It’s A Lot Better Being E. Sheehan Than E. Sheeran Right Now

Yesterday, Emmet Sheehan went 5 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 1 walk, 9 Ks, ERA at 4.57. Since returning from the minors, he’s thrown 17 IP and allowed 1 ER with 24 Ks. Where was this guy in April? May? June? Any of those 1st half months? Who was the guy in the first half of the season wearing an Emmet Sheehan jersey? An imposter, clearly. What kind of shenanigans are the Dodgers pulling? Was it Ippei in the 1st half? Did he break out of jail by going through a hole behind an Ohtani poster and crawl through a sewer to Dodger Stadium and pitch as Sheehan? Did Ippei stop pitching for Emmet in September and meet up with Red in Zihuatanejo and Red is Dustin May? Give me answers! Emmet Sheehan was the pitcher I was most excited about coming into this year and now this em-effer is roping me for 2027! The world’s worst Al Pacino impersonation, “Just when you think I’m out, I’m back in on Emmet Sheehan! Hooha!” Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Matt Wilkinson – 5 IP, 0 ER, 3 hits, zero walks, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.65. Not sure you can lay all this at the feet of Buster Posey (and be careful about taking him out with a slide), but Giants have acquired some incredibly yawnstipating prospects. Wilkinson throws a 90 MPH fastball and burp.

Aaron Judge – Hit the IL. Based off previous postseasons, the Yankees are hoping Judge can’t make it back in time for the playoffs. Snap!

Heliot Ramos – 1-for-4 and his 13th homer, and 2nd homer in two games. Can take the guy out of the NL West but can’t take the guy out of the NL West because that’s only place he hits.

Spencer Jones – 1-for-4 and his 11th homer. Also, in this game, George Lombard Jr. (2-for-4, 2 RBIs) hit his 5th homer. Not a guy who gets sucked into Yankees hype. I have three Gregg Jefferies rookie cards for every one Kevin Maas card, but Jones and Lombard Jr. have me very excited for 2027.

Will Warren – 4 1/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 4.02 vs. Corbin Burnes – 2 2/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 7.84. This matchup was billed as, “[nodding with a vacant look in my eyes] Will/Burnes.”

Nolan Arenado – 1-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 27th homer, a grand slam. Ran into Sydney Sweeney at TCBY and she was like, “You’re so funny,” and gave me her phone number. Here, I haphazardly put it over by this open window–NOOOOOO!!! Torenado!

Jacob Lopez – 2 2/3 IP, 10 ER, ERA at 5.68. J. Lo singing about the rocks that I got, and those are the rocks in my head for streaming him.

Tanner Bibee – 4 2/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 4.35. If you showed someone in 1968 the box score of Lopez vs. Bibee, they’d say, “Maybe we should lower the mound like into a grave.”

Gavin Williams – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 3.63. Shh…don’t be alerting people for next year with a lower ERA. Another shh is Gavin has a chance to lead the majors in strikeouts if Misiorowski doesn’t pitch again (though he’s supposed, more below).

Pete Crow-Armstrong – 3-for-5, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and a slam (45) and legs (38), and tied for MLB lead in homers. There’s nothing more glorious than having a player in September who is going for personal records. The one drawback (and it’s incredibly minor) I wonder if they finally rest PCA once he reaches 40 steals.

Seiya Suzuki – 1-for-5 and his 25th homer, hitting .267. Seiya ball!

Michael Conforto – 1-for-5 and his 15th homer, hitting .245. No, I’m not thinking about how he’s out-homered Vlad Jr. This is more than thinking. I’m obsessed by it.

JJ Bleday – 1-for-3 and his 23rd homer. Member when we thought Bleday was breaking out in May? He hasn’t hit above .209 for any month since May.

Nick Lodolo – 7 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 1 K, ERA at 5.04. How one blister derailed an entire career, The Nick Lodolo Story. Now with a brand-new cast and an additional song!

Noah Cameron – 6 IP, 4 ER, 9 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.92. No ah, more yeah meh.

