Yankees called up their 3B prospect, Miguel Andujar (3-for-4, 4 RBIs, and a steal), to fill-in for DL’d Matt Holliday. That reminds me of Joaquin Andujar, and now I’m sad. Gone too soon. RIP, Joaquin. “I always thought you’d kill someone before life killed you.” That’s my eulogy to him. Any hoo! I watched some game film on Andujar (while chewing on an unlit cigar, because that’s how scouts do it, right?), and he reminds me of so many Dominican players that take the Roberto Clemente/Vlad Guerrero approach. Old adage goes: You can’t walk your way off the island. We should have a glossary term for these type of hitters. Please suggest in the comments. Any hoo, Part 2: Still Hoo’ing, Andujar is raw, swings at a lot and makes contact, sometimes to his detriment. He could DH or see time at 3B, but will need to hit to stick. Could be a deep league power bat if he hits and Headley is benched indefinitely or Holliday stays out a while. Maybe Andujar will be so lucky that Girardi gets one more wish filled this year and looks at Andujar, saying, “Now, you be the Judge.” Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Greg Bird – Joe Girardi told reporters Bird may not be able to return this year. Mean’s while, the 2016 NL home run champ, Chris Carter, is in Triple-A. Yup, makes sense.
Aaron Judge – 1-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 27th homer, hitting .333. On a cloud, floating above Yankee Stadium, Babe Ruth and Lou Gehrig are looking down on Judge, proud, when Fatty Arbuckle walks up, offering them each a bottle of Coca-Cola. Gehrig grimaces, “Where was that bottle?” Babe shrugs and drinks it.
Masahiro Tanaka – 6 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA down to 5.56, and back-to-back solid games. He kept the ball down, and had an impressive last inning. Not sure if he’s all the way back, but I’m encouraged, which I haven’t been on him all year.
Carlos Rodon – 5 IP, 0 ER (3 unearned), 8 baserunners (6 BBs), 2 Ks as he was activated from the DL. If you think Rodon’s six walks to two Ks is a good start because he didn’t give up any earned runs, I have a bridge to sell you on Mars that Elon Musk is building.
Michael Conforto – Mets are unsure when Conforto will return from his hand injury. Sure, the Mets could ask a doctor to look at him, but, no, that’s too logical for the Mets.
Curtis Granderson – 1-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 12th homer, and third homer in as many games. Every home run I see from him I can’t help think it should be Conforto’s and I feel like Stan Gable screaming, “That’s my pie!”
Asdrubal Cabrera – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer, hitting near-.440 in the last week. Hot schmotato alert!
Steven Matz – 7 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 2.67. Mets fans, “We still got one pitcher!” Then they crouch down in a Staten Island landfill and pray Matz stays healthy.
Miguel Montero – Was designated for assignment by the Cubs after he complained Arrieta was the reason his caught stealings on the year were 1-for-31. Montero’s happy for a little time off. *turns on TV and To Catch A Thief is playing, turns on the radio and Robbie Dupree’s Steal Away is playing, turns on a police scanner and Chicago cops are discussing the Nats steals*
Victor Caratini – 0-for-1 as he was called up by the Cubs to act as a backup to Contreras and remind everyone of Schwarber’s first year. Caratini’s minor league numbers are gorge, but a number two catcher doesn’t get my pulse pumping.
Willson Contreras – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 9th homer as he hit cleanup. Well, dur! Put him at leadoff! You’re wasting homers!
Anthony Rizzo – 1-for-4 and his 18th homer, hitting .258. Oh, forget it, they have Rizzo back at leadoff. HR to the Rizzo!
John Lackey – 5 1/3 IP, 8 ER, ERA at 5.24, and leads the majors in home runs allowed. He should be put down like his equestrian ancestry.
John Lackey is so homer prone he should be hitting leadoff for the Cubs.
— Razzball (@Razzball) June 29, 2017
Kris Bryant – Left yesterday’s game after twisting his ankle on the corner of the bag while catching a pop-up. Luck has really turned sour for the Cubs, but, don’t worry, only another 107 years until the next championship!
