Hey, Razzball Nation, you know it’s your favorite white boy, right? I owe you this one. I’ve been patiently waiting for Gregory Polanco to explode on. You can pfft if you want but his ankles were rolled on. It feels like Polanco has been hot for so long. If you thinking he’s gonna fall off, you’re so wrong. Take some Marte and Polanc and you mix them up in a pot, sprinkle a ‘little Hurdle not knowing who to bat where,’ and what you got? You got the realest and illest batters, juggernauts of this fantasy shizz like it or not! Seriously, I’ve been waiting all season to feature Polanco in a lede. Yesterday, he rained some of his own fireworks on the 4th of who-lie (that’s how I pronounce it), knocking out two home runs (2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 11th and 12th homers), and you might remember from my preseason rankings, this little beaut, “Two quick things: Yes, I’m aware that Polanco is ranked insanely high in my rankings vs. other people’s rankings. And, yes, I’m going to own Polanco on every team. Confession Alert! I had Polanco in the top 20 overall prior to seeing where others ranked him and moved him down a round. I could’ve moved him down six rounds and still had him higher than everyone. Polanco feels like an Arenado situation from last year. By that I mean, I will say something to another fantasy baseball ‘pert like, “Do you like Polanco?” They’ll reply, “Yeah, I love him.” I’ll follow up with, “Then why do you have him ranked 110 overall?” They’ll answer, “I don’t know.” Then my head will explode.” And that’s me mic dropping. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Jameson Taillon – Hit the DL with shoulder fatigue. It’s pronounced fay-TEE-gay! It’s Italian! This totally sucks–Wait, Glasnow?! Oh, the Pirates called up Steven Brault. Damn, the Pirates are really teasing out this Glasnow thing, huh? Bunch of clockblockers.
Carlos Martinez – 7 IP, 3 ER, 10 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.90. Guess his shoulder issue from last year is only closer in the rearview. No, I’m not saying that to only jinx him. What kind of monster do you take me for?
Desmond Jennings – Hit the DL with a hamstring strain. Damn, and 2016 was shaping up as only his third worst year of his last five.
Alex Cobb – Cleared for his first rehab start. If he comes back half as good as Chris Archer or Drew Smyly, then he’ll have an eight and a half ERA.
Matt Moore – 6 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 4.54. That’s two starts in a row now where he’s turned in Quality Starts, which means his next one will be an unmitigated disaster. Hard science!
Ryan Garton – 2/3 IP, 0 ER and his 1st save. Cedeno had worked two previous days, so this can usually be written off as nothing more than rest, but Garton had saves in Triple-A this year, and I know you’re a saves whore like moi, and I grabbed Garton in two leagues for s’s and g’s, which isn’t code for SAGNOF, but should be.
Brad Miller – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 12th homer, hitting .248. *looks in crystal ball* Brad Miller has 24 homers in September? Damn, that’s crazy. *looks up from crystal ball* Ugh, I forget to look at the future lottery numbers again.
Logan Morrison – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 9th homer, hitting .237. With Morrison, this is not the Return of the Mack. Jabba-jabba-jabbering, you lied to me, indecipherable jabbering, you lied to me, you lied to me, Logan Morrison, you lied to me. You lied to me! Return of the Mack. I miss the days of trying to figure out lyrics. My new favorite is Might Not by Belly. I swear he starts that song, “Everybody around me saying Usher really likes cars,” I don’t care that Rap Genius says different.
Nicholas Tropeano – 5 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.28 as he was recalled from Triple-A. That’s right, the Angels brought back up WCW Monday NiTro! The Trop is more or less met with yawnplause, but could see using the Stream-o-Nator for him.
Michael Taylor – Optioned to the minors. This move was hidden by its corresponding move of Jonathan Papelbon being activated, but ya know what I’m thinking, right? How many midget clowns can get in a regular-sized clown car? No, that wasn’t what I was thinking. I was thinking Trea Turner has been playing center field and the Nationals just got one centerfielder lighter. Oh, and Shawn Kelley is now useless.
Max Scherzer – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.21 as he was outpitched by Junior Guerra (7 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.93). There’s something you don’t hear often. I mean, the Nationals only face the Brewers a few times a year and when they do face them the chances of Scherzer and Guerra matching up–Well, you get the point. Guerra has been worth owning in all leagues, though I would go one start at a time with him.
Trevor Plouffe – Hit the DL with a cracked rib. I was always more of a Mad rib guy.
Byron Buxton – Missed yesterday with general soreness. What if General Washington let general soreness stop him from invading the Virginia delta when the British tried to burn our tobacco crops to the ground? Where would we be today? We’d all be smoking Congress cigarettes and not Parliaments! That’s where!
Tyler Anderson – 6 IP, 3 ER, 5 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 3.03. I might be the only person outside of Tyler Anderson’s immediate family that is interested in him, but his peripherals — or perfs, if you want to be cool with nerds and punched by everyone else — look downright tasty. The Stream-o-Nator says he won’t start again this half, so I’m not adding, but I have a monocle on my cyclops.
