There’s nothing like Opening Day. There’s a magical quality to starting anew. All your past demons are put to bed. You wake early to the sound of a Rooster because you left HBO on when you fell asleep and you stretch out your arms. It’s going to be different this year. This year is going to be the year when it all comes together. You put one stocking foot down on the ground at a time as you climb out of your race car bed and rub the googies out of your eyes. In the bathroom mirror, you tell yourself, “Things are gonna be better this year.” Then you notice a little chip in the corner of the mirror, but think to yourself that’s too small to curse you with seven years of bad luck and open your phone to Jackson Chourio has a broken hand. Your smile, cracking like the mirror, but you see you have Issac Collins to replace him. That’s good, right? RIGHT?! The freakin’ WBC, guys and five girl readers. I knew someone was gonna get borked. Or borken in this case. I guess he could’ve been injured in Spring Training, if there wasn’t a WBC, he says with zero conviction and to the consolation of no one. Damn you fate, why you gotta dunk Chourio in the (m)IL(k)? They’re saying two to four weeks for Chourio’s hairline fracture to get better. I’m sure it will be only two weeks, right? RIGHT?! He smiles again into his cracked mirror. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Psyche! One further ado, this season’s first Buy/Sell is now available on our Patreon. It will be posted early on the Patreon all year, so sign up for that. Anyway II, the roundup:
David Hamilton – 1-for-2, 2 runs and his 1st steal, as he won the starting Brewers’ 3B job. Good news for my Hamilton shares; bad news for my Rengifo shares. We carry on.
Jacob Misiorowski – 5 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 11 Ks. Mis IO update complete.
Sal Frelick – 1-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer. See, who needs Chourio? (Me, desperately.)
Jake Bauers – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 1st homer. White Sox were in midseason form.
Shane Smith – 1 2/3 IP, 3 ER. Nice final Spring Training tuneup!
Chase Meidroth – 1-for-2 and his 1st homer. Fun fact! Chase Meidroth was the name of a female pinup model in the 1950’s.
Munetaka Murakami – 1-for-2 and his 1st homer. Murakami’s gonna hit so many homers this year, when the White Sox are down by ten or more runs and guys are just trying to get the ball over the plate.
Masyn Winn – 1-for-5, 1 run as he hit cleanup. I’m going to crack my rib so it hurts to laugh. Masyn Winn of the 84 MPH exit velocity? That Masyn Winn? Oh, yeah, that’ll work.
J.J. Wetherholt – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer. Jamba Juice Wetherholt!
Alec Burleson – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer. I suffered through Boringleson last year and didn’t get back in this year, but he is always more valuable than you think he will be.
Matthew Liberatore – 5 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 2 Ks. Ya know what’s kinda funny? People get so excited for a guy like Liberatore, then he does an incredibly bleh line and people immediately become disillusioned in their excitement.
Ryne Stanek – 1 IP, 0 ER, 3 BBs, 1 K and the 1st Cards save. Riley O’Brien worked the 7th/8th, and looked good; Svanson worked the 6th and ain’t getting svaes, son. This is going to be a mess all year is my guess, but I go with the guy who got the 1st save. I’m sure Stanek will go sideways because he can’t find the plate, but he was throwing 100 MPH, for what it’s Wuertz.
Drew Rasmussen – 5 IP, 1 ER, 4 hits, 2 Ks. Rasmussen has an under-2 ERA in roughly 500 career innings. Could’ve been had in every league.
Jonathan Aranda – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer. It’s way too early to make any definitive calls on hot schmotatoes, but Aranda would be the type where I could see it.
Chase DeLauter – 3-for-5, 3 runs and his 1st homer in his 1st major league at-bat and hit his 2nd homer in his 5th MLB at-bat. Was yesterday the greatest Opening Day ever for rookie hitters? Sources are saying yes. I’m sources. What happens when an ambulance goes after an attorney? It’s Chase DeLauter! I’m so sorry, I’m looking for the delete button. I think the rookies coming in this year are being way undervalued for some reason. DeLauter was a five-homer hitter last year in Triple-A. Dot dot dot. In only 34 games! If he stays healthy, he can hit 30 homers.
