Please see our player page for Bartolo Colon to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.

If only I had a top performing pitcher to highlight that was the son of an ex-pitcher to really drive home my title. I guess I could discuss Dereck Rodriguez, but his daddy was a catcher. I could change the title to “Son of a Catchter”, but it doesn’t have the same ringtone. While I am here, however, let’s give him a quick shout. Over eight starts Pudge Junior is averaging 16.50 points per start. That sandwiches him in between Lance McCullers (16.42)  and Mike Clevinger (16.37). Ignoring the small sample size factor, that puts him inside the top 30. And the list of pitchers ahead of him reads pretty much like a who’s who of who you’d expect the top starting pitchers to be. One surprise on that list is Ross Stripling, whose last name sounds like a little person (midget for you less PC readers) that takes their clothes off for money. Stripling has a 2.43 ERA, is averaging more than 20 points per start and is striking out more than ten batters per nine. His numbers (xFIP of 2.83) say he’s the real deal. And guess what, he’s got RP eligibility. He could end up being the waiver wire pick of the year. I haven’t given that much thought, but his name would certainly be up there. Given his year-to-date performance I’m willing to forgive him for hanging that curveball to Rhys Hoskins Monday night and costing me about ten points, but I would like a complimentary lap dance in the champagne room the next time he’s in town.

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Welcome back to Perception Vs. Reality. This is the time of week that we take a look at players on the player rater and judge if they are friend or foe. Actually, baseball players are about the best friends to us that we could ever have. They are there for us almost every day. A couple of times a week, they even give us a reason to stare at our phones in the middle of our meaningless jobs (no offense to people who have meaningful jobs). There are always box scores to look at in the morning if you don’t want to stay awake for the west coast games.

There are the funny players like Bartolo Colon that make us giggle every time he jiggles his belly or swings for the fences. There are the trolls like Trevor Bauer who give us something to talk about on twitter. Our out of town baseball friends like Vlad Guerrero Jr. who we can’t wait to make it to the big leagues. Let’s get into the friends of the player rater heading into June.

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Now, on most occasions, if one were to toot his own horn, he’d never leave the house.  And, coincidentally, I don’t go out that much.  However, seriously, rain down your props on me for Nick Pivetta.  Rain them down!  Who else told you to grab him the 1st week of the season?  Yesterday, he went 7 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA at 3.72.  I’ve been telling you people — yeah, you people! — to own Pivetta forever (six weeks).  He’s a new, different — better even! — pitcher this year.  He has a 10 K/9 and 2.2 BB/9.  If you don’t know why that’s good, I can help you, but it could take some time.  You do know what numbers are, right?  Okay, good first step.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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Eeeeeh, sexy Pirate
Op, op, op, op
Oppan Kingham style
Eeeeeh, sexy Pirate
Op, op, op, op
Eh-eh, eh-eh-eh-eh

By now this post will most likely feel like it’s late to the party, but since I only write once a week there’s not much I can do about that. The word on the street is that Kingham will get another turn in the rotation. I guess a near perfect game more or less forced their hand. Way to do a good job with that tough decision there Pittsburgh. However, Clint Hurdle did say that there were no promises after his second start. Looks like Kingham has another hurdle in front of him to keep from being sent back to Indianapolis. Perhaps another near perfect game will do the job.

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A little over four years ago my girlfriend and I moved in together. Or, more accurately, I moved from my mom’s basement to my girlfriend’s basement. Shortly after the move, my lady and I were having dinner with my grandparents. It was during this meal that I received some of the only praise I’ve ever received from my grandfather: “Nice work Donkey, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free!?”

You’re probably wondering what this is going to have to do with fantasy baseball. What’s the milk going to be in this analogy? And is Bartolo Colon the cow? Of course he’s the cow! But not for the reasons you’re thinking. He has big bones, people! Cut Big Boned Bart some slack! I’m going to leave you on the edge of the toilet seat in your office bathroom, contemplating this analogy for just a little longer.

First, I need to add a preface; the following bit of fantasy baseball theory is mainly geared towards season long rotisserie leagues. If you only play head to head leagues you can feel free to flip back to that pornhub tab for the last few minutes of your bathroom break. Unless of course you’re looking for more sage life lessons from Grandpa Donkey, in that case stick around.