Denard Span – Sounds headed to the DL with a sore neck. Now can Trea Turner–Oh, wait, that’s the other Denard Span.
Angel Pagan – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer, hitting .289, and nothing else of note recently. He could benefit from moving to the leadoff spot if Span is out for fifteen days, so I could see a preemptive add on Pagan.
Buster Posey – 1-for-3 and his 10th homer. Tipper Gore would mark the Giants’ lineup NC-17 because there’s a Posey right below the Belt.
Erick Aybar – 1-for-4 and his 1st home run. You won’t get power every day, but he is hitting over-.350 in the last week. Hot schmotato alert!
Odubel Herrera – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 10th homer, hitting .303. ODB on a swarm!
Maikel Franco – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 15th homer. Not exactly breaking out like Trumbo, Mark not Dalton, but Franco’s not exactly the dog’s breakfast either.
Jerad Eickhoff – 7 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.30. Five of the past seven starts have been Quality Starts. Haven’t all been cakewalks either like the Braves yesterday. He’s faced the Jays and the Cubs. Maybe he’s not such a Jer-khoff after all.
Peter Bourjos – 3-for-3, 2 runs, hitting .278, but hitting near-.400 in the last week as he plants himself in the two hole, or in baseball vernacular, the Pujol.
Jose Reyes – Will be activated on Tuesday. Hey, that’s today! You snuck up on me. Like Reyes with his wife.
Matt Harvey – 3 2/3 IP, 5 ER. Maybe the Mets shouldn’t have pitched him for 200+ IP coming off Tommy John surgery. Take note, Mets, for when you have to deal with this with Syndergaard and Matz in 2018.
Curtis Granderson – 1-for-5 and his 15th homer, and 2nd homer in the past two games. Liquor’s quicker, but a hot Grandy’s dandy.
Travis d’Arnaud – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 1st home run. Sonavabench! But he didn’t do anything all year, and I just assumed ma nish ta nah on July 4th! Dah!
J.T. Realmuto – 4-for-4, 1 run and his 7th steal, and is seven for his last nine. Catcher questions begin in 3, 2, 1…
Hyun-Jin Ryu – Will be activated to start Thursday. Hmm, that seemed to come out of nowhere, but if he’s out on waivers, I’d grab him, but I wouldn’t start him for his 1st start back, unless you’re desperate. Well, Ryu?
Julio Urias – 3 1/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 4.95. In three years, when Urias is the best pitcher in baseball, I’m gonna say, “See, and you thought when he had a 5.00 ERA he was done at 21 years old.” And that’s me quoting future me!
Yasmani Grandal – 1-for-3 and his 9th homer. Now, two games and two homers. Yup, I grabbed him.
Yasiel Puig – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 7th homer. Puig didn’t like being taken to task by me for being garbage for the past two years. Do it for another three months and we’ll talk.
Cody Reed – 4 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 9.00. Today, the Reds fired their pitching coach Riggins. Will have to wait and see how the rest of the Hogs react.
Zack Cozart – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 12th homer, hitting .267. Wow, for someone who had a .361 average leaving April, he’s fallen down to earth like a meteor in Mayan literature. Salieri must be pumped.
Eugenio Suarez – 1-for-4 and his 15th homer, hitting .233. Speaking of falling back to earth, Suarez is still dealing with the after effects of hitting .173 in May, while hoping he can make the Final Cut.
Javier Baez – 1-for-6, 1 run as he hit leadoff. You know someone who has never hit leadoff? Okay, yes, technically, you prematurely balding Razzball reader have never, but I was talking about Addison Russell (2-for-5, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 9th homer).
Jason Heyward – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs as he was dropped to sixth in the order. Turns out it was our Independence Day and the Cubs Independence from Dependence on Heyward Batting 2nd Day.
Willson Contreras – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 5th homer, hitting .309, and his 2nd homer in as many games. So, he’s basically, a top two catcher within two and a half weeks? Yeah, pretty much.
Kyle Hendricks – 5 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 2.61. Nice to see Hendricks playing on July 4th, but too bad Joe Cocker’s dead. The Cubs could’ve had a pregame Star Cocker Spangled Banner.
Dexter Fowler – As he rehabs his injury, it was reported that he ran zig-zags yesterday. I really hope a coach was screaming serpentine.
Kris Bryant – Hit his 24th homer, then left after crashing into Albert Almora. The world freezes. My 1st round guy could be hurt. I leave Cougs on the bed, she’ll have to watch TV for fireworks. Then, I remember I don’t actually own Bryant anywhere. The world continues. Sounds like Bryant’s gonna be okay.
Yu Darvish – Made a rehab start and looked pretty bleh, but it was a rehab start and I’m not going to overreact. Please get better fast!
Christian Vazquez – Optioned to Triple-A. There goes the Sawx fan who says he doesn’t believe in God, but his catcher’s Christian.
Sandy Leon – 4-for-5, 1 run, hitting .500 and is now the Sawx catcher. To answer your question — or kwestion if you’re trying to be cool — Leon is not really this good with the bat.