Tanner Bibee – 5 IP, 3 Er, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, and left with shoulder inflammation. Couldn’t have been further out on Bibee this year. Wanted no part.
Brendan Donovan – 2-for-4 and his 1st homer. BDon doesn’t just podcast!
Logan Gilbert – 5 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 7 Ks. He was my AL Cy Young pick. That’ll jinx him!
Dominic Canzone – 2-for-4 and his 1st and 2nd homer. That’s preseason sleeper that no one wanted Dominic Canzone!
Luke Raley – 1-for-4 and his 1st homer. Not sure what’s going on in Seattle going on a year-plus, but the ball flies out of that park now.
Will Smith – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 1st homer. He’s overdue for a #1 Catcher Year.
Yoshinobu Yamamoto – 6 IP, 2 ER, 5 hits, 6 Ks. Totally fine, not a top 30 overall player.
Freddie Freeman – 0-for-4. I don’t know why Freeman showed up to the game dressed like this, but it’s so goddamn funny.
Kim Jong-il has named his successor, Freddie Freeman pic.twitter.com/EOn0B9egJH
— Razzball (@Razzball) March 27, 2026
Andy Pages – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 1st homer. BDon did sorta get through to me on the podcast a few weeks ago when he said I was being dumb for not liking Pages, due to his playoff woes. Not fully through. Just sorta.
Zac Gallen – 4 IP, 4 ER. There is no let-up in that Dodgers’ lineup.
Geraldo Perdomo – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer. He was the highest on the Player Rater last year who went the lowest this year. Or at least between him and Springer. (If you don’t count Rodon, because of injury.)
Paul Skenes – 2/3 IP, 5 ER. Why again do people draft top pitching? In fairness, it should be Oneil Cruz 2/3 IP, 5 ER. And, if anyone’s feeling antsy on Skenes, BUY! Wait, by the by, there will be a Buy/Sell later today. First one of the year, woohoo!
Brandon Lowe – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 1st and 2nd homer. BLowe like BAAAALAAAAAU HOW YA LIKE ME NOW not like below.
Ryan O’Hearn – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 1st homer. War Room giveth O’Hearn and taketh away for telling me to roster all this other mess that has me in last after one day. Hashtag still early. Honestly, you’re gonna do more damage to your fantasy teams by rosterbating too early. And might go blind.
Tommy Pham – Signed a minor league deal with the Mets. When you need bad vibes in the clubhouse, there’s only one guy you can call. Mets over/under on bench-clearing brawls went from .5 to 3. Pham a negative WAR player, but a pro-war player.
Carson Benge – 1-for-3, 2 runs and a slam (1) and legs (1) for the first one of the year. Was free in every league this year and had great minor league numbers. Every other rookie had insane hype, not Benge. Maybe because he sounds like beige. I bet Benge will be in this afternoon’s Buy.
Francisco Alvarez – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 1st homer. Fran-Al to the moon!
Freddy Peralta – 5 IP, 4 ER, 6 baserunners (zero BBs), 7 Ks. FreddyKBB got beat twice by BLowe like a bad limbo’er.
James Wood – 0-for-5, 4 Ks, as he hit leadoff. Jacob Young (1-for-4, 2 RBIs) hit his 1st homer and Nasim Nunez (0-for-2, run, RBI) stole his 1st bag. I mention these two guys because they should be leading off instead of Wood, unless the Nats want him to challenge Judge for the MLB strikeout record.
Brady House – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer. “Here’s a story” was free in literally every league. No matter how deep.
Joey Wiemer – 3-for-3, 2 runs and his 1st homer. Could we have our first hot schmotato alert? No, unless you’re a native of the Weimer Republic.
Cade Cavalli – 3 2/3 IP, 2 ER. There’s nothing to take away from any of these starts, tee be aitch. Maybe, in retrospect, it will become obvious Cavalli is not ready to be rostered in mixed leagues, but one start doesn’t tell us that. With that said (Grey’s turning the ship around), I was never in on him for mixed leagues.