Vinnie Pasquantino – 1-for-1, 2 RBIs and his 14th homer, a pinch-hit shot. As we get to the final week, it really starts to settle in what an awful season some guys had. Fourteen homers from Pasketti making him more Vinnie Wet Noodle.

Rafael Flores Jr. – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 10th homer, and 2nd homer in four games, hitting .286. Schmotato, sure. But also it’s so Baseball (capital B) that the Pirates have multiple top prospect catchers, and they end up eating the best bear meat with RFJ.

Oneil Cruz – 1-for-4 and his 20th homer. I don’t feel like looking it up (lazy) but I bet he’s top five for batting average and a 33+ K%.

Cristopher Sanchez – 6 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 6 hits, zero walks, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.93. He had one month of a 0.000000000000000 ERA and a month of 5.84 and 6.65.

Jonah Tong – 4 2/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 4.21. Tong ain’t making anyone say ahh. He was run over at 1st base by Bryson Stott at the end of the 1st, but he returned for a few more mediocre innings.

Cal Quantrill – Hit the IL with lat tightness. Lat’s all folks!

Jacob deGrom – 4 1/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 3.86. Hopefully the Rangers need him to pitch in the final weekend, because I am hoping for one final indignation.

Jake Burger – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 27th homer. That Burger’s gonna eat!

Vladimir Guerrero Jr. – Left the game with lower back tightness. Be a shame if he can’t go this final week; he only needs to hit 25 more homers to salvage his season.

Joe Ryan – 5 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.83. Wouldn’t trust him if he starts again this year — and wouldn’t trust the Twins if they start him again this year — but this start gives me a bit of hope for next year.

Dean Kremer – 6 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners (3 BBs), 8 Ks, ERA at 4.97. Saw Kremer had one of the top starts on Sunday, which put him in the running for a lede and Kremer had about as good a chance of selling me on that as a coffee table book about coffee tables.

Eury Perez – 4 2/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 4.17 vs. Casey Mize – 3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.96. This matchup was billed as, “I’m trusting my guys who got me here in my H2H playoffs–and I didn’t even have time to finish that sentence. What is this abomination?”

Sandy Alcantara – 6 IP, 4 ER, 9 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.91. Ya know, Mariano Rivera proved a mediocre starter could make a HOF closer.

Javier Sanoja – 1-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 10th homer, and 2nd homer in a week. Sanoja’s been a schmotato so long he should just be rostered, and is now on 2027 radars.

Fernando Tatis Jr. – 1-for-4 and his 25th homer, and 8th in September. Fun The Jewels!

Sean Burke – 6 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.40. As the season wore on, there was less to be excited about for the White Sox (Murakami went to Turdsville where Colson Montgomery is the Mayor), but a healthy Burke is something to be excited about (and I think those two hitters can be better).

Davis Martin – 4 1/3 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 3.84. Also a bright spot. Though, I wish an opener was in front of him.

Chase Meidroth – 1-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and a slam (15) and legs (4), hitting .268. Ya think Meidroth is at all wondering why he’s hitting 7th and multiple guys, who barely hit .200, are above him.

Jackson Jobe – 6 IP, 3 ER, 5 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 3.98. Interestingly (to me at least), he seemingly fixed his peripherals in one start. On Saturday, he went 9:1 K:BB, and that took his perfs from 8.8 K/9, 3.4 BB/9 to 9.5 and 3.1, which is way more interesting for next year. Shows how we should just throw out everything he did this year. Yes, this is more of a note for January Grey, who’s doing his rankings and looking back to what in-season Grey was thinking. Hey, January Grey, how ya feeling? Still handsome, I bet!

Andrew Alvarez – 6 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.17. The most reliable starter in baseball: Andrew Alvarez.

CJ Abrams – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and a slam (31) and legs (33). Oh snap, Corange Juice went 30/30. Not sure when that happened, but sending belated congrats like your cousin who was in jail when you got married.