Koda Glover – Likely out until after the break with shoulder inflammation. Perfect, he sounds likely to return one day after the Nats trade for a closer at the Winter Meetings.
Daniel Murphy – 1-for-4 and his 14th homer, hitting .339. Just gonna bang these out real quick like the Nats were banging them out vs. Lackey. Also, in this game, Anthony Rendon (3-for-3, 2 runs) hit his 15th and Matt Wieters (1-for-4) hit his 7th.
Stephen Strasburg – 7 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 13 Ks, ERA at 3.51. He looked terrific, but compared to the horse-toothed jackass that is Lackey, Strasburg looked like the greatest great of all-time greats.
Alex Colome – Rays’ manager, Kevin Cash said, “I’m not reading anything into Colome’s recent issues,” and Cash later added, “I think Joe Maddon and Mike Scioscia are so AWESOME!”
Blake Snell – 5 IP, 6 ER, 9 baserunners (5 BBs), 6 Ks, ERA at 5.36, as he was recalled from the minors. People always ask, “Grey, you got so much smarts, you prolly got brains coming out your ears, right?” And, of course, I politely change the subject, and try to move them away from looking in my ears. But even with this immense fantasy knowledge, I still get tripped up by obvious as effin’ shizz that is so shizzy shizz. I can’t believe I started Snell yesterday. Doode’s such a mess in the majors, and I fell for the ol’ ‘he’s fixed in the minors’ bullcrap.
Mark Melancon – Hit the DL with the same injury he had last month, a pronator strain. I’m gonna pronate him for very few saves the rest of the year! A Giants’ beat reporter said Sam Dyson is the man to fill-in. In San Fran, wouldn’t that be a beatnik reporter? I have too much fun! Now, I take a nap. *hits snooze button for 15 seconds, shoots up, claps* I’m back! The pickup I made of Sam Dyson, I rued that shizz as I was doing it. I also grabbed Hunter Strickland, because he’s actually, ya know, decent. Yesterday, Strickland got the one-out save, but it means little since Dyson had pitched the previous day.
Jae-Gyun Hwang – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and a home run in his major league game. Said a’la Wayne World’s schwing, “Hwang…” Appears that Hwang is in a platoon with Ryder “Die Chick” Jones, with Hwang getting the weak side vs. lefties. I’m not entirely sure why since Hwang hit well in the minors (7 HRs, .287, 5 SBs) and is much older, so now’s the time to see what he can do.
Jorge Soler – 1-for-5, 1 RBI as he was recalled by the Royals. Annie on Telemundo was right! The Soler did come out! Soler looked great in the minors. Dot dot dot. Every single time he’s been in the minors, while looking like doggie bollocks while being in the majors. I’d wait to see him get hot before adding him.
Mike Moustakas – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 20th homer, hitting .271. Moistasskiss!
Salvador Perez – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 16th homer, hitting .290. On our Player Rater, Sal P is still the number one catcher.
Alex Avila – 1-for-4 and his 11th homer, hitting .321 (!). For what it’s Werth, on the Player Rater, Avila is the 7th best catcher on the year.
Daniel Norris – 3 2/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 5.00. Basically, every pitcher you expected to take the next step this year, did, and fell off a cliff.
Victor Martinez – 1-for-4 as he was activated from the DL. He’s returning from an irregular heartbeat. His internal organs were like, “Yo, who can dance to this?”
Michael Saunders – Signed back with the Jays. After the signing, the Jays said, “Many of you thought we had reached our management decision apex when we signed Steve Pearce. Some of you thought bringing back a declining outfielder like Bautista was the cherry on top of this shitburger, but no. We dug deep into our braintrust and thought how can we top someone as flexible as Kendrys Morales and…Bingo! When Saunders became available, we knew he had to be ours.” Or they simply said, “Ah, screw it.”
Jose Bautista – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 14th homer, hitting .238. Hey, here’s the burger cherry now!