In recent seasons you may have noticed the league-wide pitching numbers are on the decline across the board in a big way. Starting pitchers are throwing fewer and fewer innings while giving up more and more runs. Whereas only a couple years ago it may have taken a 3.25 ERA and a 1.15 WHIP to win those categories in your league, this past season a 3.75 ERA and 1.20 WHIP was plenty to land the top spots in many roto leagues. I’ve compiled some data in the tables below to support these claims.

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Just wanna put it out there that Al Gore did a better job of inventing the internet than he did at global warming.  All these postponements is a real shitshow…snow.  The way we’re going there’s going to be back-to-back tripleheaders in August for some teams with the ceremonial first pitch thrown out by Joel Youngblood.  Here was me trying to field a full fantasy team the last few days:  I’m going to hold onto Matt Davidson through his postponed games, at least I have Freddie Freeman, and now the Braves are rained out, well, I have Miguel Andujar in a doubleheader, and…that’s been canceled, guess I can grab whomever is starting for the Royals vs. Ohtani and that game has been called.  Hmm, down to one game on Sunday — Rays vs. Phils.  C’mon, Kiermaier–And he’s out after one inning.  FMFBBL.  Any hoo!  Yesterday, Starling Marte went 5-for-5, 4 runs and his 3rd homer, hitting .305.  If you’re facing him, urine trouble, if you’re a PEDs tester, that is.  By the way, I heard an interesting tidbit on a podcast the other day.  If you wipe a baby diaper filled with pee on your face, you will stay forever young.  Of course, the advice came from a prisoner serving 25 years to life in San Quentin, so there might be side effects.  Coming into this game, Marte was hitting .241, and he raised his average more than sixty points, which shows you how young the season is still.  Maybe the season wiped baby urine on itself.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

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On a night where most of the teams are on the back end of their rotations and have nothing to offer but Rump Roast, we have to look at Charlie Morton as a top option. He is the center cut filet of the night, 34 years dry-aged: Morton has been a revelation the last couple years, pumping up the velocity and missing bats at a career-high rate. The World Series game 7 hero now gets the sleepiest bats in the league: the Baltimore Orioles have been horrendous to start the year. They have managed only a handful of hits in three games and have offered solid strikeout opportunities. I can see Morton racking up the strikeouts, as well as having a great chance to get the W as Chris Tillman is his counterpart.

Now let’s look at the rest of the menu….

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Hen (Hen) Ry (Ry) Row (Row) En (En) Gart (Gart) Ner (Ner).  No, Henry Rowengartner is not on this list, but I imagine he would have been if his arm was still broken and his tendons were still too tight.  I could picture the 100 mph fastballs working fairly consistently, but the famous floater pitch that hasn’t been seen since Scuffy McGee wouldn’t last long, even in a 12’’ softball league.  “Ffffunky butt-loving!’ ‘Did he just say funky butt-loving?” Enough about one of my favorite baseball movies from the ‘90s. We’re going to take a look at the top ten pitchers to lead the league in strikeouts for the 2018 season.  Let me know who you like, who I missed, who deserves an honorable mention, etc. Do you want “Big Sexy” Bartolo Colon on the list, because he mesmerizes you with his athletic figure? He would make a great figure skater or rhythmic gymnast, right?  I can’t place him on this list, but he deserves to be on some sort of list somewhere. Maybe I’ll make a list of the ten most entertaining MLB players, I’m sure he’ll make that list. All opinions are welcomed, and encouraged so let’s dive right in and see what happens!  For the purpose of this post, we will be using Grey’s 2018 Pre-Season Projections and FantasyPros ADP.

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When the MLB started juicing the balls back in 2015 there were a few players we all expected to not reap any benefits. Elvis Andrus was on most everyone’s list. But those juiced balls found their way. Bartolo Colon even hit a homer! In 2016, Andrus produced a line consistent with his career averages, yet the following year he became the next member of the 20/20 club. 20 home runs! Andrus never had a season with more than 8, and that high mark was the year before. In 2014, he only hit 2 in 157 games. Most people, like Grey, should look at that inflated number questionably. However, Andrus, just like many other players recently, decided to hit for more power. You’re telling me a player that hit 2 home runs 3 years ago can just decide to be a 20 home run hitter? Yes I am, and yes they can.

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