Ivan Herrera – 2-for-4 and his 17th and 18th homer, hitting .247. Bit of a step back this year in HardHit%, but everything else looks remarkably similar to his previous year, i.e., Herrera’s not quite in His-era.

Leo Bernal – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer, hitting .311. Polar opposite of Ivan (in a small sample). Wanna see one of the prettiest Statcast sliders, check out Bernal’s; he’s hitting everything hard.

Mike Yastrzemski – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 12th homer, and 2nd homer in two games. Carl’s Jr. Jr. serving up hot schmotatoes!

Grant Holmes – 6 IP, 2 ER, 8 hits, zero walks, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.47. I like this guy’s name because it sounds like an alien trying to remember  the word mortgage.

Hunter Brown – 5 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 3.26. He could throw a perfect game next weekend to get the Astros into the playoffs, then a postseason perfect game in every postseason start and I wouldn’t draft him next year.

Jose Altuve – 2-for-4 and his 16th homer. Elias Sports Bureau said Altuve is the first player to hit a home run and to come up short.

Yainer Diaz -2-for-4 and his 13th homer, 2nd homer in five games. Could see excitedly drafting Yainer next year for a 2nd catcher for the bounce back, but the bounce needs to bounce too far back for mixed league, one-catcher leagues.

Kade Anderson – 7 IP, 0 ER, 3 hits, zero walks, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.18. What if he needs high altitude to pitch well?

Andres Munoz – 1/3 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 4.24. Gave up a homer to Hunter Goodman (1-for-4, 39th homer), and Munoz left with a trainer. Just walking off with a giant sneaker. [intern whispers in ear] Oh, not the British definition of trainer, that makes sense. If Munoz can’t go, I’d guess Seranthony Dominguez or Jose A. Ferrer, that order.

Robert Gasser – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 4.01. Who’s better next year, a starter who is drafted in the top 20 starters like Gerrit Cole or Gasser, who will likely be a last round pick at best? Not saying Gasser will be better, I am merely say he can be better, and it’s not like a 1% vs. 99% chance. And you know it’s closer to a 25% chance.

Jacob Misiorowski – 3 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, zero walks, 4 Ks, ERA at 1.86. Brewers said the plan was to pitch him for only a few innings last night, then let him go deeper in his next start, as a final tuneup before the playoffs. If he doesn’t go (I wouldn’t pitch him), his stats are certifiable. Next week, I’ll begin my positional recaps so more on The IO Update then, but his underlying stats look like a great closer’s numbers. He has a 2.23 xFIP! That’s top four (ignoring 2020) since the stat was recorded (2002). Two Kershaws, one Schilling and IO. He has the best strikeout rate from that four and 2nd best ERA. This season was truly incredible.

Trevor Rogers – 8 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 4.07. This might be confirmation bias, but the final month feels like the ultimate time to stream starters. Streamonator from the window to the walls until sweat drips down your Rawlings official balls. (Ya know, streamers except for J. Lo, Bibee, and other hideous starts from this weekend that you hopefully avoided.)

Felix Bautista – 2/3 IP, 1 ER as he was activated from the IL. Felix said while he was out all year, “It was hard to watch the team, missing the guys, so I refrained from watching the O’s and focused on getting back for the playoffs. Excited to throw to Adley in the playoffs. Did we win the division?”

Griffin Jax – 5 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.62. Streamonator says he goes to Philly next, but, since the Rays are going to the playoffs, I don’t know how many innings he’s going to throw, if any.

Victor Mesa Jr. – 1-for-2 and his 14th homer, four homers in September, hitting around .350 for the month. Hot schmotato alert!

Trevor Story – 1-for-4 and his 5th homer, 2nd homer in four games. He’s no Roman Anthony!

Patrick Sandoval – 7 IP, 5 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 5.15. Five earned runs and six baserunners while only allowing one solo homer seems mathematically impossible. Sandoval out there making a mockery of calculators.

Brayan Bello – 8 IP, 1 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 11 Ks, ERA at 4.49. Pardon my French, but QQF, qu’est-ce que eff?