Justin Smoak – 1-for-4 and his 21st homer. How high do you guys and five girls think he’s gonna go? Any end in sight? Or just expect 45 homers at this point? I have serious questions, y’all!
Marcus Stroman – 7 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.41. Heard some people in the comments asking if they should start Stroman. Super easy shorthand: if a pitcher’s at home, it’s better than if he’s on the road. If you can’t start a guy at home and he’s not a Rockie, you have to seriously think about whether you should own him. Kapeesh? And I’m not talking about my friend who works as the cashier at the 7-11.
Chase Anderson – Left yesterday’s start after one inning due to a strained oblique. He should be back in two weeks or three months. It’s oblique. Josh Hader could take over for his rotation spot, but I’d be hella nervous about starting him in any mixed leagues, and, yes, I still say hella.
Travis Shaw – 2-for-3, 2 runs and his 17th homer, hitting .294. I was kinda kidding about the whole Shaw vs. Eric Thames (0-for-4, 4 Ks) home run race thing, figuring Thames would easy lap him, but, um, Thames, brah, you’re facing the Reds. ‘Member, you like them.
Ryan Braun – 1-for-4 and his 8th homer. Better yet, he’s still healthy! *checks again* Yup still fine! *keeps refreshing player news*
Luis Castillo – 5 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 3.38. Solid game. Sure, about as economical with pitches as Cougs is with our Amex, but Castillo’s minor league numbers say he should have better command going forward. Since Lackey’s using my fantasy team as a toilet, I grabbed Castillo in one league. Nothing to lose, right? So far, so good. Obviously rookies are inherently dangerous like Maine raccoons.
Scooter Gennett – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 12th homer, hitting .306. I was saying this to Prospector Ralph the other day, Scooter, at one time, was someone people were excited about in fantasy. Maybe Scoots just took forever to figure it out. He is only 27 years old.
George Springer – 3-for-4, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and his 24th homer, hitting .289. Feel like not as many people are talking about Springer this year. He has a legitimate case to be made for AL MVP. He could hit 40 homers, .275 with 100 RBIs and 125 runs. Of course, it will have a bit to do with the Astros having the best record in September, and the line between real MVP and fantasy are not exactly linear.
Josh Reddick – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and two steals (5, 6), hitting .305, and hitting near-.500 in the last week, though he does get platooned, so I’d grab Reddick (hehe), but you have to platoon him.
Khris Davis – 2-for-3, 4 RBIs and his 20th and 21st homer, hitting .256. I’ve said this before, but let’s see you write 3,000 words a day and say all new things. Anyway, Davis has at least a 10% chance of leading the majors in homers. He could hit ten homers in nine games and I would not be shocked.
Yonder Alonso – Left the game after fouling a ball off his knee. Once more is known, I will read it somewhere else, then pass it back to you in my own pithy manner.
Ryon Healy – 1-for-4 and his 19th homer, and 2nd homer in as many games. Somewhere, Commissioner Rob Manfred is sticking a Capri Sun straw in a baseball, looking at himself in the mirror, “No one knows the ball is juiced. No one!”
Matt Olson – 1-for-4 and his 3rd homer, and 3rd homer in the past four games. He has big-time power (17 HRs in 58 Triple-A games), but he could also hit .190 with real contact issues.
Rick Porcello – 6 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 5.06 vs. Adalberto Mejia – 5 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 4.38. In Fenway, Porcello was outpitched by Adalberto Mejia? Like a Jewish Scooby-Doo would say, oy zoinks!
Max Kepler – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 9th homer. Keps was like one for the last week, so maybe this is the start of something, but it’s not the continuation of anything.
Trevor Bauer – 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 5.24. See what I said for Stroman and multiply it by Bauer. I’d go back to using the Stream-o-Nator for Bauer too.
Robinson Chirinos – 1-for-4 and his 12th homer. Not only is he out-hitting Lucroy, he’s now out-hitting 90% of major league catchers.
Yu Darvish – 6 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.11. Feel like we have still yet to get that magical Yu. The preceding is a line that was also told to me by my life coach.
