPITCH) is fully realized now that it has an acronym. If you’re willing to gamble a bit, I could see grabbing Yamamoto in any league to see if he can keep it going. This could also hurt Zac Gallen’s chances of a promotion, and I don’t know who gets bumped for Caleb Smith. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Max Scherzer – Broke his nose attempting to bunt in batting practice. Ugliest nose related news for a pitcher since Jon Niese. The Nats are crushing the previous record of IL days caused from bunts. Maybe Scherzer will wear a protective facial shield and go by Mad Mask. It’s done all the time in the Mexican Leagues.
Kyle Schwarber – 1-for-4 and his 16th homer, and 5th homer in the last ten games. Schwarber’s been out of Coors for five games, but he’s still ridin’ the Silver Bullet.
Cole Hamels – 7 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.85. This is anecdotal mumbo jumbo, but doesn’t it seem like the only pitchers who are not getting rocked this year are vet pitchers who know ‘how’ to pitch?
Willie Calhoun – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer, hitting .367 (in 30 at-bats). I’ve talked about owning Calhoun on and off for the better part of two decades (it feels like it), and I think this is the 1st time he’s ever done anything while on one of my teams. It’s a brand new day, Sting! (I’m saying that to my desk picture of the wrestler, Sting.)
Jose Ramirez – 1-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 5th homer, hitting .204. Also, in this game, Roberto Perez went 1-for-5, as he hits .238, and he hit his 12th homer. I mention both of them, because whenever Jo-Ram’s owners see him, they’re reaching for the Ro-Pe.
Oscar Mercado – 2-for-5, 3 runs and his 5th and 6th steal, and now has four steals in four games, and he’s hitting .308. I don’t know either what you’re waiting for.
Jake Bauers – 3-for-5, 2 runs and his 9th homer, hitting .236. He was mentioned yesterday on the podcast as a guy I’m watching closely as a potential breakout for 2020, so now I’ve just totally jinxed him.
Zach Plesac – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners (5 BBs), 6 Ks, ERA at 2.56. Fun fact! His last name doubles as someone politely asking him to do them a favor. Also, five walks scares me and makes my Plesac shrivel like I’m in a cold pool, but the Streamonator loves his next start.
Josh Bell – 1-for-5 and his 20th homer, hitting .319. Has definitely come down to earth like Andrelton Simmons’s family during the holidays, but Bell’s May (.390, 12 HRs) was never sustainable. Now we find out if his April is sustainable (6 HRs, .289).
Michael Lorenzen – 1 IP, 0 ER, and his 4th save and 2nd save in two days, as Raisel worked the 8th for the 2nd day in a row. Damn, Raisel really must’ve pissed off David Bell. Bell does seem like he needs a stress test from a good cardiologist the way he gets thrown out of every other game. This is what happens when you question the manager, Raisel, especially when they’re as hotheaded as Bell. He is so hotheaded, Raisel said that nonsense about him not liking how he was being used a month ago and Bell must’ve been stewing this whole time. Either way, I grabbed Lorenzen where he was available.
Derek Dietrich – 1-for-2, 2 RBIs and his 18th homer, hitting .235. This was only his 2nd hit in a week. Almost as long as one of his home run trots.
Jesse Winker – 1-for-4 and his 12th homer, and 2nd homer in three games. He could be flirting with a hot streak. Or maybe he’s just a Winker.
Jose Altuve – Due back from the IL today. Insider scoop alert! Our very own Rudy Gamble was at the Round Rock game on Monday and said Altuve looked rusty. Happens when you’re below sea level with nowhere to oxidize.
Pete Alonso – 4-for-4, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and his 24th homer. Like all great Razzball legends before him, Pete Alonso needs a nickname. I’m partial to the Eggplant Emoji in Human Form, because he’s so sexy, but I’m open to suggestions. Please comment below if you have any.
Michael Conforto – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 14th homer. He was so overdue he was about to give birth to a kindergartner.
Jacob deGrom – 8 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 3.26. He won his 4th game. That’s over three years. (I kid, but barely.)
Jeff McNeil – 3-for-5, 3 runs and a slam (4) and legs (1), hitting .333. Much respect to McNeil. I like him, and I know his game isn’t power or speed, but you have to be really committed to the game plan to only have four homers in today’s game.
Julio Teheran – 4 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 3.40. The Regression Fairies went in on Teheran, risking their own heads if anyone found out they were the Regression Fairies, and not who they were posing as, just some good ol’ boys talking about Melrose Place reruns.
Josh Donaldson – 2-for-4 and his 13th homer. Over/under for his 1st injury this year: 17 homers.
Rafael Devers – 3-for-8, 2 RBIs and his 12th homer, and 2nd homer in three games. Maybe he could discreetly sneeze on Benintendi to get him going. “You’re Patient Zero, Devers! We need your phlegm!” That’s me as a mad scientist.
Mookie Betts – 1-for-6, 2 runs and a slam (12) and legs (8). Mookie Ballgame and 8/9ths of another ballgame!