Matthew Boyd – 3 2/3 IP, 6 ER. Think I’m gonna bench all my starters until further notice. We need to find some stability in the force.
Matt Shaw – 0-for-3 as he hit 9th and played right. Once Seiya returns, Shaw may not have a job, and it’s interesting that he went from not having a job to now being their 9-hole hitter. Shaw should start selling doghouses on Etsy.
Andrew Abbott – 6 IP, 0 ER, 7 hits, 1 walk, 4 Ks. Abbott’s right back into his last year mode of being, “Great, just don’t look at the peripherals.”
Garrett Crochet – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks. His velo was fine-o.
Hunter Brown – 4 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 9 Ks. This was vs. the Angels, so anything less than 8 IP, 16 Ks is a bit disappointing.
Jose Soriano – 6 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners (4 BBs), 7 Ks. Not to be a natural born hater, but this was a very mediocre start, and Yordan hit a ball 500 feet that should’ve been a home run but was called foul because it hit the roof.
Mike Trout – 1-for-2, 3 RBIs and a slam (1) and legs (1). 12 homers and five steals on May 12th when the IL stint hits.
Nolan Schanuel – 1-for-5 and his 1st homer. Schanuel on a 162-homer pace!
Jordan Romano – 1 IP, 0 ER, and 1st save. As speculated here after reading shizz elsewhere, Romano does appear to be Angels’ 1st choice for saves.
Nathan Eovaldi – 4 2/3 IP, 5 ER. My takeaway with every starter who struggled yesterday but especially Eovaldi: I just hope he’s healthy.
Jake Burger – 3-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer. Comeburger Player of the Year–Uh, Comeback Burger of the Year–Uh, Comeback Player of the Burger!
Kyle Schwarber – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer. Lucky you didn’t clog up your UTIL slot early in your draft, huh?
Alec Bohm – 1-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 1st homer. Alec bomb! (First to ever say that.)
Cristopher Sanchez – 6 IP, 0 ER, 3 hits, zero walks, 10 Ks. Should’ve made him my number one starter overall. Welp, even the best fantasy baseball ranker (2023-25) screws up sometimes (rarely).
Ramon Laureano – 1-for-4 and his 1st homer. Someone was talking about dropping him yesterday, and I will repeat myself again and again until May: You’re doing more damage to your teams by overreacting.
Nick Pivetta – 3 IP, 6 ER. Haha, I told you not to draft Pivetta! [remembers all the guys who got shelled who I roster] Fantasy baseball, the game of reaping and sowing in real-time.
Kevin McGonigle – 4-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs as he batted 6th. After every hit [randomly shouting like an annoyed police chief in a movie] McGonigle!
Tarik Skubal – 6 IP, 0 ER, 3 hits, zero walks, 6 Ks. Seems good, never heard of him.
Dillon Dingler – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 1st homer. [showing strangers on the street Dillion Dingler and Kevin McGonigle on my fantasy team] This is my McDingler Collection.
Trevor Rogers – 7 IP, 0 ER, 3 hits, 4 BBs, 5 Ks. Thank you for being neighborly, Mr. Rogers. (I wanna take away nothing from the bad starts and everything from the good starts. Let me be.)
Coby Mayo – 0-for-2 as he hit 8th. Following Mayo in the lineup? Blaze Alexander. That’s right, the O’s rounding out with Mayo/Blaze for the Dynamite Blast like at your favorite Japanese restaurant. This is a good joke, I stand by it. Shame we didn’t see Beavers, he says as he pulls on his collar.
Joe Ryan – 5 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 2 walks, 7 Ks. He’s gonna lead the majors in no decisions. Allow me to explain:
Austin Martin – 1-for-3 and his 1st steal, as he hit leadoff. Austin Martin as your leadoff hitter? Vroom vroom (off the side of a cliff)!
Victor Caratini – 1-for-3 as he played 1st base. After the Twins win the AL pennant, the papers will proclaim, “The year of the Cara-Twini,” in Twins’ fans dreams that won’t come true.