Elvis Andrus – 3-for-4 and his 10th homer, hitting .301. Are we sure Odor isn’t wearing an Andrus jersey this year? Can someone check just to make sure?
Ketel Marte – Recalled as Dr. Nick Ahmed hit the DL. Your March Self would be so disappointed in you if you didn’t pick up Marte immediately. Or as they say in Spanish, immediaMarte. Bleh, I don’t want to come off like I don’t like Marte. I do, I’m kinda crazy about him. He had six homers, seven steals and a .340 average in Triple-A, but if he doesn’t have an everyday starting job (he doesn’t yet), then he’s simply a flyer.
Aledmys Diaz – Optioned to the minors. Please refer to my 17,000 comments last year about how Diaz is hitting better than he should and is not this good. Turns out I thought I was in present day but it was the future. Whoa, science fiction. Paul DeJong is a decent replacement for those in deep leagues; he’s at least hitting.
Trevor Rosenthal – 1 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, ERA at 4.25, and the save while Seung-hwan Oh was warming up. If Rosenthal’s save was clean, I’d say this might be the changing of the guard, but it was far from reassuring. So, it ain’t over until the Oh man Seungs.
Zack Godley – 7 IP, 3 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.67. I own Godley in one league. Sure, he’s got a bit of a complex, but his peripherals are backing him up — 8.3 K/9, 2.8 BB/9, 3.43 xFIP.
Cam Bedrosian – 1 IP, 1 ER, and the two outs in the 9th inning blown save. That clarifies the Angels’ closer shituation like Facebook clarifies who your real friends are. “Hey, person who I haven’t heard from in 23 years just told me ‘Happy Birthday,’ we must be friends!”
Hyun-Jin Ryu – 5 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 4.21 vs. Alex Meyer – 6 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 5 walks, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.74. Damn, I was gonna stream both of these guys, but I got cold feet. I need to buy me some bunny slippers and stay the hell away from Blake Snell!
Drew Smyly – Will undergo Tommy John surgery. Google results for Smyly + WBC returns results like, “Smyly all smiles,” and “Smyly faces teammate, Felix, they are both ready to go.” No mention of “WBC ruined two Mariners pitchers.”
Felix Hernandez – 6 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.66. This start came against the Phils, who have the 2nd worst offense in baseball, and I think they were starting their B lineup, but it’s hard to tell. In other words, this is not your slightly older brother’s Felix.
Danny Valencia – 1-for-4 and his 8th homer, hitting .276. Someone gotta ring up Valencia and tell him that hitting 18 homers is cool and all in 105 games, but less so in 140 games.
Kyle Seager – 2-for-4 and his 9th homer, hitting .253. “Ma, did you see my homer yesterday? Ma, I think Corey’s out with a hamstring injury. Ma? Okay, I’ll wait until you’re done watching Dodger highlights from last year.”
Robinson Cano – 2-for-4 and his 14th homer, hitting .282. He used to be the best in a weak offensive era. Now, he’s solid in an insane era. Essentially Cano went from being Eddie Murphy to Phil Hartman.
Tommy Joseph – 1-for-3 and his 13th homer. To-Jo broke an 0-for-13 streak with that home run to tie the game in the ninth. After the game, To-Jo thanked Jesus. At the Brewers game, Jesus Aguilar had no comment.
Howie Kendrick – Sounds headed to the DL with a strained hamstring. Aw, poor Howie, I’m playing the world’s smallest violin strung with the world’s smallest hamstrings just for him.
Bartolo Colon – 4 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 8.14, which is also his weight.
Freddie Freeman – Aiming to return July 9th. I love how exact return dates are from teams and, ya know what, they are always such BS. It’s like teams are pathological liars. “How much was your car?” “$26,499.” “For a 2005 Kia?” “Maybe it was $700.” Teams should have Jon Lovitz give out their news update. “Freeman’s gonna be back on July 9th….At 3 PM…Wearing a mariachi hat and playing a kazoo….Yeah, that’s the ticket.”