David Price – 5 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 3.39 vs. Michael Pineda – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.76. I was watching this game to see if Price was back after his abomination of a last start, and I ended up coming away with a hankering to take a whack at a piñata.
Byron Buxton – Hit the IL with a wrist contusion. Hopefully he’s fine, and not getting bogged down by all my 2020 hopes and dreams riding on him. Jake Cave was called up. At this point, I’m wait-and-seeing with Cave, but Plato’s voicing old sleeper thoughts of Cave.
Khris Davis – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 16th homer. Also, in this game, Robbie Grossman (1-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs) hit his 5th homer saying, “The Orioles’ pitching is what’s gross, man!” Stephen Piscotty (1-for-5, 3 RBIs) hit his 9th, firing back, “I don’t know,” and Ramon Laureano (4-for-5, 3 runs, 3 RBIs) hit his 11th homer, remaining Ramon Schmotato.
Jonathan Villar – 1-for-3 and his 8th homer, hitting .246. Member in the preseason Villar was the most overhyped sleeper? Well, so far he’s got the sleeping part down.
Nolan Arenado – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 18th homer. Wow, I can’t believe I just stumbled on the nuclear codes. These should be kept in a safe place, which makes it odd I’m going to leave them by this open window–NOOOO!!! Torenado!
Merrill Kelly – 6 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.99. Sure am glad I started him. Yup, sure am glad *sees Stop sign but eyes go cross* Cool, a Pots sign.
Logan Allen – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks in his 1st start. It’s easier to pitch in the major leagues than the minors leagues. Don’t wanna hear different, it just is. Watching Logan Allen, I had visions of donning a cowboy hat every fifth day and going yee-haw’ing with Chris Paddack. Sigh. Come back, you country music superstar-turned-pitcher! I don’t know if this is a spot start or what for Allen, and I went over him last time, so you can click his name and read about it. He could be worth owning, hard to say where his next start is.
Francisco Mejia – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer as he was recalled. The recalling went like this, “Hey, Austin Hedges sucks, if only we had another catcher…Wait a minute, we do!” Definitely cyclops’ing Mejia to see if he gets ABs.
Adalberto Mondesi – 1-for-3, 1 run and his 27th steal, but left with what might’ve been a tweaked groin. Okay, guys and five girls, we need to form a prayer octagon and tightly shut our eyes and think good thoughts about Mondesi’s groin.
Jorge Soler – 1-for-4 and his 20th homer, and 2nd homer in as many games, and third homer in four games and 20th homer in 72 games and oh em gee, Rudy called this one. Should’ve drafted Soler in every league.
Whit Merrifield – 3-for-4, 3 runs, 6 RBIs and his 9th and 10th homer, hitting .306. Fun fact! Merrifield is what two former, punch drunk boxers think their last name is. “I’m Merrifield!” “Nah, man, you’re Holyweather!” That’s a boxing reunion show being taped.
Yusei Kikuchi – 5 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 5.15. Fool me once, shame on Donkey Teeth. Fool me twice, still shame on Donkey Teeth, but I’m not getting fooled again. This is it for me and Kikuchi.
Joc Pederson – 1-for-3 and his 19th homer. All right, prepare the landing gear for six days from now, as Pederson lights up the sky with bombs for the next week.
Kole Calhoun – 1-for-4 and his 16th homer and 2nd homer in as many games. Damn, I went with the Grichuk narrative yesterday of him hitting home runs in bunches but Calhoun likes them in bunches as much as Mr. Chiquita Banana. Hot schmotato alert!
Tyler Skaggs – 7 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.61. I’ll admit to be being immediately interested in Skaggs after only one good game in his last *counting* Eight starts? Okay, I’d like to see a bit more, and the Streamonator doesn’t love his next start.
Lourdes Gurriel Jr. – 1-for-3 and his 8th homer, hitting .276, has 18 homers in the last nine games (actually, 4). No one will pick him up, so Lourdes of the underground will stay underground! Boom chaka lacka there goes the chief rocka!
Cameron Maybin – 3-for-4, 2 runs and his 5th homer, hitting .315, and has four homers in four straight games. It would be so classic 2019 if Maybin was the one to finally beat Mattingly/Griffey Jr. and Dale Long’s record 8-straight home run games. Only thing that would be more 2019 is if Maybin broke the record, then announced he was running for the Democratic nomination.
Luis Severino – Hopes to start throwing on June 25th or 26th. His timetable sounds like when I use Amazon Prime. For what it’s Werth, he’ll need a week of bullpen sessions, a week of simulated games, two weeks of checking my Ring doorbell alerts — wait, that’s Amazon again — then a minor league assignment, so Severino, barring setbacks (!) is still a month away, at least.
Giancarlo Stanton – 0-for-4 as he was activated from the IL. I’m just going to remove my pants and sit in this beanbag I’ve pasted Giancarlo’s face onto and let my ‘husband’ envelop me. You know you can’t spell envelop without “elope NV,” which is why I’m sitting in this beanbag outside a courthouse in Vegas. Giancarlo, you big sexy lump of love, welcome back! Now hit 45 homers in three-plus months.