Brock Holt – 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer. Since he returned from the DL, he’s 5-for-13 with yesterday’s homer, and he’s the type to get smoking hot — Holt Toddy?
Dustin Pedroia – 3-for-6, 2 RBIs and his 8th homer, hitting .306. He’s pretty much on pace for his uze — 15/15, great counting stats. That’s if he stays healthy. In that ‘if’ is the universe of possibilities. Or at least the possibility of yes, he will stay healthy, or no, he won’t.
Travis Shaw – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 9th homer, and 2nd homer this week, hitting .271. Shaw is your basic “You would have no interest whatsoever in him if he didn’t play for the Red Sox player,” which is usually abbreviated YWHNIWIHIHDPFRSP.
Mookie Betts – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 18th homer, hitting .296.
Aaron Sanchez – 8 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 2.94. Member that old woe is me, I’m so sad, I have AL East pitchers, boo-hoo the matchups? Yeah, I grabbed Sanchez and I’m not dropping him until he’s either moved to the bullpen or does a number two in the bed.
Kendrys Morales – 1-for-4 and his 15th homer, and 18th homer in the last 7 days. No idea where I heard about this guy before. Maybe it was me? Nah, couldn’t be!
Lance McCullers – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 3.57. Juicy gotcha crazy! I’d say McCullers is a solid buy low, but his ERA is 3.57 and his K/9 is 11.2, are people really selling him low? Oh, wait, every day I read comments asking if people should drop him. Here’s my Lance McCullers sleeper from December. Nothing’s changed except your Far Side calendar.
George Springer – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 19th homer. For those with short-term memory, I was the only fantasy baseball ‘pert ranking Springer in the top 20 overall. Though, those with short-term memory, don’t even remember their fantasy baseball password to check their team.
James Shields – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 5.67. Big Game James might consider changing his nickname to Occasionally A Decent Game James.
Tim Anderson – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer, hitting .308. What’s going with this strong bean? He had 49 steals one year in the minors, and has never hit more than seven homers in any minor league season. I mean, it’s cool, but I kinda have you for speed.
Chad Green – Here’s what I said yesterday, “11.5 K/9, 0.8 BB/9, 2.26, throws 94 MPH and had a 1.54 ERA in Triple-A with a 9 K/9, so obviously I’m a hardcore cyclops with a monocle on this guy, but he could get sent back down or to the bullpen.” And that’s me quoting me! Yesterday, Eovaldi was out of the bullpen and Green was announced as the Friday starter. Yeah, you guessed it, I’m intrigued, y’all! Also, on a side note, if the Yanks are looking to the future with Green, guess who’s next? Mike Pagliarulo Jr.? No! I’m talking about Aaron Judge.
CC Sabathia – 6 IP, 5 ER, ERA up to 3.48. Four starts ago, his ERA was 2.20. The last time CC went from 220 anything to 348, six shots of Patrón were involved.
Chase Headley – 1-for-2, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer. I ask JayWrong about his infatuation with Headley on the podcast that’s coming later today. It’s illuminating like a Terrence Malick denouement.
Starlin Castro – 4-for-4, 1 run. He had been 0-for-12 in his last four games, so this could be the start of something, but it’s far from a sure thing, i.e., I wouldn’t jump in a car with John Cusack and drive across the country to grab him.
Archie Bradley – 6 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 4.81. Too bad Kevin Towers is no longer with the Diamondbacks, he’d trade away Bradley and make him into something on another team. With GM Dave Stewart, he holds onto awful pitchers.
Jean Segura – 3-for-5, 1 run and two steals (14, 15), hitting .313. Here we go, steals come in bunches like Mr. Chiquita Banana.
Yangervis Solarte – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer, hitting .299, and hitting over-.400 in the last two weeks. You don’t have to tell me twice, more like three times, but I dropped The Lisper’s Nightmare yesterday for Solarte.
Derek Norris – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 11th homer, but left after being hit on a follow-through of a swing. Also, yesterday, Daniel Norris (2 IP, 2 ER) left his start with an injury. Elias Sports Bureau said this was the first time two D. Norris’s were hurt on the same day since boom op, Donnie Norris, lowered the boom into frame while Dean Norris was on the toilet in a pivotal Breaking Bad scene.
Jordan Zimmermann – Hit the DL with a neck strain. He suffered whiplash from so many balls getting smacked up the middle.
Nick Castellanos – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 15th homer, hitting .302. It’s the year of the Castell obviously. You can’t fight literal translations.
Steven Moya – 2-for-4 and his 5th homer, hitting .301. If you need power and you’re not picking him up, you’re not paying attention, and since you’re not paying attention, I was the one that finished your milk. Sorry (not sorry).
Mike Napoli – 2-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 17th homer. Fireworks went off when his homer touched down. Light-beige, areola-shaped fireworks.
Joba Chamberlain – Was designated for assignment by the Indians. Joba had a 2.25 ERA, so there might’ve been more than meets the eye here. He was ‘freed’ on July 4th and he’s one of the few players in the majors with Native American blood. More like the Cleveland Self-Hating Indians.
